Any new funnies to share?

[LarsMal]

It's been a little while, and I could use a good laugh! Got any cute/funny stories to share about your little one(s)?

I'll start...

I'm in the process of getting DD to take a bottle a couple times a day. I had been pumping so she could have as much of it BM as possible. I can't even remember the last time I pumped, let alone in front of DS. Anyhoo...he comes walking out of our bedroom the other night with my hand-held pump. DH and I just kind of looked at each other, waiting to see what DS would do. He stopped in the middle of the room, lifted up his shirt as high as he could, and put the thing on his tummy! It was hysterical!!! It's amazing what their little brains can remember!

DD cracks me up, too, but not really anything "funny"- just general 8mo cuteness with lots of smiles, laughs, and HUGE dimples!

ETA: Forgot I took this!
http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t180/CJLM/pump_cropped.jpg

[dotgirl]

I promise that this gross part explains the funny part.

Our DS is having some trouble with going poo in the potty - his teacher thinks it's because his poop is always so soft, he doesn't even really know he needs to go. She's convinced he's lactose intolerant. We're cutting out all lactose to see if that improves the issue.

He knows that he has to have special milk, cheese, and yoghurt because the regular stuff makes him sick.

We were at the store a few days ago, and he wanted some ice cream. I told him that he couldn't have regular ice cream because it would make him sick. I was about to redirect him to the soy ice cream when he stopped in the middle of the aisle, and at the top of his lungs shouted, "BUT I LIKE MY SOFT POOP!"

The poor college student shopping near us practically dropped his basket, he was running away from us so fast.

[kozachka]

We are trying to limit the amount of sweets DS has and ice-cream in particular. Here's my dialogue with DS this past Saturday. To set the scene, DS is eating ice-cream and guess is trying to sell me on the idea that he should have it more often:

- Mom, is ice-cream good for you?
- No, dear, it has too much sugar in it.
- Isn't it good for anything?
- No, my love it is not good for anything.
- It freezes bugs in my tummy.
- Bugs??? In your tummy? Why do you think you have bugs in your tummy?
- Grandma said that if I continue biting my nails I'll have bugs in my tummy.

[gordo]

This is what my 2 year old said to me while lying in my bed upstairs.

"mommy, you go down, get my milk. I stay in bed. Good idea?"

ETA: I can't believe I forgot this one. I was asking DD for a kiss before bed and she said. "Be carefuly mommy, there's boogies in my mouth!"

At least she warned me LOL

[kijip]

We are still laughing over lattes with berries and onions over here. Toby knows it makes us smile and will say "Are you sure we should'nt have lattes with berries and onions for breakfast instead of this french toast? Yes dear, we are sure. :P

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=37&topic_id=437030&mesg_id=437030&listing_type=search

[Aunt to sweet baby boy]

Last week avi's mom was sick so I took him out all day on Sunday.

We are driving to go eat pizza for lunch and I hear avi smacking his lips and making funny noises with his mouth, so I ask him what he is doing:

A: I'm tasting
Me: what are you tasting?
A: pizza and cucumber

A few minutes later:

Avi: Nana, I like being with you
Me: Thanks avi, I like being with you too
Avi: Nana, I love you
Me: Avi, I love you too

This was repeated a few times, and it was so hard to keep driving and not pull off the road to give him a big kiss.

Avi's favorite drink is Chocolate milk apple juice. This just means that he wants one of these drinks, but he says the two words as one. On Sunday I put him down for a nap and he asked for chocolate milk apple juice. I reminded him that he can only have water in bed, and he says no, water is icky. I asked him why and he says, because I love you.

I love toby's memu that he wants to serve your DH! So cute!

Ilana, aka Nana to my sweet nephew Avi

http://lilypie.com/pic/070720/7cWO.jpg[/img]http://b3.lilypie.com/5BTxm7/.png[/img][/url]

[gatorsmom]

Our datenight babysitter was over and had just put her purse on the end table in the living room. She walked out of the room and came back to find our 2 yr old going through it. She asked him what he was doing and he looked up at her and said, "I want da money."

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005
and surprise! twins due 11/07!

[californiagirl]

DD has sharp elbows and no sense of where they are. So this morning she came into our room, I read her a book, she wanted "Just one more", I explained that it would be really truly Just One More, read the second book, and turned down her request for "One more, and then we're done." And her next 3 such requests. Then she levered herself up -- elbow on my chest. OW! Which I said. She said "Just a minute, I'm looking out the window." I let her know that was NOT OK, when you hurt somebody you deal with that first. Reluctantly, she turned back and said "I'm sorry, Mommy", and cuddled me to make me feel better. I thanked her and asked how she was planning to keep it from happening again. She thought for a moment and said "Read a book?"

Good try, kid, but no sale.

[aa2mama]

Mornings in our house are always hectic, and I'm not a morning person at all. The other morning was our typical morning: I was sitting with a mug of coffee at the kitchen table with my pampered kitty cat on one knee and DD on the other. DD, who had just eaten mind you, was arching her back and trying to gnaw a hole through my shirt to my breast. The cat was poking her nose into my coffee mug. DS had a stranglehold on my neck and was trying to scale my back while asking for milk, bananas, cereal, to play a game, do a puzzle, etc, etc. All of a sudden he climbs down, peers at me intently and says while rubbing my arm, "Hey honey boy, how you doing?"

"Well, I kind of feel like twitching right now," I replied.

Later that afternoon he came to chat with me. "Hey mama," he said, "are you twitching yet?"

[elizabethkott]

Possible TMI...
I have started asking DS if he has a "stinky in the pants".
"J... do you have stinky in the pants?"
If he does, he responds:
(slow smile) "Heh heh!"
If he doesn't, he shakes his head no!
He's a GENIUS.
:)

[Gena]

Not a new funny, this happened about a year ago, but I haven’t told it here:

My son was a toddler and loved to “help� me in the grocery store. (He now likes to ride in the cart.) As we walked down the aisles I would tell him what were getting and he would help me find the item on the shelf and put it in the cart. Our local grocery store has the bottled water directly across the aisle from the hard liquor. One time we went down that aisle and I told DS we were going to get some bottles of water. I pulled a package of water off the shelf and turned around to find my two-year old holding a huge bottle of vodka over his head, trying to lift it into the cart. He had the biggest proud smile on his face! I grabbed the vodka from him before he could complete his attempt. A woman at the end of the aisle saw the whole thing and gave me a dirty look. All I could do was laugh.

[JoyNChrist]

Not really about DS so much as DH, but still funny...

We were getting ready to go to barbecue with some of DH's LSU alumni buddies last weekend. DS is decked out in his Tiger onesie and purple & gold socks. I was still doing my makeup, so I told DH to "put on his purple LSU bottoms with that."

I hear DH rummaging around in the drawer for a little while, then he says "There aren't any LSU shorts in here!"

So I said, "They aren't shorts - it's like a purple cotton diaper cover with the LSU emblem on the butt."

A few more minutes of rummaging in the drawer, then I hear..."You mean these purple PANTIES?!?"

Poor guy...he still has so much to learn!

[JBaxter]

This week has been somewhat exciting and stressfull. Logan got his learners permit....YUP Im the mom of a driving child ( ok he is a 6ft tall 185lb child but hes my baby too!)
I was allowing him to drive to football practice in my volvo everyone gets in and Nathan notices Logan is driving. He starts having a fit
All the way to the school Nathan is LOUDLY saying No Logan drive Logan goes to fast , Slow down Dont crash, STOP RED LIGHT, G _ O GO Green light , Hurry up go green.

Poor Logan kept saying I had to make him be quiet it was all I could do to keep from laughing at the 3 yr old commentary from the back seat.

[dhano923]

I was putting on my makeup one morning a couple weeks ago and DD and DS came in to watch me. Sometimes I pretend to put makeup on them, like lipstick and powder.

So, DD went straight for my lipsticks and was trying to open one up. DS takes it away from her and says "it's not for you, right Mommy?" so I said "right". Then DD reached for my Mineral Veil, which is a small container of a whitish/pinkish powder you dust on (Bare Essentials). DS takes it from my daughter and tells her "Uh Uh, lipstick is for girls and baking powder is for boys, right Mommy?" It was so hard to keep a straight face!

[mamicka]

These are too funny!

Just like the OP, we have breast pumps attached to 4-yr-old nipples on a regular basis. I need to remember to put it away higher.

The other day, L, who is 4, tells me, "I ate all those vegetables, now I'm going to be stronger than Jesus!". Ummm, OK.

Every so often, C, who is 2, will get all panicky, lift his shirt & say, "I can't find my nipples, where are my nipples?!?!?".

Allison
DS1 2003
DS2 2005
DS3 2007

[tarynsmum]

OK, keep in mind, this was her first attempt:

Driving home this afternoon, DD from the backseat:

Not Not!
me (playing along, trying to amuse myself) "Who's there"
DD: Baby!
"Baby, who?"
DD: "Baby, ppphhhffffttt (blowing raspberry noise)"
DD: laughs maniacally

her first knock-knock joke. Apparently, to a toddler, is hilarious.

[sethsmom]

Last Sunday as we were getting ready to head to church, DH gives DS #1 his THIRD (grrr!) sippy of water/juice, though the church nursery workers always give him a sippy of water as soon as we walk in the door. DS then asks for yet another "juice," which I deny. DS then goes around the house for the next ten minutes whispering the word, "juice" as he plays. (So pitiful!) As I prepare to "top-off" DS #2, I drop the flap of my nursing bra. DS stares at me so hard, that I get embarrased and put my shirt down. He finally looks up at me and says, "Juice? Mama, juice?" Yep, it's mama juice!

[wilelm]

I was in the parking lot at the mall with the kids a few weeks ago. There was a young person in a BMW squealing his tires (and obvioudly driving too fast) at the back of the lot. He started up the aisle we were in, and as he drove past us I called him a moron (I didn't yell it or even say it very loud).

He parked in the same aisle, closer to the entrance. As we were coming up to where he and his friend were getting out of the car, Miriam and I had the following conversation:

Miriam: Mama (loudly, pointing right at him), what's the moron doing?
Me: The moron's getting out of his car, sweetie.
Miriam: Mama, what's the moron's name?
Me: I'm not sure what the moron's name is, sweetie.
Moron: Apparently, I'm Alex the Moron.

I have to give him points for taking it so well and not getting foul-mouthed about it, since he was young. He actually made me laugh.

Of course, once out of earshot he said something to his friend and they both laughed in a nasty way that made it clear he had said something rude about me, but as long as he didn't say it in front of my kids I don't care.

And Miriam has learned a new word! ;)

Sheila