UPDATE: It was a scam!

[LarsMal]

It turns out this guy was pulling a scam. Apparently he was going to houses posing as a local college student trying to get money for an trip overseas. It was even on the local news last night! I guess it was him and another guy, but he was alone the day he came to our door. The news didn't say if they caught them or anything, just that the police had received several calls about, and that the story wasn't legit, so don't give them any money.

Funny thing is, this guy did not look young enough to be a college student, and the university he claimed to go to is very expensive. Most students who go there don't need to go door to door begging for money for a trip abroad!

If he wasn't a *criminal* in the sense of rape or robbery, he was still up to no good! At least I know my gut was right.

Thanks to everyone for your responses and advice on what to do in the future- I really appreciate it.

Julie

What would you have done? (Sorry, this got kind of long)


I went to the grocery store almost 2 hours ago. When I was driving there I noticed this guy (maybe early 20's) walking out on the main road of our neighborhood (he was about 2 blocks from our house). Don't really know why I paid attention to him, people walk and exercise on the sidewalk all day long. Something about him made me do a double take though.

Fast forward to about 15 minutes ago...DS's play room is on the 2nd floor, in a loft space. There are 3 big windows that look out front, and I was just sitting at the computer and happened to look outside. I see the SAME guy that was out on the sidewalk 2 hours ago coming up my driveway (my car is not in the garage right now). He came to the door and rang the bell. I did not answer the door, and luckily the dog started going nuts. Poor DS, though, I pulled him away and basically shut him in my bedroom b/c I didn't want him going to the gate at the top of the stairs (the guy would've seen him) or going to one of the windows. DS was crying in the bedroom and I was freaking out. The guy finally left my front door and then went to my next-door neighbors (her car is also out front right now). After a few minutes of not seeing him, I just saw him heading back up the street. I don't know why I freaked out, but I am literally shaking right now. Maybe it's a gut reaction and there is a reason, or maybe I'm just a total neurotic freak! I wish I had my neighbor's number to call and see if she answered the door.

Would you have answered the door? Am I being completely ridiculous? I usually don't answer the door if I'm not expecting someone or don't recognize them (and I'm home alone).

Time to relax!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Um, it just sounds like a door to door salesman. You may want to buy a "no solicitation" sign to hang near your door to avoid this again.

That said, I have pretended not to be home when a stranger comes knocking if I get a weird feeling in my gut. I too need to buy that sign. The times that I haven't answered the door there has been a flier left behind for some service.

Beth

[LarsMal]

hmmm...my reply got lost somewhere in CyberWorld.

The guy is definitely NOT a salesman. He is wearing baggy jeans, a hooded baggy sweatshirt, and walking around kind of hunched over.

I called a neighbor up the street. He had gone to her house, too, then she watched him ring a couple more bells and wander down another cul-de-sac. She called the non-emergency # and the police are coming out to see what his deal is.

Yikes!

[kristine_elen]

I would not have answered the door.

[madelinesmom]

No I would not have answered the door and I am just guessing but he might be trying to do yard work. We have alot of this in our neighborhood. People come up and want to give us estimates on yard work or trying to do odd jobs, painting, washing cars, etc... Just a guess...

Jane
Madeline 1/20/03
Emily 11/29/05
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[sidmand]

I also tend not to answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone or don't recognize them. There may have been nothing to worry about, but better safe than sorry. You may be neurotic, but if it doesn't feel right, there's no reason not to be neurotic!

Debbie
http://b2.lilypie.com/BI7Tm5.png

[Wife_and_mommy]

The way you described the scenario gave me gut response so I definitely wouldn't have answered the door. I've had that happen several times. You were very wise to listen to yourself.

On a related note, the author Gavin DeBecker has written a couple of really good books about following your instincts and teaching your children to. Highly recommend him.


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I love them most when they are sleeping.--Me
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[SummerBaby]

I never answer the door for strangers if I'm home alone, so I don't think you're neurotic at all. Also, if you're at all concerned, I would contact your local police department and have them come out and see what this guy is up to. We've had instances in our area where people pose as salesmen for the purpose of casing houses to see who is home, and what's inside. You just never know these days.

Val
DD 2.5 years old
another summer baby coming in 2007!

[Fairy]

Sometimes our guts know things our heads do not. Alerting the police that a suspicious person is loitering in the neighborhood is a good call. Let us know if there's an update . . .

[Jenn98]

Nope. I watch way too much of that crime drama stuff on A&E and the Discovery channel to open the door for anyone I don't know!

[egoldber]

Well, I wouldn't have opened the door, but mainly because I hate telling people I don't want whatever service/product they are trying to hawk. I doubt that someone looking to do harm would knock on every door in a neighborhood, KWIM? Thats very conspicuous and they'd be more likely to stalk one house in particular. (If that makes you feel any better LOL!) It was probably someone wanting to do yard work, clean windows, haul junk, etc.

Someone rang my doorbell the other day. I was expecting someone else and just ran to the door and opened it and it was some guy driving around neighborhoods looking for cars with dents because he does body work on cars. (I was parked in the driveway. My van and I had an unfortunate encounter with a parking garage awhile ago....) I found it hard to believe that someone could garner enough business that way to make it worthwhile, but I guess it must work for them.

[jenjenfirenjen]

No you are not a freak. I am strong believer in trusting your gut instinct. If you got a bad feeling, I think there is a reason why. And personally, I never answer the door to a stranger when I'm home alone.

Have you read "The Gift of Fear?" It's all about staying safe by listening to that little voice inside your head that says something is not right.

[mommy111]

He was prob OK and just soliciting yard-work, like some PPs said, but my philosophy on this is, better neurotic safe than sorry hurt. You did just right. Treat yourself and DS to some chocolate now :) Everyone needs chocolate after a scare.

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

Now, I know I am neurotic and I would have done the exact same thing you did. I never open the door if I am home alone and not expecting anyone. I also tend to make something I find suspicious into the worst possible scenerio. Of course, 9 times out of 10 I am completely off-base, but maybe my craziness will be a good thing one time and I will be a little safer.

Either way, remember that in reality, it's probably something innocent, but always always trust your instincts!

<HUGS> mama, I totally understand where you are coming from here.

[firsttimemommy]

Ditto. I never answer the door when I'm home alone with the kids.

I'll take "neurotic freak" any day in order to protect myself and the kids. You did the right thing!! I'm glad they called the cops too.

Ronda
Proud Mommy to 2 adorable munchkins - 1/03 and 4/04

"If you could eliminate all defensiveness from your personality, you would not only have the best relationships in town, but in fact, you'd become the most loving and adorable person on the planet

[stella]

I doubt it was innocent. Even if he was looking to do yard work, there are a lot of criminals who use that as a means to get you to open the door.

I think you did EXACTLY the right thing.

[jgriffin]

Absolutely NOT neurotic. Even if the guy had perfectly innocent intentions (and who knows if he did), you aren't required to answer the door every time someone knocks. I wouldn't have, and your neighbor was great to call the police!

Like all the PPs said, I don't answer the door when I'm home alone unless I'm expecting someone (or I see the UPS truck outside). Partly it's fear and partly it's because I hate saying no to solicitors. I figure better safe than sorry.

[hudsonam]

I would have done the same exact thing!

[tarabenet]

I would guess he was a very bad salesman. Like one of those kids selling magazine subscriptions to win a trip or something. But I wasn't there, was I? You were, and something about him bothered you. So refusing to answer the door, and then reporting him as suspicious were the perfect things to do!

When I get the feeling something is "off" about a door-to-door type (if I have answered the door), I will duck back into my house and grab my camera. I'll take a picture as he/she heads to a neighbor's house. I *want* to be seen doing it! I figure if they clear out in a hurry, they were up to no good. And if they were casing the neighborhood, we have a picture of a suspect if a neighbor gets robbed.

[s7714]

I never open the door unless I'm expecting someone. I don't think you were wrong at all in pretending to not be home. I think it was a good call watching him as well, because who knows if he was looking around for a place to try to break into or something.

Jennifer
Mommy to
Miss Pure Energy 3/03
Miss Limit Tester 6/05

Our bones may be brittle, but our spirit is unbreakable.
Osteogenesis Imperfecta www.oif.org

[SnuggleBuggles]

The one guy that I have hesitated before on based on appearance (similair to your desciption in a way) was just a handyman. So, maybe not a high end sales' person. Maybe he was offering to clean gutters or something- something he doesn't need to wear nice clothes for. kwim? Glad someone called though for peace of mind.

Beth

[KBecks]

It is fine to not answer the door. It sounds like you were freaking out though. I would assume he's selling something. Did he have a bag or anything?

Anyway, sorry it scared you so. Hope you're doing better now!

[robinsonbn]

OMG it would have scared me to. Could have been a Jehovis Witness, or Morman though they usually travel in pairs. ALot of college kids will sell magazines ect. door to door. SO it could have been that. I would not have answered the door either you can never be to careful in this day and age...(wow i sound like my mother :) ) anyway, I hate even having the windows upen when I am home with DS alone. No worries you aren't being over dramatic I would be the same way.

[randomkid]

I would not have answered the door and I would have called the police. Sounds creepy to me - you did the right thing! I replied to a spinoff from this and mentioned a home invasion that occurred in our neighborhood a while back. About 2 or 3 days before that happened, my Mom was here watching DD. Some guy came to the door and she didn't answer. She talked to him through the door and he was acting odd. She just told him to go away. Talking with the neighbors, I found out that he had gone to several homes, but most didn't answer the door. The home invasion happened at a house where they did answer the door. Coincidence? Maybe, but he could have been getting a feel for who might be an easy victim.

I always say go with your instincts. I would be shaking, too (but I tend to be a little neurotic as well - lol!). I just think it's better to err on the side of caution. Smart move, Mama.

[maddyzmommy]

We had a police officer come out to speak to our neighborhood association about this. He said to NEVER open the door to someone you do not know but not to ever pretend you're not home, either. Go to the door and confidently shout, "No, I've got it Honey!" and then loudly say, "Who is it?" through the door. That throws off people who shouldn't be there and if they stammer - or even if they don't - say you're not interested or ask that they leave a business card under the mat. We had a guy in our neighborhood who, by my friends' accounts, was really well-dressed and handsome coming around to our doors pretending to be a new neighbor who needs to get his car jumped to get his wife from the airport. Very elaborate story, nice acting guy giving another friend's address as HIS OWN. My only friend who opened the door to him rather than talking through it said that when her husband came up behind her after she'd talked to the fellow for several minutes he just started backing down her walkway, saying he didn't need help after all and that he'd figure it out. He hurried the opposite direction of his "house" and when they called police, they'd had three other ladies call about him just that day! Two days later he did the SAME thing at my friend's best friend's house a mile away! Police are still looking for him. If you hide, the police say the guys might come around back and try to break in. So always let them know that someone is home and always imply you're not alone. I second the Gift of Fear thing. Loved that book. And Protecting the Gift was great, too. Keep those doors closed, ladies!

Andi

[R2sweetboys]

I probably wouldn't answer the door if my DH wasn't home. I think that was a good call. I'm not sure that I agree with PPs advice to call the police though. Seeing as he was going door to door, he likely was trying to sell something. I realize he *could* be a criminal, but he could very well be a law-abiding citizen trying to peddle something. I don't know, I guess I see calling the police when he was doing nothing wrong seems well, wrong to me. No, I don't think you're a neurotic freak for not answering the door. :) I'm not sure that I understand the freaking out part though. I'm not trying to sound mean at all. It just seems like a strong reaction to someone harmlessly(yes, I know anyone COULD mean harm) knocking at the door. I'm glad everything turned out fine though.

~Leslie

SAHM to...
Ryan 8/14/00
Matthew 2/14/03

[klwa]

I'm another one who doesn't answer the door if noone else is home unless I know the person. And I know some people have even seen me in the house when I refused to answer the door. I felt a little guilty then, but I live back from the road where no one can see our house. Heck no I'm not answering the door for a stranger.
-Kris

[LarsMal]

Don't worry- not mean at all! I don't know why I freaked out. I have never had a reaction like that before. It was just one of those really weird gut reactions- kwim? There have been plenty of times I've seen people come to the door, not answered, and not thought twice about. Something about this guy just wasn't right, and the fact that I had seen him hours before, walking out on the main road, made me very worried. He didn't have anything in his hands (that he might have been selling), and he just looked very suspicious. He was only going to the houses that had cars in the driveway (kind of weird, I think). You would think if he was really selling something he'd try all of the houses, not just the ones that had cars outside. Also, the direction he was walking from has shopping centers about a 1/2 mile up the road, so if he was in need of a phone or something like that, he could've walked up to the stores or gas station.

Never did hear if anything came of it. I called the police station, but all they could tell me was that an officer responded to the house that actually made the phone call (which wasn't me). I'd feel really bad if he was just some guy trying to make a sale, but I honestly don't believe that was the case.

Oh well! Hopefully he doesn't come around again!

[DrSally]

I would not have opened to door for a strange man who had been wandering the neighborhood for 2 hours. Did he look disoriented or mentally ill? Have you had a chance to pop over and ask you neighbor about it. I'd be curious to know what her take on it was. I think you did the right thing.

[karolyp]

This is great advice and I just wanted to thank you for sharing it with us.

Today on our local news (and in the same area that I live) they had a crime investigation story/warning about some guys who are going around and knocking on doors to see if anyone's home. If no one answers then they'll break in and rob the place. I shudder to think what could happen if these people came to rob your place, knocked on the door first, got no answer, broke in, and found you and your DC....

[daniele_ut]

>OMG it would have scared me to. Could have been a Jehovis
>Witness, or Morman though they usually travel in pairs.

I wouldn't have answered the door either for a strange man while home alone, but I just wanted to share that I am LDS (Mormon) and missionaries from our church will ALWAYS be in pairs, either 2 young men or 2 young women, ages 19-21. The boys always wear white shirts and ties and the s all wear dresses. All of them wear name tags identifying them as missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

[DrSally]

I was going to say the same. I have a friend who is Mormon and they always come in pairs and are very well dressed. Does not sound like the guy you described.

[DrSally]

"I realize he *could* be a criminal, but he could very well be a law-abiding citizen"

I think the calling the police doesn't necessarily mean that they wanted him arrested, just to check the situation out. If they guy was doing nothing wrong, then he wouldn't get in trouble. I saw a dateline show where they purposely set up situations where people were dressed as workers, but were taking stuff from the person's house. Then, they showed neighbors watching but doing nothing. This is not the same situation, b/c we don't know if this guy was doing anything wrong, but at the same time, there was a certain level of suspicion. Why not just have it checked out? I don't see that as "wrong", but being extra cautious. As for the freaking out, I think one never knows unless you are in the situation, what the feeling was, what "vibe" the person was giving, etc. He could have been very creepy, and if I had a creepy guy who I had seen wandering around the neighborhood at my door, I would prob be a little panicky too.

[supercalifragilous]

I don't open my door to strangers either. I think that's a great idea that PP posted about saying "I"ve got it, honey!" to imply that you're not home alone. That said, DD would probably in front of me @ the door saying "But Daddy's not home, Mommy!" <sigh>

DH actually posted a No Solicitors sign on the front door - REALLY tacky, but he works nights and was getting sick & tired of getting woken up during the day by salesmen. Since then, we haven't had ANY salespeople come over, not even missionaries!

We do still come home to business cards & flyers stuck on our door sometimes - which brings me to my point - if the guy was a door-to-door salesman (a smart one), wouldn't he have left at least a business card/flyer of some sort?

[KBecks]

This is exactly what happened to a very good friend of mine. The man backed his car into their driveway (so he could load it with their stuff), then knocked on the door, then pounded on the door, then started kicking the door in.

My friend doesn't answer the door for anyone unless she is expecting guests. She was with her kids and on the phone with 911... the person got the door open, heard her and took off.

[ShanaMama]

What a unique & interesting idea! I think you have the coolest insights, BTW.
Just to add an option that hasn't been thrown out there, could he have been interested in buying a house / renting on your street for some reason? Around here people go door to door asking if you'd sell your house to them. From his description, he doesn't sound that way... but maybe that's why he only went to ppl who looked 'home'. Why knock on someone's door if there's no car in the driveway? They're probably not home anyway.
To the OP- I think you're freaked about the way you grabbed your DS & hid in your bedroom, which you feel was neurotic. Everyone here agreed that sometimes they don't open the door. But I still think you did the right thing. LISTEN to your instincts! G-d gave us that gut feeling for a reason, ykwim?

[tarabenet]

Our town requires permits for door-to-door sales. It doesn't affect the Scouts, etc., but it gives citizens a reason to call 9-1-1 without guilt over something like this. And the police have an easy, very valid case for stopping anyone going door-to-door. I've seen them use it several times. Maybe we should all check into such ordinances in our areas?

[gina]

Well, sometimes you can't even trust the legit ones. My teenager's best friend almost was raped over christmas break. She was at home with a friend over (they were alone). A delivery man came to the door leaving a package for their neighbors who were not home. (apparently, this really was a legit package). He left, but waited around and when the friends parents picked up the friend, he came back to the house and started banging on the door and busted in. She heard him and called her dad who told her to lock her room door, go out on the roof and call 911. She did and they caught him. When questioned he said he was going to rape her. And this was in a very nice, expensive neighborhood in a good area of town. It happened right after Christmas. She was really lucky he didn't get to her. Could you imagine getting a call like that from your daughter?


Gina

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DD 15 yr Jade
DD 13 mo Olivia