How do you handle holidays/birthdays with a Dec/Jan child?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd pretend the b-day was in the middle summer and think about how you would handle it that way. I think b-days are a big deal and should be treated as such, even if they are close to/ overlap with a holiday.

Gifts? Do you expect her to get a lot of things for Hanukkah? If so then I would hold off on the top gifts and give them for her b-day instead. That way they don't get as lost in the shuffle.

Beth

[brittone2]

My bday is several days before Christmas (read: really close to Christmas). Honestly, I don't know it any other way, so it isn't a huge deal. Growing up my mom did stuff like not decorating the tree until after my bday because she was worried it would all blend in my mind and it wouldn't feel like I had a special day.

The funny thing is as I got older and figured out her reasoning, I had to tell her that I *love* having the tree up and didn't mind at all LOL. I can understand and appreciate her efforts though.

In my own immediate family it wasn't much of an issue. Several things as a child were difficult though...combined bday/Christmas gifts (because a child doesn't understand that one "big" gift is the same as two smaller, less expensive gifts). My parents never did that, but lots and lots of aunts/uncles/etc. did combo gifts. As I got older sometimes I even preferred one big gift, but for a young kid, it isn't really fun. Of course, unless someone asks you how to handle that, there isn't much you can do.

My parents also made an effort to never use holiday paper to wrap my gifts, but again, lots of other people used Christmas paper. As I got older, it wasn't a big deal, but again, for a young kid, I think it is nice to use something bday oriented. Ditto people sending a birthday check or cash in a Christmas card. As I got older, not a big deal, but it is nice to have it separate when you are younger.

I think it is important to set up some solid family traditions and celebrate like you would during other times of the year. The challenges IMO are likely to be more w/ extended family and friends. Lots of people are super busy that time of the year, so they forget to call, can't make a bday party, etc. Not everyone, but it does happen. My own close friends often forget my bday until after Christmas, just because they get caught up in the holiday rush. I've learned not to take it personally.

My DD has a bday 2 weeks before Christmas, so we're kind of in the same boat. She's getting 1-2 bday gifts because she doesn't need much, and some of her Christmas gifts are a combo gift w/ DS. I don't think we intend to make one "bigger" than the other, but we will be sure to set aside time to celebrate *her* day.

[jbowman]

Beth said everything really well. I have a December birthday, one of my DC has a December birthday, and my other DC has a January birthday. I think we are really lucky! :)

I also don't decorate for Christmas until after the December birthday, and we make a big deal of their birthdays--parties, birthday wrapping paper, etc. I also don't (at this age) combine birthday/Christmas gifts.

[fivi2]

My experiences were slightly similar, but also slightly different. My own birthday is 3 days after Christmas and I absolutely hated it. I always got presents that were clearly leftovers from Christmas (and always in christmas paper). None of my friends were ever around (away visiting relatives). Everyone was in the between christmas and new year's funk. I had 2 birthday parties as a child. (and apparently I am still bitter :) ) But - I definitely think that my parents could have alleviated much of this - so your child isn't doomed!

I totally agree with all of the suggestions from pp - make it a separate, special event.

Oh - then I went and gave my own children December birthdays - two weeks before christmas. I am still struggling with how I am going to deal with it (they - twins - are about to be two). I have been toying with the idea of adding half-birthday celebrations in the summer, but haven't really worked through that. But I think the most important thing is what the others have said - how would you handle it if it was at another time of year - make it like that.

[niccig]

DS's birthday is Christmas Day, so this will be a huge issue for us. He was 8 days past my due date, so if he ever complains I can say that it wasn't my fault. Ok, getting pregnant with a due date that close to Christmas day was my fault, but I wasn't thinking about that.

So far, and he's only 3 this year, so things might change, this is what we have done.

1/2 birthday party in June with his friends as he'll never have a big birthday party on his actual birthday. As he gets older, we might move this to earlier Dec or late January if he wants.

Luckily both families open presents on Christmas Eve. Then on Christmas Day, it's Santa's presents/stocking, breakfast, mid-morning is cake and birthday presents, and then Christmas lunch around 2 or 3pm.

This year, a good friend's daughter is 5yo 2 weeks before DS's birthday and she wants to have a joint party with him. Her mum and I have decided to do a family dinner and we'll have a cake. She will still have her princess party with her friends, and we'll still have our celebration on his birthday.

The main problem at the moment is the sheer number of presents. Some family/friends give a present at the 1/2 birthday and then again on his actual birthday, plus Christmas presents. This year, I'm going to do a major cull of his things before the influx, and then I think I'll put some presents away and give out over a few months.

We're not going to give 1 big present and we're going to avoid all the other problems, like wrapping it in Christmas paper etc. But as the PP said, most often it's extended family/friends that do that. I think birthdays are a big deal and you should celebrate, but if you find it's too close to Christmas for people to come to a party, hold a smaller family gathering on the day and then do something for friends etc later on.

[saschalicks]

DS2's b-day is the first day of Hanukkah. I'm having a b-day party for him the weekend before. He will have a Mickey Mouse theme as he is in love MM and we'll do everything b-day party like, no Hanukkah allowed at this party. On his actual day I will probably give him 2 presents one for Hanukkah and one for his b-day, each wrapped appropriately. We give the boys "something" each day so he'll get an extra something that day. It's hard, but I am determined to have him have both every year that I can control it.

ETA: incidently I have a nephew w/a b-day the end of Dec and I've always sent 2 gifts for him in the box of gifts. His b-day gift is wrapped in b-day paper w/a note that says "do not open before 12/27". My cousin's b-day (she'll be 6) is the first week of January and I also buy her a separate present for her b-day. I just believe b-days should be celebrated no matter when they are ;)

[val01]

Hi everyone,

I am starting to get into holiday shopping mode. Hanukah falls early this year. DD's birthday is in January.

For the Dec/Jan birthdays, how do you handle this with the holidays? Which do you make a larger deal of? I am starting to get orders in, and can't decide what to give when!

DD will be one in January, so this year isnt a big deal - just thinking ahead!


Valerie

[elliput]

DD's birthday is just about 2 weeks after Christmas, so it is really easy to make a separation. My niece's birthday is just a few days after, and when she was little we always made a special effort to wrap the presents in birthday paper, and have a special dinner and cake.

I understand the dilemma of trying to decide what to give when. I am going through the same thing right now. At this young age, the decision is more for me than for her, so I guess it just boils down to what do I want to save for a few extra days. :-)

[JustMe]

Dd is a February birthday (so not quite as bad) and we also celebrate Chanukah. She gets 8 presents for Chanukah, one a night, that's what I got growing up and that's what she gets. They have varied in terms of material value. Lots of nights she can get something from the dollar store/Target dollar spot at this age (4) and still be thrilled. I usually find she "needs" some new things during Chanukah, since the last big event was her birthday back in Feb. and she is at a different developmental level by Dec. For her birthday it has varied a lot as well. Some years, I really did not feel she needed anything else. We had a birthday party, in which she got gifts from other people, but I did not get her a present. She did not seem to notice. Other years I have bought her something when it seemed like it was something was really missing (sometimes I have even waited to see what she gets from others).

The bigger bummer for me is that I don't know when to buy her things like a bike, which she would not be able to use in the winter around here. If I give it to her in Dec or Feb, it would be frustrating for her as she could not use it but if I give it to her when the weather gets better it just ends up being an extra present when I think something that "big" should be for an occasion. Luckily, so far we have managed to get some hand-me-downs from friends but if anyone has any good ideas about this I'd love to hear them.

Robyn

[fivi2]

>
>The bigger bummer for me is that I don't know when to buy her
>things like a bike, which she would not be able to use in the
>summer around here. If I give it to her in Dec or Feb, it
>would be frustrating for her as she could not use it but if I
>give it to her when the weather gets better it just ends up
>being an extra present when I think something that "big"
>should be for an occasion. Luckily, so far we have managed to
>get some hand-me-downs from friends but if anyone has any good
>ideas about this I'd love to hear them.
>
>Robyn


Well, my girls are still young, so not too much experience with it, but imo, they change so much over a year (mine have Dec birthdays) that I just can't wait a whole year to give things. My thought is that things that *I* want them to have - clothes, books, developmental toys (whatever toys you think are important - bike, blocks, puzzles, art supples, whatever) - shouldn't "count" as gifts. Don't get me wrong, I do wrap them up on holidays and birthdays, but I have no guilt buying them throughout the year, even if not a special occasion. The things I will want to wait for special occasions are the things I see no redeeming value in (or less value in) but will still purchase (a favorite t-shirt, a toy you know will break but they want anyway). And I think those can be given on special "days", whatever you decide those are: first day of spring, last day of school, first day of first grade, first tooth out, full moon day - whatever.

Of course in a few years I may have a different opinion entirely!

[HallsofVA]

My DS' birthday is mid-Jan, and my DD's birthday is the end of November, so we have the holiday season surrounded!

With DS, we've generally given him one major toy for Christmas, and maybe a few filler toys, but hold the rest back for his birthday. My reasoning has been that he'll get plenty of toys from other people for Christmas, but much fewer birthday presents (especially since we have yet to throw a real birthday party with non-family guests.)

That said, I can't help but walk through Costco at holiday time and pick up more toys than he could possibly use while they have them there at great prices. I stockpile them, and decide the week of Christmas what will be a Christmas present, what will be birthday present, what will be presents for other times in the year, what are potential gifts for other birthday parties, what will be donated, and what will get returned.

We're thinking about having a party this year with some of his friends from school, and I'm thinking about borrowing another mother's idea of when to do the party. Her DD is born the 1st week in January, and they usually throw her b-day party in early Feb to get more separation from the holiday craziness. So I may move his b-day party back, though we'll still celebrate at home as a family.

This will be my first time dealing with the late November b-day, so we'll see how it goes. Luckily DD won't remember if I muff it up. Her b-day will fall on Thanksgiving every 6th year I think, so I can see her b-day celebration getting mixed in with turkey day celebrations at least every now and then. This year we're headed to the IL's for thanksgiving, so we'll probably do a celebration with them in advance of her actual b-day (since we'll all be together) and then celebrate her actual birthday at home with my family, her godparents, and maybe some close neighbors. Not sure how to work gifts for her, though. I think it'll be hardest to explain to DS why his sister is getting presents before Christmas. May be where one of my stockpiled gifts can come in!!

[caheinz]

My birthday is just after Christmas. (Less than 3 days past.)

Things that were annoying growing up: opening Christmas and birthday presents on the same day, getting a single gift for both (sometimes not even a single bigger gift, which would have been ok (I was good at math as a kid), but just a Christmas present that doubled as a birthday present), getting gypped in general because Christmas tapped everyone out... (yeah, my little brother actually got bigger stuff for his summer birthday than I ever got... (whining over now))

The decorations never bothered me -- and there was no way they were going to come down that fast. And I do love having them up.

I honestly have no clue how my mom did birthday parties. I know I had parties with friends, but I don't know when they were. Not summer, but maybe we just sent the invites before the holiday break once I was in school?

I think as long as you treat it as her special day -- the same as you would at any other time of year -- it will work out fine!

[AngelaS]

My oldest's birthday is Christmas Day. We greet her w/a happy birthday and a Merry Christmas. We open Christmas gifts, have a special breakfast, play all day and then she chooses supper. Actually, she's chosen spiced shrimp for about the last 5 years.... :P

After supper is when we do her birthday cake and open birthday gifts, which is the same way we do everyone's birthday.

She's perfectly okay having a Christmas birthday. She thinks it's cool to share a birthday with Jesus AND get to open presents long after everyone else is done. :D

[C99]

DS1's birthday is a month after Christmas. It's really only a problem in that he gets so many toys between the two dates. One year, he was still unwrapping presents into February. I usually ask people not to bring gifts to his birthday parties, although the birthday party and birthday itself are a Big Deal. This is not always the case, but I also generally give gifts that are more shareable (blocks, Magna-Tiles, etc.) for Christmas and items that are more personal (clothing, a bicycle, etc.) as birthday presents.

[vonfirmath]

Note: Almost the only paper I have in the house is Christmas paper, so even non-Dec/Jan birthdays get Christmas paper on their gifts from me.

[Corie]

Robyn,

We are dealing with the same issue about the "Big" gifts.
My DD was born at the end of November and my son was born
at the end of October.

If we get them a bike or something like that, it won't be
used all winter. My husband thinks this is unfair to the
kids. (to buy them a gift that they can't use until Spring)

[Corie]

Do what I do-

Just flip the paper over!

Then you can decorate the paper with stamps or markers or whatever.

My Daughter LOVES to decorate the plain white paper with her
artistic creations. :)