Please share your survival tips: toddler plus a newborn

[table4three]

DD will be here within 2 weeks. I'll be having a c-section and have DH home for a week, then MIL coming each day for a week to play with and help care for my 2 yr old DS. Then what? Any wisdom to share about how to cope once the help leaves and I'm here with an energetic 2 yr old (who fortunately does nap!) and a 3 week old? I just keep remembering spending the first month of DS's life napping all day when he slept and not doing much else. That's obviously not going to be possible this time! So please share your wisdom, mommas! I'm starting to get a little freaked out!

TIA!


DS - 2
DD - coming this summer!

[Corie]

You actually have more help than I did!! :)

After my first child was born via c-section on a Wed., my husband was
back at work on Monday. Then I was on my own.

After my second child was born via c-section, my husband took off
a week of work. Then I was on my own.

Honestly, I don't remember much. I'm pretty sure that I ordered ALOT
of takeout food and hired a house-cleaner to come every 2 weeks.

Other than that, just go with the flow! :)

[LarsMal]

Honestly- by the time all of my help left after almost 4 weeks (DH and my mom week 1, DH week 2, my mom week 3, and my youngest brother week 4) I was so ready to be on my own! I just wanted to start figuring out some sort of routine again. DS was all out of sorts from having so many different people around, and his schedule was way off.

Like Corie, I don't really remember much, and it was only 6 months ago!!!! I just tried to keep DS on as normal a routine as possible, and DD just did her newborn thing. BF was a little hard since it was so often. Trying to keep DS occupied while nursing was a challenge. I found it easiest to nurse in the play room as much as possible so he could just play or we would read or color while I fed her.

You just have to try to find a balance between routine and going with the flow. Also, DH and I had to reorganize our duties around the house. I could no longer keep track of the bills so he took over that area, and we now clean on the weekends when we're both home and one of us can entertain the kiddos. I do my best to keep up during the week, but priority goes to the kids.

Oh yeah...and if you're lucky enough to get them both down for a nap at the same time- REST- you'll need it!

Good luck!

[megs4413]

i remember feeling like i was drowning...you're not anti-tv are you? LOL! TAKE OUT FOOD! if you have a super suppers or the like, get a freezer full of meals! get your grocery shopping done when DH is home and shop for the week making sure to get a lot of stuff that can be eaten with one hand......and know that it WILL get easier....the first few weeks are tough, but they're gone quickly...

[icunurse]

For me, I try to keep in mind that DD's schedule is pretty flexible, other than her feedings. So, we stick to DS's as much as possible. However, I will stretch his nap schedule a bit, so that he naps as soon as I am done feedng DD and out her down for a nap. Then, I either get quiet time or a little nap for me.
DS - 2004
DD - 2007

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

well,dd had just turned 3 when ds was born. We bought a tv and vcr/dvd combo for the bedroom. We spent most of the morning in the bedroom watching cartoons,eating(dh would bring food up before he left for work) and playing while ds nursed. We would make our way downstairs around noon,have lunch,play,nap,nurse then figure out something for dinner. Luckily dh was always home by 6.
I'd say expect to take life very slowly,don't expect much out of yourself for the first month. Expect dh to help a LOT with laundry and dishes. I cleaned the heck out of my house right before ds was born so I could let it go for a month without it getting downright disgusting. When I say slowly I mean I didn't even go to the grocery store with both children until ds was about 7 weeks old.
You might prep a bunch of meals and shove them in the freezer. Or just pick up a bunch of takeout menus. I also bought dd some games that she could play by herself while I nurse. She loved "go fishing". That game where the fish turn in a circle,open and close their mouths and she has a little fishing pole to catch them with. She loved it and would play with it while I nursed.
I kept the changing table downstairs for the first month also because we have a 2 story house and I was limited on how many times I could climb the stairs.
I was very fortunate because dh had the first 4 weeks off and mil came over and took dd out also during that time. I can't say how well I would have done without the help,especially since I got the flu when ds was 5 weeks old.
I'm sure you'll get through this,I think the secret is just good preparation. Good luck

[gatorsmom]

The first week after both my c-sections I needed to stay in bed and recover. Thank God I had help and could do that. I'd say I felt much more able to get things done (and was off pain meds) after 2 weeks. I even picked up a girlfriend from the airport at 3 weeks post-partum, with baby in tow.

I second all the previous good ideas and here's a few more:
*Freeze dinners in advance.
*Ask (beg) friends to bring dinners over every other night for a couple of weeks while you are recuperating. Or, call a local church to see if they have a new-mom/post-op meal delivery program. Most do and would be happy to help.
*Do the laundry and housekeeping just before your surgery so you can let the housework go for those first 2 weeks without worrying about it.
*Anyone who offers to help, tell them to come over and play with DS at some point during the day (except naptime) so you can catch some extra shut-eye.
*Prepare in advance some adult supervised activities so volunteers can easily play with DS (I have shoeboxes with markers, paints, stickers, playdoh, watertoys (fun to splash in the sink) and chalk. Each activity is in its own box- everything needed for the activity is in the box.
*Plan to nap with the baby when DS naps. This will help you recuperate faster. Don't try to accomplish anything or run errands during DS's naptime for the first 3 weeks. You'll get run-down.
*Set up "changing stations" in your kitchen and family room (the room where DS plays a lot). I had a packn play in the family room right off the kitchen stocked with extra diapers (for both kids) wipes, burp cloths and extra clothes. I had one next to our bed too. Try to avoid stairs-especially the first 2 weeks.
*Put a bouncy seat, swing, or infant play mat in every room you and DS frequent. That way you have a handy place to set the baby down quickly when you need to. Make sure it's in a visible spot (in case DS gets curious- you want to be able to keep an eye on the baby).
*Get DS involved in DD's care. Let him play with her toys, let him help dress her (put her socks on or something) let him wash her feet during bathtime, etc. Let him know you really need his help. If he feels like he is the big older brother, he'll be a lot less jealous of her. If you make anything of hers off-limits for him, he'll be more likely to lash out at her.

You'll be fine. Before your know it, you will be out and about with the brood. HTH!

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005
and surprise! twins due 11/07!

[sethsmom]

I am in the middle of this myself. Here's what helps me.

1. Prepare for tomorrow the night before. Once Seth is in bed,I give Aaron to DH and set out clothes, find shoes, get things out for breakfast, etc. I also use this time to fold clothes since it is useless for me to try while Seth is awake!

2. If you're nursing, nurse and nap at the same time. I've been using Seth's nap time as a nap for Aaron and me. Lay down, let him nurse, and go to sleep. Aaron is happy, quiet, and content (and usually asleep) as long as he has access to it!

3. Enlist DS in helping as much as possible. At 21 months, Seth was getting diapers, bringing pacifiers, and saying "shh" and "it's okay, baby" whenever Aaron would cry. I have to keep an eye on them since Seth is a bit overzealous with his affection at times, but he never fails to get a bit grin from Aaron.

4. Get some special new toys to put away for those rough days. Aaron got his two month shots on Wednesday afternoon, Seth is cutting two molars, and between two fussy children, yesterday was horrid! I pulled out a new puzzle that Seth had never seen and he was happy and occupied for nearly two hours!

5. Get a sling to carry DD. Best purchase I ever made.

Hope that helps!

[table4three]

>You actually have more help than I did!! :)
>
>After my first child was born via c-section on a Wed., my
>husband was
>back at work on Monday. Then I was on my own.
>
>After my second child was born via c-section, my husband took
>off
>a week of work. Then I was on my own.
>
>Honestly, I don't remember much. I'm pretty sure that I
>ordered ALOT
>of takeout food and hired a house-cleaner to come every 2
>weeks.
>
>Other than that, just go with the flow! :)


Wow! I'm glad I'll have the help for 2 weeks - I can imagine how hard it was to be on your own only 1 week later!

DS - 2
DD - coming this summer!

[table4three]

BF was a
>little hard since it was so often. Trying to keep DS occupied
>while nursing was a challenge. I found it easiest to nurse in
>the play room as much as possible so he could just play or we
>would read or color while I fed her.

I can see BF being a challenge for my attention, etc. Nursing in the playroom is a great idea! Thanks!

DS - 2
DD - coming this summer!

[table4three]

>i remember feeling like i was drowning...you're not anti-tv
>are you? LOL! TAKE OUT FOOD! if you have a super suppers or
>the like, get a freezer full of meals!

Well, DS didn't know about TV till I got pregnant, and now with me being so tired, he's come to have a few favorites. I have a feeling he'll have a show or two a day to help me get things done/rest/etc.

Need to start collecting take out menus!!! I did try super suppers before and DH complained about them - he'd just rather have the same stuff we always have, which will probably be cheaper anyhow, so I had better get cooking and freezing, I guess!


DS - 2
DD - coming this summer!

[table4three]

When I say slowly I
>mean I didn't even go to the grocery store with both children
>until ds was about 7 weeks old.

LOL! I can't even imagine taking both at that point! We'll see how it goes!


> I kept the changing table downstairs for the first month
>also because we have a 2 story house and I was limited on how
>many times I could climb the stairs.

That will be an issue too. I put the PNP on the first floor set up as a nap place/changing table. The stairs will be a challenge for a couple weeks!



DS - 2
DD - coming this summer!

[table4three]

>*Ask (beg) friends to bring dinners over every other night for
>a couple of weeks while you are recuperating.

I need to get better about that! If people ask if they can help, I'll let them know to bring food! Especially my sister, parents, etc.


>*Prepare in advance some adult supervised activities so
>volunteers can easily play with DS (I have shoeboxes with
>markers, paints, stickers, playdoh, watertoys (fun to splash
>in the sink) and chalk. Each activity is in its own box-
>everything needed for the activity is in the box.

Great idea! I love that! DS will think that's great.

>*Set up "changing stations" in your kitchen and family room
>(the room where DS plays a lot). I had a packn play in the
>family room right off the kitchen stocked with extra diapers
>(for both kids) wipes, burp cloths and extra clothes. I had
>one next to our bed too. Try to avoid stairs-especially the
>first 2 weeks.

I hadn't thought about keeping extra clothes downstairs, but that's a great idea too. If DD is anything like my DS, we'll be going through 3 outfits a day with poop, spit up, etc!



DS - 2
DD - coming this summer!

[table4three]

I also use this time to fold
>clothes since it is useless for me to try while Seth is
>awake!
>

LOL! Yesterday I was trying to fold laundry and DS thought it was hilarious to THROW the clean laundry all over the family room. Picking up a load of laundry piece by piece off the floor isn't easy when 9 mo pregnant!!!


>
>4. Get some special new toys to put away for those rough
>days. Aaron got his two month shots on Wednesday afternoon,
>Seth is cutting two molars, and between two fussy children,
>yesterday was horrid! I pulled out a new puzzle that Seth had
>never seen and he was happy and occupied for nearly two
>hours!

Good idea! I think I need to get a stash of new toys for those times!

>
>5. Get a sling to carry DD. Best purchase I ever made.
>
I did buy a few slings/pouches/wraps - I can't imagine doing this without one!

>Hope that helps!

Thanks!


DS - 2
DD - coming this summer!

[LarsMal]

Ditto the sling. I don't think I could've gotten through those early weeks without my Hotsling. I did the grocery shopping from week 3 on, so I would put DD in the sling and DS in the cart. I remember having it on and people commenting that they didn't realize there was anything in there, that's how swallowed up she was in it! Now I use the Bjorn when we go to the store. Actually, I use it a lot. I HATE using the double stroller (and DS is on a stroller strike) so I usually push DD in the stroller and then when DS needs it I'll put her in the sling or Bjorn and let him take a ride.

You'll quickly find lots of little tricks that work for you!

[Corie]

I don't think I showered or brushed my teeth for weeks! :)

[KBecks]

I honestly don't remember a lot of the details of when DS#2 came home, but I know that we relied on television and videos somewhat to entertain DS#1.

We did compromise and I did not exclusively breastfeed DS#2, partially so I had an opportunity to get more sleep. DH would give DS#2 one of his feedings.

It was really rough on me to be honest. I remember being exceptionally crabby. But knowing it's a temporary situation and will improve helps a lot. And knowing many people have made it, you can too!

I also loved going to playgroup and playdates and getting out a little bit with both kids to hang out and relax with other people.

We joined a gym wth great childcare when DS2 was about 8 months old. If I had known earlier, I would have joined earlier to get more breaks and nice showers!

Good luck and congrats on your new arrival!

ETA: Just FYI, life is wonderful after surviving the newborn stage.

[sidmand]

Do you belong to your local MOMS Club? I know ours will deliver 5 to 7 meals to a new Mom. I wish I had known that before DS! But I didn't even think to join until after he was born. But I'm definitely going to sign up for that if and when we have number 2.

I don't have two (yet!), so no other practical advice. I've been wondering myself how it's gong to work with two. I don't think I'll be going out to a store for awhile. It's hard enough with my one!

Debbie
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[ivparker]

I'm due with my 4th in November and my oldest just turned 3 last month, all c-sections. I think what everyone said is great and most of all just remember that you are a great mama. I don't know how I've done it or am doing it, but you will naturally figure things out. My house always is messy though. I've come to just accept it. I do a little cleaning at night and on weekends. I do seem to get an extra surge of energy when I know someone is coming over.
If people offer to help, yes ask them to bring food. It is not only less work but its fun to get other meals.
Ivanna

[Jen841]

I was spoiled, I kept J in daycare for 2 days a week for relief. Can Grandma be available more? Special Grandma days are priceless!

Honestly, I don't know what I would have done without the Laurie Berkner Band DVD. I know it is a weird thing, but Jude watched it over and over and danced and performed for me and the baby.

House cleaning and variety in diets go out the door. Whatever is quick and easy goes.

I survived b/c I got us all of of the house 1-2 times a day. The double stroller is the best invention ever. My kids were angels in it and we would walk the mall etc. With the c-section I was slow, but I think it helped with my healing. We did the groceries, story hours,... I remember just walking at a snail pace around and around the mall just to get out of the house.

Put the 2 year olds changing supplies all on the floor. It was easier to get down on the floor to change J than to lift him into the changing table. He loved it, and eventually I just had the changing pad on the floor and he would get everything else.

Keep filled sippy's in the frig. When E came I taught J to get his own drinks. He loves opening the frig, but only will do it when told he can.

Don't refuse any help. 1 had help for 2 weeks, then it was over. DHs will need to step in a lot. I remember my DH walking in the door and my handing over the kids and going to bed and/or the grocery by myself. I love cooking, so when I would be at a melting point he would watch the kids so I could cook.


Good luck! I was told 3 is the 3 of you, 4 is a "family."

[table4three]

>I was spoiled, I kept J in daycare for 2 days a week for
>relief.

We really considered that, but I can't justify it because my entire leave (3 mo) is unpaid, so on top of getting no income, I couldn't justify paying the daycare. Plus, I've cut back on my hours (and income) when I return, so we are making a few cutbacks as well. I'm hoping I don't regret that!

Fortunately, Grandpa (my dad) is retired, and I'll likely be able to get a day for him to come up every week or every other week, and I plan to use it! :)


DS - 2
DD - coming this summer!

[table4three]

>
>Keep filled sippy's in the frig. When E came I taught J to
>get his own drinks. He loves opening the frig, but only will
>do it when told he can.

I hadn't thought about that - great idea! Thanks!


>
>Good luck! I was told 3 is the 3 of you, 4 is a "family."

:)


DS - 2
DD - coming this summer!

[hellbennt]

ditto to a sling!!

also, someone told me this & it really was great:

tell dc#1 that "mama's hands are busy" so that you're not
'blaming' the baby, ie: I'm changing the baby right now, be with you in a moment" so if you are changing the baby you say "mama's hands are busy right now; I'll be right with you to help you do ___"

it sounds like 'just semantics' but I really found it to be great advice :)

~laura in miami~
ds1 7/03
ds2 7/06

[LexyLou]

These are great tips!

My DD 1 is only 22 months old and I'm expecting DD 2 pretty much any day now. Needless to say, I'm a little freaked out.

Some of the things I plan on doing are:

~Going to Meal Makers and stocking the freezer next weekend so that we have easy meals at least 2 times a week,

~Take out for sure!

~Luckily, my playgroup will probably make me about 4-5 meals

~I bought a rockin baby pouch and an Ergo carrier and hope to wear #2 a lot

~DD1 is starting preschool 3 mornings a week starting in September.

~Cleaning on the weekends. I already told DH he's going to have to step up the cleaning. He hasn't cleaned a toilet or tub in over 5 years...

~Oh, I'm very lucky that DH gets 2 weeks of paid paternity leave with his work. He also has 70 hours of vacation time that he has to take by September 30th or he'll lose it, so I think he'll take 2 weeks off right when she is born and then his mom is coming for 2 weeks, then he'll take another 2 weeks off, so I am very lucky in that regard.

Good luck to you!

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