moms of 2+: How do you deal with differing sleep schedules?

[nfowife]

When DD was born and as an infant, I was a fanatic about her sleep schedule. I followed Weissbluth and was just really strict about her sleep times. She only napped at home, if there was an activity during her naptime we would skip it, etc. She is now a pretty great sleeper and I think that helped a lot! But now I have DS. He's a pretty typical 3 month old BF baby (read: up a lot nursing at night!). Anyhow, I'm just worried as to how I am going to help him be a good sleeper when I can't sit home and be as strict as I was with DD. I'm already worried about this a lot! For example, DD goes to MDO and I drop her off at 9:30 and pick her up at 2:30. I know that once DS gets on a nap schedule he'll need to nap around 9 and 1, what I am going to do about that? And he doesn't nap well on the go either, except in his carseat (and he's not in the infant seat anymore so I can't take him with me sleeping. He doesn't sleep in the stroller). I'm just wondering do they eventually go with the flow? Am I going to have a bad sleeper since I can't be strict? How do you make it work?

[maestramommy]

yeah, inquiring minds need to know!

[calv]

I have 2 kids, almost 21 months apart and I'm a nap natzi. My youngest is napping mostly 2x a day. My 3 year old is napping 1 a day anywhere bettween 2-3pm. All in all is that I'm home a lot. I'm freaking out how the heck I'm going to handle the housbound feeling once baby #3 arrives.

I just think that happy kids = happy moms. My kids are ones that need sleep and if they miss a nap they really let me and the rest of the world know.

Interested and really curious what other mom have to say/suggest.

[janeybwild]

Margaret, I spent way too much time worrying about this when DD#2 was born, and now its starting up again with CJ, so I feel your pain :) Basically, what I do is try hard to protect the two main naps of the day in the crib, which for us are the 9:00 and 1:00 naps. He sleeps in the car seat, sling or stroller if he needs a third nap (which is about 80% of the time). It does create a problem for pre-school drop-off for DD#1 which is at 9:00, but it is a short enough ride there and back that he mostly stays awake now. But, if he does fall asleep, I either leave him in the car seat and put it in his crib, or transfer him to the crib to finish the nap. The afternoon nap for us is a deal breaker though where I won't schedule anything between 1:00-3:30. I think you have to pick one no-go time to build consistency and routine, but that is so hard to do. For my older DD who doesn't nap, that is mostly quiet time or one-on-one time since DD#2 still naps. Can you switch her schedule or do a carpool with someone for either the pick-up or drop off? For me, the afternoon nap is the hardest/worse to interrupt. I'll be curious to see what everyone else does/says. Good luck.

ETA: I also consider myself the sleep Nazi, and don't ever mess with bedtime which is 6:30 for CJ, 6:45 for DD#2, and 7:30 for DD#1 if that helps

[masha12]

I swear by Weissbluth and I am also a sleep Nazi. But, I found with number 2, it was just easier to ensure she got enough sleep.

I now have 3 under 3 (#1 will be 3 in June, #2 is 17 months, and #3 is 5 weeks).

Back in the glory of days of just 2 kids, it really wasn't that bad. I made sure to protect the afternoon nap for everyone (self included) but found I could be a little more flexible with the morning nap in terms of timing, location, and duration. I don't actually remember "sleep training" the second child; I just started putting her down at the same time as the older one for naps and bedtime and never looked back.

I don't really remember how I protected the morning nap; I think I just didn't worry as much about if she missed a morning nap if I needed to run a few errands.

With MDO, I think I would put him in his carseat for the morning and afternoon naps, that way, you can just put him in the car and go for drop off and pick up.

You will not have a bad sleeper if you are not as strict; the key is enough sleep overall. And you will find a way to make it work.

[KBecks]

I think eventually they find their rhythm, but you will need to be a little considerate of giving the baby time to rest. I'm sure you will!

For a while #2 napped, then #1 napped then #2 napped again. Needless to say I felt trapped in the house. #2's nap started later and later to where there is usually now some nap overlap.

Sometimes each child will catch 5-30 minutes in the car. Sometimes that throws them off, other times not.

Go with the flow and don't worry too much about it.

[matthewsmom]

I was really worried about nap schedules also before DD was born. DS is going to be 4 in July and he still naps once a day from about 2-4pm. DD is now about 15 months old and takes 2 naps. I'm still pretty fanatic about making sure that she gets her 2 naps in. During the days that he has preschool, I just put her down for nap around 9:30am and then she's up before I have to pick him up at around 11:30am. Then we come home for lunch and then get ready for his nap. Then she naps around 2:30pm. I find that they are just happier when they nap that it's just not worth the hassel of doing more stuff and then having them not sleep well at night. It was harder when she was naping 3 naps a day. But now it's not too bad. I'm excited when she's going to nap only 1 times a day. By then I think he won't be napping.

HTH

[matthewsmom]

OOPS double post.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I found I didn't have to do as much sleep training because I already knew/read in W. what times he'd need naps and I'd put him down then. I also kept in mind most times that the baby couldn't be up more than 2 hrs so I'd put him down at that time if it wasn't 9/1.

I did spend at least a couple months not going out much because the naps alternated but it's a distant memory now.

Another thing: DS was a *horrible* sleeper compared to dd. He's gotten better and better with bits of ST thrown in. DH/I found we were too tired to work with ds like we did with dd and it showed. Not to mention that we didn't like disturbing dd's sleep to ST in the middle of the night. It's just life with 2(or more). As of last week, DS is sleeping 10-12 hours at night which is bliss now but it's been a long road.


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I love them most when they are sleeping.--Me
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[egoldber]

I worried about this before Amy was born, because Sarah has an activity three afternoons a week (ballet, gymnastics and OT). But Amy solved that problem for me by refusing to nap at all, so I just don't worry about it LOL!!!

[lizajane]

i believe in doing what is best for your family. dylan didn't nap like schuyler did. he slept when he was tired and ate when he was hungry and that was that. he was the happiest baby you have ever met. now, don't get me wrong... he didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months old. and that was really, really hard. but he got what he needed and schuyler and i got out of the house, which is what we needed. now, he naps from around 1-3 and schuyler and i hang out and rest or i work or clean. it is great have a few hours at home that are relatively quiet.

and fwiw, folks i know who kept a super strict nap schedule with #2, which means they don't ever leave the house, have been pretty down for a year...

[brittone2]

I agree w/ Liza. I think it depends on the kid. Some kiddos can get by with just catnaps and be happy, some can't.

DD just isn't getting long naps right now. She cat naps for a half hour here and there in the sling or occasionally by herself. She'll sleep a max of a half hour anywhere unless I am right next to her. DS would still take a nap, but then he doesn't go to bed until 10 or 11 pm. It is tough to get her to nap without him napping.

However, right now they are both going to bed about the same time. I get her to sleep around 7ish while DH gets DS ready for bed and then he comes in and goes to sleep shortly after. So far DD sleeps well at night, but she is soooo not a napper. THe other problem is she doesn't have a "fuss" function. She's either happy or completely ticked. She always wakes up screaming. There's no warm up to it LOL. It isn't like she'll fuss a bit and go back to sleep.

I'm hoping it will work itself out eventually. I don't remember when Logan went to taking a good 2 hour nap. I remember it took him a few months, so I'm crossing my fingers eventually she'll do it ;) Until then we're just managing the best we can.

[kellij]

I have a 2-year-old and a almost one-year-old. My 2-year-old takes huge naps in the afternoon. I put him down at about the same time every day, but on MDO days, I put him down after we come home. The 30 minute nap there just isn't enough for him. With both of my kiddos I have basic times in mind, but mostly I watch for clues that they are starting to get sleepy. So I guess that would be going with the flow.

If I were you I would try to shift DS's sleep schedule down. Like have him nap right after dropping DD off and then right after picking her up. If he doesn't get overtired, it seems like that would work out just fine. That's pretty much what I do with my DD. I make sure I get her down as soon as we get back from MDO, so she'll have plenty of time to nap and I won't have to wake her. That also gives me time to change and feed her before we go back. Also, it's nice because I can get a few things done around the house. She typically goes to bed between 7-7:30 and wakes up about 7:15-7:45. (I'm still nursing, so she wants to be nursed first thing!) However, she still only takes about an hour nap for her naps; DS will sleep 2-3 hours! So I just figure each kid is different.

To some extent I don't think it matters what you do, people are just hardwired one way or another. My mom always said that when I was little if she missed my sleep window I'd get a second wind and never want to go to sleep, around 10. The exact same thing still happens to me today, I'm exhausted until about 10 and then I'm wide awake and have to make myself go to be by midnight!