Am I asking for it? Help needed, esp. from Military Spouses

[lmwbasye]

I am a teacher and love my job, but have always wanted to stay at home. We are coming into some money and I finally have the opportunity.

But here's the catch...

I would finish this school year and not return next year. I will have my second child the first week of October. And DH will be deploying for 15 months in January.

Is this insane to consider? Normally, I'd stay at home in a heartbeat with the two children. But I'm worried that being a new SAHM and having a husband deployed for over a year will be too much.

At the same time, I'm thinking that with my husband deployed I should be home more with my older DS as he doesn't see DH that often as it is and struggles with that at 2 1/2.

Then again, working and having two little ones and a husband deployed would be hard too.

The other part is that I won't be attached to a unit at all in this deployment situation....so no FRG, etc. Although I do live in the DC area, so plenty of military installations around.

Am I crazy to consider staying home in this situation?

TIA!

[katiesmommy]

I would think that it would be harder to work and have two kids and have your husband deployed all at the same time. But I don't know either. I keep jumping back and forth. Do you have some family or good friends nearby that would be willing to help you out if needed? I'm sorry, I guess I really don't have much advice, other then trying to join a wives club or some-such. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[lmwbasye]

I forgot to say that my family (parents, sister, brother) are about a 4 hour drive away and the in-laws about 2.5 - 3 hour drive.

Actually, pretty close for military. LOL!

[MissyAg94]

I only have one child but I am a SAHM and DH is deployed right now. It is hard. No two ways about it. I cry (alot), I laugh, I am exhausted. I wouldn't change being a SAHM for anything. But you must find a way to get a break. Whether it be Mom's Day Out at a church or family babysitters or friends or whatever. No one can do this 24/7 without help. Believe me. I have tried and thank God my mom will be here in two weeks b/c I am fully extended at this point. Only you know if you can do it and preserve your sanity or not. I keep us busy with Gymboree and playdates and that helps alot. But I have bad days and those are times when it would be good to have someone watch my DD for a few hours while I decompress.

Good luck making your decision. I can't imagine a 15 month deployment. They have to do something about those long deployments. It is unfair for families!

[megs4413]

not a military wife so i can't speak to that.

but i would imagine as a SAHM of two right now, that it would be a HELLUVA lot harder to be a WOHM without a DH!!!! the loneliness and isolation would likely be more of a problem staying at home while DH was away, but you can do things to combat that (and i think all SAH have to to some degree). if your heart wants to be at home, i think you should do that...cause fighting your heart is always the wrong thing to do. just my opinion....

good luck! and my thanks to your family for serving us all.

[Snugglibumkins]

We are a military family in a very similar situation. I left my job to stay home and our family is 5 time zones away. I regret not having adult time to talk about intellectual things. However, I am using this time to volunteer a few hours a week with our local lactation consultant, and with her help and extensive training I started a breastfeeding support group in the area.

I couldn't handle being 24/7 mom and dad all by myself without giving myself other outlets. I know I need a break and I've asked a couple of neighbors (we swap off) to come by to watch the kids an hour or two a week for some 'me' time.

[denna]

I want to start by saying that what's best for you and your family is really something only you guys can decide....

But my opinion on the situation (I am a Military Spouse) is that it would be much easier and better for the children if you were a SAHM in this situation, IMHO. You said your DS is already struggling at 2 1/2 with not being able to see his daddy, and a 15mo deployment is going to be HUGE for him. With this being said I also want to add that Im a WOHM but my DH has yet to deploy since we have been married and will not before we leave (he is seperating in 6mos). So I have yet to experience this entire situation and our deployments (AF) are only 4mos. So your situation has big differences. Another great thing is that you have family so close (we are 7-9 Time zones away from ours) so that will be a BIG help!

I coudlnt imagine being a WOHM without my DH being here...I know it would be too much for me with my hours and with only one DC.


HTH. Good Luck! And Congrats on the pregnancy!

[VClute]

You need to do whatever will help you maintain your own sanity during deployment - and make for an easier transition for REdeployment. I'm here at Ft. Bragg, and while I'm BLESSED that DH only goes for a few weeks at a time, lots of friends have said goodbye to their husbands for a year or more recently - for the SECOND time. Most agree that the REdeployment is just as difficult, if not more so, than deployment.

Most of my friends don't rely on FRG during deployment. They depend on their church, preschool, MOPS meetings, mothers morning out programs, etc. If you do opt to stay at home, I'd try to get plenty of "alone" time scheduled in advance. I don't know WHAT I would do without Weds mornings mothers morning out. DS needs time away from me, too! Also, plan little trips here and there so that you have little events along the way to look forward to.

If you DO choose to work, don't spend a MINUTE feeling guilty about it. Is it possible to do something part-time, to keep you in the game and give you something that is just for you during this tough time?

Amy in NC
mom to Dixon, born 2/14/05
...and let the shopping begin!

A GIRL (!!) Due 3/30/07

[katiesmommy]

Whole lot closer then mine. We are a 16hr drive away. And soon we'll be moving to Japan, so god only knows how far away that is.

[bunnisa]

I would think that more time with Mommy would be very helpful when Daddy is away. They're going to feel unsettled and needy and you being there would be a huge reassurance to them.

My SIL is going through this right now, as a SAHM. She has a lot of support from friends (family is all out of state) and does get "time off". She is very grateful not to have to WOtH.

And a huge Thanks to you and your husband for your sacrifices!!!

...blessed wife and mama to two & one due this summer!

"And children are always a good thing, devoutly to be wished for and fiercely to be fought for."
-Justin Torres

[stella]

I agree with this. If you think that teaching will help you with your sanity, you should do it. To the extent possible, I would not do anything organized (like coach cheerleading or yearbook) after school hours. The days and nights will be very long for you without dh there to help.

And (and I always have to be reminded of this!) if it's not working for you and your family, then quit.

I don't think you should feel guilty if you think teaching will preserve your sanity while Dh is away.