How to prepare child for funeral?

[tny915]

We're going to a funeral tomorrow for someone who means a tremendous amount to DH's family, but that DD has never met. It's a Buddhist ceremony, and I'm unsure of the details, but I think it's an hour-long ceremony involving chanting and praying, and then the burial.

I'm not sure how to prepare DD for the somber occasion. She's never been to an event where people are expected to be serious. MIL will be very emotional, and I'm concerned that DD fidgeting and talking and frolicking in the grass will distract from the ceremony. I know that MIL wants everything to go right. We can't leave her at home, DH's family really wants DD there.

Any advice?

[jillc]

Hi, no advice, but good luck. Maybe if you try to explain to her beforehand in terms that will make sense to her - just that it will be important to use good manners and good behavior, etc. And bring snacks & a couple little quiet toys/books. Maybe people wouldn't love that, but c'mon, she's 3. It might boil down to whether they'd rather have a quiet 3yr old or a rambunctious 3yr old.

[miki]

I don't think you should worry about trying to get your DD to be serious. I've gone to both my grandparents' funerals. All my family grew up with Buddhism but some converted later to Christianity. All of the small children just ran around as if it was a normal Saturday for them. No one expected that they would really understand what was going on. When the actual ceremony was going on, if any of the kids got restless, they would just get walked around outside.

[hez]

When we took DS to my grandmother's funeral in January, we explained that we were going there to say goodbye to her. We also explained that people would be very sad to say goodbye, and that if he saw people being sad, it would be OK to give them a hug or a kiss. He took that to heart.

My sister's BF brought him a brand new sticker book for the actual funeral, which kept him quietly occupied during most of the service. There were a couple very fidgety points, but I let him go at certain points because to stop him would be to cause an outburst.

I think you just do the best you can do, and sit where you can easily escape with the least amount of fuss if need be.

[hillview]

My 6th grade teacher killed himself and had a Buddhist funeral. I vividly remember them burning a photo of him which really upset me. Just thought I'd mention that -- no idea if that is a standard part of the funeral.

I think at a funeral having a child is very nice and makes people smile. Good luck!
/hillary