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Lynnie
03-15-2007, 07:30 AM
Saw this in the washington post, and thought it was interesting. This is in no way to say anything bad about not working and being able to stay at home with the kids - I just happen to be a WOHM who often feels guilty about working full time, so I found it to be interesting, and it made me think of the post a week or so back about a mama feeling ambivalent about having a second child because she would to go back to work and not stay home.

I don't know that I would disagree with the "neotraditionalist rabblerouser" who said that when both parents work, something is lost, because I think it often is. But, I think my kids are still having a good childhood, and its nice to read that in at least this "study" kids of working parents didn't feel like they had had a bad childhood.

In Defense of the Dual-Earner Household
By Rebeldad Brian Reid

One of the great myths of the work-life balancing discussion is that (as neotraditionalist rabblerouser Caitlin Flanagan once put it) "when a mother [or father] works, something is lost." The idea that kids with two working parents are somehow getting shafted is plausible enough to fuel an avalanche of books of the glories of at-home parenthood, but the actual data on this point is always pretty meager.

That's why I was excited to read through this essay from the American Prospect's incredibly exhaustive series of essays on work-family balance (titled "Mother Load," but thankfully cognizant of fathers). In it, author Kathleen Gerson talks to a number of young adults about their perceptions of family, starting with their impressions of their own upbringings. And here, she drops a bombshell of sorts:

Those who grew up in dual-earner homes were least ambivalent about their parents' arrangements. More than three-fourths thought their parents had chosen the best option. Having two work-committed parents not only provided increased economic resources for the family but also promoted marriages that seemed more egalitarian and satisfying.
And while Gerson notes that "working long hours or coping with blocked opportunities and family-unfriendly workplaces took their toll," it seems pretty clear the kids from households with two working parents were more impressed with that arrangement than those who grew up in a more traditional setting.

There are always snide commenters who like to trot out the old saw that if you have kids you should forgot about balance, quit your job, and be an at-home parent. Gerson's research serves as a welcome rejoinder to those views.

On the flip side, the essay shouldn't be taken as "proof" that all at-home parents should immediately get their suits dry-cleaned and their resumes updated. Every family has a different dynamic, and there is no one-size-fits-all family arrangement. Indeed, that should be the point: You can predict very little about the future happiness of a kid who goes to daycare or stays home with dad (or mom) or gets taken care of by grammy or a nanny.

Gerson's ultimate conclusions are also great food for thought -- and I'm sure I'll get back to them in a few weeks.

Brian Reid writes about parenting and work-family balance. You can read his blog at rebeldad.com.

masha12
03-15-2007, 09:52 AM
I agree that with both parents work "something is lost" but exactly what is lost varies by family and the thing "lost" might be something worth losing -- i.e. the possibility of mom losing her sanity or the possibility of the family losing their home.

I have friends who spent their childhood in daycare and they turned out excellent. It is a matter of children being cared for by people who love them and will do what is best for them. If that is in daycare, there is nothing wrong with that.

Staying at home works for me and if a woman wanted to be home with her children, I'd support her efforts to do that. But, I don't believe every woman should stay at home or that there is anything wrong for a woman to want to continue to work after having children.

maestramommy
03-15-2007, 02:35 PM
The idea of Caitlin Flanagan being called a neotraditionalist rabblerouser makes me chuckle. Anyone see her article in the Atlantic Monthly a few years back? I THINK it was "The Nanny Wars." Anyhow, saying "something is lost" is rather disingenuous, because I think that can apply whether or not one parent decides to stay at home. You can work and "lose" some time with your child, or you can stay at home and "lose" the extra income. And that's only the basic scenario. There are too many pluses and minuses to being wither a WOHP or SAHP that in the end it comes down to the losses you can live with in order to achieve gains most needed by the family. I guess that's the point of the last paragraph.