Would you send DC to church-affiliated pvt school if you don't go to church?

[SnuggleBuggles]

The affordability of the Catholic schools in our area makes them very popular even with non- Catholic families. So, it is done. People almost use them like neighborhood schools.

Ds currently goes to a preschool that is religious (and not a religion of either dh or I). Ds loves learning about the religion, culture... It has been great. And the school and the families that go there are wonderful about accepting people of different faiths there- and no one has tried to get us to convert or anything. It's just been a very great, inclusive experience.

Now, I was raised Catholic and dh was wasn't (I think his church would fall under Unitarian). We are both non practicing. We looked at the Catholic school I attended growing up for ds. I couldn't send him there. He would have been the only kid there that wasn't Catholic and the religious overtones were everywhere. All the kids would be doing the sacraments. I did feel like an intruder there.

But, the school we are hoping to send him too is also a Catholic school but it is also a more independent school. Only 40% of the kids there are Catholic. They do some masses during the year and they teach a Christian based religion class. But, they are mindful that kids come there from dif't religious backgrounds and are not pushy. I see it as being a more generic religious schoool. The base is there but it won't be dominant. Does that make sense?

I don't mind if he gets that foundation from school. He knows that we don't go to church. I hope that we will be able to seperate school from home if there are any conflicts of faith. But, I am not expecting any.

Maybe there is a more neutral school like that in your area? If there isn't, just vistit some of the religious schools and see what vibe you get. See if they would be welcome to your family.

Beth

[gatorsmom]

One of the highschools in our area is a Catholic school that happens to be one of the best college prep schools in the metropolitan area. Something like 70% of the students there are NOT Catholic. Obviously, they are basing their decision on the quality of the education at the school.

We will be sending our children to our church's school based on religious reasons, but even if it were for secular reasons, I don't think it's a bad thing for your children to learn about the Bible and I'll tell you why- knowing some of the Bible will help them make an educated, objective opinion about it. There are so many times I would like to know about different religions and how they compare to mine. I went to a Jesuit (Catholic) University and took classes on Judaism and Hinduim, just so I could see what else is out there.

It's easier to be led astray and harder to make an informed decision, if you aren't informed, KWIM?


Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[klwa]

I haven't run into this one personally yet, but I know several people I work with send their children to Christian private schools, including several who are of other faiths. They just explain to the kiddies what they believe and what the people running the school believe and leave it at that. I know they've got a great scholastic program, so I guess the parents feel better sending them there, even with the religious overtones.

[kijip]

My situation is a bit different but it is likely that if my son goes to Catholic school (an option if the public school is not close to decent- still trying to make public school the first choice) that he will go to the one connected with a different parish than ours. We are buying in N. Seattle and the church we attend is in central Seattle. We can't afford central Seattle houses so rather than driving him all the way across town everyday (not feasible with work and college schedules), we would likely opt for the school attached to the church in north Seattle. Ironically, I have a strong distaste for that particular parish in some ways but the school is great so I would feel comfortable sending him to a school in a church that is much different than the one we choose to attend.

[C99]

Yes. I am planning to do this - DS will probably go to a Lutheran-based preschool next year. We are non-practicing Episcopalians; my DH is a lapsed Roman Catholic. I considered sending him to a parochial (Roman Catholic) school, as there are at least 3 in our immediate area and they are much more affordable than other school options. However, although I thought I could send my kids to RC preschool for the tuition break, I just can't - I have too many issues with the RC church. There aren't a lot of (read: any) non-Montessori secular schools in our area, so religious-based education is pretty much my only choice for preschool. I feel OK with this because it is only for a year (after that, he will go to public school), he'll get some instruction about the concepts that are hard for me to explain, and the ECLA and the ECA have a cooperative agreement so they are similar enough that if we ever start going to church regularly, he won't be confused by the way things are done.

[pb&j]

I would only send my child to a church-affiliated school if there was no religious education and it was obviously and openly inclusive of non-believers. I'm not comfortable asking my child to buy in to and comply with religious doctrines that our family doesn't believe in.

-Ry,
mom to Max the one year old
and my girl in heaven

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/37124.gif

[MelissaTC]

We are sending DS to a Catholic school for K next fall. We are Catholic and attend the church affliated with the school which certainly helped us get in. There aren't many Catholic schools here so it is hard to get into them.

DH felt pretty strongly about sending DS to the Catholic school since the both of us attended Catholic elementary and high schools, and he then went to a Catholic college.

I decided to send DS there because our public school system, while good, is undergoing a lot of growing pains. This area is booming and the school system can not meet the overwhelming demands that go along with that. In the end, the Catholic school offered the stability I wanted as well as the guaranteed classroom size, nurturing environment and "extras" (like art, music, pe, recess, etc..) that the public schools are taking away.

DH is way more into the RCC than me for sure. He wants to go to church every Sunday, is an officer in the Knights of Columbus and volunteers a lot of his time there. He is thrilled that DS will be a part of that community. I am just happy that my kid will be in a school that cares about him that also happens to be quite good.

Good luck in making your decision!

[nfowife]

We are Jewish and send DD to a MDO/toddler program at a local church. At her age, there is no religious education at all (they do celebrate the holidays, but are very respectful of our beliefs). In the 3-4 yo classes there is a weekly chapel but you can opt out of it too. I've been very happy with the program and feel like they are very respectful of all beliefs- We aren't the only Jewish family with kids at the school. When DD is in real preschool I will probably send her to the local synagogue preschool (which is a good 25 minute drive from me and one of the reasons why she doesn't attend right now). But for now, as long as they aren't trying to "indoctrinate" us, I don't have a problem with it.

[KBecks]

We are also Catholic commuters. We drive 30 mins to our city parish and are very involved there, but for our sons religious education, we'll look to our suburban parish that is 5 minutes from our house. I just joined the suburban parish as our "2nd" church, so I can start to get to know people and become familiar with their offerings for children and religious ed.

The city and suburban churches are pretty different in "feel", but I've encountered wonderful people in both communities.

It's a bit difficult to divide time between parishes, I started singing in the suburban church recently and I feel a little guilty like I'm taking something away from my "main" church, but I try to look at is that we're adding, and giving more, not taking away.

ETA: We will probably do public schools as a first choice too, but be involved with the local parish for spiritual formation and sacraments.

[MarisaSF]

Ditto.
We looked at Christian, Catholic, and JCC preschools.
We are sending DD to a non-religious school. The school she's going to has a "Peace Corner" and "Values of the Month," etc. Those are more in line with the words we use at home than, for example, "Jesus Time," which was offered at a different school.

[mapg]

My daughter (11) attends a Catholic school. She just says "My dad's a Lutheran, my mom's Presbyterian. She doesn't mention that neither of us are practicing.
MA

[maddyzmommy]

Our daughters go to a lutheran private school and our family is methodist. The little details do not bother me. I want them to be in a good, faith-based school with great academics. I love that they are learning about the Lord and it has enhanced my own faith to see them grow and learn. Something about having children as caused DH and me to grow up in a way. We attend church regularly and the experience of being a part of this school community has only made that more desirable for us.

If you do not feel affiliated with a certain faith, you are not necessarily "non-practicing" and I don't think that those of you who do not attend church should feel weird about pursuing faith-based education for your own kids. If it's a good school, they want your sweet child there no matter where you choose to spend your Sundays. Spirituality is about so much more than just church attendance and it's an ever-evolving process in our lives. I believe that you can experience ebbs and flows and even a late start. My own grandfather chose Christ on his seventieth birthday after years of my grandmother pleading for him to attend church or at least pray with her. He went on to have nineteen awesome years as an elder in that church and he was very happy. There's no timeline.

Andi

[Nooknookmom]

We did and it worked out great. I wasn't raised going to a particular church (Mom was Southern Baptist & Dad was Catholic) & DH is Catholic although he doesn't attend mass, ever.

We sent DD to a Methodist Preschool within walking distance to our home. The only other choices for PS in our area were other church schools or the public *headstart* program (no thanks). So we chose the Methodist school.

The people were SO sweet and accomodating, never pressured us to join the church or anything. She went to Chapel once a week and they sang songs and learned a little bit about the faith (as much as a 2-4 yo can absorb, which wasn't much for her).

It was such a great PS that DD now 11 still likes to stop by and see her old teachers. In fact we still take care of all their painting needs and have made some great friends. ETA: 90% or more of the students were not of that faith as well/or parents didn't attend that particular church.

[Nooknookmom]

We did and it worked out great. I wasn't raised going to a particular church (Mom was Southern Baptist & Dad was Catholic) & DH is Catholic although he doesn't attend mass, ever.

We sent DD to a Methodist Preschool within walking distance to our home. The only other choices for PS in our area were other church schools or the public *headstart* program (no thanks). So we chose the Methodist school.

The people were SO sweet and accomodating, never pressured us to join the church or anything. She went to Chapel once a week and they sang songs and learned a little bit about the faith (as much as a 2-4 yo can absorb, which wasn't much for her).

It was such a great PS that DD now 11 still likes to stop by and see her old teachers. In fact we still take care of all their painting needs and have made some great friends. ETA: 90% or more of the students were not of that faith as well/or parents didn't attend that particular church.

[kijip]

"Jesus Time," which was offered at a different
>school.

ROTFLMAO. But then again, I have issues with teaching toddlers religious doctrine in an organized format.

[kijip]

"Jesus Time," which was offered at a different
>school.

ROTFLMAO. But then again, I have issues with teaching toddlers religious doctrine in an organized format.

[lizamann]

We have a great little Catholic school 1 block away. I love so much about it - the size, the secular curriculum, the LOCATION, how friendly they are whenever I have stopped by, the (relatively) low tuition. BUT I have eliminated it from the list because of the religious part. We are simply not religious, and I would feel weird having her learning all this stuff that we don't believe. I think that many religious schools do a good job with respecting everyone regardless of belief, but I do think this one is seriously Catholic, with Jesus in every classroom, which isn't right for our family.

Interestingly enough, her preschool is called "Resurrection Preschool," and it's in a Lutheran church, LOL. But it doesn't have a religious curriculum, which I thoroughly researched to make sure of, because with a name like that you would really expect it to be religious.

[crayonblue]

"The only other choices for PS in our area were other church schools or the public *headstart* program (no thanks)."

My guess is your child wouldn't have qualified for Headstart anyway (it's income based and also accepts some special needs) but please don't knock this program. It's a fabulous program that helps many children.

[maestramommy]

I'm trying to think of this from a different angle, like would I send my child to a temple or mosque affiliated school. And I would probably say I wouldn't, not if religious instruction was part of the curriculum. It's too different from our faith practice and I wouldn't want my kids to be confused. If there was either no religious instruction or just very general practice, like praying before meals or before the start of the school day, I might, esp. if the academics were something that I really bought into.

[sadie_beth_1124]

I would definitely NOT.

We are lucky to live in a city with two public Montessori schools (K-8). Not sure what we plan for pre-K or high school yet, but DD is only 9 months so we have a bit of time!

[surpriseimamom]

message deleted by Mod

[jd11365]

Double post

[jd11365]

Yep, same here. We are Jewish, but Kayla is at a church-based (Lutheran) preschool. The ONLY 3 y/o preschools in my town are church based. You do not need to be a member, and for me, I've never been pressured by the school. My DH is Lutheran, so I'm chalking it up to allowing her to see what her Daddy believes, in return for being the most wonderful, loving environment. They're also very easy on the religion. As a matter of fact, there isn't even chapel of any kind for her. Of course I do wish there was such a setting in a secular environment, but it's just not available here for 3 y/o. There also isn't a synagogue in my town, let alone a preschool affiliated with one. I'm actually keeping her current school next year, even though she does have the opportunity for public 4 y/o preschool. I'd rather her stay in this nurturing environment than send her to a more academic, standards-driven setting. She will go to public Kindergarten.

[jd11365]

Honestly, I think it's easier for a Christian child to attend a preschool at a Synagogue than for a Jewish child to attend a preschool at a church.

Jews don't deal with the New Testament, but we both share the Old Testament. At a synagogue based preschool, your child would be learning the same bible stories as she would at a church based school. We both believe in the Old Testament, and we both believe in G-d. The only thing missing would be any education based on the New Testament. So there really wouldn't be anything to be confused about, IMO. My child is more likely to be the confused one because she is at a church based preschool learning things from the New Testament...something Jews don't believe in.

Hopefully that made some kind of sense.

[phirey]

Hello surpriseimamom.

I see you're kind of new here. Welcome. Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself. That way the PPs who will be insulted that their beliefs are being put down as 'mythical dogma' know where to aim their ire.

Many community members may share your religious beliefs, but around here we're pretty inclusive and try not to insult each other. The OP simply asked if you'd send your kid to religious based schools. Clearly your answer is 'no.' If you'd like an example of how to phrase your answer better, perhaps you could take some social nicety lessons from someone like rpav8r above...

Now, if you'll be patient, I'm pretty sure my big brother, the third billy goat Gruff, will be along shortly.

[surpriseimamom]

And perhaps you should take your nicety lessons from someone else. If this was so important to you, you should address them privately than publicly.

[LarsMal]

Whoa, highly offensive and inappropriate.

[jenjenfirenjen]

I am not a religious person but I respect those here who are. As such, I would never refer to their beliefs as "mythical dogma." That's quite disrepectful.

This is a wonderful community and there is much support to be found here but if that is to remain the case, we really must try to be sensitive to the different beliefs and practices of everyone here.

[Sillygirl]

edited to remove troll food

[tny915]

In my area, it's common to send children to private schools affiliated with a church, even if you don't go to church. People don't have faith in the public school system around here, and it looks to me like the secular private schools are a lot more expensive and much more exclusive.

DD will probably go to private school, but I'm not sure how I feel about a religious school. Growing up, I went to church every Sunday, but that ended as soon as I moved out of my parent's house. It feels a little hypocritical for me to send her to a religious school and have her go to chapel and study the Bible when we do none of these things at home.

Those of you thinking about private school, is your choice religious or secular, and why?

[Fairy]

Hello, Everyone. This thread began quite thought-provoking, but it's starting to get into a flame-war, and we don't want to have to lock it. I please ask anyone with dissenting opinions on the topics posted here to voice themselves with respect toward other individuals. If there is a baiting post, please try not to reply to it with comensurate anger, because that only gives baiters what they want and will lead to locked posts.

A reminder: Those who purposely bait others will not receive a plethora of warnings before earning themselves a one-way ticket to suspension.

Many thanks
-- Fairy for the Mods.

[stella]

We are Episcopalian, and there is no Episcopal school here. So far, my children have attended MDO at the Catholic church, 2 Presbyterian churches, and are now in preschool/kindergarten at a Methodist preschool. None of these are too heavy on religion, which really suits me.

The private school I want to send my older child to, however, is non-denominational and based on a Charlotte Mason philosophy - lots of art, literature, music, small classes, discussion, time outside...but I do have concerns that many of the families there are active members of a Baptist church that is much more evangelical than what I am accustomed to. I think we are going to try it anyway, but I am apprehensive that the school may entail a little more "Jesus died on the cross for your sins" than we generally talk about at home or at our own church.

Other good schools locally are a Lutheran school and a Catholic school, and I would be comfortable with either of those. We have lots of friends who have attended both, and they have good reputations as well.

[randomkid]

I think you would just have to be educated a bit in what the particular religion believes and how strongly it is integrated into the lessons. DD was attending a daycare that is church affiliated, but the only thing they did in her class (2yo) was a short prayer before snack and meals. At 3, the kids attend chapel once a week. I, personally, like the idea of DD attending a religious based school. However, if the religion is different than my own, I will educate myself first and be sure about what they are teaching. I guess it just depends on how important the lessons are to you.

My stepdaughters attended a religious private school when they were very young that was affiliated with DH's church, not my own. There are some extremists in his religion as there are in all of them, I guess. The teachers were really overstepping their bounds and confusing/upsetting our girls. Things like, there is no Santa and you shouldn't trick or treat on Halloween because it's the devil's birthday - what? Those are decisions that are to be made by parents and, IMO, teachers have no place saying these things to children. Try to explain this to and comfort a 5yo and 7yo who just want to dress up like a princess on Halloween and go sit on Santa's lap for a picture.

Maybe our experience was unusual, but I now know that there are some in his religion that feel this way and are very vocal about it. DD will not be going to that church school, but will likely go to another that has beliefs more similar to our own.