I need help!!!!!!!!! Why won't my toddler tell me when he's going pee?

[gatorsmom]

I was going to post this in the Toddler potty/diaper forum, but no one has posted there for 2 days. I KNOW you guys are always here. Why won't my 3.5 year old tell me when he has to pee? There is just no indication that he is going to go. I set my watch to tell me every 20 minutes to sit him on the potty. I ask him every 5 minutes if he has to go. He always says "not yet." 2 minutes ago, as I was ASKING him if he had to go he said no and peed in his underwear. This potty training thing is just not happening. I'm afraid to punish him, I'm afraid to give him any negative feeling about it because I don't want him to have any bad feelings about it but I'M LOSING MY MIND! I have a 18 month old running around keeping me busy and I don't have time for this. Maybe he should just stay in diapers until he walks up to me and says, "Mom, all the other kids are wearing underwear, can I?"

Any suggestions????

[o_mom]

Have you tried naked time? DS1 had a hard time not going when he had something on. Naked he was fine and would go on the potty every time. Put even loose shorts on and he would pee in them. It took about 4-5 months for him to get it so we did naked at home and diapers while out. He was a little younger (finally got it just after 3), so maybe it wouldn't take as long with an older one.

He also went 'commando' for the first 6-8 weeks after he figured it out with shorts/pants until he could finally put it all together.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Personally I would back off. It is turning into a power struggle, I can tell you are getting really frustrated and he just might not be there yet. See what happens if you don't push the issue. He may be happy in diapers for a while. But once he is ready he will use the potty and it will be so much better if he is really willing.

I have btdt, btw. Ds wouldn't go all day (even though he would sit on the potty) and as soon as I had to make dinner he would pee every where. That happened 2-3 days in a row. It got so bad that we would try and hold him on the potty while he was crying. Well, we realized we were making a mountain out of a mole hill. he was just 3.5 and there was no reason he had to be pt'ed. Now, it was months later when he finally did use the potty but he just did it and it was wonderful.

GL!

Beth

[gatorsmom]

Oooh, that's a good idea. We tried the pull ups, I have been doing underwear with plastic pants over them today (with absolutely no luck). Now, since I've lost my temper, I put the potty on the tile where he can see the TV and told him not to get up til he pees in it. (btw, the TV is on for his little brother who will hover over older brother unless the TV is on to distract him).

I think he just needs peeing in the potty a few times to see what it feels like and get the praise for doing it. Anyway, that's the plan right now.

I'd let him go commando all day onthe tile floor, but it is really cold here right now. It's 5 degrees outside and I'd really have to turn up the heat for him if he were naked.

that was a good idea! Any others?

[o_mom]

Do you have any Babylegs? They are like leg warmers for kids. I did those on cooler days (but it wasn't really cold). You could also take a pair of adult knee socks and pull them way up (like thigh-highs for kids, LOL) and then have a long t-shirt/sweatshirt over top.

[Momof3Labs]

I'd personally back off. It is turning into a power struggle, and he is winning. DS1 got really annoyed with us when we asked every 5 minutes if he had to pee (he also trained at about 3.5yo) and when we completely backed off, he did fine on his own. Has your DS ever run to the potty when he has to go? Or does he mostly have accidents?

If none of that works, go back to diapers without fanfare, and try again in a month or so.

[tny915]

I agree with the posts on power struggles. For me, the more I pushed DD in potty training, the less likely she was to go. She hated my asking her if she needed to use the potty and would say no even when she had to go. I gave up for a while and let her choose whether to wear underwear, diapers, or pullups. We would never punish for accidents, but we would have DD undress herself and help clean up the mess, then have her choose her own clothes to change into and have her dress herself as much as she was able. It really helped to teach her what a tremendous inconvenience it was to have an accident, since it was a big interruption to her play time.

Is your DS in preschool? It really helped DD when she saw other kids using the potty. Peer pressure works wonders.

Edited for clarity

[gatorsmom]

Well, I am happy to report that things have turned around. Not sure what happened but after I insisted he sit on his potty until he made pee and poo he did sit there for 30 minutes (with a little bit of whining but no fits). After 30 minutes he yelled out all happy, Mama, look at this! he peed!!! I danced around and we high fived and carried it to the potty and did another little dance. He was so happy that all morning he just wanted to sit on his potty and keep trying. Three times now he's made poo too! And everytime he made pee and poo I made a big to do about it. Yeh!!

Ok, so here's the question. Once he gets off the potty and starts playing, he immediately starts going in his underwear or pull ups or whatever I put on him. I took the advice and put some knee socks on him which are keeping his legs warm and he's wearing his underwear and a thick shirt. So, he's almost commando. So what next? What happens when he gets off the potty and starts playing again? What do I do? And what do I put on him for bedtime???

[cstack]

I tend to agree with the posters who said back off and wait a little bit. Potty training isn't easy, especially with boys. My pediatrician put it in a way I'll never forget. I asked him about potty training and he said DS just wasn't ready yet. I said, "but he's waking up dry," Ped said (with a completely straight face, picture older, grandfatherly type ped), "YOU've never had a penis." I am at this time 7 months preggo, so I'm thinking - welll, technically... But he continued, "It goes up, it goes down, it pees... it's sometimes hard for boys to distinguish." I guess that does kind of sum it up.

My advice, wait a couple of weeks or keep trying (put old fashioned plastic pants over the undies if you don't want to keep changing, but I IMO, Pullups are the worst thing they ever invented, so I would never use those again), but don't push him to sit. If he's not uncomfortable in wet undies, then maybe he's just really not ready. Whatever you do, DON'T punish him, it will be very detrimental.

And take comfort. I won't say no one never went to kindergarten in diapers, but the only ones that I've seen in kindergarten in diapers were kids with more severe disabilities. For them, it often comes later.

[KrisM]

For a couple of months, DS was only trained if naked. We finally worked into underwear and just for the past 3 weeks have been in pants and underwear. We had tried a couple times before that and naked really seemed to make it easier for him.

Also, I found the right bribes made a lot of difference. Poops weren't on the potty until he was promised marshmallows. Well, he had marshmallows for breakfast the next 3 days and hasn't missed since.

To get him into pants, we used a chart and star stickers. He got a sticker if he peed or pooped on the potty, if he went from morning until lunchtime dry, and lunchtime to bedtime dry. So many opportunities for stars. Enough stars, and that was subjective since he doesn't count yet, got him a trip to my parents house to play trains. That worked immediately. The 2nd week of it, he had 1 accident and we took a star off the chart. Haven't had an accident, except when he was sick, since.

We had tried other rewards with no success, so it really made a difference finding the right one.

[kozachka]

To answer your question as to what to do at night, the only answer at your situation should be put a diaper on. I do not know any child that fully PT at night at the same time as during the day. If memory serves me well a typical delay for night-time PT is 3-6 months for younger kids. My DS would wake up dry most of the time before I got serious about his daytime underwear wearing and even than I did not push for night-time underwear before we had daytime routine fully established and than some. Accidents have much more serious consequences IYKWIM.