I'm chicken to attend a new playgroup...any suggestions?

[pampamz]

There is a weekly playgroup at the church around the block from me...now that I am SAHM I would love to take the kids so they can have some playtime and I can sit & chat but I am a CHICKEN!

I am a nervous/shy person when it comes to meeting new people (sometimes interpreted as a snob, but I'm really not!). I worry that all the moms there will know each other and since I'm not very good at many small talk w/new people, I'll end up feeling like a loser.

Any suggestions? Tell me I'm not the only person like that, please!

I should just do it, shouldn't I???

[tarabenet]

The other moms there will know each other. They've been building relationships, finding things they have in common. Know what? you have something in common with them already! Something big. You have kids too!

Suck it up and go. If you are feeling too shy to deal with the other mommies, just focus on your kids the first time. Little by little, you'll find ways to interact with the other moms, and before you know it, they won't be stangers, they'll be friends.

Resist the temptation to take a book or project to hide out in. That would only contribute to the "snob" impression you want to avoid.

Getting nervous about it is the tougher and more energy-draining part. Get there, get into the experience, and you'll find it is nothing as difficult as you are thinking.

And I understand, by the way. I've been known to work myself into a full-blown migraine gearing up to go to a party full of strangers! But as soon as I can find something in common, and just one or two people to focus on, not the whole roomful, I can be fine and really enjoy meeting people. Don't look at the whole crowd -- just one or two moms who seem open to visiting!

[JustMe]

Do it! Its one of the ways we are forced to grow as parents!

One thing that I find easier about social situations since becoming a mother is that there is so much talk about the kids. I find that a lot easier when I don't know someone well, and can't think of other small talk. Just ask them all about their kids, and you'll end up talking, talking, talking until you can't believe the time is over already!

Robyn
single mommy to an almost 4 yr old from Guatemala

[gatorsmom]

That is such a good point! Just walk in, sit next to someone who isn't already talking to someone, and ask them how old their children are. Then ask them a question appropriate to that age. Like, are you potty training yet? Is she still in a crib? Does she take a pacifier? And keep on asking questions. I guarantee that mother will think you are so interesting!!

People LOVE to have questions asked about themselves. Have you ever noticed that? People love to talk about themselves and even more about their kids. And there are so many topics to discuss about children.

Don't be discouraged. Go to this playdate and try that technique, then the next playdate, try the same technique with someone new. I promise you, before you even know it, you'll have made some friends.

[annasmom]

You've gotten great advice already, but I just wanted to add that the other moms may NOT know eachother that well at all. I am sure that you would be a welcome addition to the group!

I was in one weekly playgroup last year - the entire year we probably met 10 times. I am in two this year - one has met pretty regularly, the other again has only met a handful of times. The playgroups that haven't met that often because there aren't that many dc in the group, so if someone is sick (even a sibling) we don't meet. And, while the other group meets pretty regularly, it is much bigger so it is pretty hard to get to know each and every mom in the group. This doesn't mean we aren't friendly, but as every mom knows - in a playgroup setting it is really hard to have a complete conversation - you are always interrupted by dc.

Go!! Have fun!!

[KBecks]

Do it. I'm slow to get to know folks but I am so happy to have playgrooup friends now. You can always talk about the kids and a mom w/a same age/sex child will usually be very open to meeting moms of similar kids.

[KBecks]

Do it. I'm slow to get to know folks but I am so happy to have playgrooup friends now. You can always talk about the kids and a mom w/a same age/sex child will usually be very open to meeting moms of similar kids.

[pampamz]

Thanks everyone. I am going to go next week. No matter what, I know my kids and they'll talk to me! :) I would hate for my outgoing kids to become a chicken like me so I will do it.
Plus, I know there is a mom in my neighbourhood who goes (and, of course, I have been chicken to talk to) so maybe we can hook up.

Thanks again all. I will do it!

[MarisaSF]

Good luck and have fun! I hope you meet many new friends.
Remember, they were all once new to the group too. I know whenever a new mom joins our group, I want to meet with and get to know her. I know she must feel uncomfortable meeting people for the first time. I'm always trying to get new moms to join us!
:)

[jacksmomtobe]

Good for you. It will get easier the more you go. Faces will become familiar. You may want to mention that you are nervous. That way the other Moms might realize if you are quiet that is why and they also might be more likely to make you feel comfortable. Typically in those types of situations people are welcoming and want to include others. Just asking how old a person's child is can be the start of a conversation. I hope it goes well.

[jacksmomtobe]

Good for you. It will get easier the more you go. Faces will become familiar. You may want to mention that you are nervous. That way the other Moms might realize if you are quiet that is why and they also might be more likely to make you feel comfortable. Typically in those types of situations people are welcoming and want to include others. Just asking how old a person's child is can be the start of a conversation. I hope it goes well.