WWYD? visit mom in hospital or stay home with baby? (long)

[happy2bamom]

I need some perspective and opinions please. I'm feeling really torn. Here are the basics. My mom (who lives across the country)has been in the hospital since November 12th. Initially she was in the ICU, and I went out (with my newborn) and kept my Dad company (my mom was not conscious) for a week. It actually worked out great to have the baby there b/c one of us would stay with my DS in the waiting room (which was a nice distraction) while the other one of us sat with Mom. After my visit, each of my 3 siblings spent a week there also.

OK fast-forward to today. Mom is in another hospital now (not ICU), and my Dad hasn't had a visitor since before Christmas. I would love to go out there with my 5 month old again but currently my mom has an MRSA infection, which can be spread very easily through the skin. So, I obviously can't put my DS at risk. At the same time, my Dad is very depressed about the whole situation and is just worn-out. He really needs some support. There is also the reality that Mom might not be around for much longer.

So...my DH has suggested that I fly out there this weekend. Just me, he'll keep the kids. The problem is that my 5 month old is exclusively breastfed and I don't have any milk pumped. DH seems to think that our DS will be fine with formula (he has never had it).

I just need some opinions and suggestions here. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Kelli

[Lynnie]

I am so sorry to hear about the situation.

I would probably try to pump as much as I can and go out to see my mom and dad. But, this is coming from someone who had to supplement with formula, and started much earlier than 5 months unfortunately, so take what I would do with a grain of salt.

Or maybe a sibling of yours who doesn't have kids could go out for another spell, and then perhaps your mom's infection will have cleared up and you and DS could go (I have no idea what an MRSA infection is, so forgive my ignorance if its not something that easily clears up).

Prayers for your mom, and {{{hugs}}} to you.

[pb&j]

I'd pump as much as possible over the next couple of days, and then head out there. Your baby will be fine without you for the weekend. It sounds like you may not have another opportunity to see your mom again, and that your dad really needs you. Go, and trust that your DH and DS will be okay without you.

-Ry,
mom to Max the one year old
and my girl in heaven

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/37124.gif

[ErinMC]

Hi Kelli,

So sorry you and your family are going through this! I know how hard it is to be across the country from family, especially when there is a crisis.

I agree with the PP's: go be with your mom and dad. Your DS will be fine with formula. Pump as much as you can in the next couple days, and have your DH stretch out the milk as much as possible at first (i.e. half milk, half formula in his bottles) so that he'll take the formula more easily. You might also want to try giving him a bit of formula before you leave, just to start getting him used to it.

Another idea - if you're really worried about giving him formula, could you go NEXT weekend, giving yourself another week to pump?

Either way, I think it's wonderful you want to give your dad support and see your mom. It'll mean a lot to them.

Good luck!
Erin

Mom to Chase 2/2004 and Logan 5/2006

[o_mom]

I would not be comfortable leaving an EBF 5 mo. Neither of mine would take a bottle at all, so formula or EBM would not have made a difference. It would have been a very long, very stressful weekend for the baby and DH.

I would look for a way to have your DH come with you and just trade off going to the hospital. Or, find a friend or relative that can watch him while you are there. If your DS doesn't go to the hospital and you are very good about handwashing, I would think the risk would be minimal. (My understanding is that MRSA is not any more contagious, just harder to treat.)

[elephantmeg]

hugs! Sounds like a hard situation. I would go (and leave DS) if and only if he will take a bottle and you have a good pump and are good about using it. I would hate to loose my milk supply, but it also sounds like you really need to be with your family right now. Where is the MRSA in your mom?

[Wife_and_mommy]

Ditto to this. My dc's were with me 24/7 until 7M when they had some solids.

I'm very sorry your family is going through such a hard time.



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I love them most when they are sleeping.--Me
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http://b2.lilypie.com/AzrMm5.png

[writermama]

Is there another option?

Could you take DS but leave him with a relative or a sitter away from the hospital and visit him frequently to nurse?

Could the whole family fly out, but only you go to the hospital and take breaks to go nurse DS?

Could another relative go see your Dad this weekend and you go next week after spending a week pumping and making sure your DS will take bottles well for your DH?

I don't know your specifics, but I wouldn't be able to leave my EBF DD#2 because she doesn't take bottles well, if at all.

Whatever you decide will work best for your situation, comforting and healing thoughts for you and your family.

[emilyf]

If your baby takes a bottle, I would go. If he doesn't, I would work on it and see if he will and then decide. Both my kids had occasional bottles of formula and were none the worse for it. It sounds like your parents need some support if you can possibly swing it.
Emily mom of Charlie born 11/02 and Zoe born 9/05

[saschalicks]

Having never been in this situation it so hard for me to say what I would do. My DC's were also not breastfed, which makes my being able to leave them a little easier, so I can see where this is very difficult for you. My only advice is to ask yourself this: If something, g-d forbid, happened before you were able to visit would you be upset w/yourself for not trying your hardest to do what you could. If the answer is yes then find a way, any way, to go out there.

ET: correct typos

[masha12]

You are more likely to regret not visiting your mom than you are to regret leaving your child at home for a weekend with dad drinking formula so you could go visit your mom.

If it were me, I'd go and leave the child at home. When your mom is gone, you will treasure the time you got to spend with her and if you don't go, you might regret it. I think it would be more stressful bringing the child along and trying to arrange childcare.

There is no shame in giving a bottle of formula to a baby now and then. And I can't think of any better reason to do it than to spend time with your mom and dad. You are their daughter and think about how much it would mean to you for your child to visit you when you are approaching death.

Go and enjoy the time you can have with your mom without guilt.

[kristenk]

I think I'd go. I don't know if I'd take my DC or not, though. Is there anyone there who could watch your DC while you went to the hospital? Do any of your siblings live close to your parents? Maybe one of them could watch your DS while you're at the hospital? Or, maybe your dad could watch your DS at the house when you go to the hospital?

It sounds like you need to be there for your mom AND for your dad. If that's the case, would it be necessary for you and your dad to be at the hospital full-time? (I don't really know the situation, so I don't know if that's an insensitive question or not - I don't mean for it to be.)

Or, could you pump like a fiend this week and go next weekend? Maybe leave Saturday morning and come back Sunday night? Maybe your dad would feel better knowing that someone *IS* coming to visit, even if they're not there right now.

I really think you should go and that you might regret not going.

(((hugs))) I'm sorry that you and your mom and dad are even in this situation to begin with.

[happy2bamom]

Thank you all for all of your support and words of wisdom. I've been pumping today and plan to make my decision with my DH this evening. Again, thank you.

Kelli

[thomma]

I'm sorry that your mom is not well. I'm not a doctor but I think your ds would be okay going with you. Ds had MRSA in the nicu and he had safety precautions in place. There were rules up all over his room. We had to gown and glove to touch him so as not to spread it. Your mom probably has similar precautions in place. Just wash your hands after visiting her.

Do what's best for your family but I wouldn't let the mrsa stop you from bringing your ds.

good luck-

Kim
ds&dd 5/03

[HannaAddict]

I'm sorry that your mom is so sick. I think whether you go really depends on your baby and how baby does without you around. If your baby hasn't been regularly been drinking a bottle of EBM or formula before, I would not leave her and travel a long distance where you can't return if she loses it. Same for if she hasn't been babysat for an extended period by your husband or other caregiver. I BF and my son (now almost 3 years) was pretty comfortable with staying with my husband for a few hours at a time and taking a bottle of EBM. But my daughter is a whole different story. She is five months, EBF and will not take a bottle. She lasts about an hour without me before getting inconsolable. I couldn't leave her at this point in time. Not knowing how your baby reacts, I can't give real advice but do want to warn you that it isn't easy to make a baby take a bottle and that they won't all "eat if they are hungry" a refrain many who haven't had an EBF baby seem to believe (my relatives included). And having a screaming, inconsolable infant for a weekend could be awful for baby and your husband. If there is a way you could visit but still protect baby, I would try that option.

Take care. I'm sure you mom would understand if you can't visit, and I'm sorry for your dad.

Kimberly

[C99]

Wow. That situation really *is* a dilemma.

I agree w/ Ry here. Both breastfeeding and your parents are important, but you'll probably kick yourself more over the situation w/ your parents than your 5-m/o having formula and bottles for a couple of days.