Since I'm re-evaluating my expectations of people today - Home parties?

[hudsonam]

As some of you might recall, I was researching companies for which to become a consultant. We could use the extra money, and I think it will be a great experience for me. I had planned on selling Arbonne, but for various reasons, it's not really panning out. I'm still utilizing my discount to get my DS his baby lotion and get my body scrub though. ;)

Anyway, so I'm starting with Pampered Chef, and emailed some of my friends to see if anyone would like to host a party. Good food, drinks, friends and the chance to earn free stuff... who wouldn't want that?! These are people I've been friends with for close to 20 years, and the ones in question live on their own, are single and have no kids, so no reason they couldn't physically have a party. Unless they don't like Pampered Chef, which is fine, but none of them even responded except one or two. 90% of people I've known for almost 20 years couldn't even write back to say, "I'm really not interested." One of them has had or gone to another friend's jewelry party, so I know she's not anti-home party per se.

So those of you who hate these parties, please, please don't flame me, but I honestly want to see the other side of the coin so I can re-evaluate my expectations of my good friends (mind you, the ladies AND men I'm friends with through DH all responded. Just my own girl friends that I've known since high school didn't reply) and face the fact that some people hate these things so much that they don't even want to answer. I really would be fine with "I don't think I want to, but thanks for asking," but I can't understand why people don't respond if they're some of your so-called best friends. I personally would do it for a friend just to support them. I'm just starting out, so I have no one else to ask yet!

[KBecks]

All I can say is, don't take it personally or as a sign of the status of your friendship. Rejection of Pampered Chef will happen, and it's not rejection of you.

People are busy and often slack off on emails, especially when they get flooded with other marketing emails, etc. They're preoccupied with their own stuff. Also, if they don't want to they may feel not responding is their best way, rathter than having to come up with an excuse.

Anyway, hang in there, have fun at the parties you do book and good luck!

[Sillygirl]

I think when this has been discussed in the past there have been vocal defenders of both sides. Personally, I don't qualify these as social events and don't feel the same rules apply. Especially if the email went to numerous people (long To: list, no personal chit-chat included) I just wouldn't feel compelled to respond. It's not spam, per se, but it's like "friend spam." I don't respond to all the dumb forwards my cousin sends me, and this falls in close to the same category.

I would feel compelled to call and make my excuses if the invitation came over the phone or in snail mail, FWIW. I'd still say no, but at least in those cases a good friend made an attempt to contact me personally, and that deserves a response.

My $0.02.

[kelly ann]

So sorry this happened to you.

Did you send one email to a bunch of friends? Maybe they thought a response wasn't necessary since the email wasn't specifically directed to them, KWIM? Also, sometimes girlfriends have a hard time saying no because they don't want to hurt your feelings. Although I don't have a problem saying "no" anymore since having children - I get a lot of practice at home ;)

Anyway, hope you were able to get some interested people respond!

[miki]

There was a post about this a while back in the Bitching Post. It seemed that many people view invitations like this as spam and don't feel obliged to respond. To the people in that camp, the social aspect of the party is overshadowed by the fact that it's a marketing opportunity.

[sarahsthreads]

I personally think it's pretty rude that they didn't get back to you. I'm not a huge fan of home parties - I don't really mind attending them if it's for a product I would buy anyway, but I really dislike hosting them - but if a friend of mine asked me to host one and I knew enough people who were interested I'd do it. A few years back a friend of mine started selling Mary Kay. She asked me if I wanted to host a party, and I was worried about telling her that I didn't want to - I thought she'd be mad at me. It turned out not to be a problem, but it was (for me) awkward to explain to her why I was more than willing to buy stuff from her but I just didn't want to host a party.

So while I really don't think it's too much to expect that your friends would at least reply, maybe if they're really, really uncomfortable with the idea they are afraid to hurt your feelings? Especially since it's your closer/older friends?

Good luck getting things up and running!

Sarah :)

[kristenk]

My first thought was what the email you sent out was like. Was it a mass email to lots of people or did you send out individual emails?

IF you sent me a mass email or said "Please let me know if you are interested in hosting...", I probably wouldn't have replied UNLESS I really wanted to host a party.

I use Mary Kay and really like my salesperson. She's wonderful! She keeps asking me if I'd like to host a party. Yes, I'd love to get free products - especially those that I'm going to be ordering from her anyway - however, I don't feel comfortable inviting people to my home for a Mary Kay party. Most of the people I know were already at a party that another friend threw, so they wouldn't "count" as guests. Other friends I have through various DD activities, I wouldn't be comfortable inviting unless I already KNEW that they'd be interested in Mary Kay. I *personally* think Pampered Chef has a broader appeal than Mary Kay, so I would feel more comfortable asking people to a PC party than a MK party. If I know that you've sent the email to a dozen other people, however, I wouldn't be jumping up and down to get in line first with party planning just b/c it's not my thing!

[kellyotn]

Echoing the others. If it was a mass email I just wouldn't respond. I'd figure the "mass" part meant, "Hey, guys, I'm starting this venture, let me know if you are interested in hosting a party!" I wouldn't be interested and would be loathe to come up with an explanation or excuse, so I'd probably just let it slide.

A personal email - "kellyotn, how would you like to host a party?" would get a response, a polite "no thanks", but a response.

I do wish you luck with your venture! I know lots of people who ARE into these things, I'm just.... not. I dislike even going at all (no matter the product) for fear of having to fend off the idea of having my own party. :( So, I generally beg off from even attending, honestly.

[hudsonam]

Thanks everyone! Very good points. I always send an email out before sending invitations just to get an idea of interest, but I should probably stop doing that. Also, I emailed rather than called because I feel bad putting someone on the spot. I figure it's easier to say no over email than over the phone. Since it's my friends, I don't want to put them in that position. But you're absolutely right - some of them probably felt that they didn't have to respond unless they were interested. I was annoyed with one friend because she made up an excuse, and I've known her long enough to know it was made up, so I'm like, "Just tell me no. Don't make up lame excuses." ;)

Thank you for the perspective. I feel a lot better, and thanks for the well wishes!!! :)

[kellyotn]

It really is just that some people are actually *uncomfortable* with these parties. For me, even if I love the product and am game for the socializing, the whole "Now, YOU too can host YOUR party!" thing just makes me queasy. I'm hard-pressed to entertain under the best of circumstances. Its some sort of phobia, I swear! A combo of sales-party and entertainment in my home just - no way. Its just not something I could do unless someone's very life depended on it. ;)

I've been to a few where the sale-pitches were just too great and I've begged off them ever since. That's not anyone's fault who may be getting into the business now, but its why I don't participate.

[lizajane]

i think you should call your close friends and say, "i am hoping to earn some extra money for my family by selling PC. i want you to know that it would not hurt my feelings if you were not comfortable hosting a party. but because i am just getting started, i do need to ask friends to host for me and i wondered if you would be interested. why don't you think about it and shoot me an email later on."

[SnuggleBuggles]

I have been invited to 3 of these things and have gone to one (years ago). They are not popular in my social circle and I don't know too many people that even do them.

Now, there was a woman in my playgroup that invited me to 2 of her home parties in the past 2 years. I am afraid that I didn't reply either time (I may have once). Why didn't I reply? Because it seemed like she was really hitting up anyone and everyone a la a mass email and I basically figured my reply wouldn't matter. ANd I wondered why she was even sending me an invite as I had never really been close with her (I actually thought she didn't like me). I felt no obligation to her to go.

I have also decided that I just don't like these things. If I want to get together with my friends I would rather have no product be involved- just a movie night, girls night in, wine party or something like a book club. I want together for social reasons. Also, it just doesn't seem right to me to hit up my friends and acquaintances for this sort of thing.

I am sure there are people that look forward to going to these activities, like to learn about new products and buy them, and like supporting their friends this way.

The people I know IRL look at these as more of an obligation rather than something fun though. And no matter what the host (or whatever the word is) says, we guests do feel obligated to buy things. I don't like that obligation even in stores where I don't know the salesperson. You figure if you are going you should buy enough stuff to make a dent for the person selling the stuff. So, then you have to budget out $ for somethng you may not have been interested in buying, needed to buy or planned to buy which isn't great for the budget (I like to shop with a purpose for things I really want/ need). And if really want/ need it I tend to just go to the store and buy it.

Hope that rambling makes sense. I do wish you luck. And I will make a very important point to politely decline if I get these invites since I now know more about what it is like on the other side.

Beth

[KrisM]

I have found that phone calls work much better than e-mails for this. Don't worry about putting them on the spot, but don't pressure them either. I like Liza's approach.

Do you know anyone who sells other things? You could offer to swap parties.

I do think people should respond, but I know I get 50-70 emails a day and I just don't always remember to respond.

[Bean606]

I agree that it is rude not to respond, and there is really no excuse for that. But you said these people are single and have no kids, so mabe they are not into these kind of domestic parties -- maybe they have busy social lives outside their homes, and don't want people at their homes. I know when I was single, my apartment was tiny, messy, and decidedly undomestic. I probably owned one pot, two dishes, and a few pieces of silverware. It would never occur to me to host a Pampered Chef party. Besides, although their stuff is really nice, it is pretty expensive, so people who aren't into cooking might not want to participate. I have to say that although I will occasionally go to a home party if invited, I would think it a huge imposition if someone asked me to host at my house unless they were a relative or REALLY close friend, and even then, I would probably be slightly annoyed that I had to do it. But I would just tell them that I didn't think I could swing the time/energy to host.

[LisaMom2Allie]

Hi,
I was going to pm you but you aren't clickabe. I decided to go into a home party business about a year ago and have found my friends to be luke warm as well but hang in there because there are some people out there that LOVE parties and love to buy you just have to work hard or get lucky and find them! I sell personalized/monogrammed bags, totes, purses, baby items, etc. and have found a really good market in my area for these things but my area is saturated with Pampered Chef, SLAH and Arbonne so I guess it just depends on the area too. If you find that PC isn't working for you check out my website and I am including it in the body of my reply as I do not want it to be considered solicitation-www.initials-inc.com/lisa I am in North Carolina and there are only a handful of II reps in the state and in my particular town we do not have any boutique monogram shops so that is why I am doing pretty good with it.

Oh, and I have had no support from my family either-sister will not have a party(states she is not a 'party person), SIL(will not have one-she has $$$ and a huge house but will not have one-yet has ordered lesser quality personalized things from Lillian Vernon) other SIL is a single mom, small house has ordered once from me but isn't into the party thing(even thought she can get free things for having the party just as with PC and all of the other companies)
so I feel your pain.

Have a great weekend! and Hang in there!

Lisa
Mom to Allie Nicole
3-10-03

[sweetpea]

It's not cool to ignore you but they might just feel awkward.

They might not want to clean their home, they might be too busy, they may not know enough people to invite, they might just not enjoy the "Selling Party" social scene.

They might feel used ... I've had a couple of aquaintances who only called or wanted anything to do with me when it was time for one of these parties or other fund raisers and coincidently they would stop calling entirely after I started declining to attend or host their events.

I'm just not into buying parties. They aren't my thing. If I am interested in the product I am happy to take a catologue and order supplies without attending a party. That's what I do with the Party Candle and Pampered Chef products - I have a friend who sells them and I just tell her what I need and she orders it with her next party's order :)

[dr mom]

You asked for honest feedback, so here are a few thoughts...not trying to be harsh, just offering another perspective.

If my best friend asked me to host a Pampered Chef or other product-based "party" for her, my gut reaction would be "if you want to have a party so badly, why don't you have it at your OWN house?"

I enjoy entertaining, but I'm not comfortable inviting guests to my home for a "party" so that they can sit through a high-pressure sales pitch to purchase expensive cookware/home decor/toys/etc just so that I (as the hostess) can earn free merchandise. I've been to several of these events for a variety of different products, and always felt that there was intense pressure both to 1) buy things I didn't want or need and 2) agree to later host a party of my own. Because I personally dislike attending that type of event, I would be really uncomfortable putting my friends into the same situation.

If a friend asked me to host a sales party, truthfully I would view it as an imposition. You want me to clean my house, organize food and beverages, gather all my mommy friends together in one place (which involves planning w-a-y in advance because we all need sitters) and then hit them up with a sales pitch so that you can make a few bucks off my friends and I can get some free gadget? Personally, I'd resent the request.

Again, really not trying to be insensitive or hurtful here - I know there are people who love these type of events, I am just NOT one of them. I tried to write this post in a constructive way, and I hope it came across that way - I'm not trying to flame or make anyone feel bad. But for me, if a friend was pressuring me to have a party I didn't want, I'd be re-evaluating my own expectations of the friendship. And then having to figure out how to tactfully say "thanks but absolutely no way and don't ask me again." Maybe that's what your friends are struggling with, too.

[maddyzmommy]

This is not a flame, just a strong opinion I wish I was brave enough to express to the multitudes in my real life. Don't try to make money off of friendships. Ever. It just cheapens those friendships and causes others to wonder if there's a price tag on that friendship. I hate these parties because I strongly dislike the hostess incentives that make it appear to my friends that I"m making money off of them. Same goes for Arbonne. Love the products, hate the business model. If you want to get a job, do it. But don't leverage friendships for a living. It's just not worth it and a little tacky to boot. I've not read the other responses so I may be in the vast minority. I duck when friends approach me to discuss their new "business." Probably just me, possibly some of your friends share my view.

Andi

[deborah_r]

>It really is just that some people are actually
>*uncomfortable* with these parties. For me, even if I love the
>product and am game for the socializing, the whole "Now, YOU
>too can host YOUR party!" thing just makes me queasy. I'm
>hard-pressed to entertain under the best of circumstances. Its
>some sort of phobia, I swear! A combo of sales-party and
>entertainment in my home just - no way. Its just not something
>I could do unless someone's very life depended on it. ;)
>

This is exactly the way I feel.

[C99]

> Personally, I don't
>qualify these as social events and don't feel the same rules
>apply. Especially if the email went to numerous people (long
>To: list, no personal chit-chat included) I just wouldn't feel
>compelled to respond. It's not spam, per se, but it's like
>"friend spam." I don't respond to all the dumb forwards my
>cousin sends me, and this falls in close to the same
>category.

Yes, this - the analogy to stupid forwards I get from my relatives is a great one. I only respond to them when they are urban legends. :) I also think that most of my good friends know how I feel about these types of parties, so it would be almost a violation of our relationship if they were then to invite me to one.

[michellep]

Miss Manners on the topic:

http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=882542

[hudsonam]

Thanks for all the replies. It's good to see how different people view these things. I know for a fact that the friends and family I'm inviting have enjoyed these parties in the past, or I wouldn't bother them with it. I don't agree with this statement from Miss Manners - "obviously they do not distinguish between friends and customers or between their living rooms and a sales showroom." Everyone is different, and my cousin-in-law and her friends and family, for example, go to and host these parties all the time and love them. But your replies have given me a lot to think about, like whether I definitely want to do this now. Thanks again for offering your viewpoints in a very objective way. I didn't feel flamed at all. :)

[dawell0]

The other thought is that these people did not even receive the email. My email account (thankfully) successfully scans and deletes emails that are mass-sent. I know that it can be harsh, but I get too much email at work that is meshed with my personal emails and that makes it hard for me to deal with. I know that a lot of professional people and companies have done this to prevent spam.

[firsttimemommy]

My philosophy is this: I refuse to make money off my friends and family. I just can't do it - feels unethical and like a PP said, it's like abusing/using the friendship for financial gain. So when I tell them that I have started selling XXXX, I tell them that they are welcome to my discount.......most are so excited that they offer to host a party to help me get started (I've done the direct sales stuff a few times! LOL) If they don't offer, I don't ask.

If they do have a party, then any friends of theirs that want to buy or book parties, they pay full retail, so I do begin to make money and get in "the loop" and get the cycle going.

Also if I notice a friend or colleague beginning one of these businesses, I offer to host if they will do the same - kind of a "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" kind of deal :)

Finally, I really look for something that is not over saturated. I love PC, but I know several people at my work that are PC reps, and that's just one little place. Mary Kay is also another - there is one in every grocery store, hunting you down.

I am on the verge of signing up with Silpada jewelry. Their stuff is gorgeous (all stone and sterling), not outrageously priced, not very many reps where I live, no SALES PITCH or demos (just set out the jewelry and they get to touch, try on, etc) and hostesses can serve wine or other "beverages" (which may in turn = more sales! LOL)

Good luck!

Ronda
Proud Mommy to 2 adorable munchkins - 1/03 and 4/04

"If you could eliminate all defensiveness from your personality, you would not only have the best relationships in town, but in fact, you'd become the most loving and adorable person on the planet