IYO which age is more difficult 2 or 3?

[alexsmommy]

I have always loved children and I babysat/nannied for a good 10 years. Even at 20 I would have told you that I thought 3 y/o was more difficult that 2 y/o, yet two gets the "Terrible Twos" label. Yesterday I was out with two Mom's of newly 3 y/o and one of the mom's was ready to scream. She kept saying "I thought two was supposed to be harder. It's supposed to be easier this year, right?"
Ummm, not so much.
So I feel like that's also been the feel around here, but I am curious to see what people say.
I know that Mom's of older kids will chime in with other ages, which is fine, but I am really curious about the two year old thing.
Three was much harder for us. Alex wanted to "reason" with me - with his three year old wisdom. Also, he was much more challenging to discipline. He didn't throw his first real tantrum until 3.5. In other ways I loved him being three, he was really fun to engage with, but when he was out of sorts, it could be crazy at times.
What has your experience been?
Alaina
Alex Feb '03
and #2 in early summer '07

[egoldber]

I thought two was easy and three was REALLY REALLY hard. Four was much easier.

[kedss]

Two was easier. Until the in laws came to live with us when he was about 2 and a half...

Three is tough, and after teaching a room full of 3 year olds when I taught preschool, I thought one would be a piece of cake. Yeahhh..right!
LOL :)


edited for typo

[SnuggleBuggles]

It built on itself from 18 months on. :)

I say 3 instead of 2. I think that part of my problem is that as they get older you know they understand more so your expectations grow. At least mine did.

4, however, has been sooo much easier than any time before this. Maybe I am just better able to parent an older child? I like to be able to talk to, reason with and make decisions together (don't worry, I veto him plenty :)).

Beth

[candybomiller]

Two was way easier. At three I started threatening to sell him on ebay. Now he's almost five and thinks he knows absolutely everything. No way someone would buy him now!

[JBaxter]

3's were MUCH harder here. With my older 2 boys 5 was the sassy age - i think that was because of kindergarten

[egoldber]

Yes, 5 has been harder again. This year in K she definitely has learned some new "behaviors" that she did not learn in preschool.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yes, I am noticing this too. 4 had been great but his peers are all a little older than him and some of the things they say and do really get to me. Ds is starting to do them now. The worst influence is the 6yo daughter of the gym's babysitter. I'm highly tempted to find new classes to go to because when he leaves from the gym he can be obnoxious.

My SIL says that 8-10 is her favorite age. Only a few more years till we get there. :)

Beth

[Hallie_D]

I just nearly spit coffee all over my keyboard! LOL!!!

[JustMe]

You know, I can never really relate when people pinpoint a specific age and say that it is harder or gets easier. My dd is 4, and my experience that she is the same person with the same temperment and personality at every age. She is clingy, yet has a very strong will. (She definitely has some great things going for her as well.) I have found this to be a challenge and at every age it just takes another form.

Putting my family and child therapist cap on, I will say that I have seen certain children become less challenging around 6 or 7.


Robyn

[deenass]

Definitely 3! I LOVED my 2 year old! I once told a friend that anyone who called them the "terrible twos" must have killed their child before they got to three or they would have called them the "terrible threes" - she repsonded by telling me that after three came the "f' in" fours!

[mamicka]

I will be the odd man out here & say that I think 2's are harder. My kids started tantrumming at around 12 months - so I think their strong will just popped-out really early. Lawrence is now almost 4 & I think he's a piece of cake compared to Calvin at almost 2. Calvin's been a challenge for a while & Lawrence was too at his age.

Allison
Surprise #3 due 7/07

[jadamom]

I agree that every child is different. Both of mine started having this defiant, independent streak that came out when they were 2 1/2. Age 3 & 4 were tough! The 5-yr-old still has her moments, but reasoning with her seems to work a little better now.

[JBaxter]

Oh and between 11 and 12 they "THINK" they can develop sarcastic wit..

[JoyNChrist]

From baby-sitting and teaching daycare (which I know is a different experience than parenting), I think the worst is when they get in school (5 and up). I can handle a small child's tantrums, maybe because I understand that they're small and frustrated and have a hard time expressing themselves. But once they get a little older and smarter and start imitating all the sassy things they learn from other kids...oh, that drives me nuts. But at least at that point they're in school the majority of the day and you don't have to deal with it. :-)

[tarabenet]

Two has had its challenges, but nothing like what we're getting just the tiniest glimpse of with three right around the corner! At three, they are really starting to understand their individuality and their own wants. And they are really getting crreative in developing the skills to *get* what they want. But patience? That just isn't there yet. I know it will come. Heck, I know *I* finally developed patience about, oh, 3 years ago? Maybe 4? So I know she'll get there too!

[jesseandgrace]

Hands down 3 wins for me too, with both of my kids. I don't think 2 was hard. It seems like almost everyone picked three, interesting. My ped agrees, he said since the way we parent has changed, 3 is harder than 2 because when parents were in general stricter, it was harder to control a 2 year old. Parents are generally more indulgent now, and 3 is the tricky year. Who knows if he is right, but to me it makes sense.

[Lynnie]

definitely three. for both of the boys.

gotta love being called baby, poopoo and kaka by your charming DC

[crayonblue]

Definitely three at our house. Lauren was easy as pie until age 3. But, I think part of the three year old temper tantrums and whininess was from getting a new sibling. Carmen came home one month after Lauren turned 3.

[Eloise36]

Without a doubt, 3 is much harder than 2.

[egan284]

Hands down 3!! Based on my limited experience of raising a 3.5 yo, 2 was easier than 3. When she was 2 I thought "wow I am lucky I don't get to experience tantrum"... yet! Little did I know it was just around the corner!!
Now, I am looking forward to the next challenge of raising a 4 yo :)

[marinkitty]

Oh Beth, that is so NOT what I wanted to hear. That means next year I'll get five and three at the same time!

As for the original question, no doubt that three was WAY harder with Mia. From three to three and a half I was at my wit's end pretty often. We'll see if that holds true for Jack or not. So far two is smooth sailing with him.

[kbudsberg]

2 was much, much harder w/my dd. She just turned 3 in Jan. so I still have awhile to go w/the 3s. She is very, very strong-willed and at 2 she had no care whatso ever for consequences or even the ability to think beyond what she wanted. Know at least she knows she doesn't want the consequence and there is some reasoning I can do w/her. Like if you do X then X will happen. At 2 she could care less and didn't get that. At 2 my dd also ran away from me all the time in public. I couldn't keep her w/me at all. Now she stays w/me and understands loosely there are dangers in the world. So for me 3 is so, so, so much easier.

Kim

[mamicka]

I think we have the same kid. :)

Allison
Surprise #3 due 7/07

[octmom]

When DS was two, I thought it was pretty rough, but I blamed a lot of it on him not having the words to express himself. Three has had many new challenges. He can tell me what he wants very clearly, but he still lacks a lot of impulse control. I'm not sure which year has been harder. They are both tough, just in different ways.

Jerilyn
DS, 10/03
DD, 3/06

[AngelaS]

My first was a joy until 3. Three was a rough year.

My second was rough from 18 mo until....um, she's almost 5 now.

My third is 2.5. She's a stinker now and I think w/her that adage "three is two with a year of practice" may be waaaay too true.

[deborah_r]

Not reading any other replies before I answer - 3, hands down. All through the age of 2, I couldn't figure out what all the fuss was about. Then about a week before his 3rd birthday, things started getting much more difficult!

[jk3]

3 - no question...=0

Jenn
DS 6/03
& cautiously expecting in May!

[spanannie]

I agree that 4 is the BEST age I've dealt with yet. However, DS will be 5 in June and is all of a sudden starting to act 5...and he doesn't have the influence of Kinder. He's got a little sassy streak now that he hasn't had before.

With DS, I thought 3 was harder than 2. If 3 is harder than 2 with DD, I'm going to lose my mind! 2 with her has been VERY challenging, to put it nicely. I'm praying that a switch will flip when she turns 3 and she'll become the sweet, compliant child that she's meant to be, lol ;-)

[spanannie]

Potty mouth was also very common with DS at 3. Fortunately, he got over that. I didn't enjoy hearing poo-poo over and over and over again every day for months!

[Marisa6826]

Three is way harder, at least in this house!

And now, 4 (almost 4-1/2) seems to be trumping everything else. I feel like I live with my own version of the Spanish Inquisition. Everything is a question, followed by negotiation.

*sigh*

I so miss the days of when all they want to do is curl up and sleep on your chest.

-m

[ast96]

For me, three is by far harder and worse than two. By far.

[scoop22]

i loved reading everyones posts. i can't wait.. i might have another year!! i am sure it is different with every child but i keep telling ds he is advanced in the 2 stage and behind in everything else. i also can also relate to the post with ebay.. i tell ds he is going to go to baby boot camp instead of the babysitter.. we laugh all the time at ds.. thanks for sharing everyone..
http://b2.lilypie.com/XbITm4.png

[MelissaTC]

DS was pretty easy until 3. Then it was like someone whispered in his ear and told him to turn it on. UGH!! 4 has been great. I admit I am nervous as we quickly approach 5 and Kindergarten. =O

[purpleeyes]

We're moving towards 3, and boy oh boy, it is getting crazy already! Anybody have any books they would recommend about this age? I need some new tools for the toolbox!


TIA
Beth

[hudsonam]

Ok, I'm glad I'm not the only one to threaten selling him or giving him away. ;)

I keep hearing 3 is worse, which I really don't want to hear... DS is 2 now, and VERY stubborn and trying at times, as much as I love him to pieces. :P I'm not looking forward to 3.

[jec2]

So far, every new stage has been more difficult for us with DS but hands down 3 has rocked our world! I have a stubborn, highly energized, somewhat aggressive, sassy, easily frustrated, moody crazy monkey with OCD-like tendencies. Having said that, he did get a new brother just 3 weeks after turning 3 so it is a lot for him I imagine. I miss the crazy but sweet little guy that he was. I hope that 4 is better.

[barbarhow]

2 was definately just a warmup for 3. 4 has become so much easier in so many ways. So sorry to hear about 5. though....I will also have a 3 yo and a 5 yo.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

[jeminaal]

Another vote for three being more difficult than two! Definitely experienced this with both my little ones.

Jeanette
(formerly known as jeanmick, member since Feb 2003)

DD Born Christmas Eve
DS Born Valentine's Day

[randomkid]

I keep hearing from friends (and on this board prior to this post) that 3 is harder than 2. Interesting that 5 came up. My eldest stepdaughter was apparently really difficult with extreme tantrums at 3. I guess I'm fortunate that I wasn't around for that! However, my youngest SD was most difficult at 5 - and I was around for that! Tantrums that would last an hour and a half! I guess the thing about 5, though is that they can understand consequences more and we were able to stop her tantrums in a relatively short time.

DD is just over 2, and while she has her moments, I have wondered why they are called the "terrible twos". For the most part, it's not so bad. I just figured it would get worse as we got further along in the second year. I'm really not so much looking forward to the challenges of 3!

Let's not even get into the ages of 8, 12 and 13. We found those years pretty challenging. Believe it or not, 14 and 16 have been going quite well...knock on wood!

[KBecks]

Alek is 2.5 and I'm not very challenged so far. I'll keep my fingers crossed and look forward to reading the other replies.

[kbudsberg]

Wow, this is just so surprising to me. All of you talking about how 2 wasn't so much of a challange and how "easy" and sweet they were at 2. Easy is not a word we have ever used w/our dd who turned 3 in Jan. She began her tantrums and stuff around a year of age. I used to want 3-4 kids until she showed up! At 2 I wanted no more kids. When she was almost 3 and things were getting "better" (used loosely) I decided a brother or sister would be good for her. Anyhow, I'm just so shocked, for me things couldn't have been any worse at 2 so I figured it could only get better and it has. I am just so jealous of you all being able to enjoy your "easy" children. At times I get really sad that I haven't been able to enjoy her as much as I would like because she is such a challange. It's good to know that our 2nd child (I'm due in Sept) will most likely be different. Not that I don't love my dd but not sure I can go through all this w/another one.

Kim
Emma 1/14/04
baby girl 9/6/07

[mommy111]

Don't know about 3 (and everything y'all say about that is making my heart sink) but 2s been pretty challenging here so far....especially when she's sick and decides to throw sitting on the grocery store and scresming tantrums every time we head out. Sigh. I thought next year would be better.
Where, oh where has my good-natured, 'easy' baby gone?

[alexsmommy]

So 13 y/o DSD might get better soon? God bless you for giving me hope. 12 and 13 has NOT been good. Last year, with a 3 y/o and a 12 y/o was a bit - umm, challenging.

Alaina
Alex Feb '03
and #2 in early summer '07

[alexsmommy]

I read a lot of these replies to my friend and she says to tell you all she's off to buy stock in a winery LOL.
I agree, kids are individual so I knew there wouldn't be 100% consensus, but it seems that most of you have had the same experience as I have, 3 can be a really rough age. Thanks for the lengthy answers, the explanations of the challenges were interesting to read to my friend.
I will say, the four year spacing b/w kiddos is not at all what we had hoped for, but right now, I am thinking its actually going to be much easier in many ways.
Of course, if we go for a third, it could get ugly around here.
Alaina
Alex Feb '03
and #2 in early summer '07

[randomkid]

Oh, don't get me wrong! No one is saying that 2 is easy, but it's not as bad as I had anticipated. I've just heard many of my friends say "I thought 2 was bad, but that was nothing compared to 3!" I guess I have my experience with my SD to compare. DD will have many tantrums every day and she does try my patience quite often, but her tantrums are rather short and she can be easily distracted to stop them. I'm also a little older now (41 - gasp!) and maybe I just have more patience...or perhaps tolerance is a better word?

Maybe your DD just went through her more challenging period earlier. Hopefully, 3 will continue to get better for you.

[kbudsberg]

Glad to hear I'm not the only one w/several tantrums a day. We are down to just about 3 a day now from at least one an hour before! I'm 37 so I'm no young chick either;) I even have a degree in Human Development and Family studies and have done a lot of early childhood stuff. Nothing I learned fits my dd or works w/her. For example she doesn't want to please us. The bigger deal we make about a good thing she is doing she will usually stop doing it. Suggestions like would you like a or b she always still demands c which wasn't an option. She doesn't want to be big and refuses to wear underwear because she is little, so she says. She's been potty trained while naked for over 9 months but will not wear underwear so we are still in diapers. She's just "unique". The only book that describes her is the strong-willed child by James Dobson. Boy, that book is so her. After 3 years we understand her personality better so I think that's helping right now. She's also never been a good sleeper and lack of sleep (for both of us) didn't help.

I'm a SAHM so w/us I think sometimes we are just around each other too much! Anyhow, yes I do thing her challenging period started much earlier than most.

One thing I do know is once you get them figured out in one way they change it up on you!

Kim

[kbudsberg]

>So 13 y/o DSD might get better soon? God bless you for
>giving me hope. 12 and 13 has NOT been good. Last year, with
>a 3 y/o and a 12 y/o was a bit - umm, challenging.
>
>Alaina
>Alex Feb '03
>and #2 in early summer '07

Gosh, I'm so scared of the pre-teen/teen years. Good luck to you!

Kim

[kbudsberg]

>I think we have the same kid. :)
>
>Allison
>Surprise #3 due 7/07


Glad to hear I'm not alone! I took a discipline class and we did a little personality thing regarding our children. My dd fell into a the category of the most challenging personality traits to parent. About 10% of all kids fall into this category. They are wonderful traits to have and will get her far in the world but very hard to discipline and parent.

Kim

[KBecks]

I think I'm hearing more girls' moms who started feeling challenged in the 2's a little more than the boys. Should I hypothesize further that it's because girls are more verbal at that age?

[melissaflorida]

3 by far!
~Melissa
Mommy to dd Spencer (3 years old)

[mamicka]

Could be true overall, but my boys were their most difficult (so far :)) starting at about 12-15 months. DS1 started getting better at 3 & I'm hoping the same will be true with DS2 since he's followed the pattern so far.

I always thought that some of our difficulties were because my boys were (relatively) late talkers & the frustration associated with that made things more difficult.

They also just have really stubborn & testing personalities. When presented with options A & B, they'll always choose C & choose it to the death. & giving more choices never helps. If you give options A, B, C, & D, they'll inevitably choose E.

It's puzzling because DH & I consider ourselves pretty laid-back.

Allison
Surprise #3 due 7/07

[kbudsberg]

>Could be true overall, but my boys were their most difficult
>(so far :)) starting at about 12-15 months. DS1 started
>getting better at 3 & I'm hoping the same will be true with
>DS2 since he's followed the pattern so far.
>
>I always thought that some of our difficulties were because my
>boys were (relatively) late talkers & the frustration
>associated with that made things more difficult.
>
>They also just have really stubborn & testing personalities.
>When presented with options A & B, they'll always choose C &
>choose it to the death. & giving more choices never helps.
>If you give options A, B, C, & D, they'll inevitably choose
>E.
>
>It's puzzling because DH & I consider ourselves pretty
>laid-back.
>
>Allison
>Surprise #3 due 7/07

I think it's just a personality thing. My dd was an early and good talker so we couldn't blame it on that.

I love it, give them A-D choices and they choose E. That is so my dd! Anything we want her to do she'll do the opposite! Simply because we are requesting it.

We too are very, very laid back. I think you have to be w/this type of child. If we weren't everything would be a battle. We have opted to let somethings go and pick our battles. When we do pick them we must win. So if she's not harming anything I'll let it go even though I'd prefer she didn't do it. If she had a different personality I probably would tell her not do it but I know she'll challange it so I make sure it really is important that she comply.

Funny thing is I was just like my dd as a child! So I do understand it. My parents fortunately really get it. Since they also had my sister who simply did things because they said so. Me, I had to challange everything. My parents were so shocked when my sister was so "easy" compared to me.

So, in my opinion it's just a personality thing.

Kim

[octmom]

>We too are very, very laid back. I think you have to be
>w/this type of child. If we weren't everything would be a
>battle. We have opted to let somethings go and pick our
>battles. When we do pick them we must win. So if she's not
>harming anything I'll let it go even though I'd prefer she
>didn't do it. If she had a different personality I probably
>would tell her not do it but I know she'll challange it so I
>make sure it really is important that she comply.
>
>Funny thing is I was just like my dd as a child! So I do
>understand it.


I do the same thing that you and your DH do-- pick my battles. My DH sometimes does this and sometimes will try to insist that DS do what he has asked him to do. I think we are both right part of the time and both wrong part of the time. DS sometimes gets into trouble at daycare because he wants to do something HIS way and not the way the teacher has asked him to do it. I suspect that me picking my battles too often probably hasn't helped him understand that sometimes you just have to do what is asked of you. :shrug: On the other hand, I think sometimes one of his teachers gets irked by any child that has strong opinions. ;)

My parents tell me that I ALWAYS had strong opinions as a child. I think I have mellowed a bit with age.

Jerilyn
DS, 10/03
DD, 3/06

[kfk]

For us the boys kicked it up at 2.5. A lot more drama/tears from Jake who wears his heart on his sleeve, and a lot more rowdy monkey willfulness from deceptively mellow appearing Zac. And, of course, they get each other going. Though sometimes if one is in time-out, his brother will mention that he's not doing "x" behavior. They understand the rules at this point, but it doesn't mean they follow them!

Also, the boys were very verbal early, I thinked that lulled me into thinking 2 wouldn't be so bad because they didn't get as frustrated as their peers. Now they're verbal, and negotiating, and potentially crazy-making.

Thank goodness they're also very very cute and still cuddly. And we have some periods of fun, mostly trouble free behavior MOST days.

Baby girl arrives a couple months before they turn 3. Every time the boys ask me to blow a dandelion (a new fixation), I wish for a happy, healthy, MELLOW girl!