How (and when) do I get my arms back to myself?

[Piglet]

Let me preface by saying - I LOVE holding my new baby, but oh, how I want my arms back once in a while!! I think some days she is in my arms 20 hours a day. She sleeps in my arms at night and will only sleep in my arms (or DH's) during the day. The only time she is not a "babe in arms" is when she is awake and happy or when she is in her carseat. I know that she is still so little (3 weeks tomorrow), but my shoulders are KILLING me! I have a sling, Bjorn, and pouch - but those are still on ME! I have tried the swing and the bouncy seat and while they work temporarily, they are not effective for much longer than a shower.

So my question - how do I get DD used to being out of my arms? I tried a technique of putting her on a pillow and once she fell asleep I could put the pillow and DD down... but then I just panicked that she would suffocate in the pillow and had to check on her all the time. Any other techniques I should try? When do babies get better about being on their own? I have 2 older kids, so it really is necessary for me to figure this out soon - it is hard to parent effectively with a baby on me, LOL!

Thanks so much!

[brittone2]

I've had two kids like that. I honestly don't think there is much you can do to "teach" them at such a young age, especially.

DD and DS were never lovers of the swing. Both tolerate(d) the bouncy for about 15 mins max. We got the swing back out when DD was about 4 months and she loves it for oh...10 mins, but it helps me get the dishes put away in the morning and DS and my breakfast started.

Now that she's somewhat mobile (rolling across the room), she's more tolerant of being put down on the floor by herself if she's fed and not tired. Still, she's probably happy like that for 10ish mins max (she's 5 1/2 months). Around 3ish months she was somewhat tolerant of being under the gymini with some toys hanging for her to bat at, but again, a 3 week old isn't going to care too much. Maybe a mobile would capture her attention? We've never had one but DD liked our ceiling fan when she was 1-2 months old and would look at that for a few mins by herself.

I know it is tough to have them on you all of the time. My fav solution to still have hands free is the mei tei. Do you have one? A back carry when they are a bit older really frees your hands. It is more adjustable than a bjorn. Are you wearing your slings high enough? If they are adjusted correctly, the weight of a young baby shouldn't be too intolerable. Being able to use two shoulders (ala mei tei) also distributes the weight better for you. Baby should be up on your chest, not hanging lower like below your breasts (just in case you are wearing your DD low)

[daisymommy]

As a mother of two in-arms-babies, I understand your frustration and how tiring it can be (((HUGS))). It will get better, but from my experience, it won't be anytime real soon. Sigh...

I agree with everything Beth has said. I wanted to add that swaddling, a white noise machine, and a pacifier (if you aren't opposed to that) all help to create a bit of comfort away from mommy while you get some things done.

Take Care!

[Piglet]

Thanks Beth! Yes, I have a MT. I haven't tried it yet - silly me! It isn't so much the problem of putting DD down when she is awake, but rather getting her to sleep and then putting her down that I would love to acheive. Not to jinx myself, but the only reason I am online (and using proper capitalization, LOL) is that she is currently asleep in DS2's crib (fingers crossed that I didn't just jinx myself).

[brittone2]

DD really liked sleeping in arms and is only a 30 min. catnapper (like 4 30 min naps a day). I feel for you.

I remember being frustrated at this age w/ DS because he would only catnap and he outgrew it so I"m crossing my fingers she does too.'

eta: as daisymommy said, ITA w/ swaddling and white noise. DS was not a big fan of those things, DD loved them both.

[Piglet]

Thanks Amy! We do swaddle and use a paci (DD has been a very sucky baby since birth and loves the pacifier). Off to research white noise machines!

[Piglet]

Thanks Amy! We do swaddle and use a paci (DD has been a very sucky baby since birth and loves the pacifier). Off to research white noise machines!

[mudder17]

This is the one we have and we love it. I have one in my room and one in Mika's room (Kaya has a different one with various sounds and she has it set for waterfall and seagulls) and we take them with us when we travel. It qualifies for free shipping.

http://www.sleepwellbaby.com/SleepMate-980-White-Noise-Machine-p/sm-980.htm

And yes, the early stages are tough--Mika loved (and still loves) being held, but as she's gotten older, she can entertain herself a bit better. At that age, as long as she was fed and had a clean diaper, if you swaddled her and then held her until she fell asleep, you could often put her down (though she preferred our bed for the longest time to the crib). One other trick we learned was that if we swaddled her and then put her in the swing and swung her sideways she was more content and would sleep longer.

Hugs, Marina! It will get better!

Eileen

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_amethyst_36m.gif

http://www.tickercentral.com/view/6wrn/5.png

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[Momof3Labs]

What kind of swing do you have? I like the FP cradle-type swing much better at that tiny age; it is similar to being in the car seat position-wise, so maybe she'd like that better than a graco open-top style swing.

Other than that, I agree with a good fitting sling, a good tight swaddle and some white noise. And time. DS1 was like this, and did eventually outgrow it!

[o_mom]

I'm right behind you. My extra help left today. DH is taking some time here and there over the next couple weeks, but the endless holding has to stop sometime :-)

We have been having great success with the Miracle Blanket. He will sleep 4-5 hours at night, eat and then 4-5 more when swaddled with it. I'm not using it during the day at all, but we have been able to lay him down occasionally - the FP rocker/recliner is working well as well as the FP cradle swing. Right now he is sleeping in the sling, but it's making me roast!

[JenfromWI]

We are going through the same thing right now. The miracle blanket is working well at night, along with the slumber bear:
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-12/qid=1180381264/ref=sr_1_12/601-0137586-1484116?ie=UTF8&asin=B0001WAO8U
Along the same lines as the white noise machine you are looking into, it plays in-utero sounds that DS finds very calming. I am going to buy a second one to keep in the car. By the way, I do not keep it in the bear, I just take the unit out and place it next to DS. It's nice because it will stay on for 5 min, turn itself off, but go back on if the baby moves. I hope some of these ideas give you a few more minutes to yourself! Hang in there!

[bubbaray]

Some things that worked for us with DD#2:

CuddlyWrap -- way more comfortable than a MT. Far too much fabric to use out and about, but works well at home. They are a Canadian company, so pretty easy to find here.

Bouncing the bouncy seat -- with my hands or foot on the bottom of the frame by the floor.

Swaddling (we're currently using a SwaddleMe as she is out of the MiracleBlanket) and putting to sleep on her back, with my or DH's hand on her tummy. Jiggle slightly/gently. DH also used a modified version of this in the PNP, jiggling the PNP itself.

Bouncing on a ball or edge of the bed while holding baby to your chest -- d/n work for me, but worked for DH, then she would be more soundly asleep and he could put her down.

Neither of my DDs took a paci, so can't help you there.

We have a Conair clock radio/white noise machine that we got with DD#1 at London Drugs. I haven't seen it there in a while, but haven't looked either. You might try looking there for a white noise machine. They are hard to find up here.

We also recently got a Honeywell HEPA air purifier from Home Depot that has 3 settings. The High setting is extremely effective white noise!

Good luck!

Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[shilo]

that was sam too! he was a 20+ hour a day 'babe in arms' for several weeks, and never was a sleeper - still isn't for that matter :). but in arms, perfectly content. about 3 weeks, maybe 4 is when we discovered the fisher price aquarium swing over at my BFF's house. OMG, it was a miracle. it was the first time he ever slept not attached to my boob or in arms (usually mine). we went and got one THAT NIGHT.

he was just like eileen described mika from that point on. he would do the only two to three hour stretch he did for us all day/night long from about 3am - 5am in that swing. swaddled snugly, and swinging side to side (rather than the usual front to back). so if you haven't given that a try (swaddled, swinging sideways), it might be worth it - YMMV.

i got to the point where if i swaddled him before nursing, i could get him unlatched (he almost always only fell asleep nursing, especially at that age) pop the binky in (which i'd put in my other bra cup to get it to my body temp) and into the swing (which i started swinging before i put him in it) and clipped in all while the swing was swinging side to side. i think anyone watching would probably have gotten a crack out of watching the whole thing, but it worked for us.

good luck. that stage is sooo hard, but it's nice to have a snugly one who likes/seeks hugs and kisses as they get older :).

lori
Sam 5/19/05 How lucky I am that you chose me.

[megs4413]

marina, i've tried it all...nothing has worked for us more then temporarily. DD was just like this.

DS will be 3 mos old this week and i'm still holding him about 20 hours a day (if not more than that). i wish i knew the answer!!!! I do remember that once DD was able to sit up on her own that she started to outgrow wanting to be in contact with me all the time.

DS loved the moby when he was younger and it at least got me hands free for awhile....i'm gonna have to find another carrier that he will take to now that he can't do his favorite carry in the moby (he's too long).

my poor DD really is struggling with mommy constantly having her baby brother in arms...i just keep telling myself that this is a short time and in a few months i'll be wishing he would cuddle like he used to....

the only thing that remotely works for us right now is his FP cradle swing....we have to periodically change which way it's swinging (like every 20 minutes), but he'll stay in there sleeping sometimes for up two an hour and a half...that's when i shower (like twice a week...LOL!).

[JoyNChrist]

No advice, but lots of commiseration.

DS sleeps all night long in the swing, but during the day, he definitely wants to hang out in mommy's arms. Who knows when it'll change...

Hugs!!!

[karolyp]

no advice here either, but lots of commiseration as well (typing while babe is in arms).

im still waiting for him to strech out his sleep as we still are on a two hour pattern.

did i mention how tired i am?

[sweetpea]

My dd was like that. We used the Amby bed, Hug a Bub wrap, and Sounds of the Womb (from itunes). A few times I tricked her into thinking I was holding her by placing a warm hot water bottle beside her, but that was in February ... not sure you'd want to do that in the summer! I don't remember exactly when it got better, but it did. Good luck :)