Church

[scout123]

This has been on my mind lately and I would love the input of the board on this. I was raised Baptist, but I haven't been to church in years. I never enjoyed going to church b/c it was more about what you were wearing, who went to that particular church, etc. I have always been of the belief that if you believed in God and lived a moral life than you were a Christian. I never understood buying new clothes to go sit in church and pat everyone on the back about what a good Christian they were and then sin all week long. I always felt closer to God when I am outside, in nature. I would have loved going to Church if it meant doing something productive, like picking up litter or caring for dogs at shelter. Is that strange?! Okay, I'm coming to my point! Now that I have a 18 mth old DD I wonder if I am denying her something by not taking her to church. I want to give her everything and what if she wants to go to church and finds a different meaning in church than I found? If I do start going to church I would like to go to a Methodist church b/c several of my friends go there. Is that tacky? I always felt that your denomination (sp?) didn't matter b/c everyone has the same goal-to worship God and lead a moral life. I can't talk to anyone IRL about this b/c I live in the Bible Belt and if they thought I didn't go to church they would all start praying for me! Maybe after reading this you all will think I need praying for too!! Anyone have any guidance in this situation?
Thanks,
Scout

[elliput]

I suggest waiting until your daughter is a bit older. At this point, she is not going to understand what a church service is all about and will end up in the nursery/playroom anyway.

[Pennylane]

I don't have any advice to offer but am looking forward to reading the responses as I have been struggling with the same thing. I was not brought up with church being a big part of my life. I believe in God and my DC are in a Christian preschool. The few experiences that I have had with churches have left a bad taste in my mouth and I have not pursued it. I feel like I am denying my children the chance to make that decision though....


On a similar note, I was also wondering about having your child christened. I have not had my DC done simply because I believe to do that we should be part of a church and my DC should have some understanding of what is happening. Any thoughts here?

Ann

[MaiseyDog]

I agree that too often people get caught up in the social aspect of church and it becomes more about them than about God. However, I do feel that church life is important as a christian. I really look at it as a family. There will be times in your life where you need the support and love of an extended christian family, and it's our christian duty to support others through faith. Also, I have also found that church offers me the chance to learn more, challenge myself, and serve others. Not all churches are as warped as others- some do a better job of holding to the truths of the bible. I have found that we usually have to try out a lot of churches before we find the one that we feel fits us best. I realize this is harder in smaller towns, but if after visiting many you are still unhappy with your choices, gather a few like minded folks and start your own worship services. The Bible never said that worship had to be in an organized denomination. It is the gathering of christians to worship and learn. As far as switching denominations, go for it. Personally I dont' think the denomination you attend has anything to do with anything. Sure there are some subtle differences but ultimately the core is the same. Find the church that fits you, don't try to make yourself fit the church.

That's just my two cents.

Margaret

[tarabenet]

Scout, I don't think it is tacky to choose (or try out) a church because other people you like and respect like that church. I think it makes sense. And I do think you will find a fair amount of variation among the various denominations. Especially in the South, Baptists and Methodists tend to kind of take joy in the ways in which they differ. It is funny. But I am the daughter of a Methodist minister, and grew up in the very very Southern Baptist Waco, Texas, so I've felt it up-close! You will find a very different feeling at one church service vs. another. And if what you find at your friends' church doesn't fit but you find yourself still interested, then keep trying out other congregations.

If what you decide is that church isn't for you, I still believe you should teach you daughter the things that you believe, give her a grounding in whatever sort of spirituality feeds you. If that means you head out for a walk in the park and just take time to admire and enjoy Nature, then go for it. I think that there is a lot of strength in having your own faith and I think teaching your daughter to tap that strength is important.

[Jen841]

Good luck finding the right answer! It is in your heart.

I was raised with going to church (Pres. and Methodist) and "church" was where you felt the most comfortable. Demonination did not matter (DH will argue otherwise.) I wish my kids had what I did, Sunday school etc. We are raising them Catholic, my later in life (to join DH) change. I wish a nursery and Sunday school were part of the catholic faith, but for the time being they attend all of mass with us.

I personally find a comfort in going to church. Right or wrong, I use the time as personal reflection. I will readily admit the words that "should" come of out my mouth don't always, and my mind can wander. I do enjoy the time as time for personal praise, and to have a structured hour of downtime to reflect per week. I took RCIA very seriously, but confess to picking and choosing a bit about my practicing of the faith.

We have the kids going weekly to mass, we want to make it a routine. They are christened, which was important to both of us. J, 3.5, sits though mass as long as we have toys etc to occupy him and we sit close to the live music. E, 1, knows noise echos in church and can be noisey. We end up with him in the lobby a lot walking and running around.

I/we find it a comfort to attend, but you need to decide what is right for you and your child. I firmly agree that a guarnteed hour, at least, per week for religion/reflection is good for ourselves in a church or in nature. I think a routine is important.

Sorry, I gave my opinion more than I thought.

[JBaxter]

I was raised on church 3 times a week--no excuses we went I turned away from church for many years. DH and I recently found a wonderful church. It "feels" like a spirit filled place lots of 25-45 aged people and the minister is 36. They have a great nursery/sunday school for Nathan. He has really enjoyed it. They sing songs and do a little bible story lesson while church is going on. I get a beeper incase I am needed.
I am really glad we found this church and hope all my boys grow up liking to go to church

I would go to church where your heart leads you.

** ETA my oldest goes to church w/ his girlfriend. They are not old enough to date-date ( he is 15 she is 14) so they do sunday and wednesday youth group.

[masha12]

If the only reason you would return to church would be for you daughter, I think the reality is that you will not keep it up and it will not really benefit your daughter.

I am Catholic and I really like the Catholic Church's teaching of the family as a smaller church that is primarily responsible for the religious upbringing of children, in addition to the larger Catholic Church.

My experience watching relatives and friends is that if the parents are only going through the motions of attending church for the benefit of their children but don't really believe or agree themselves, nothing sticks with the children.

I don't want to discourage you from returning to church, but I'd like to see you return because you feel it is what God is calling you to do or it is something you feel is missing in your life.

[MonicaH]

We are in much the same situation. I grew up Catholic and my DH grew up Presbyterian. The increasingly conservative leanings of the Catholic church have really turned me off (they might be right for some people, just not me). I have really not been interested much in church or contemplating the existence of God at all.

But DH wants to go to church as a family. Also I worry about DD becoming one of those people who grows up without any church/religion and then goes and joins a cult! So we have half-heartedly been to a few churches but nothing really clicked. There was an Episcopal church that we kind of liked, but we moved away last summer. Last Sunday when I was at work he took DD to a Presbyterian church and they seemed to like it...so we'll see...

I'd love to hear what others have to say.

Monica
DD 8-05

[chiqanita]

Hi
I think it's great that you're thinking about this. I would consider learning about the Methodist faith and talking to your friends first. IMHO you should join this religious group because you wholeheartedly believe in their path and beliefs.

BTW, we've been taking our 2.5 year old twins to our church since they were born. We find that lately it becomes a workout just trying to keep them from getting bored. I would wait a little bit then look into the children's programs during services. Our church has a specific mass for the children where they are taken to a separate room for their bible teachings.

Good luck on your decision

[maestramommy]

A lot of parents who were raised in the church and haven't been going tend to return when they have children because of wanting them to have spiritual roots. I think the denomination is immaterial, you mainly want to find a community that you are comfortable with, that expresses the Christian faith in a way that you agree with, or at least don't have problems with in the way you did when you were younger. Starting out at a church that your friends already attend is a great idea. It may make it easier for you to get to know others in the community and find out whether you want to keep going.

I was raised Presbyterian, and Dh Reformed. He wasn't a regular goer when we got together so he was fine with where I wanted to go. But the two denominations are similar so it doesn't seem to matter. It took 2 years but we did finally find a church community that is great for both of us in our individual spiritual journeys. The only downside is that the nursery is small, with only one staff person for anyone birth-age4. Luckily it is a small church so many times Dora is the only one in there. The church just changed caregivers, and for whatever reason Dora really took to her, so dropping her off has become much easier. I mention this because if your dd is only 18 months she might be in the church nursery or toddler room for a while before entering a Sunday school class. It would be worthwhile to check out what is available at your friends' church.

[Alice523]

>I wish
>a nursery and Sunday school were part of the catholic faith,
>but for the time being they attend all of mass with us.

Sorry to the OP for the hijack. It isn't related to the Catholic faith and nurseries/Sunday school programs vary from parish to parish, but it's true that the Catholic Church has a general lack of social programs for its members. It stinks. We drive 20 minutes to a parish where we know no one just to use the nursery so that I can get something spiritual out of Mass instead of chasing my 16 month old DS the whole hour. Even if they had a mother's room overlooking the church, I could chase him and hear/watch/not drive everyone nuts. We've also had a really hard time making any friends - I envy the other denominations' programs for families. It looks fun!

[lizajane]

my opinions-

going to church isn't about "proving" that you are a christian. it isn't about what you wear or who is there or how often you go or what denomination your parents are.

church is a time to devote to prayer, to consideration of your week as a christian, to God and nothing else. you can definitely find God in nature- i agree, i feel more faith outside than i do in a church. but you can also step in mud and chase the kids and hear a noisy airplane overhead. church is about focusing on your faith and nothing else. (not to say i don't often get distracted by my own thoughts!)

going to church isn't to make you a better christian. it is about being with other christians. it is about finding support in others who have faith like you and who will remind you of your faith when you are down or help you celebrate your faith when you are up.

church is where you find out ways you can help others and where you can find other people who want to do the same. church is where you can find groups of people who want to do good in similar ways as you do. church is where you find fellowship with others who share your can-do, do-good attitude.

would it be a good idea to take your DD to church? sure. at her age, she will sing christian songs and color on christian coloring sheets. she will hear children's bible stories and will meet other children of families of faith. she will get it into her head from the very start that church is a good place to be and it is the norm and it was what you do.

just my 2 cents.

[babystuffbuff]

Scout,

I hope you don't mind me replying, though I have yet to have a kiddo of my own. Your post really touched me, because this is something I struggle with myself. I will try to be brief. :)

I was raised in the Episcopal church. My parents, especially my mother, were/are very involved in their church. The church I grew up in was very casual - people wore jeans if they wanted to, and toddlers frequently walked up and down the aisle to stretch their legs - and I share your feelings about it being silly (IMHO!) to get dressed up in fancy clothes and go sit in a pew in order to be considered spiritual or Christian.

Fast forward to now. My DH comes from a very Catholic family - dad is a Deacon in the church, DH went to the same Catholic grammar school where his mom still teaches and then on to a Catholic high school. DH and I attend a Catholic church every Sunday because it makes him and my in-laws happy and I honestly don't care enough about where we go to make it an issue. If it were up to me, we would probably only go to church twice a month or so.

I don't know what we will do once we have a child, and I wrestle with this issue. I don't like my parents' church - whenever I go back there I have to have long, involved conversations with their friends who ask a million questions and make me extremely uncomfortable - and I have found the Episcopal church here, which we attended once when they were visiting, to be the same way. I like our large, Catholic church because it is a bit impersonal. I don't need to know the personal history of everyone in the room to feel like I belong. However.....I really don't agree with the church's views on many subjects. So I don't think that I could raise my kids in a Catholic environment and send them to a Sunday school where they would be taught beliefs that I do not share. I have not told any of this to DH - I'm sure that won't be a pretty conversation. :(

Anyway, I think you should definitely check out the Methodist church that your friends attend, if you feel that you want to start going to church again. I agree with the previous poster who said that at a year and a half, your DD is really too little for church to be much more than another place to play. Not that she wouldn't get anything out of it; she would probably like the music if you could get her to sit still for it! But if you are teaching her your own beliefs and values, sharing your belief in God with her, and bringing her to places, like the park, where you feel a spiritual connection, she is growing up in a great environment, and will come to know and love God as you obviously do. :)


Sarah

Auntie to my seven munchkins, and TTC a munchkin of our own :)

[kijip]

Lots of people switch denominations. I don't think it is tacky at all to find a church home that your feel comfortable in. My parents raised me Catholic, they had a falling out with the Catholic church when I was a teenager over some points of doctrine and moved all of us over to the Episcopal church. I hated it and left the church altogether. As is common, after my son was born we felt we wanted to be part of a religious community and I knew that for me it was going to be in the Catholic tradition rather than the Episcopal one. It took awhile, but we finally found a place we love. While I think not going to church is a perfectly acceptable decision to make, I can understand why you might be interested in joining a community. There are not just social benefits but spiritual ones IMO. It can be helpful to have the support and love of the community and to show your child a giving lifestyle as part of a larger community. I like that the church I attend participates in a lot of social justice programs and offers many special services, lectures and prayer sessions. There are ministries in my church for people in all sorts of life situations. Also, there are planned volunteer opportunities to do everything from feed the homeless to garden at retirement homes to raise money for disaster relief. Those are benefits I like having and utilizing. My son gets to see not only my example but the example of hundreds of people. I personally attend church in whatever clean pants I have at the end of the week and a sweater or a coat in the winter (those pews are cooooldddd, shiver) so I don't think you will find that *every* single church is a fashion show/new clothes parade (what a distortion of Christian values to begin with- modesty, humility, sacrifice.) If sounds like you are leaning towards attending church. Do what you think best and run with that- try the Methodist church you have in mind and see how it goes. If you don't like it, you can stop. certainly church attendance is not every person's need.

[klwa]

Scout, I know you've gotten some great answers on here, so I just thought I'd add a bit. I'm Methodist & we're raising our DS in the church. DH grew up Baptist and easily switched denominations. Yes, there are some differences in the "extra" beliefs, but the core is still the same. Methodists are a little more, well, methodical than most Baptist churches. Go for a month and see if you like the feel of it. See if you can get involved with an outreach committee within the church since you seem to see your gifts as being more active. I know our church, as small as it is, does a lot of work out in the community. And if the Methodist church isn't for you, I definately believe you should start talking to DD about your beliefs and why they're important to you. Have a daily or weekly "devotion" time.

Oh, and as PP said, DD may end up going to nursery during service at this point, depending on the size of the church. However, at this age, many churches have a devotional for the children during this time, so she wouldn't necessarily JUST be running around playing during that time. There will probably be some time spent on kiddy scripture & maybe on singing Bible songs.
-Kris

[caffeinedreams]

Liza, thank you for your thoughtful post. I have been feeling a bit negative about church for a few months due to some inner-church difficulties, and your words reminded me of why I go and what it is all about, which I really needed.

[gatorsmom]

We're Catholic too, and have moved a lot in recent years so had an opportunity to try different Catholic parishes. We've been surprised at what we've found. Different churches offer vastly different amounts and types of programs. Some offer, like you've found, almost none at all. But we've found them all to be different.

Anyway, the parish we've been attending now, had very few programs so my husband and I started one. It was easy to do (I have 2 toddlers so have little time for this) and has drawn a lot of people looking for the same things we were. We really enjoy it.

My friend from church, Wendy, complained about not having many friends when she moved here so she started the mom's group at our church. We get together every other Wednesday morning for different activities, arrange for childcare and now get lots of SAHMs who would like to make friend/socialize. I've made a lot of friends from that group and I complained of the same thing you did a few years ago. Sometimes you just have to make that first step and you'll find that others are willing to pitch in some help....


Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[surpriseimamom]

We are athiests and have decided not to bring up the issues until our DD asks about it. We feel you can lead a moral life without giving to support the latest building project etc. or some minister's new car.

I was raised Presby and my DH an Epsicopalian. Now as adults we feel it is very important not to have a belief system shoved down our DD's throat until she can understand.

[crayonblue]

Scout,

DH and I go to an interdenominational church and love it! For us, it's the perfect fit. DH was raised Northern Baptist and I grew up in a Bible church. The church we now attend focuses on the Bible and having a relationship with Jesus. I wear jeans to church most Sundays. I've seen men in 3 piece suits and people in shorts so no dress code here! Our church focuses on recovery and outreach. DH went to Peru couple of years ago with our church to work in orphanages (which is why we now have a beautiful Guatemalan daughter!). I absolutely believe you are right about doing something productive for others. I think in America we have majorly lost that and so much focus on ourselves (church and everywhere else).

Our church is huge (about 6,000) and has over 100 different nationalities represented. I love all the programs available and that my 3 year old can't wait till Sunday so she can go to church. I also love that she will ask if we can pray for someone that she has heard is sick or needs help. We reinforce praying for others at home but she also hears about it in Sunday School which helps. I so much want my kids to grow up outwardly focuses rather than focused on themselves.

I hope you can find a great fit!

[katiesmommy]

Okay, I'm going to try to explain the best I can, tell me if you need any claification.

The church that I go to, it's all about bible study. It's not random sermons on something and you are jumping all over the bible to see what it says about x. We study, in church, verse by verse, what these verses are trying to teach us. I really prefer this method. Part of church is social, but it shouldn't be about what you are wearing and being like the person sitting next to you because he's the best christian you know. Being a Christian is about being Christ-like, not being like another Christian. And being Christ-like is suppossed to be lasting all week long. Anywhere you go, you are going to have people that are sunday christians. It's not strange to want to do good things. At the church I was raised at we would volenteer at soup kitchens. The church I was at before I moved here goes on huge mission trips to Peru to help out down there, they recently went on a mission to Louisiana to help with clean up.

At your DD's age, church would be strictly social. Most churchs have classes geared toward certain age groups, her age group would likly do art projects and listen to stories and music. If you are more comfortable going to a church that your friends go to, then go there. You may find that you love it, or you may find that it doesn't work for you, but it's somewhere to start anyway. To me, denmination doesn't matter, so long as the church you are going to is teaching the bible and not being completely blasphemis. Not all churchs are equal, some are just really bad, but most are pretty good. But you get that with any denomination as well. I really HTH. If you have any questions, please, feel free to pm me.

BTW, I was raised Church of Christ, but switched to Calvary Chapel around age 16.

[crayonblue]

Well said.

"The church I was at before I moved here goes on huge mission trips to Peru to help out down there, they recently went on a mission to Louisiana to help with clean up."

I'm sure tons of churches do this but your former church didn't happen to be in Maryland, did it?

[LucyG]

>would it be a good idea to take your DD to church? sure. at
>her age, she will sing christian songs and color on christian
>coloring sheets. she will hear children's bible stories and
>will meet other children of families of faith. she will get it
>into her head from the very start that church is a good place
>to be and it is the norm and it was what you do.
>
>just my 2 cents.


I agree wholeheartedly with Liza's statement. I believe that children are never too young to begin to form positive associations, whether that be with church or anything else. Babies and toddlers can absolutely learn that church is a fun, loving and positive place to go, even if they are not learning formal "religion." If you want church to be important in her life, I don't think you can expose her to it too early. We learn about the love of God through the love that we, as people, share with each other. Children pick up on that message!

DD #1 (2/03)
DD #2 (3/06)

[KBecks]

Well, what's the worst that can happen if people pray for you? I understand that you're reluctant to talk about it, but it sounds like people would be more than happy to tell you about their church experiences. Maybe too enthusiastic though, I get that.

I don't think denomniation matters, and you could/should visit the church you're considering to see if it feels like it fits right.

I was brought up w/o church or religion and started attending as an adult. I felt I did OK growing up, but I do feel like I missed out a little bit.

I think you do not need to ever attend church to lead a moral life.

I also have mixed feelings about "indoctrinating" my kids at a young age. Right now they're kind of young to behave in church, so we don't take them, but we will have it as part of our family routine, more for us though than for the kids, because we find benefit in it. So, the boys will see us attending and benefiting, and then they can work out for themselves whether they find value in church.

Sorry, this may not help much, but it's why we go and my laid-back approach on how the kids will do. I feel kind of reluctant about bible schools, etc. too... we'll probably do the minimum to get the boys through their first communion, etc. (we're Catholic). I may not even push confirmation on them, but will encourage it and let them work it out.

[KBecks]

oops, duplicate post

[KBecks]

Just wanted to say good going, Lisa!

[katiesmommy]

Um, no. My former church was in Central California.

[scout123]

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate all of your thoughts and advice. I have decided to try the Methodist church and see how it goes. My friends who attend the church have children around my DD age, so I think she would enjoy playing with the other children if nothing else. I visited the church this afternoon and saw lots of flyers about service in the community which made me feel good. Thanks again!
Scout

[MommyAllison]

>>The church that I go to, it's all about bible study. It's not random sermons on something and you are jumping all over the bible to see what it says about x. We study, in church, verse by verse<<

As soon as I read that, I thought "I bet she goes to Calvary Chapel" :) we do too!

My DH is a worship leader at our church (which is his full time job), so obviously I am biased. We are raising our DD in our Christian home, and teaching her what we believe. We do not presume to think that we can make the decision for her as to whether or not she is a Christian - that is up to her when she is old enough to decide. I don't think that teaching your children about your faith is a negative thing - if DH and I don't teach her, someone, someday will come along and do it for us. :) I'd rather have a head start when that day comes!

I agree that the most important thing is to find a church that teaches the Bible. I hope you find one that your family loves!

Allison
Mama to DD 11/05

[kijip]

To me, denmination doesn't matter,
>so long as the church you are going to is teaching the bible
>and not being completely blasphemis. Not all churchs are
>equal, some are just really bad, but most are pretty good.
>But you get that with any denomination as well.

But one person's blasphemy is another's devoted faith believed out of legitimate and deeply held beliefs. And vice-versa. For example, I personally find "random" sermons to be the motivation to make my ordinary life as giving and extrodinary as possible and would likely walk out of a line by line bible study to go sort my laundry :P. But I totally understand why someone would feel the reverse. Generally speaking, I hope that people can move past denominational differences but I still see so much of it. Heck, people still go so far as to say that whole denominations are not really Christian. For me it boils down to this: there are denominations and specific churches where I do not believe in their basic teachings but that does not make them "bad". I don't believe that it is in my power to evaluate or condemn another's faith. I am pretty sure Christians agree there is a higher authority on the subject than anyone on earth. ;)

[newmomto3kids]

Now as adults
>we feel it is very important not to have a belief system
>shoved down our DD's throat until she can understand.

How are your views any less a belief system than someone who believes in God?
So, you are just "raising your kids" and I am "shoving a belief system down their throats"?
If you don't believe in God, that is a belief system too.
Leading a moral life is a belief system. Believing that donating to church goes to fund a ministers new car is a belief system. Treating others with kindness is a belief system.
We all have belief systems that we use to raise our children. Just because you don't believe in God, don't assume you are free from influencing your children's world view.
I may be "shoving a belief system" down my children's throats, but I feel fairly confident that I am not alone in that.

[newmomto3kids]

I have always been of the belief that if you
>believed in God and lived a moral life than you were a
>Christian.

Great post, just wanted to point out that there are a lot of very good people who believe in God and live moral lives that are not Christian. They may be Jewish, Hindu, Muslim or some other religion.
Christian only means those that believe in Jesus Christ as the son of God.
Not ripping on you, I am Catholic myself, just wanted to make sure you didn't inadvertently upset anyone.
Good luck!

[purpleeyes]

There are some good ideas so far! I wanted to add that there are ways to get your child 'involved' in religion/spirituality w/out a church, until you find one you are happy with. Praying grace at meals, or prayers before bedtime, reading some little 'bible' stories for kids to them, talking about how God made us, God made the world, the beautiful things outside, etc. Assuming you are comfortable with those ideas, bible stories, etc, it may be a nice way to incorporate spirituality into your lives at DC's level w/out all the stress of going to church, dealing with a nursury's, etc.

FWIW, I'm a *liberal* Catholic and DS will be attending Catholic school starting next year. We do all the things I mentioned b/c I think it is a nice way to get them thinking about God, spirituality, etc.


Beth

[coachkath]

I haven't read replies yet, b/c there are so many and I'd like to reply before I go and absorb what everyone has to say. I'm going through something very similiar...But this is a quick thought, not a resolution to your situation. I just bought Sue Monk Kidd's autobiographical book about leaving her Baptist faith...darn, for some reason the name of the book escapes me now - and I don't want to go find out b/c that means possibly waking up DD. I always have a ton of books I read at once, and I started this about a month ago, got about 1/2 way through it, and have put it down for a bit. (Now I'm into "Motherless Mothers")
I have heard of Sue Monk Kidd, but I guess she was a spiritual writer, who's books centered around her Baptist Faith - and then she came to the realization that it wasn't for her. You may find it interesting - especially since you have Daughter. (She comes to a female centered faith)
Peace,
Kath

[coachkath]

Still trying to get through replies, but since DD is sleeping I had to get the shower in first. Boy, do I appreciate modern plumbing and hot water and DD's naps!
Book name: Dance of the Dissadent Daughter

I had an idea while in the shower - best ideas come while driving and while in the shower - imagine what I could think up if I could drive and shower at the same time! I have these awesome chic friends/group for 10 years and....let's skip that part and keep this short:

I would LOVE to have my own "church". Not something where it's a pastor/congregation thing. Just somewhere where we can discuss God, books we read on spirituality, religion, what works, what doesn't. How to raise our kids with a faith, without all that Guilt/Who has new clothes at church/be good in church but do what you want outside of the mass, etc. I created a Mom's Group online and that's working pretty well (meetup.com), maybe I should try to start a spirituality group - there seems to be more people like us, even regular church goers (FYI-my B/SIL are only going to church to instill values for their boys, but are not really believers - but are searchers way beyond what their church offers), these days, who are searching and just want to connect with other searchers. Hold it outside in nature, talk while snowshoeing, around a campfire...I don't know. Something to consider.
Kath
Wife of the Son of a Preacher Man

[coachkath]

I really liked how you replied to this. I try to respect the beliefs of atheists but something is always nagging at me...and your response really helps me see that everyone has a belief system, even if their beliefs are no beliefs.

If you saw my earlier posts, I had replied before I got to read everyones replies to the OP. I am also struggling. DH was adopted by Episcopalian Priest and his wife and his was not a charming upbringing (although better than if he had stayed with bio mom). He struggles too. He says he doesn't think about God and 20 plus years after leaving home still is in his rebellion against dad and the church. However, he would like to bring up DD with some sort of background and so far we've married and had DD babtized in Epis church (by FIL), although I was brought up Catholic. I turned away from Catholicism and think of Epis as Catholic-Lite. Neither one does much for me. But, what do I do for DD? I'd like to look into churches, but am now working on Sundays so I can't even explore. Nothing I've ever experienced in Church has made me feel connected to God. I have been connected to God, just not via a sermon. But I like someone's post about talking and reading about God to your child. I plan on doing that. I want something more solid for her. I mean, even though DH has rebelled, somewhere inside is a person who has that rock to lean against, that background to turn to if he ever needs/wants to.
Until then, I'll keep reading my spiritual books and searching.
"When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Will Appear"
Kathy

[elephantmeg]

I read a few responses last night but haven't read the rest. For me I was raised Presbyterian (really, really Presb-4th generation on both sides and parents and both sets of grandparents were missionaries and pastors). I got used to a more lively form of worship when we were in Jamaica (5 years as a teenager) and couldn't get back into being a Presyterian so to make a long story short I go/belong to an Assemblies of God Church. What I love about having a church: church family, Robert's interaction with them (even in the nursery, which I'm in charge of and work at least once a month), a place to learn and grown in my faith, the ability to learn from other moms who are struggling to make their faith relevant to parenting and most of all a place to worship and work on my relationship with God.

I would absolutely start with the church you know people at and either stay there if you love it or keep visiting around and find a church that fills your needs. But know that at some point church politics get crazy at every church. Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for!

[katiesmommy]

No, by blashemis I meant churches that literally throw the bible out the window. I don't want to name names, but I visited a church once that did just that. I was on a "Plunge" when I was 15, with my friend/algebra teacher/FCA leader. They took us to this church to show us that not all churches teach the bible. That is actually the church that I was refering to in my post. I also didn't mean that "random" sermons aren't still great. Just that they didn't work for me. It works better for me to learn verse by verse. Some people, lots of people, can work perfectly through a "random" sermon. I personally can't.

Edited to add:
Also, what I meant by bad versus good church, to me a good church is one that works for you, where you are learning, not just going for the sake of going.

[katiesmommy]

I totally agree. With all of it. Ultimatly, my DD is going to have to make that choice for herself, we have to give her the tools to be able to make such a desicion.