are you totally in love with your second child?

[lizajane]

it makes me feel guilty when i am annoyed with schuyler's almost 4 year old behavior. especially since i missed him at dylan's age. they are 22 months apart and long story short, i was kinda absent from age 18 months to age 3.5 (for schuyler, i mean. long story that involves insomnia, ambien, many winter sicknesses and an absessed tooth...)

but lately, dylan is just SO FUN!!!!!!! and he is HYSTERICAL! just being himself, he is funny. my family and friends agree. even strangers. he is just comical.

and age 2 is just so cute and smushy and lovey.

see why i feel bad???

bad mommy. bad mommy.

i swear i am not playing favorites!!! sigh.

[o_mom]

I'm right there with you Liza!

I have to force myself sometimes to slow down and enjoy DS1 being 3.5 and all the fun it is. DS2 is just so easy - funny in that almost 2 yo learning to talk way and much more affectionate than DS1. I didn't know to enjoy it with DS1 and had a babe to care for at the time. It's also easier to let things go with DS2 because "it's just his age" but get upset with DS1 because "he should know better" (not that he should, but it feels that way sometimes).

[saschalicks]

Liza,
You and I are sisters from another mother I know it. I have a blog and Eli's godmother (DH's closest girl friend) asks DH 2 months ago if I favor DS2 b/c I write more about him then DS1. I can't get that out of my head.

Then I think that DS2 is just so darn cute all of the time. I love DS1, but he's almost 3 and his constantly saying "no" is wearing thin quickly. Meanwhile DS2 is almost 15 mo old and he's just starting to walk, and has this cute curly hair.

I love them both and I hug and kiss both equally, but I can't get it out of mind that someone actually asked DH if I favor DS2.

I feel so guilty all of the time. DS1 is such a special little guy...

[kelly ann]

Yes...guilty as charged :( DD is also a smushy little one and so dang affectionate it kills me.

And I think this is causing some behavioral problems with DS - makes me even more frustrated with him. I try to be fair, but this 4 year old behavior is really exasperating some days. Especially today - not a good day as a mommy. After DH got home, I went up my bedroom saying "bad mommy" to myself. At least tomorrow is another day, right? Oh, and when I told DS I loved him tonight, he just walked away to his bedroom and said he wanted daddy to read books to him. Ugh :(

I tell myself that in 2 years, DD will be at this stage and DS will be the sweetest little boy again, right???

[Marisa6826]

<hanging head in shame, raising hand>

Yes. I admit it, I'm completely smitten with Mia. I don't know if it's because Sophie is really no longer a toddler - but a real live Little Girl - or because she really is testing her limits these days, but she has proven her ability to work my last nerve.

Mia is so cuddly and sweet. I could just eat her up. Yesterday I got my very first REAL kiss from her - not a lick, not an open mouth slobber - but a real puckered KISS!! I just about swooned. *sigh*

Jonathan assures me that I felt the same way about Sophie at this age, but I honestly don't remember.

I feel like a sh*t for doting on Mia the way I do, but I find that sometimes I really can't help it. I absolutely do love Sophie, but not in the same way I do Mia. I've asked Moms of older kids (and even ones that are now adults) and they all agree that they felt the same way at one time or another about a particular child. I can't help but wonder if this is Nature's way of forcing us to let go a little bit of the older ones to ready them for some independence, kwim?

Oh, and Mia has the most rocking sense of humour. She cracks me (and herself!) up constantly.

Hopefully we will look back on this one day and be better able to see why we felt the way we did.

Hey - totally OT - but how is Dylan's hand?

-m

[psophia17]

R isn't quite fun yet, although he's getting there, but N is making me insane on a regular basis *constantly.* Redundant much? But it's true!

I am the middle child, so favoring one over the other is something I really take note of, and while it's been okay so far, it's really hard to be equally affectionate with an obstinate mule of a 3yo and a cuddlepuss 4mos old...it'll get worse before it gets better, but this too shall pass...I hope ;)

[sethsmom]

I know you mamas feel bad and guilty, but you are making me feel SOOO much better. My DS is 17 months and so lovable, cute, friendly, funny, affectionate... and overall wonderful, I've been worried that there is NO WAY I can love a 2nd nearly as much. I'm glad to see that this next one will be able to win my heart when the time comes!

[ribbit1019]

I felt the same way Rachel! Don't worry #2 will arrive and your heart will expand. :)

And yes Liza I too am guilty of doting on J more than Miss Maddy. She just drives me to the brink of insanity some days, ask me about an entire very berry smoothie she dumped on herself and her carseat yesterday. (my fault I should have taken it away from her) J is waaay more cuddly than Maddy ever was, even DH notes that. It is so nice to have a baby that is content to sit and lean against you for a couple minutes. Maddy was always on the go at his age. He still gets around but makes time for his mommy, lol.

Christy
Wife to Richard
My Waterbabies
http://lilypie.com/pic/060928/Yw0w.jpg http://b3.lilypie.com/H-lkm5.png
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http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v221/steitzsmith/Other/jump.gif

[lizajane]

dylan got his cast off yesterday!!! i missed his little arm and hand so much. he still won't use the hand at all and doesn't want me to touch it. he cried when it first came off, saying hurt hurt hurt because he remembered. i was so sad! i hope in a few days, he will learn to use it again.

[BarbieSmith]

My 7-month old is cute as can be, and I love her to death (literally), but my 23-month old is more fun right now. I am sure things will change over time! I adore them both, my girls :)

[Marisa6826]

I was obsessively worried, too. And then somebody likened having a second child like taking one candle to light a second one. The first one doesn't go any dimmer. :)

I promise, you will find that your heart has more room than you think!

-m

[CiderLogan]

I hear ya! I long for unending time with my 9-month-old - she smiles whenever she sees me, never does anything wrong, is easy to please, is so cuddly and plump and clean and kissable, etc. My 3.5-yr-old has such an attitude and can be so, so exasperating at times. It's funny because I was so sure before DD2 was born that I'd never love anyone as much as I love than DD1, so I didn't expect to find myself worrying about favoring DD2 over DD1. What helps me is having one-on-one time with the older one. It's easier to recognize all her charms (saying such cute things! being so smart and independent! going potty!) when I'm not trying to balance the needs of both of them.

Jenny
Julia, 8/03
Clara, 5/06

[Piglet]

I am so there too, but it comes and goes depending on which kid is being the bigger twerp... of course soon there will be a third to really mess things up, LOL. My DS1 is an angel and so easy that sometimes it is easier to let him do his thing rather than play with him or whatever. DS2 is so cute right now, but is such a little mischief monkey, that I pay far more attention to him on many occasions. The thing that keeps me sane is the knowledge that DS1 had over 3.5 years of undivided attention that DS2 never had. It is only fair that I give him more of my attention now.

[Puddy73]

>I am so there too, but it comes and goes depending on which
>kid is being the bigger twerp... >

That's exactly how I feel. This morning, for example, DS dug through the trash can, threw dog food all over the patio, pulled a chair over to the sink and sprayed water all over the kitchen. DD was sitting quietly at the table coloring and said "Mommy, you are my best friend. I love you." So DD wins most favored child status this morning. However, she generally whines and screams like a banshee when she first comes home from preschool, so DS can win me back with a kiss and a hug. I love them both to pieces, but I LIKE different things about them.

Jennifer
Mommy to Annabelle 9/08/03 & Finn 10/31/05

"If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." - Jimmy Buffett

[ohiomom]

This post is making me feel better too.

My 5.5 mo old is just so innocent compared to her 3.5 yr old sister. She can't talk back, can't do things just because she wants to torque me off. It's especially a problem when I'm tired, if DD2 is fussing at the same time DD1 acts up and/or if I'm at wits end. Before, if DD1 was acting up, I'd just think -- she's being a kid. Now I think she's being a pain.

I like the idea of being sure to have more 1 on 1 time with DD1. I NEED to make this happen.

[Lynnie]

just wait, though, things could swing back to the other direction.

I feel so much more connected to my almost 5 year old, and I just love being around him. He is so smart, funny, and generally easy to be with - he cracked up an entire group of people at disney when we were watching captain jack and somebody else do a little sidewalk skit. He is going thru the "I love mommy and want to marry her" phase, and is also outgoing with other people, and very affectionate and thoughtful.

The almost 3 year old is very funny and loving too, but *a bit temperamental* - like when the story about the family getting kicked off of airtran came out, I could ALMOST picture it being him (of course I would have strapped him in and let him shout, but still, am not proud that he has the potential to act that way). So, since my older one and I talk about so many things and have so much easy fun time together, I must admit, while I don't have a favorite per say, and am very careful to treat them equally, I am enjoying the older age more than the younger age at this time !

[Emmas Mom]

I'll join this "club". While I love both of my girls to death my 3.5 year old is SO trying right now. She's tempermental, talks back, doesn't listen, argumentative...basically really good at being a preschooler. sigh Very frustrating. Now, my little 13 month old is so adorable it's amazing. She's smiley, good natured & I am her best friend right now. I love it. I know it's a stage for both of them but yeah, I'm with you.

[suz]

OMG!!! I know what you mean! I've been feeling a little guilty too. Maybe cause I know my second child will also be our last child, so I'm just trying to take things slowly and appreciate every little thing my younger DD does.

[npace19147]

Seems like the common link here is that whichever child is in the 3's - older or younger - is the one who is more "trouble" - guess it's just that stage of life?

Which makes me nervous b/c DD is heading there quickly and will be in full throes just when DC2 is getting cute (hopefully!)...