DS and behaviour at preschool

[niccig]

Today DS didn't listen at preschool and got taken out of the Weby dance movement class. The teachers dealt with it there today, but I feel like I need to follow up somehow. But the incident was a few hours earlier and I'm not sure it's right to discipline him twice, once at school and then again at home. Any suggestions for how to deal with this?

Also, he's not enjoy the Weby dance class. He loves to dance at home, but he won't participate in the school class and now he's being disruptive. The dance teacher suggested he stop attending as it seems that he doesn't want to be there. I asked him why he didn't listen to his teacher and he said he didn't want to go to the Weby dance class.

We do go to a Music Together class on the weekend, and DS won't get up and do the movement, but he will join in with the musical instruments. He's not disruptive at the Music Together class but DH and I are there with him. I think we should pull him from the school class, even though all his other class mates go, and if he starts to participate more in the Music Together class or if he asks to re-attend the school class, then we can start him up again.

We just don't understand why he won't join in. He's always wanting to dance at home.

Nicci

[kcandz]

Regarding today's disruption and removal: I suggest you NOT follow up at home. It is a school issue, school dealt with it.

Regarding the long-term issue of class attendence: if he is saying he doesn't like it, listen to him and take him out. Maybe the disruption is from frustration that no-one is listening to him say he doesn't like it. Maybe he doesn't like to dance in front of other children? As you said, he dances at home but not at Music Together.

My child is much freer at home than in peer situations. We tried to push the issue but now we just adjust. DC takes longer than other children to adapt to social situations and we support it as best as the circumstance allows.

HTH

[brittone2]

ITA w/ the PP that I would not do anything at home to discipline him. It has been taken care of at school, and trying to address it hours later at home probably isn't going to be effective, and might just cause even more problems.

No advice on whether to pull him from the class or not. I know my DS enjoys music and dancing, but when we go to the library story hour, he likes to watch but won't participate in the little fingerplays, dances, etc. they do. However, when I ask him if he likes it, he insists that he does, and that he wants to go back the following week. He just isn't into the large group participation thing. Fortunately the librarians don't mind and don't pressure him, and I just roll with it.

[SnuggleBuggles]

ITA with both of the previous posters.

The only thing I would add is that it wouldn't hurt to discuss appropriate behavior at school and class. Not lecturing, not in anger- just lay out the ground rules so he knows you are paying attention.

I see no reason to make him keep going to the mov't class if he isn't interested.

Beth

[niccig]

Thanks everyone. I did discuss how it's important to listen, as DS wasn't listening to us this last weekend either. I didn't discipline him, but we will work on his listening skills.

We've taken him out of the school dance class - the class is optional and he will be the only person in his class that doesn't attend. He'll spend that time with the teacher he's bonded best with, so it might actually work out for the best. I asked him about the class and he was very clear that he didn't like it, and I'm not going to make him attend.

I think the weekend class is different because even if DS isn't up dancing he isn't being disruptive either. There's also a smaller number of people and parents attend. In the school situation there aren't as many people supervising, so if DS doesn't want to participate he finds something else to do. He's also more of an observer before he joins in. He may change his mind later in the school year. We pay a yearly registration for the class, and then by the month, so we can join back up if he wants to.

[Mirthful]

That's so interesting - I've had a similar experience with my DD this year.

Just to share our experience, my DD is also enrolled in a dance class at preschool. It's different from your DS's because not everyone in the class goes, and there are kids from the other rooms in the preschool. She also wouldn't participate and basically sat on the rug while the class happened around her for the first three weeks. We also pay month by month and I had already decided to take her out of the class when I picked up the book The Shyness Breakthrough by Bernardo Carducci. Without horribly simplifying the points in the book, some of the things Dr. Carducci recommends is giving the child a longer warm-up time, and while the child is "warming up" to the person/activity/whatnot, praising her for all the things he/she's doing right. He also recommends preparing them ahead of time by talking about what to expect. And he points out that consistently removing them from these types of new situations only discourages them from trying to overcome their shyness.

So, we decided to give it another month and try some of the suggestions in the book and they actually seemed to work. We really talked up the class and I had her practice some of the moves ("Stand up, touch your toes"). I told her how proud I was that she didn't cry at all and that she didn't suck her thumb the entire 45 minutes. (I have to admit I felt a little silly saying that.) I also cheated a little and got her a filmy dance skirt and ballet slippers (she loves dress-up). It seems to be working. At the last class, she actually initiated conversation with the teacher and participated in 80% of the moves.

I think my DD was just overwhelmed by another new teacher, more new classmates, and a new room and it took her time to acclimate to it. She also was in a weekly tumbling class before this which she loved so it's not as if the concept of a dance class was new to her.

However, I don't know how much, if any, of our situation is relevant to yours. One key difference is that, even during the first three weeks when she played deer-in-the-headlights, my DD would still say she wanted to go, which sounds like is clearly not the case with your DS.

Anyways, sorry for the long story - that's great that your DS gets to enjoy one-on-one time with his favorite teacher and let us know what happens if you decide to try him in the dance class again.

[niccig]

Thanks for telling me your experience. It does sound similar. I'll look at the book you mentioned. DS is normally confident, but for a little while he's been super clingy. He also told me he only dances at home, like he only goes potty at home - which he doesn't, so I take that to me, he only likes to do it with mummy and daddy.

I think we'll leave the school class be for a while. He's clearly said he doesn't want to go and he wants to stay in the classroom. We'll try some of the suggestions in his weekend music class and if he starts to participate in the dance component or if he asks us, we can try the school class again.

I think the one-on-one time with his favourite teacher will help him out in many ways. He's the youngest in his preschool class (he's 3 in December), and sometimes you can really tell that other kids have 6 months on him. Overall, he's liking school, so we'll readdress the dance class later on.

[kristine_elen]

I definitely wouldn't discipline him at home. How old is he? It's not that strange for kids to not want to participate in things like that.

[niccig]

He's 3. I don't mind if he doesn't want to participate. I was more not sure how to follow up on his not listening. I do want him to know that the teachers and I are working together and that not listening isn't acceptable behaviour.

The teachers didn't mind if he didn't join in, not all the kids do everything in the class, it was his being disruptive and not listening when asked to stop plus his lack of participation that led them to suggest pulling him from the class, as he's not enjoying it. And when asked, he said he wanted to go back to the classroom. So he'll stay in the classroom while the rest go to dance class, and we can change that decision later on if he wants.