How old was your child when you first went away, leaving him/her home with non-parent, for more than 1 night at a time?

[kijip]

We are going on vacation by ourselves for 6 nights in late June, early July. We cut the time we were going down because I just can't see leaving him longer than a week but now I am having total jitters about 6 nights away from him. We changed the location like 3 times in part so we would be closer to home in case of an emergency. Not that there would be one, but I am starting to panic and I need to relax.

My ILs are dumbfounded that we have not already done this but I still feel like he is incredibly little. I need to tune them out and calm down at the same time.

We are going to San Francisco, staying in the theater district and I bought tickets for 2 different operas. We will go out to the beach for J's birthday and try and see as many plays as we can stand. Exactly what we used to do together so it will be very romantic. :)

So I am curious...am I really doing this later than lots and lots of other parents?

Toby will be staying home with Grandpa and Grandma (not the ILs, the nice ones, LOL). So other than the percentage of ice cream in his diet, he should be fine. My dad is going to take him fishing that weekend.

Of the tickets are bought so I am not going to change it again, at least that is my personal goal for the week.

We were going to go away this winter without him but we decided to make it a family vacation at the last minute. It was fun, but we could use the couple time.

[JoyNChrist]

I went ahead and voted, even though it hasn't happened yet.

DH and I are going to Kentucky for a friend's wedding in August, and Avery will be staying with my mom. We'll only be gone two nights, but I'm already dreading it.

[o_mom]

I voted 1 year assuming that means 1-2 yrs. DS1 was 19 mos when I had DS2 and we both stayed overnight at the hospital, so 2 nights away. We left after he went to bed the first night and I think DH may have put him to bed the second night and then came back to the hospital. We did leave him with my parents overnight a couple months later and maybe one other time, but again only one night.

DS2 will be 2 next week and we haven't left him overnight yet. That will be changing in a couple weeks, though, when the new baby comes.

[kozachka]

DS was about 2 years and 2 months old when we left him with MIL for the first time. We did a trial run initially, when we were gone for 1-2 nights and talked about him all the time . And than, few days later, took a proper vacation for 7 days. DS was not as worried about us returning since by than he knew we'd come back and not leave him with MIL forever LOL.

It was really nice to re-charge my batteries and be around other people whose interests don't center around kids. Have fun in SanFran and enjoy your time as a couple.

[MarisaSF]

DP

[MarisaSF]

I'm totally envious, Katie! Of your week away and that you're going to SF! If you need/want restaurant recs, email or call me anytime.

I can't remember when the first time we left Jazzy was... 10 months maybe (I know it was after she started some solid foods)-- but it was just for one night. Since then, we've left her for 2 nights max (only with either set of grandparents). At 2.5, I think she'd be okay if we left, but I'd be more anxious about the caregivers than her.

When DH's parents went away when he was young, they left a small gift and card for him to open every day. It acted as a "countdown;" he could see how many boxes were left/ how many days until his parents came home. Just an idea!

[kijip]

>I'm totally envious, Katie! Of your week away and that you're
>going to SF! If you need/want restaurant recs, email or call
>me anytime.

I will have to take you up on it since we have not been there in 5 years :) Going to San Francisco was a good way to make me leave him at home because we do certainly want to see the SF Opera at least twice and 4 year olds (I can't believe he will be 4 when we leave!) just don't mix with Iphigénie en Tauride and Der Rosenkavelier :P

I bought the opera tickets so now I have to go. Breathe.

[lisams]

DD started having sleepovers at her grandparents around 3.5. We have yet to go away from her for a vacation, but she was with my parents while we were at the hospital haivng DS (not exactly the same as a vacation!)

She sleeps over at my parents once a week, so I guess I don't feel the need to get away as much since we have that weekly break. She loves it and looks forward to it.

[elliput]

Katie, that sounds like a great vacay! My Dad's family is from SF, so it is one of my favorite places. :-)

To answer your question- we have not left DD overnight with anyone yet, and I don't see it happening any time soon.

[crayonblue]

When Lauren was 2.5, we went away for a weekend. That is the first and only time I have been away from her overnight. DH has been away for weeks at a time so he doesn't feel quite the same stress I do over leaving her! I am not sure when we will be taking another alone vacation now that Carmen is home. Next year is our 10 year anniversary so perhaps by then the grandparents will be able to handle two!

ETA: I completely forgot that we also left Lauren with an aunt and grandpa when we went to Guatemala to pick up Carmen. Perhaps I forgot because she had such a hard time that we changed our flight to come back a day early. :( I wish more than anything that we had taken her with us.

[muskiesusan]

Nick was 4.5 and Alex exactly 2 the first time I went away-it was for 3 nights. I just returned from my second time away, which was a 4 night trip.

I was nervous about leaving Nick when he was younger, but you can see I got over that with Alex, lol. In hindsight, I wish we would have had a trip before Alex was born, but it just didn't work out.

Have fun, it sounds like a great time!

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04

[Thatchermom]

I know we are the exception, but I wanted to share our positive experience. We left DS for a night or two starting at about 18 months. When DS was not quite 3, he stayed with my sister for 3 weeks while we were in Prague. It was just short of forever. It was long enough that some days did get easier, and our time was very full. It was really hard on us at times. Notice I said US. At 5.5 it is still a time he talks about regularly it had such a big - and positive - impact on him. My sis did so many great things with him, camping, backpacking, water parks, eating cookie dough for breakfast. My nephew (13 at the time) is still his favorite person in the world after all the playing they did. He came with us to Prague the next year, which was also great - but I think it would be hard for him to choose which he would rather do.

The experience of being with other people was hugely enriching for him, even at such a young age. C.S. Lewis talked about people as being like diamonds. If you look at a diamond with one light on it, it is pretty. If you see one with lots of lights trained on it (like in a jewelry case) it is simply stunning. You see so much more sparkle and shine in the facets. Don't think of your time away as abandoning your DS. Think of how much more of him will be able to shine and sparkle because someone else is able to shine a light on him, too. It is a good situation for both of you!

[kristenk]

I voted 2, but I think that DD was a 1-2 months away from 2. That time, DH and I spent 2 nights away in a city 25 minutes away from our house! MIL & FIL were in town and stayed at our house with DD. We left after DD's dinner on Friday and were back after lunch on Sunday. We've done a few other 2-night-away trips - two, I think. One trip, we actually stayed in town but were attending a conference at a hotel, so chose to stay there. The other trip, we were, once again, 25 minutes away.

*Right now* I'm comfortable spending about 2-3 nights away from DD and being somewhat close to home. I think I'd be okay if we were 1-2 hours away, even.

I fantasize about 5+ nights away, but my stomach sort of clenches when I think about it, so I don't think I'm ready for a longer trip, yet! LOL And, really, at the present time, I sort of see DD going with us on longer trips away.

[gatorsmom]

My ILs live in Texas. We live in Minnesota. (my mom is deceased so my parents are no longer an option.) When DS#1 was 5 months old my husband and I went to Cancun on a company-sponsored trip and dropped off DS at the IL's on our way to Mexico. Now that we have 2 little boys, I think babysitting would be exhausting for them (and they NEVER offer).

So DH and I have discovered Club Med. We LOVE IT and so do the boys. The boys are in kids' clubs all day with other little kids (and their facilities are fantastic), we can take them out or check on them any time we want, and we get some time to chill by the pool (or alone in our roome ;) )or try out any of their many activities. Plus, it's a French company (attempting to cater to a French clientele), so their all-inclusive food is fantastic. It's not the type of travel DH and I did before kids, but it works for our family and that's the most important to us.

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005

[erosenst]

First time for us was when Abby was about 17 months - just one night. Then we did 4 days when she was 20 months. We're going next week for 4 days as well - for our anniversary trip.

If you want a little more comfort, we don't/can't even leave her with family - so we have a babysitter. This will be the first time overnight with a new one, as we moved last summer, so I'm a *little* nervous - but I'm sure both of them will be fine. As it turns out, we need to be gone in June for a wedding weekend, as well - and our favorite sitter here isn't available. Am hoping her DCP can do it (will know Monday) - if not, we're on to plan C.

Have a great time!

[mudder17]

Okay, I voted "never yet" but I did leave DD#1 with DH recently (she's 3) when I had to go visit my family and see my grandmother just before she passed away. I took DD#2 with me. But I don't think that's what you mean by your question, right? So "never yet" and I don't know when it will actually happen.


Eileen

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[kep]

The first and only time we were going to do this was when we were in the hospital having Joseph. My fil was here with Luke, (who Luke adores!), but I was still sick with worry about the whole thing. If fil hadn't been here when we happended to go into labor, Luke was going to stay with friends at their house. I was "okay" with him staying with fil, but scared to death about the staying with friends thing. He was almost four at the time, but he was still so Mommy-dependent. And I usually lay down with him every night while he's going to sleep, it's our special time, so what would happen at bedtime? :(

However, all my worry was for nothing, because fil was here when we went into labor, but the hospital had no room for the dads to stay overnight, so after Joey was born, dh went home to be with Luke. Whew!

So I guess my answer is never, which is what I voted. Now I *know* that he probably would have been just fine, really! But all I could hear in my head was him waking up in the middle of the night, being disorientated, and wanting Mommy. I almost tear up now just thinking about it.

Kelli

Proud Mommy to Lukey (2003). Weaned after 3 years of happy nursing!
And Mommy to our newest baby, Joseph, born 3 days after Christmas.

[elephantmeg]

wow Susan, that's beautiful! Thank you for that

[pb&j]

11 months. DH and I went on a little vacay. It was fun. We spent a good part of every day saying "I wonder what Max is doing *right now*" and then resisting the urge to call home. Luckily, my parents live near us, and see DS several times per week, so I knew he was in good hands.

Two months before that, I had to go away for a work conference for four days/three nights. That truly sucked, and if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have gone.


-Ry,
mom to Max the one year old
and my girl in heaven

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[elephantmeg]

We went away for 2 nights when DS was 13 months old. He stayed with my brother and sister in law (who are expecting and already had a crib so we just moved his matress over and he was able to sleep at their house). It was hard but wonderful!

[lilycat88]

We had no choice but to send Susanna to stay with my folks when my SIL had her second brain surgery in March. DDs daycare is associated with a university and it takes a "spring break" when the campus did. We have no other family in town and there was no way we could either deal with her at the hospital for hours upon hours OR saddle a friend with a very active nearly 3 year old for an unknown amount of time and an unknown schedule. So, she spent 4 nights with my folks about 2 hours away.

[shilo]

what an awesome and eye opening sentiment! one that applys to their whole childhood experience, huh. talk about a new way to look at enrichment. thanks for that metaphor.

lori
Sam 5/19/05 How lucky I am that you chose me.

[C99]

We left DS1 overnight for 1 night at home w/ my mother when he was about 16 months old. He has since stayed overnight w/ his godparents once, when he was around 2.5, and just recently stayed overnight w/ his grandparents, at age 4. Except for going into the hospital to have DS2, I have not yet left DD overnight (and even then, I put her to bed the first night and DH was home by the time she got up in the morning).

[shilo]

we did two nights away 'over the hill' in capitola (where we got married, and it's less than an hour home) last fall for DH's bday when sam was about 18mos. my parents stayed with him here, at our house so that he could sleep in his own crib at night, etc. he's spent about 4 hours with them 3 days a week since he was about 4 months old, so he's very comfortable with them. the plan was, if he had any trouble, we'd either come home and visit/put him down to bed for that second night, or have him come stay with us, but he did great. he was happy to see us when we pulled up, but he didn't come running, or have a big cry or even seem really eager to leave grams and grampa when we got home. we'll do another two nighter warm up later this summer and then are planning a full week early in the fall so we can go do an "us" trip (live-aboard dive boat) before i want to try getting preggo again. so he'll be roughly 2.5 when we go away for a week.

our friends who dive with us did a boat with us before we had DS, and their kiddo's were 4.5 and 2.25 when they went. they did great with the grandparents (similar situation as us, where the kiddo's were very close/comfortable with them). anyway, she made video's of her singing their bedtime songs, and daddy reading bedtime stories, and a each tape served as a "countdown" to when mommy and daddy got home. worked very well.

i won't lie, it's tough to leave them, and i thought about him a lot while we were away. but in the end, i would not/could not have gone if i didn't feel in my gut that he was going to be just fine - physically AND emotionally. sam is very attached to us, but he's very attached to my parents too, and i think that's what gives me that peace to know in my heart that it's ok. like they say, it takes a village. you wouldn't be the loving mom you are if it didn't give you BIG pause at leaving your kiddo even for a little bit. but if you know he's secure with them and you're secure with their abilities to care for him, it'll be ok.

lori
Sam 5/19/05 How lucky I am that you chose me.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I said one but he was 22 months actually. We went for 2 nights to a friend's wedding. Ds did great! We have done a few weekend trips since then but not too many.

I bf till he was 19 months so before that time I couldn't have left him.

Beth

[Lovingliv]

Geesh, I voted never...but then I remember that when we had Tess, she did stay with my mom. Does that really count?

I would love to go away....but i think I would miss them too much!!

[kijip]

that it is not all the unusual to not have vacationed without a 4 year old. Seriously, you would have thought we were teaching him the earth is flat or something! Silly me for believing them, even if it was only for 5 seconds or so.

[DebbieJ]

We left DS overnight with grandma for 1 night in June 2006 and then three nights in July 2006. He was 2.5.

Just last week we left him with grandma (at our house) for four nights while we were in SF!!! You MUST MUST MUST eat at Indigo for the Ultimate Wine Dinner!!!! It's not far from the Opera House--just a few blocks down at McAllister and Gough.

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
Breastfeeding After Reduction is possible! www.bfar.org

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[KBecks]

I'm not going to vote, because I don't want to throw your results. We first left Alek when he was about 9 months, BUT we only left for 2 nights.

We have not gone for anything longer than that, and will stick to 2 nights max until the boys are older.


ETA: I dont' think a 2 night getaway is a big deal at all.... Alek missed us, but it was not tortuous for either parent or child. My niece who is now 5 has more separation anxiety when her parents leave, but her parents do a lot of dates and are frequently leaving her at relatives, so that may have something to do with it.

We passed on a free cruise with my bio family this year because we didn't feel comfortable leaving the boys for a 7 night gig, and didn't feel comfortable bringing them on a cruise at these ages either.

If this is completely freaking you out, you may want to consider shortening the trip, but I wouldn't cancel it.


The Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park is a neat place to visit if you have time.

Have fun.

[sdbc]

DD will be 3 in two weeks, and we have never left her with someone else overnight. That said, neither my mom nor my ILs are able to keep her.

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[sidmand]

Apparently I'm WAY in the minority here...we left DS when he was four months old!

I would not have left him quite that early (but definitely under one-two years old) but it was our 10-year-anniversary and before we even knew about DS, we thought we'd do something. We scaled it way down and went to NY for either 2-3 days and left my DS with my SIL (who owns a daycare!).

I think the first time away is going to be really bad no matter when it is. But we totally missed DS more than he missed us (and since I was still pumping, that was interesting!). He was fine. He had the time of his life (for a 4-month-old!). Since then we've probably left him overnight two more times. The longest was 4 days and that got a bit too long for both of us (at this age). He stayed with the ILs and our sitter came to our house and one time he stayed with my Dad and his wife for a couple of days. DH also had him alone for a coule of days while I went away (not what you were asking, but it wasn't mommy,)

Debbie
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[alexsmommy]

He was 2.5 - we left him with my parents who do his child care 3x/wk so it was not a big adjustment for him. Mommy had a harder time than he did. We were gone five days/four nights.
I'm glad to see this poll - several of my friends seem to have no problem leaving their DC before a year. I would if it was an unavoidable or once in a lifetime trip - but these are for girls trips. My main girlfriend group is already talking about next years trip when me and the other preggo in our group can go with (the rest are heading to Vegas next week.) I'm already wondering if it will be easier with it the second to consider leaving him/her at one year. These are all BF moms too so that excuse doesn't seem to be that valid - they all pumped around the clock leading up to the trip - and one just send me a text with a sad face b/c she just did her last nursing of her 9 mo/o this morning. (She didn't wean for the trip, but her supply has gone way down over the last two months in spite of various efforts to get it back up so it just timed out in a logical way). I feel like our waiting until Alex was two fits in well with what a lot of people around here have done.
As far as you waiting - I think no one can tell you what will feel right for your family and your particular child - but I will say at four, Alex would gladly see us take off again for a few days b/c Grandma and Grandpa make sure he has a fantastic time when we are gone. Baking, treats, special activities, new toys. Kid doesn't even mention us until bedtime each night when we call.
Alaina
Alex Feb '03
and #2 in early summer '07

[tarahsolazy]

When Forrest was exactly 2, we left him with the ILs in WI for 4 days while we went to SF (for a research meeting) as well! It was fine, he had a great time. Since then, he's stayed with the ILs for a week, and my folks for a week, once for a vacation for DH and I, and once when DH went winter camping for a week, and I was on call with no back-up possible. He enjoyed both visits. My sister also stayed at our house with him while I was in the hospital having DD, which was 3 days, since I had a c-section. We are preparing for another week visit to the ILs next week, and we are going to Toronto (same research meeting, lol). DD is coming with us, of course, she's only 3 weeks old! For me, the big thing was nursing, I didn't want to leave a nursling overnight, so that's why we waited until 2. Both sets of grandparents are wonderful with DS, other than my mom giving him soda, so we don't have any worries on that front.

[jbowman]

The first time with DD1, she was a week shy of four months. I was delivering a conference paper in NYC, and DH and I were gone Wednesday-Saturday.

With DD2, I went to deliver a conference paper in New Jersey, and was gone two nights when she was 9 1/2 months old (it was hilarious b/c it seemed that there were a lot of pumping moms at that conference--we'd deliver our papers, and then run upstairs and pump in our hotel rooms, LOL--we all joked about it).

I travel a lot for my job--many times DH and the girls go, but sometimes it makes more sense for me to go alone.

[MarisaSF]

Just wanted to say that I'm so glad you figured out how to update your avatar! :)
What a great pic!
My absolute favorite (splurge) restaurant in SF is Jardiniere -- http://www.jardiniere.com/. It's very close (1 block?) to the opera house.

[JulesinChicago]

We left DS with the grandparents for 8 nights/days when he was 22 months old. I had a conference in Montreal, and we went a few days early to have some couple-get-away-time.

He was FINE. He's very, very attached to the grandparents. But still: I was pretty nervous beforehand. We called home every night, and wondered/talked about him alot, but generally it was great to have some time to ourselves.

Have a great trip!
Julie

[table4three]

DS recently spent his first night away, at MIL and FIL's house just after his second birthday. That was the first time he's been away from us overnight. When DD gets here this summer, MIL and FIl will stay with him at our house for a few nights (c-section). I'm still not feeling ready to leave for longer, even though we probably could use it. That night away he spent at MIL/FIL's was the little getaway my relationship with DH needed. We'll see how it goes after DD comes - might be a while again.

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[hillview]

I didn't answer. DH and I both travel for work and we have both been away at the same time 2 times for a night (not sure that counts!). This was when DS was over a year but before 2. We spent one night at a hotel close to home for New Years when DS was 18 months. We keep talking about going away but now I am pg and less interested to be honest. I think it is a do it when you feel like it thing.

HAVE A BLAST!!
/hillary

[Moneypenny]

DD will be 2.75 in a couple weeks when she goes to stay at grandma's house for a couple of nights. Unfortunately, we are not vacationing, we are moving and thought it would be less traumatic for her if she didn't have to be around to see all her stuff loaded up on the moving truck. Also, I don't think I can possibly entertain a toddler and pack up and move all at the same time. I am a nervous wreck! In fact, just last week was the first time in her life (except when she was a small infant) that she spent any time at all without DH or I (my mom came to babysit while I went to work and DH - a SAHD - went to work on the new house for a while.)

Susan
mama to my cutie pie, Avery
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[Fairy]

I completely understand how you feel. DS is 2.5, and we've not both spent a real nighht away from him. I have gone out of town twice, once for my grandmother's funeral with 2 overnights, and once on a week-long business trip. Both times, DH was home with him. DH is usually gone during the week, as he's a consultant, so I'm home with him. But never both away all night. We haven't talked about doing that yet, and I don't think I'm ready. I don't think it's wrong by any means, I just am scared to do it and have feelings similar to yours. That said, I think you've got things pretty well shored up with Toby's grandparents, so you should go have a wonderful time! And, ya know, call six times a day if it makes you feel better :-)

[brownlesa]

I guess I'm in the minority. We've left my daughter, who is now 19 months twice. When she was 9 months, we went to my younger sister's wedding in SF and left DD with my FIL for 4 nights. We spent a lot of time wondering what she was doing, and missing her, but enjoyed our alone time. When we got home, she just looked at us like "Hey, I know you" and kept on playing.

We just went away again in March for 9 days to Prague. DD stayed with my mom and dad in NC. She spent the week playing w/her cousin, getting spoiled by my parents and my younger sister from SF came to help out. I think she had a good time. We had a good time also, but by the end of the week, we were ready to be home w/her. I also think my mom was ready to give her back.

Good luck and have fun!
Leslie
DD 9/13/05