If you and DH have sex regularly, please tell me your secret!

[Laurel]

By "regularly", I mean once a week or more.

Like most moms I talk to, I just don't have the motivation/desire(or time in my day) for much sex. I'm not happy about it. DH is gorgeous and wonderful, etc. Granted, I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding for the past 4 years. However, I think sex is an important part of a marriage and I want to have it more!

[sdbc]

I didn't have the motivation or desire the whole time I was breastfeeding (15 months). As soon as DD weaned, I did again. It was worth it to BF, but it definitely had a huge negative effect on my libido! I even had my free-testosterone level measured while I was BFing, and it was very low. So my lack of desire was definitely hormonal at that time, and not just exhaustion.

I'm back to normal now, although we're busier than before, so it's only like 2X per week nowadays. Before DD it was more, and while BFing, it was almost never.

We let DD watch a little TV on Sat and Sun mornings while mommy and daddy "sleep in" an extra 30 minutes. I hate using the TV as a baby sitter, but I think it's the most healthy thing for our marriage.

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[SnuggleBuggles]

We do that on the weekends too. ;) Dh often puts the Tivo remote out of reach so ds doesn't pause his show and come up to get us b/c he wants us to see something.

Take advantage of windows of time in the AM or afternoon if you can get a sitter. It's easier then than at bedtime b/c you usually have more energy.

I guess dh and I are lucky, we are just on the same page with that part of our marriage and we make it a priority. And, even if I don't think I am in the mood (or if dh wakes me up after coming up to bed a hour later than me) it really doesn't take much and it is almost always fun and worthwhile.

Beth

[Twoboos]

In a semi-hijack/related question. How long after you weaned did it take for your sex drive to come back?? DD2 weaned close to a year ago and there's not an urge to be found by me. So I'm figuring something is off. Any thoughts on what the dr should check for? Someone mentioned testosterone?

Although I have to say I was relieved to find out basically none of my friends are having sex either. Even though I'm not alone in this, it's a sad state.

[Laurel]

I so agree with you. Not being alone doesn't make it feel any better!

[Alice523]

I am BFing and don't really have the desire on my own, but go along with DH and end up having fun. We are at about 3x/week, with which DH is only partly satisfied. (Go figure.) I find myself wanting it when I've done it recently (within a day or two) and then the urge fades to the point that I can't fathom ever wanting it again ;), so we try not to go more than two days without. I would say that's the closest I have to a "secret" - the more I have it, the more I think about it and want it.

We've done well with doing it right after DS goes down (at 7). At our bedtime, I'm too tired, and when we first wake up, I can barely make myself move, so daytime/evening works best for me. We find time during some weekend naps, too.

[mommy111]

Good to know I'm not the only one :)

[scoop22]

what about the pill? when i was off the pill it occured much more often. now we have ds, i was bf then went back on the pill and i have no desire. i want to go off the pill NOW!!!
http://b2.lilypie.com/XbITm4.png

[Tondi G]

the Pill killed my sex drive so after DS was born I didn't go back on! I'm thinking if and when we have another child I will have an IUD put in at my 6 week check ... no hormones no worries about getting prego... that would probably help with my sex drive! Funny thing is I just went off my antidepressants not that long ago and I am finding my sex drive seems lower... go figure! So many people have issues with lower sex drive when they are ON antidepressants!!! We do our best to attempt to MAKE TIME at least once a week.We've even been known to drop the kids off with grandma on date night... have dinner out and sneak home for a quicky before going to pick the kids back up!!!!

Like a previous poster said.... if it's been a while my desire seems to diminish.... if we stay more consistent then the desire is there. Now if the kids or I am sick and sleep isn't happening then sex goes right out the window usually!

~Tondi

[LD92599]

We're in the once/day category lately, though I dislike it during that time of the month. Our secret? No secret I don't think - we usually do it in the AM while DS is still asleep otherwise he's still up late at night (though last night and tonight he's asleep by 9pm!).

[kijip]

If one of us is not in the mood but the other is we have agreed to each just play along for 10 minutes. Usually by then we are both in the mood. ;) This method seems to work well for us but I have a child that is almost 4 years old. When I was 4+ months pregnant and for 6-9 months afterwards...not going to happen often, and that was not all me...the lack of 8 hour stretches of sleep post birth killed his sex drive too. We have agreed to go into any baby # 2 pregnancy and post partum with the idea that will likely repeat itself and to not stress out about it.

[LD92599]

As with Katie, my DS is also 4 if that matters! Oh, and we've drastically cut our internet/computer time lately!

[sdbc]

My libido came back within a month of total weaning, actually probably like a week or two--really quick and definitely correlated. I hate saying this, because I still think BFing was completely worth it and wouldn't want anyone to not do it for this reason. Still, it would have helped me to know that it was common at that time. The LLL leaders denied it vigorously when I asked about it at a meeting.

The test they did was a "free-testosterone level test". It tests how much unbound testosterone you have. Usually lower levels correspond to a lower libido, and it's fairly common for this to happen during BFing. The low testosterone also can lead to dryness "down there", as well as a thinning of the lining, which makes sex a little painful (which is how I was pretty much the whole time BFing). At that time, they gave me a hormone cream I could use, which helped with the thinning of the lining and dryness, so it didn't hurt, but it didn't bring the urge back.

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[sdbc]

OMG! I totally agree! "I find myself wanting it when I've done it recently (within a day or two) and then the urge fades to the point that I can't fathom ever wanting it again " It's like carb addiction!

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[newnana]

I had the same problem with the pill. After DD I switched to the generic because I switched health plans and it was no longer covered. That lasted about a year. Not only was I NEVER in the mood- I was also more bitchy and my periods were so short that there were times I wasn't sure I really had one.

3 months ago I got off the generic and back on to the brand name. It has definitely been worth the cost. I'm much more myself in all ways. Who knew there could be so much of a difference?

[alleyoop]

Absolutley! We are in the 2-4x a week club, and doing it more is absolutely related to wanting it more. I think that with kids, a healthy respect for the quicky is a must, also!

[scoop22]

oh.. this is good to know. i hope to be going off the pill in the next month (no longer than 2 YEH!!!) but i will keep this in mind for the next time. i guess i never thought to change from generic. i changed brands but that was it. thanks for the tip
http://b2.lilypie.com/XbITm4.png

[Rachels]

The LLL leaders denied it
vigorously when I asked about it at a meeting.

OMG, that's so stupid. Of course it's related. It's basic biology-- it helps insure that you don't have more babies at a time than you can reasonably handle. It's relationally hard, though. I'm sorry they denied a real thing. Morons.

-Rachel
Mama to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_amethyst_36m.gif
Nursed for three years!

and Ethan James
10/19/05
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bf.jpg

"When you know better, you do better." - Maya

[sdbc]

Yeah, I lost a lot of respect for them because of it. I stopped going to meetings after that because it bothered me so much. I still was able to BF until DD self-weaned.

Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[marit]

It IS like carb addiction (both activities release serotonin in the brain :7).

[cstack]

Sex? What is this sex you speak of.

Actually, I BF all 3 DC (DS#1 - 2 months, DD - 10 months, DS#2 - 3 years) and I never lost my sex drive. I just can't get my DH to cooperate.

[Corie]

So, if I eat a piece of bread while having sex then the serotonin might help one of my migraines?? :)

If I told my husband this, he would keep a loaf of Wonderbread in his nightstand!!

[marit]

Try it and report back!