Bday party at Little Gym- how do I politely exlcude siblings?

[cdlamis]

Or is it inevitable or a HUGE faux paus? A little background: The party is for Julia's 5th birthday. It is our first location party- the rest were always at home so I didn't need to worry whether the guests would be bringing a sibling as well. We have a maximum of 20 guests and there are already 17 kids on our list wo/ siblings. Parents will be staying as well.

If so, how do I word it on the invitation? Or do I only address it if asked? I worry about this since I don't want to offend some while letting it slide for others.

Another dilemma- if the younger sibling (2 yr old) is also a friend of my youngest DD, do I invite them? Would this make it akward for those families that weren't "allowed" to bring siblings?

Ahh! The drama of birthday parties! :)

Any suggestions is appreciated. I feel so new at this....

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6/02
and Bella 12/04
"http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif"

[supercalifragilous]

Ahhhhhh... I'm interested to see what replies you get to this question as I was also faced with a similar problem. I just planned for the siblings this year.

I addressed the invitations specifically and only to the invitee but still we had parents who just assumed the younger sib was invited (didn't even ask) and furthermore parents who demanded a loot bag for their younger sibling as well! I'm really surprised at the nerve of some people.

One thing someone recommended to me was if you know the parents personally, you could preface it with "We're only allowed to invite 20 guests and including ________ (insert friend here), we are at maximum capacity. This year as my DC is getting older and accumulating more age-appropriate friends from school, play groups,and family, unfortunately we can't include all of his/her friends' siblings as well." They SHOULD get the hint from that. Wouldn't you?

People just don't get (unless they throw a party at a venue themselves) that any kid over 12 months counts as a head and needs to be paid for. Some parents know and just don't care.

I think if you include siblings, include them all - for me it's an all-or-nothing thing. I have been to parties where I have heard grumbling & complaining amongst guest parents that "So-&-so was able to bring their sibling whilst I'm paying for a sitter so my Johnny can attend this party by himself. That's not fair!"

[Globetrotter]

BTDT a number of times now!

We started doing that at the fifth birthday for my oldest, and from my youngest ds's second birthday. We have a lot of friends with all the playgroups, etc... so we would have about 50-60 kids at the parties if we didn't do this (and I've done that before - never again!).

It is quite awkward, but I have to tell you that the parties flow so much better with one age group, and I love having smaller parties. Plus the Little Gym now has a limit of 20.. I was one of the first ones to do it, but nowadays most parties we attend are restricted by age.

I always put something like "Unfortunately, we are unable to accomodate siblings due to space restrictions." Sometimes I make a joke out of it and address the invite to the kid and say something like "Sorry, but we don't have space for brothers or sisters. It'll be more fun without them around to bug us!" (That might sound odd, but that's my style and it sounds like the way I talk :)).

I have made exceptions if there were some extra spaces (assuming someone couldn't make it) and someone was in a bind. I do have one friend who didn't "get it" for a couple of years, but I think it was a cultural issue, because it is considered terribly rude in her culture (I imagine traditionally in most cultures) but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do!

They probably hate me because I also have the no gift thing, although I have to say a lot of our friends have adopted that one, too!

ETA: I do invite a couple of younger siblings if they are very close in age to the birthday child (like a 1.5 year difference) and my son plays with the siblings as much as the kid who is his age. We have a very close friend who has a dd who is the same age as my dd. She was so excited about ds's birthday that I didn't have the heart to tell her it was only for his age, so I now have a tradition of inviting that friend only. DS is actually more like her brother (her mom and I are best friends) since she doesn't have any siblings and is very close to our family. It's nice for dd to have someone her age at ds's parties. I wouldn't have done this if she was in a playgroup or something, but since she isn't friends with any of the other invitees, it doesn't get too weird. I hope this makes sense! As you can see, this is a big issue for us :)

Kris

[fauve01]

I think if you don't want siblings, you have to state it--blunt terms are best. don't asume people will leave the other kids at home just because you address to one child. The PP's suggestion was excellent about "we are limited to child A due to space restrictions."

JMHO of course!

anne + dd 10-03

[Momof3Labs]

This is a tough one. Especially since you want the parents to stay, but not the siblings. Yes, you can just say it. And I would be consistent - no siblings period - or you will upset some people. Are you having the party at a time when it would relatively easy for most people to get a babysitter for siblings? Will parents even want to shell out for a babysitter so that one child can go to a b-day party?

Can you cut down the guest list and relax the sibling rule perhaps??

[SnuggleBuggles]

I agree with other posters that it is best to just be up front about the Little Gym's policy. You already have more than enough guests without adding anymore than your b-day child's friends, imo. I would exclude all siblings.

In lines with what the last poster said, are you requiring parents to stay? All the parties we have been to this year have been for kids turning 5 and by this time of year the parties at venues like a gymnastics' studio or Build A Bear have been drop off parties. The staff at these places usually tend to run a really efficient party and the supervision and attendance of the parent is more of a hinderance than a help sometimes. If space really is that tight would you consider telling parents they have the option of staying? That also helps with the sibling thing. It would possibly make it easier for the parents and the younger sibling.

Beth

[wendmatt]

That is a really tough one. This year DD will be 5 and many of her friends have younger siblings. Last year was fine as they were mostly babies or very young, but this year they will be 2+ which counts as a person. I don't know how we'll handle it yet, so if you find a great solution, let us know! I'd prefer no little ones as they need to be supervised closely and that takes away from the older kids. If it's a weekend the other parent can watch the other child but I have some friends who have husbands deployed so I will def invite the sibling there. It shouldn't be so complicated at this age!

[Globetrotter]

I've never had anyone hire a sitter to attend. I didn't realize people would even think of doing that - I wouldn't :) Usually the husbands will be around to watch the sibling. If they aren't, I try to make an exception.

I'm finding that people will drop off their kid in that case, or send their kid with a friend who is able to attend (if they are younger). Since we're mostly talking about playgroup friends, they know other people who will attend.

I think once you get to elementary school age, this is absolutely the norm (at least around here). It probably sounds odd to parents of younger children, I imagine.

Kris

[cdlamis]

>In lines with what the last poster said, are you requiring
>parents to stay? All the parties we have been to this year
>have been for kids turning 5 and by this time of year the
>parties at venues like a gymnastics' studio or Build A Bear
>have been drop off parties.

No, we aren't requiring parents to stay but so far, that's been the norm around here at all the similar parties for other 5 yr olds so I assumed they would all stay. Then again, she is my first child so I am never sure what to expect with each year! :)

For Julia's friends parties, Bella stayed home with DH while I went to the party with Julia.

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6/02
and Bella 12/04
"http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif"

[cdlamis]

Thanks for all the opinions so far. I was surprised that so many others are as confused as me and that there isn't a set protocol for this. I get so worried about offending anyone but need to stick to the limit. With all of Julia's cousins, playgroup and prek friends, there are more guests than ever and I can leave anyone out.

Fortunately, there are only 3 families that this applies to.
Keep the suggestions/opinions coming!

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6/02
and Bella 12/04
"http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif"

[emilyf]

I don't get this whole party thing either-it seems to me that by 5 parents shouldn't be staying-I was always just dropped off for parties when I was a kid, and that was that. But, it does seem that at most parties parents stay. I usually leave dd w/dh for parties (he would rather jump off a bridge than go to a kid's b-day party). I was sort of assuming that this year the drop-off thing would start, but maybe not? I agree that your policy has to be consistent-I would imagine there are plenty of dads that would be ok with staying home with the younger siblings.
Emily mom of Charlie born 11/02 and Zoe born 9/05

[Andrea S]

>I don't get this whole party thing either-it seems to me that
>by 5 parents shouldn't be staying-I was always just dropped
>off for parties when I was a kid, and that was that. But, it
>does seem that at most parties parents stay. I usually leave
>dd w/dh for parties (he would rather jump off a bridge than go
>to a kid's b-day party). I was sort of assuming that this
>year the drop-off thing would start, but maybe not? I agree
>that your policy has to be consistent-I would imagine there
>are plenty of dads that would be ok with staying home with the
>younger siblings.
>Emily mom of Charlie born 11/02 and Zoe born 9/05

I think it depends on the child. Andrew will be 5 in Aug. He would rather skip a party then be dropped off. If the party is a preschool friend my dh or I take Andrew. Most of our parties are with friends so the whole family is invited.

Andrea
mom to Andrew 8/02
& Benjamin 3/06

[neeter]

Just wanted to say thanks for bringing this topic up... and I really like the suggestions, too. I was surprised by extra siblings showing up at DS' party, when I hadn't "budgeted" for them at the location -- luckily they didn't charge me extra.

(I will say that the moms who brought the siblings apologized, saying that their DHs' couldn't watch them, or apologized for not asking in advance, etc...so I think ppl maybe know that when its an location party, there is a space limitation or extra fees are incurred)...

[newmomto3kids]

oops!

[alexsmommy]

Then I would have a statement along the lines of, "Parents - feel free to drop you child off as due to space restrictions we cannot accomdate siblings." I think 5 is turing point for drop off vs parent staying parties.
Alaina
Alex Feb '03
and #2 in early summer '07

[janeybwild]

We just had Megan's 4th birthday party at our house. I asked moms to RSVP if they would be staying to play or dropping off. That way I got to talk to them and they know siblings weren't invited. I like the idea of adding wording specifically about no siblings though. As a party goer, I like clear rules myself :) About half dropped off. One intended to but couldn't make her 2 year old leave (?) so they both stayed. Made it awkward at the end when I didn't have a goodie bag. One mom called before to ask if her 6 year old could come and be a helper. She came, didn't help, and wanted a goody bag (I did have one extra luckily). I would suggest a bag of suckers to have handy for pick up time too, when parents brought the siblings in. Most were quite uspet that they had missed a good time and didn't get a prize :( Hope you have a blast.

[SnuggleBuggles]

The wording the parents used at our 1st drop off party (just back in March) was, "Parents, great news! You have 2 hours of free time! Along with the staff and Max's family there are more than enough adults to keep things running smoothly." (it was the b-day kid's idea to have a drop off party.)

Beth

[cstack]

Wow! We've had parents bring sibs when we had location parties, but usually, they don't try to "include" the sibs in the party. They'll generally take the sibling off to play separately and they pay for the entertainment of said siblings. I generally have a bunch of extra goody bags, because a lot of people don't RSVP, so I didn't want to get caught short, so on occasion I've given goody bags to the sibs. This year, I didn't make extras (sick of spending the extra $$ and then having a ton of extra junk at my house), so any sibs were not included in the goody bags.

[hardysmom]

Funny, my son is 5.5 and around here we haven't seen much of the drop-off party. Often, kids will come with another parent, but it would seem weird if the parent who brought the kids didn't stick around.

There has always been an unwritten feeling that unless told otherwise, siblings are not invited. Occasionally, there will be an exception- like if my younger kids are friends with a particular younger sibling.

stephanie

[lizajane]

i consider myself to be a somewhat polite person, so i always ask the hostess if silblings are included. i usually ask as though silblings are NOT included, so they don't have to say, "no, he can't come" but instead can reply, "yes, he CAN come."

i did not have birthday parties for dylan because of this problem. i didn't want schuyler's friends to have an "extra" birthday party and then leave poor dylan, the actual birthday boy, in the dust.

we have always had inclusive parties, but to be honest, this is the first year there are any real siblings to speak of. there were only a few babies at his birthday last year. this year, there are more babies and some toddlers.

i think the best idea is to say, "We are sorry that Little Gym is unable to accomodate sisters and brothers."