Getting ready for baby No.2. Suggestions needed!!

[CBB]

Both DH and I don't have any family close-by. Our parents live in New Orleans and we are in Boston. They are all still working. My mom and MIL can each take off about 3 weeks to help us. We are thinking about having one of them flying here a week before my due date. On the other hand, I'm worried that if the baby arrives late, they'll be wasting their vacation time while waiting for the baby. I was 2wks early with DD, but who knows what's going to happen 2nd time around. The other option is to have my mom or MIL fly in once I start labor, but then we may have no family around to help us with DD when I go into labor and the ticket could be very expensive. My main concern is DD - what should we do with DD when I have the baby? DD is very sensitive and attached. She doesn't do well with strangers and is a terrible sleeper which is why we've never hired a babysitter. She attends preschool while both DH and I work. We may be able to drop her with one of our friends for a few hours depending on the day and time (which I've actually never done in the past), but she wouldn't be able to spend the night. If we bring her with us, she won't get much rest and I don't want her to feel neglected - but we are thinking this may just be the easiest and best way. Has any of you brought your other child(ren) with you when you have the baby when you don't have any family to help out. And is it really that important to have someone help with your other child(ren) when you are in labor. How do you make sure your older child(ren) not feel left out? Any suggestion is greatly appreciated!!

TIA

[Momof3Labs]

Have you thought about hiring a doula? The doula could be your support person while in labor, and your DH could worry about your DD. I wouldn't make him do both (support you and her) - that's asking too much of him, even if he thinks that he can do it. But keep in mind that if, for example, you require a c-section, he wouldn't be able to be there with you if he's with your DD. But the doula could be there with you.

You have a couple of months before #2 arrives - how about working on leaving your DD at a friend's house for a few hours, and even finding an experienced babysitter who can stay with her for an evening (and be your back-up when you go into labor)? She's already used to being in preschool during the day, so may do a lot better than you think. If nothing works well, then you still have time to fly grandma in 1-2 weeks before your due date.

[gatorsmom]

You DEFINITELY DON'T want your DD at the hospital with you. For so many reasons, but the main one being that you could end up with a c-section. It absolutely won't kill your daughter to be babysat for one day. She might not like it, but she won't be traumatized for life.

Since your mother AND MIL can both take 3 weeks off, I'd have your MIL arrive about a week before your due date and have your mother arrive the day after your MIL leaves. If you don't go into labor early, then she can just spend time with her granddaughter whom she probably doesn't see often living so far away. Or she can help you prepare for the new baby (put her to work making meals to freeze, washing and folding baby laundry, or take her and DD to the park for some quality time together).

If you do go into labor on your due date or about then, MIL can take care of her granddaughter and spend more one on one time with her. Your DD should be comfortable around her since you three have spent time together. Even if you still don't go into labor til after MIL leaves, then your your mother will arrive and she can be there for DD when you do.

Either way, if you have one arrive right after the other, then either MIL or your mom will be there for your DD when you go into labor or have a c-section and will be there to help while you recover.

As for DD feeling left out, even if you are in the hospital for 4 days, her grandmas will make DD feel very special and spoiled, I"m sure. Once the baby is there, make sure you include DD in every part of her care. Let DD hold the baby's foot while you are feeding her, or wash her legs during her bath. Emphasize how proud you are of what a great big sister she is. When people ogle the baby make sure you introduce older sister too. You'll see, that before long, the 2 siblings will develop their own little relationship independent of you. It's pretty neat to watch.

Oh, almost forgot- life will be much, much easier on you if you have a dependable double stroller when baby arrives. Might want to start researching that now.

Good luck!!

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005
and surprise! twins due 11/07!

[maestramommy]

I would say it depends on how old the child is, their personality, your comfort level with having them around during your L&D. For us, my mom lives about an hour away, which is great for getting here, but not if I go into labor in the middle of the night, which I ended up doing. We had Dh's cousin as a backup as he lived 5 minutes away. He came over and stayed until my parents arrived.

In the situation where neither my mom nor the cousin could come in time we would've taken Dora with us, and Dh would stay with her in the waiting room until someone could come. We had a couple people from church also offer themselves as standby. In the worst case scenario Dh would run back and forth or just stay with Dora and I'd be soloing it with a nurse. I was still okay with that because the L & D nurses at my hospital are fantabulous! We really didn't want Dora witnessing the labor and delivery. We didn't know how long it would go, and she's just too young, it might be rather traumatic.

Forgot to add: I don't know who you want to come out first, but for me I wanted my own mom first, then MIL. Partly because I had spent months visiting my parents every week so Dora would get to know them, and partly because my mom was cooking all this Chinese Herbal stuff to aid recovery. And well, I feel more comfy in the beginning with my mom. She stayed for 3 weeks, then MIL came for one week. By the time she arrived, Dora was fine being left with her for a few hours, even though she didn't know her at first.

[cmo]

Perhaps there is a teacher at your DDs preschool who babysits on evenings and weekends, and could provide some coverage when you need it. That way your DD would have a familiar face taking care of her.

Also, it might be worth looking into the rules and fees of changing an airline ticket on short notice. You could buy a ticket for your mother or MIL for around your due date, but change it at the last minute if the fees are not too high if you go into labor early.

You will find a way! :-)

[momofmany]

You really need to find someone with whom you are comfortable leaving your child with. Even with this pregnancy aside, there are enough small and large emergencies that can occur in life where you need to have someone take care of your child on short notice. With no family in the picture the very best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to build up a stable of caregivers. We have not family around us as well and we have learned this over time (and the hard way - we once had to make a trip to the ER for my husband in the middle of the night with kids in tow because we didn't have caregivers. I'll never do this again).

You and your husband need to put your full attention into the delivery and birth of your new baby. You never know what will happen. Your daugher, at age 3, will survive her time with another caregiver, however bringing her to the hospital to deliver a baby will be really stressful for her and for you. I have very attached children, so in my experience, she will survive.

You have a few months. Check around with your preschool, your neighbors, your church, and friends. Start having potential caregivers over and get your child used to them. You will be doing yourself and your child a huge favor. She will probably love it as well.

Good luck with your family.

[fattytuna]

Having sort of just BTDT, I'll share my experience. I'm very lucky that the timing worked out well for me. We have never left DD with anybody else except her grandma's when they come to visit. Lately she is doing very well with a couple of friends of mine during playdates, but we couldn't really leave her with them overnight either.

My original due date was 7/14. Both my mom and my MIL can come for two-weeks at a time. So I had my mom scheduled to come on 7/8 and my MIL on 7/22. I figured it's not so much of a waste if my mom gets to spend some time with DD even if DS comes on time. Well, DS decided to come on 7/9. I was having some irregular contractions in the morning, so I was IM'ing DH at work throughout the day keeping him updated. I was having contractions throughout the day but not to the point where I think something is actually happening so I figured just go about my day as usual. (Well, I wouldn't know any better anyway, I was induced the first time with DD.) At 3pm I took DD to a playdate at a neighbor's house. At 4pm I went to the bathroom at her house and my water broke, in her toilet, thank God. My neighbor is the nicest woman - she volunteered to go to the hospital with me. So we went back to the house to drop off DD with my mom, called DH, who has already left work but was still far away(he has a 32-mile commute to work), and headed for the hospital. We probably got to the hospital at 4:45pm. DH arrived about half an hour later, and DS was born at 5:40pm.

I had thought about bringing DD to the hospital as the last resort, but afterwards I'm glad we didn't have to end up taking her with us. And if we did, I'd have DH take her outside of labor and delivery, which means you will have to be alone. A less than 2-hr active labor makes me a very vocal person and I think DD would have been very scared not knowing what's going on - she's only 2. I also agree with PP on the possiblity of a c-section. I was told at my very last check-up that I should expect a quick and straightforward delivery, but you never know (even thought they were right) so I always prepare for the worst. If you do end up with a c-section, you will be alone as they will not allow a child in the OR.

You might also want to think about enlisting some friends or neighbors who can take you to the hospital in case your DH needs to stay with your DD if the grandma's have not arrived yet.