How to handle a 2 year old hitting- I'm at the end of my rope!

[JTsMom]

About a month or so ago, DS started hitting (right around his 2nd b-day). It happens mainly when he's frustrated or tired, but sometimes it's totally out of the blue. It's really starting to concern me, b/c I'm afraid he is going to hit another child. Twice in the past week, I've seen him raise his arm up like he was going to hit other children. Once, a little girl had taken a ball away from him, but the second time, a little boy had just walked near him. Both times, he stopped when I called his name (as I moved toward him).

Also, he has started hitting himself in the head- pretty hard too. Just like I mentioned above, it happens more often when he is frustrated, but sometimes it will be kind of random. For example, I could ask him if he'd like a drink, and he'll hit himself!

We have never/would never hit him, and he has never seen other people hitting/being hit, so I'm not sure why this started.

So far, we'e been telling him, "No, hitting hurts! Gentle touches only!", and trying to prevent it in the first place. We also have tried giving him alternatives- teaching him to "say" he's frustrated (kind of signing it), hitting a pillow, giving a high-five, etc. We've even tried brief kind of informal time-outs, but that seems to make the situation worse.

What has worked for you? Is this something he'll just outgrow, or am I dropping the ball here?

[american_mama]

DD2 was a hitter for most of last fall (right around age 24 months). It made DD2 a pariah in many situations. I didn't do anything earth-shattering to stop it, just timeouts, rehearsals of appropriate behavior, going to the injured child first so as not to reward DD2, and hovering near her in red flag situations to be ready to intervene. It did, however, take months to end, so I would say whatever you do, go for consistency and don't be discouraged even if it takes months to get better.

Also, I noticed DD2 seemed to particularly hit little kids she was interested in and looking forward to seeing. So we practiced other physical things she could do when she was excited (excitedly saying Hi and waving her hand, jumping up and down, stamping her feet, gentle touches on the forearm).

[megs4413]

we taught her to hit the carpet while we acknowledged her feelings and gave them words....like this:

DD is upset and frustrated and looks like she's going to hit, so i say hit te carpet if you're mad. and sge hits and i will hit with her (which she sometime thinks is funny)and I validate her feelings: "i know yo'ure mad/frustrated/etc. Show me. Hit the carpet."

She started with the hitting when she was a little over one. and she was always coming after ME. we never hit her or eachother, so like you, I don't know where she picked it up. one of the GCM moms told me about this technique and it has worked for us. Now, when she feels like she's gonna hit, she either hits the carpet or realizes and stops before she hits at all.

she's still having tantrums, though, she's just not hitting me or someone else because of them. HTH!