Did anyone help you out at home after the birth of your dcs?

[mamica]

Just curious...did you have mom/MIL/someone (if not a post-partum doula/baby nurse) stay with you and DH to help out for any length of time after your dc was born? Did it vary for dc1 versus dc2?

[lisams]

No, not with either of my children. What's crazy is that we have tons of family that live close, and I guess they all assumed someone was helping us out or assumed we didn't need it. We got one meal brought to us and that was about it - no offers to help or asking if we needed anything.

I suppose it was for the best - I probably would have been more stressed with someone else here. When DS was born I would have loved for offers from family to take DD for a little while, or to watch DS so I could spend some alone time with DD. That would have been one thing that I would have really appreciated.

[nfowife]

Yes, my in-laws stayed for about 12 days after DD was born and were here for a week before and a week after DS arrived. It was very nice having them here to help out, especially when DD was in the hospital with jaundice the first time around, and for planning the bris and taking care of DD before & after DS arrived this time.
I seriously feel like I would want my next (if we have a 3rd) baby to arrive in the beginning of the summer, as my in-laws are both teachers and that would allow us to have them here for the maximum amount of time possible!

[gatorsmom]

My mom stayed with us after the birth of our first son. She stayed a week. She was WONDERFUL!! I wanted to cloth diaper my baby and she washed the diapers, did the other laundry, cleaned and tidied the house, bathed the baby for me. Neither me or DH wanted her to leave especially since I'd had a c/section. That was really a special time spent with her.

She died before my second was born so my MIL came to stay with us. She took care of DS1 for the 4 days while I was in the hospital (I had another c/section) and then stayed for 4 days after I got out. I really could have used her help for another 3 or 4 days. I had a hard time after she left even though she didn't help NEARLY as much as my mom did.

Our neighbors were great. They arranged for our dinners to be brought to us for 3 weeks after each baby was born. That was a huge help.

This time, MIL has made it clear she will come to help some, but encouraged us to get extra help like a nanny or baby nurse. Since we'll have both, I'm not sure what she'll do. Maybe make dinners for us on the nights that meals aren't being brought over? Drive the nanny crazy? I'm sure she'll find something ;).

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005
and surprise! twins due 11/07!

[ellies mom]

My mom stayed for a week. Unfortunately, I was in the hospital for four days of it. Next time, she'll come as I'm getting out of the hospital to maximize her helping time. And she is the perfect help.

[SnuggleBuggles]

We lived in a dif't city when ds was born. My mom came for a few days after the birth, then MIL came, then FIL came. No more than 2 months went by w/o us flying home or someone flying down to see us.

Now we all live in the same city so no one will be spending the night but I imagine we will have family help almost every day.

Beth

[sidmand]

We had a post-partum doula as well as SIL, MIL, and my Dad come for some periods of time.

This time we're skipping the post-partum doula because we now have a regular sitter/nanny and I'm thinking it might be more important to keep DS busy and she can definitely do that (and I was never quite comfortable with the doula and she ended up not doing as much as we had anticipated)! We're also hoping to take the inlaws up on more offers to help out, probably also with DS. I'm sure my Dad and his wife will come for a bit too.

DH was also home for four weeks straight and then four weeks parttime, which was a great help! I don't think we'll have that this time, but I'm thinking this time will be both harder and easier in some ways.

Debbie
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[jillc]

Hi,

With DD, her birth coincided w/my mom's spring break (she's a teacher), so she was able to come for about 10 days. Were living out of state, so she stayed with us.

With DS, we were back living close to my family, and his birth coincided with her winter break, so she was able to take DD for a couple days & then she came over several days to help out at my house. My aunt came over the first day I was alone with both kiddos. It was great since I wasn't sure how I'd handle taking care of a toddler (+ baby of course) after a c-section.

I loved the help.

[kep]

Nope, and after a week, I was ready to kick dh out. Back to work, you! I needed my space, and desperately needed to get back into my routine.

Kelli

Proud Mommy to Luke (April 2003)
And Joseph (December 2006)

[Tammy]

Nope, just me and dh. I love my parents and in-laws, but I would go crazy if any of them stayed here with us. Our family is close by so they helped some with dinners or grocery shopping if we needed it. Otherwise dh stepped up and did laundry and anything else. After the first week he went back to work and it worked out fine.

[Happy 2B mommy]

Nope. We live in the same town as MIL, but she's not really a baby person and she stresses me out, so it was for the best. However, my best friend did bring over meals for the first week. That was sweet.

Next time, I'll look into a doula. That first month was awful.

[MommyAllison]

Ditto this exactly. We will do the same this time around, though I'm not sure how well I'll do when DH goes back to work. :)

Allison
Mama to DD 11/05

[momtoonegirl]

My mother came 2 1/2 weeks before I was due and stayed until DD was 7 weeks old. She stayed a total of 2.5 months. We do not have family nearby, and the closest person (my mom) was a 5 hour flight away.

DH was commuting at the time (1 1/2 hrs flight away) and was not available to stay with me until 1 1/2 weeks before I was due, and could only stay for a short time after DD was born. We were also in the process of moving to a new home (moved when DD was 6 weeks old).

I hate to think what it would have been like without her around, since it was our first child and we had no clue how much work and help would be needed, especially with trying to move at the same time. Her help and support was priceless, to say the least.

For the second DC, I think maybe a 1-2 week stay will suffice mainly to ease the transition for DD.

[egoldber]

My MIL has come every time. With Sarah for 3 weeks, with Leah (although that was very different circumsyances) for 4 weeks.

With Amy I was put on bed rest 2 weeks before her delivery, had a c-section, she was in the NICU for 12 days and then she was preemie so I was nursing and/or pumping around the clock for the next several weeks. My MIL came 2 weeks before her delivery and then stayed SIX weeks after LOL.

Could we have done it without her? Maybe. Would it have been as easy? No. Did we have our challenging moments? Sure.

For me, the help I most wanted was help with my older child. With her here she could run her around to preschool, classes, OT appointments, etc. So Sarah's routine was really not disrupted even though after Leah and Amy's births I had to concentrate on the new baby practically 100%. Also since DH travels a lot for work, I couldn't count on him to be there all the time. She was really a life saver for us.

[Corie]

I didn't have any help and I really needed it. Especially
with baby #1. I didn't know what the heck I was doing.

I had my C-section on Wednesday.
Thanksgiving was on Thursday.
DH took off Friday.
Came home from hospital on Saturday.
Sunday, we are home.
Monday, DH is back at work and I am totally freaked out.

That's how it all happened in a nutshell.

[Marisa6826]

Didn't have any help after Sophia (well, Jonathan wasn't working for 3m, so he was home with me).

My aunt came up for a week when Mia was born, but as it happened, she was here to take care of Sophie while I was in the hospital. She only overlapped one day with Mia here.

Hydra (a/k/a my Mother) was very briefly up here after my aunt left (I re-hospitalised save one day of her time here). I think she was here for about four days before I threw her out. It was a most unpleasant experience for all involved.

Jonathan was home for about three weeks, I think. His vacation time meshed in with the week between Christmas/New Years (his company gives the week off to everybody).

I had both a night nurse and a post-partum doula with Mia. The night nurse was here for roughly 5-6w (?) and the post-partum doula has morphed into a one-day a week sitter that still comes on Mondays. ;)

-m

[pb&j]

My sister stayed with us for 4 or 5 days. She ran errands and made meals.


-Ry,
mom to Max, age 1.5
and my girl in heaven

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[elephantmeg]

My ILs live next door and my MIL works part time and for the first 2 weeks someone was over at least part of the day, either my MIL or my grandma. I really needed the help! I had a c-section and wasn't allowed to do laundry or cleaning or cooking so that was a big help. This time I hope my parents will be able to come earlier (DS was 3 weeks old before they came) and hope that there will be several people taking turns again! Having the ILs so close was awesome-they were able to pop over and help for a few minutes or take out the trash/move laundry over etc without being here all the time. They also got groceries. And our church did meals for a week and a half or so. I also plan to have DS keep going 2-3 days a week to the babysitters so he can run around and be wild! DH went back to work the day after I came home. He had just started a job at the begining of the month and didn't have any leave time.

[wencit]

My mother stayed with us for 8 weeks following the birth of my son. I loved having her cook all my meals, do my laundry, watch the baby while I showered, etc etc etc. It was heavenly, and I know I was very lucky. Man, I cried when she left!

If we ever have DC#2, she will probably stay with us again, but for a shorter length of time. Maybe 4 weeks, as opposed to 8? It also depends on how my birth recovery goes.

[thomma]

We had help here and there from my mom. No one stayed with us. I delivered at 30 weeks. Ds came home after 30 days and I was by myself. Dd came home a month later and dh took a week off. When he went back to work my mom came up once or twice a day to help feed the babies. A lot of people said they would help but I think the whole preemie thing scared 'em off. I would have hired someone to help in a heartbeat but I took a year off from work and because I carry the insurance we had to pay for that out of pocket.

This is a sore subject for me. My sister just had her 3rd kid and my mom went and stayed with her for 10 days. My MIL has stayed with all of my SILs but nothing for us.

Kim
ds&dd 5/03

[dotgirl]

DH stayed home for the first week after we had DS, and then my MIL and FIL came out. I wasn't home alone with DS until he was 3 weeks old. In retrospect, I wished I had asked MIL to stay an extra week - she offered, but I didn't want to put her out. It would have really helped, though - she was great - she did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and kept taking DS so that I could sleep during the day (since he wasn't sleeping at night).

For DD, I was alone with her for the first week, but wound up back in the hospital when she was 1 week old - I stayed there for a week while my husband's aunt and uncle kept her. Once I was released from the hospital, I went back to taking care of her on my own. (But I was much younger then, and it was a lot easier, even with the hospital thing, recovering from her delivery. Amazing what a difference 10 years makes.)

[almostamom]

MIL and FIL came to town when DS was a week old. They were great at grocery shopping and making meals. They stayed with us for 4 or 5 days. They came back 2 mos. later when DH was hospitalized for a week with a staph infection. That was when I really needed them!
Linda

[merianne16]

My mom stayed for 12 days after DS was born. She didn't come until I had been home from the hospital for 3 days because my DH had work off and completely took care of everything. He went back to work for the days my mom was here and then when she left he took another week off. It was wonderful! My Mom completely took over the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and even got up with me during the night when I nursed the baby. She would bring me a snack and then burp/rock/change DS as soon as he was done nursing so I could go back to bed. My husband also did this at night for the first 3 months. I was spoiled! ;-)

[o_mom]

For DS1, my mom came at about 4 days (DH was home until then) and stayed for about 10 days.

For DS2 & DS3 my Mom came the day after birth each time and stayed for 2 weeks. After that, DH worked half days for 2 weeks (left around 9:30 am and got home around 3pm).

[Moneypenny]

DH was home for a couple of weeks and my mom was on call if we needed her. She came for the birth and then to visit about a week later but DH and I pretty much had a handle on it. My mom and one SIL are the only two people we would have wanted to help us anyway, since they are the only two who actually help, lol!

Susan
mama to my 3-year old cutie pie

[sweetpea]

My mom came to help a week after dd was born.

She "helped" by holding dd when she was sleeping or while I cooked and cleaned, and by yapping non-stop and loudly in my ear every chance I got half a second to put my feet up and try to rest. Luckily she only helped for that one weekend.

I'm still bitter, lol.

[KBecks]

No. I had c/s deliveries and spent about 4 days in the hospital, then my DH stayed home for 3-4 days then I was on my own. I did escape to my MIl's house with the kids one day when I felt I needed company.

[maestramommy]

When Dora was born, my mom came for 2 weeks. When Arwyn was born she came for a month. But my mom lives within commuting distance, so she didn't stay for the whole time nonstop. A lot of times we went home on weekends. Also, Dh stayed home for a week after Dora, and 2 weeks after Arwyn. My Mil came to stay for a week after my mom for both kids.

In my mom's case, she wasn't so much helping with the baby as taking care of me. She cooked a lot of Taiwanese herbal foods to help with postpartum recovery and lactation. On her second visit she also helped a lot with taking care of Dora so I could concentrate on Arwyn. When my MIL came it was mostly to visit the new baby, so she also babysat once so we could go and see a movie :-). This time around our anniversary fell during her visit so we were able to go out to dinner, which was nice :D

[julieakc]

Nope...no one.

DS was in the NICU 3 weeks after I went home. DH stayed home for about the first week after my discharge and drove me to/from the hospital everyday to see DS...after he went back to work I had some days with friends/family taking me to the hospital but I also just went ahead and drove a few times before I was supposed to (c-section)so I could see DS at the hospital.

But no one stayed at the house to help out.