Thoughts and prayers, please (possibly sensitive, neighbor's tragedy)

[caheinz]

Editing so that the most disturbing information does not appear on the main screen. Sorry.
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The family across the street from us lost their house and mother in a fire late last night. The cause has yet to be officially determined, and the two teenage children were able to escape the house. Their dad was at work, and got home while the fire department put out the blaze.

These are wonderful kids, and the family has always been extremely kind and generous -- going out of their way to give DS extras for such as Halloween and his birthday.

I'm struggling with the images of the burning house, as well as the mom being carried away, but this family is going to need all the help they can get in the coming days, weeks, and months. (Thankfully, DS slept through all of the excitement... as cool as it would have been for him to see five fire trucks on our little street all at once, the two he got to see this morning when it was over were plenty.)

The Red Cross is helping the family already, and I sure the neighborhood will do something -- but I don't know what as of yet. (If anyone has any ideas, I'd be interested... I'm just at a loss right now.)

Thank you. I just feel like this family needs all the help they can get right now.

[Jenn98]

Cheryl, I'm sorry your neighborhood is going through this. That's just a horrible situation. How interesting that we met with our insurance agent this morning to discuss our coverage and he was insistent that we get a bunch of photos and video of our house on record in addition to making copies of any important papers (and photos of the kids!!!) done and out of the house in a safe place just in case there was somehting tragic like this. I hope they had adequate insurance so they don't have to worry about rebuilding in addition to grieving the loss of their mom and wife. ((((hugs))))) and prayers.

[trumansmom]

I don't know what to say. Their family, and yours, will be in my thoughts and prayers. How terrifying and tragic.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/01 and Eleanor 4/04

[egoldber]

Cheryl I am very sorry about your neighbors. What a terrible tragedy.

You asked for some suggestions on what you can do:

Food and/or gift certificates for local restaurants and takeout places. There will be many times when the family will be faced with having to eat and no one will have the heart to make anything.

Offer to run errands, pick up groceries, necessities, etc. Its more helpful to be concrete and say something like "I'm heading out to Target/Costco/grocery store right now. Is there something I can get for you while I am there?" Rather than to say "If you need anything let me know..."

I also wanted to comment on this: "I just feel like this family needs all the help they can get right now". They do need help right now. But there will be a LOT of people who will help them right now. The hard part with loss and grief comes after the first few weeks. Other people move on and "forget" or assume the family is now "getting over it". In fact, most people who grieve say that the HARDEST time is after the first few weeks and the initial shock has worn off. Then the family is left with the long lonely task of getting on with the rest of their lives while having a gaping hole to fill. Feeling like no one gets that or has forgotten your loved one is awful.

So just a few things...

Remember your neighbor on special occasions like her birthday, the holidays, the anniversary of her death. Call or send a card saying that you are thinking of her and the family.

Call up in a few weeks, after the initial help has trickled down, and then ask what you can do. Again, be concrete.

Above all, don't be afraid to talk about or mention her. People sometimes avoid mentioning the names of dead loved ones because they are afraid it will "hurt you" or "remind you" of your loss. Thats not possible. That loss is ever present in your mind every day. Its harder when feel like everyone around you has forgotten your loved one except you.

[dules]

Cheryl, I'm so sorry. One of my neighbors (mom of 2) lost her life in a tragic accident about a year and a half ago. I agree with Elizabeth that it's going to be super important to remember later, even more than now. Also something that we did that seemed to help was simply ask if they'd like to talk. Things came pouring out to me and DH a number of times and I realized that a lot of people were trying to *do things* and *say things* while the family really wanted to talk about the details of what happened, how brave she was, how strong, and how peaceful in the end.

It was possibly the most heartbreaking series of conversations I've ever had, and I really said very little, just listened. It seemed to be what they needed.

I think you have my email address - feel free to contact me off board if you want to chat. Don't discount how hard this is on *you* too.



Mary

[scoop22]

I am very sorry to hear this news. Dh volunteers for out local fire station and he is always saddened when there is a complete loss. Seeing this and hearing of this is completely different. I am sorry you had to see this happen to your neighbors.

I don't have many ideas but maybe you could contact the school (or a local organization) and see if they would do a fundraiser dance for the two teenagers. I am sure the redcross is making sure they have the coats and clothes that they need.

The food suggestion is a great idea.

what a sad story. i will keep everyone is my prayers

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[casey0729]

I am sorry this happened to your neighbors. I agree with the other posts and wanted to also mention that when a woman at DH's work had a fire one thing that was helpful besides the restaurant cards was gift cards to places like Target and such. They will have to replace items they lost in the home and since you can't pick out exactly what towels or plates they need, the cards are very helpful.


KC

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[caheinz]

Thanks to all that have replied, and to those who have sent prayers or thoughts without replying.

The family's material needs are met for the time being. Their families are in town, the son works at Target and the store actually gave them quite a large gift card. The neighborhood/ city has set up a program for matching gift cards with the local Kohl's and WalMart stores.

We have reached out to this family now, but plan to reach out again multiple times in the coming weeks and months (and years). They will certainly need more help when they find a more permanent home (they are in an "extended stay" hotel for the time being). We are also trying to be of help with the neighbor who is most actively helping right now -- helping with the insurance, the arrangements, and all of the other things that would be impossible to handle after such a tremendous loss.

Thank you. This is, as it always has been, ultimately, an amazing community.

[elliput]

Thank you for the update, Cheryl. It makes me glad to hear your city and neighborhood are going above and beyond after such a devestating tragedy. My deepest condolences to your neighbors for the loss of their mother.

[mommy111]

Cheryl,
My thoughts go out to the family, the house and material things can obviously be taken care of, but to lose a mother and a wife.....may they find the strength to cope with their loss!

[shilo]

cheryl,

it takes me a while sometimes to get up the courage to open up threads like this. we had a woman killed in the crosswalk outside our front door last year, and i didn't know her personally, so i can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. some things just hit too close to home, don't they. i am so sorry for the boys, the dad, the families. i hope you too can find peace with what has happened so close to your home. you're all in my thoughts this evening.
lori
Sam 5/19/05 How lucky I am that you chose me.

[c914]

Cheryl

I hate to hear about tragic stories like this.

my boss' house burned down almost 2 years ago (from a glade plug-in - believe it or not)
because of insurance and litigation, they still aren't back in to their now-being rebuilt home. While the insurance company has put them up in various apartments and homes (usually ones that are "on the market") they've ended up being moved around several times when the house sells, etc. Additionally, the insurance company only would release $ for the rebuild in increments based on how far the construction had progressed (then they hit post-Katrina pricing) Believe me, any support will be very much appreciated by the family, and they will be in need of it for a while.

Carla

[ecoria]

my thoughts and prayers go out to this family, what a horrible thing to happen.