Spin off of 4 year old post - I need advice about playing with 2 kids

[new_mommy25]

I think the main reason Noah is so bored all the time is because I don't play with him enough. But it's hard. Really hard. For example, he always wants to play a board game but I tell him we need to wait until Ruby naps. Same goes for puzzles, or his marble runs, or building a complex train track. He's really into complicated things but Ruby is 14 months and a destroyer. For instance, if we do a puzzle, she grabs the pieces, scatters them everywhere, runs off with them laughing, rips out completed parts, and so forth. I try to help Noah do the puzzle, while helping DD do her puzzles at the same time, but naturally she has no interest in her toys. We've tried doing the puzzle on the kitchen table but she's a climber and she's right up there next to us ripping it apart. I've tried giving her a few of the pieces to play with but she doesn't want anything that's given to her, she just wants to take. See where I am going with this? I feel really bad because now Noah is in preschool I hardly ever get any one on one time with him. DH does help out when he can but he works a lot. When he is off he spends a lot of time with Noah so he actually gets way more one on one time with him then I do.

But I guess the real question is, how do you play with your older DC while keeping your younger DC happy?

[hardysmom]

I know where you are... First, don't feel guilty. I think I can speak for every mom of fairly closely spaced siblings that it is a universal problem. Around 2.5 yrs, it gets better and they will play together (with a lot of screaming and grabbing), but until then it is tricky.

Hardy was 2yrs, 4 mo when I had twins.

All I can say is to work some one-on-one into the routine so that there is a set time he can look-forward to... That way, instead of always saying "later" and never really getting there, you both KNOW when his time will arrive.

For us, that means that when Dad comes home from work, Hardy and DH will go on "patrol" and scout out our yard while eating a sugar-free popcicle. During bedtime, we start early so he can have a few minutes to talk by himself or we'll do something quiet together, like build a town in his room while dad puts the girls to bed. In the morning, he gets up a little earlier and we cuddle in my bed before the girls are awake.

I try to establish some fun things which are age appropriate for all the kids. We read stories. We play "rescue the babies." We turn on music and have dress-up dance parties. Cooking works with big and little kids and is great for teaching turns. We do a lot of building with the purpose of tearing our creations down together. The younger kids love the noise and Hardy likes making a stack of blocks (or whatever) really, really tall for them to crush.

I found it nearly impossible to do complicated projects, even puzzles, with all 3 kids when they were little for the reasons you mention. It was just too hard and I felt like it wasn't fostering good feelings between them. Then, I get stressesd and turn into Mean Mom.

I try to schedule at least one outing a week in which DS and I go somewhere alone... it doesn't have top be glamorous, maybe just running errads, but it makes him feel special. It seems like it takes some of the steam off of the constant demand for my sole attention during the week.

Twice a year, I actually take DS for a special trip-- in a couple of weeks we will go to Six Flags (3 hours away) for an overnight trip. It is a big, BIG deal to both of us. I cherish that time and it is great for DH to spend time alone with the twins.

Don't know if any of these things will help.

Stephanie

[gatorruth]

Our kids are 34 months apart. DD is a total destroyer-- But our older DS isn't into games as much as your DS is. Have you gotten a pressure mounted baby gate that goes in the doorway of HIS room? This way, he can keep cool big boy toys in his room and they won't get destroyed... he can play by himself, you can still hear what's going on and it teaches DD that he gets some privacy/alone time and that she can't destroy his stuff.

Also, is your ds into dinos or rescue heros or anything like that? even some of the little people... those aren't breakable and then ds and dd can 'play' together...

I really don't 'play' with my kids a ton (DS is in school 4 hours a day, though), The two of them really entertain themselves together.

During DDs nap, I will do a puzzle or something, but not the whole time (mommy has work to do!).

Does your ds have friends that you can invite over for playdates? Those are lifesavers... at this age, they can play together by themselves. It gives you some time and the other mom gets time...

Hope these ideas make your days smoother... and shorter.

[cindylouhoo]

Oooh, I'd love some more ideas or suggestions, too. I have a 19 mos. old and a 2 week old. Seems like we've watched a Thomas the Tank Engine DVD 100 times since I've been home with both. DS doesn't want to play with me the same way he plays with DH. I offer, but I guess I'm not the "fun one."

[KrisM]

I stagger lunch for them. That's more work for me, but lunch is usually easy food, so it's okay.

I strap DD in her booster seat and she eats. She's slow and takes abou 30 minutes. DS and I play. Then, when DD is done, she gets down and DS eats. It's not a lot of time, but it works.

Bad time of the year, since school starts soon, but can you hire a teenager to come play with your DD while you play with DS?

We still go through this a lot, too. DS starts preschool next month and I'll get time with DD, but I'll miss that time with DS.