Adoption shower

[Keiras mom]

My brother and sister in law are adopting two children in the next few months. It is a state adoption, so their will be little time between discloser and time they have the children. I wanted to throw them a "shower" prior to the kids arrival. I will have about 2 weeks to plan this once they know the age and gender of the children. Most of my extended family knows they are adopting. Is it tacky to call the guests and give them a heads up about the upcoming party even though I don't have dates or info firmed up yet? I know that my Brother and SIL do not want to overwhelm the kids with my whole family (which is overwhelming for an adult) so I wanted to do it before the kids arrive.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
Chris

[sidmand]

I don't think it's tacky to give them a head-up by phone and you are very sweet to want to throw a shower (and I understand not wanting to overwhelm the kids), and I don't know all the circumstances, but I was adopting and actually didn't want a shower ahead of time in case something happened...partly just my nature though. Do your brother and SIL want a shower ahead of time? I did feel like I kind of missed out on some useful stuff (we ended up not adopting, but in my religion, you actually don't have the shower ahead of time anyway).

I know it would be overwhelming for the kids, but I'm sure everyone wants to meet them fairly soon. What about having a "sip and see" a few weeks after they come home?

But that didn't answer your question, no, I don't think it would be tacky at all in that situation.

Debbie
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[JustMe]

I agree, not tacky at all. I still might double check with brother and sister-in-law if they want this, though. There is a lot of legitimate fear in many adoptive parents eyes about things not happening the way we expect/want. If you don't want to ask outright (which I probably would), maybe you can ask if they will feel its a sure thing once they find out which children will be place with them. That will give you a good idea of how they are feeling about it.

I agree with you on not doing it right after the kids arrive. Too overwhelming for most kids. I like your idea of doing it before the kids arrive, but one alternate suggestion (which I like a little less than your idea) is to just collect money for a gift certificate pre-arrival and then have a party after the kids have been home for a while to celebrate them.

Robyn

[DrSally]

I love the idea of an adoption shower, but agree with pp's that there is a lot of anxiety before things are finalized, and this may be too much for the parents during that stressful time period. I would ask them and see how they feel about it.

[rlu]

I'm curious if this is to be a "getting prepared" shower or just a "let's party" shower. In other words, is this to help them get the basics they will need from the get-go? My limited experience with adoptions have been long placements that are made official after time has passed. The adoption party I have been to was more of the "let's party" type and not a getting prepared type since the child was with the parent for over a year before the adoption was finalized.

If's you just want to celebrate, maybe wait a little.

ETA: I think my reply really doesn't help and tried to kill it before it posted, but now that it posted, I'll just leave it here.

[mommy111]

Absolutely do it! And not tacky at all. Even more reason if the days and weeks before the adoption are stressful (as are the days and weeks before a natural child birth), it will help the parents relax and know that their family and friends are behind them as well as help them have some stuff available to make the kids more welcomed when they arrive home.