DD is driving me crazy - temper, defiance - any advice?

[npace19147]

She turned three two weeks ago and it's like a switch was turned...what happened to my happy little girl?

Now it's temper tantrums every which way, if we don't do what she wants exactly how she wants it she melts down. Naptime and bedtime are nightmares every day, she refuses to have anything to do with potty training, and she refuses to listen to me at every turn.

She does something she *knows* she's not supposed to do, looking at me the whole time to see my reaction. I tell her to stop, she keeps doing it, this continues until I do the "one two three" and threaten some consequence or a time out.

I can't threaten her for another fifteen years...is this normal and does it get better? Help!!

[sdbc]

I have no idea, but could have written the exact same post (except my DD's potty trained and hasn't regressed *yet*).

It has been so hard the past couple of weeks. Our daughter also just switched from home daycare to preschool, so I was thinking that was part of it in our case, but maybe there is something about the age, as well.



Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04

[npace19147]

Obviously I don't wish difficult times on anyone, but it is good to know we're not alone - thanks for that!

[mudder17]

I already replied to you on preggos, but here's my post again, with some additions:

Yep, totally normal. Kaya went through something similar about a month before Mika was born and it as much worse after Mika came along. The one good thing is that she never tried to hurt Mika or anything and in fact, acted very nicely with her. She took out all her frustations/growing pains, etc., on DH and myself. It wasn't all bad, but she definitely tested a lot. Part of it was she wanted to be the baby and we kept emphasizing she was the big sister (so we let her regress, which helped) and part of it was that she was just going through the 2.5-3.5 year old toddlerhood growing pains. She is definitely much better these days, so I can tell you it gets better, but it's so painful in the meantime. {{{{hugs}}}}

eta: Okay, so I'm thinking about some of the things that helped:

1) Letting her BE the baby as much as possible. Sometimes she'll say, "I'm Mika and she's Kaya!" and I'll play along. She likes to do things like K-A-Y-A spells Mika and M-I-K-A spells Kaya. :) I let her suck her thumb and tried not to make a big deal about it and will try to encourage her to do it only at home or in the car (and to wash her hands a lot). We let her try the pacifier out (Mika doesn't even take a pacifier), but decided against it since she's too old for me to let her get into THAT habit. But we let her drink things from the first year's sippies we got for Mika (we let her have the red ones since it's her favorite color) and I've even given her some pumped milk in a sippy, although she doesn't really like drinking milk of any kind from a cup. She's still nursing once every one to two days, but I try to put a limit on it.

2) We let her play with most of Mika's toys unless Mika is either playing with it at the time. Kaya does put a lot of the toys in Mika's crib or swing, though and she likes using Mika's swing when Mika's not in it for Lambie.

3) We encourage her to be a mother to Lambie (and some of her other animals) and she does a really good job. She nurses them, feeds them, diapers them, dresses them, plays with them, etc. It's really cute and it helps her feel more comfortable in the role of big sister/mother.

4) We try to encourage her and praise her when she's being a good big sister. She likes to bring Mika her toys or bring us a diaper or make her giggle. One of her favorite things is to give Mika Oatios or help her with a sippie cup. We do have to remind her to be gentle sometimes, but she does enjoy it.

5) I let her know that even though she's the big sister, she'll always be my baby.

6) And yes, we do do time outs. Sigh.

More hugs!

Eileen

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[npace19147]

Thanks Eileen - I think we're probably doing too much of the "you're the big girl" with her. It's just exhausting when you have one baby and the other pretending to be a baby! DH goes back to work tomorrow and I think getting back into our regular routine will help too.

[CiderLogan]

I'm sorry to say that age three is worse than the terrible twos. I just tell myself, "it's because she's three" during the tantrums. Please don't anyone tell me otherwise, but I maintain my sanity sometimes by telling myself age 4 will be tons better!!

Jenny
~~~~~
Mommy to two beautiful girls,
ages 1 and 4