Wedding Guest Faux-Pas: You Guilty of Any of These?

[Fairy]

Found this on MSN. Thought it was interesting.

Whole article:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/couplesandmarriage/articletkt.aspx?cp-documentid=5624550&;GT1=10618

Rundown on the No-No's:
1. Not sending RSVPs
2. RSVP'ing with extra guests not invited
3. Bombarding the bride
4. Bying a non-registry gift
5. Showing up late
6. Bringing a big, heavy gift
7. Giving unexpected toasts
8. Requesting songs
9. Getting drunk
10. Crashing a wedding

Apparently, these are all no-no's. #2, #1, and #5 really get me annoyed, but some of the others I didn't know were considered un-good. I'm absolutely an offender of buying a non-registry gift. I don't see a registry as "thou shalt get only these things." Now, I buy really cool gifts, but if they don't like it, they can take it back, and some registries either have stuff out of price range left on it or nothing left on it. I also got stuck pulling a #7. The maid of honor refused to give the toast cuz "she was sick." Please. So, I was asked to do it, and I rambled on and on and on cuz I had nothing planned, and it was yucky.

As for #8, I absolutely can't stand "Hot Hot Hot," so it was on our "absoltuely not to be played" list. Someone requested it! They were told "I'm sorry, we're not allowed," and the guy asked me, what gives? I said, yucky song! Ah, being the bride has its advantages :-)

ETA --> After reading responses, I've gotta agree, all those registry cards packed in are kind of obnoxious. I *do* want to know where you're registered, so please do give me a card. But don't give me six of them.

[Fairy]

Found this on MSN. Thought it was interesting.

Whole article:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/couplesandmarriage/articletkt.aspx?cp-documentid=5624550&;GT1=10618

Rundown on the No-No's:
1. Not sending RSVPs
2. RSVP'ing with extra guests not invited
3. Bombarding the bride
4. Bying a non-registry gift
5. Showing up late
6. Bringing a big, heavy gift
7. Giving unexpected toasts
8. Requesting songs
9. Getting drunk
10. Crashing a wedding

Apparently, these are all no-no's. #2, #1, and #5 really get me annoyed, but some of the others I didn't know were considered un-good. I'm absolutely an offender of buying a non-registry gift. I don't see a registry as "thou shalt get only these things." Now, I buy really cool gifts, but if they don't like it, they can take it back, and some registries either have stuff out of price range left on it or nothing left on it. I also got stuck pulling a #7. The maid of honor refused to give the toast cuz "she was sick." Please. So, I was asked to do it, and I rambled on and on and on cuz I had nothing planned, and it was yucky.

As for #8, I absolutely can't stand "Hot Hot Hot," so it was on our "absoltuely not to be played" list. Someone requested it! They were told "I'm sorry, we're not allowed," and the guy asked me, what gives? I said, yucky song! Ah, being the bride has its advantages :-)

ETA --> After reading responses, I've gotta agree, all those registry cards packed in are kind of obnoxious. I *do* want to know where you're registered, so please do give me a card. But don't give me six of them.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I showed up late to a wedding- and still feel terrible about it. It took us longer to get ready and longer to drive there (we followed their directions rather than the way we knew).

I haven't done any of the others. :) Well, I got tipsy but not falling down, puking, passing out or obnoxiously drunk...just more chatty and ready to dance. :)

Beth

[SnuggleBuggles]

I showed up late to a wedding- and still feel terrible about it. It took us longer to get ready and longer to drive there (we followed their directions rather than the way we knew).

I haven't done any of the others. :) Well, I got tipsy but not falling down, puking, passing out or obnoxiously drunk...just more chatty and ready to dance. :)

Beth

[bubbaray]

I've done #6 -- I bought my (male) cousin and his new wife a weedeater. I first met the bride at the wedding, so frankly, it seemed stupid to buy something for her off the registry (b/c I knew my cousin and he wasn't exactly the Waterford crystal type, if you get my drift). They had just bought their first home and had no gardening stuff. So, I bought "him" something. He (and all the other males!) thought it was so cool that he got a "guy" gift.

I don't always buy off registries. It really depends what's on the registry.

What does bombarding the bride mean? With what? Tomatoes?


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[bubbaray]

I've done #6 -- I bought my (male) cousin and his new wife a weedeater. I first met the bride at the wedding, so frankly, it seemed stupid to buy something for her off the registry (b/c I knew my cousin and he wasn't exactly the Waterford crystal type, if you get my drift). They had just bought their first home and had no gardening stuff. So, I bought "him" something. He (and all the other males!) thought it was so cool that he got a "guy" gift.

I don't always buy off registries. It really depends what's on the registry.

What does bombarding the bride mean? With what? Tomatoes?


Melissa

DD#1: 04/2004

DD#2: 01/2007

[Sillygirl]

I disagree that buying a non-registry gift is a faux-pas. The registry is a suggestion, not iron clad. To declare all other gifts unwelcome violates the sense of gracious hospitality that is the fundamental responsibility of the bride and groom in terms of the reception. Really, all the etiquette springs from the idea that your guests are your GUESTS. So phooey to MSN.

[Sillygirl]

I disagree that buying a non-registry gift is a faux-pas. The registry is a suggestion, not iron clad. To declare all other gifts unwelcome violates the sense of gracious hospitality that is the fundamental responsibility of the bride and groom in terms of the reception. Really, all the etiquette springs from the idea that your guests are your GUESTS. So phooey to MSN.

[Fairy]

Means plying her with questions. Who else are ya gonna ask? I think this one is kinda silly.

[Fairy]

Means plying her with questions. Who else are ya gonna ask? I think this one is kinda silly.

[tarabenet]

I agree. This was the "rule" that bothered me most. In fact, I find it offensive.

[tarabenet]

I agree. This was the "rule" that bothered me most. In fact, I find it offensive.

[kijip]

>I agree. This was the "rule" that bothered me most. In
>fact, I find it offensive.

I'll third that! I don't take my etiquette advice from MSN anyways...frankly, I think registries are a little rude and certainly what they have become (with stupid registry cards and registry information announced loud and proud) is rude by my standards.

I have done non-registry gifts. The others I have not. Still, I don't see being late as so much rude as unfortunate. Things happen. Sure, people should be on time. But if there is traffic on the way, I would rather they enter quietly late than not at all, ya know?


****Rocking out while parenting my smart little 4 year old munchkin Toby.
The butter melts out of habit, you know the toast isn't even warm. -Ani DiFranco

[kijip]

>I agree. This was the "rule" that bothered me most. In
>fact, I find it offensive.

I'll third that! I don't take my etiquette advice from MSN anyways...frankly, I think registries are a little rude and certainly what they have become (with stupid registry cards and registry information announced loud and proud) is rude by my standards.

I have done non-registry gifts. The others I have not. Still, I don't see being late as so much rude as unfortunate. Things happen. Sure, people should be on time. But if there is traffic on the way, I would rather they enter quietly late than not at all, ya know?


****Rocking out while parenting my smart little 4 year old munchkin Toby.
The butter melts out of habit, you know the toast isn't even warm. -Ani DiFranco

[JoyNChrist]

I don't know if this is a regional thing or just something with our social circle or what, but nobody I know RSVP's to anything. It's annoying, but I'm pretty used to it by now. In fact, I didn't even send out RSVP cards with my wedding invitations, because I knew the majority of them wouldn't be returned. So #1 is out.

I think #4 is stupid...a registry should be viewed as a list of suggestions, nothing more. In the same regard, I don't like #6...you should be thankful for whatever gift you get, simply because it's a gift. Whatever happened to "It's the thought that counts"? (And this is coming from someone who received a set of flourescent orange bath towels at her wedding...when her bathroom is done in sage green and cream.)

And #5, while tardiness is unfortunate...I'd rather you showed up late than not at all.

[JoyNChrist]

I don't know if this is a regional thing or just something with our social circle or what, but nobody I know RSVP's to anything. It's annoying, but I'm pretty used to it by now. In fact, I didn't even send out RSVP cards with my wedding invitations, because I knew the majority of them wouldn't be returned. So #1 is out.

I think #4 is stupid...a registry should be viewed as a list of suggestions, nothing more. In the same regard, I don't like #6...you should be thankful for whatever gift you get, simply because it's a gift. Whatever happened to "It's the thought that counts"? (And this is coming from someone who received a set of flourescent orange bath towels at her wedding...when her bathroom is done in sage green and cream.)

And #5, while tardiness is unfortunate...I'd rather you showed up late than not at all.

[dr mom]

On general principle, if I open a wedding invitation and a handful of those obnoxious little "registry" cards come fluttering out, I make it a point to buy something that is NOT on the registry. If I don't know you well enough to select a gift that is your taste WITHOUT explicit written directions, then I probably don't know you well enough to be attending the wedding anyway.

To me, the greater breach of etiquette is in treating one's guests like a fundraising opportunity.

[dr mom]

On general principle, if I open a wedding invitation and a handful of those obnoxious little "registry" cards come fluttering out, I make it a point to buy something that is NOT on the registry. If I don't know you well enough to select a gift that is your taste WITHOUT explicit written directions, then I probably don't know you well enough to be attending the wedding anyway.

To me, the greater breach of etiquette is in treating one's guests like a fundraising opportunity.

[chrissyhowie]

I'll be the dissenting voice about registries.

I love registries. I love the convenience of them, the knowledge it is a desired item, and the ability to arrive at a wedding without lugging a box with me. I don't mind when the registry card falls out of the invite, because then I don't have to ask anyone where the couple is registered.

However, what really SHOULD be on the no-no list is "Being ungrateful for any gift". So personally I just see the registry as a tangible suggestion list. If I have the time to shop for something special or know a great gift that if off-registry, sure I will go get it. I view a registry as more for MY convenience (but I am sure there are many brides out there who disagree with me on that :) ).

[chrissyhowie]

I'll be the dissenting voice about registries.

I love registries. I love the convenience of them, the knowledge it is a desired item, and the ability to arrive at a wedding without lugging a box with me. I don't mind when the registry card falls out of the invite, because then I don't have to ask anyone where the couple is registered.

However, what really SHOULD be on the no-no list is "Being ungrateful for any gift". So personally I just see the registry as a tangible suggestion list. If I have the time to shop for something special or know a great gift that if off-registry, sure I will go get it. I view a registry as more for MY convenience (but I am sure there are many brides out there who disagree with me on that :) ).

[elliput]

Most of that list I can agree with, however I will quite often not buy from the registry if I know the person really, really well. My most treasured wedding gifts are items that were not on my registry- artisan pottery, a silver pitcher and crystal bowls- beautiful things that are useful, but most people don't think to put on a registery.

[elliput]

Most of that list I can agree with, however I will quite often not buy from the registry if I know the person really, really well. My most treasured wedding gifts are items that were not on my registry- artisan pottery, a silver pitcher and crystal bowls- beautiful things that are useful, but most people don't think to put on a registery.

[MartiesMom2B]

I agree. I never hear complaints when I give the couple a Home Depot gift card or a check. What a stupid rule.

-Sonia
Mommy to the M&M girls

[MartiesMom2B]

I agree. I never hear complaints when I give the couple a Home Depot gift card or a check. What a stupid rule.

-Sonia
Mommy to the M&M girls

[SnuggleBuggles]

ITA.

I like registries too. My friends that have been getting married have been living together for years so they have so much stuff that I would have otherwise bought a newly married couple. Most of them have been fully decked out with things they need/ want for their house.

Also, I want to simplify their lives and not make them have to return gifts they already have or don't need.

I really like the convenience factor too.

Now, I do go off registry if I really know the person or can think of a cool gift. I hope they like it but don't stress that I went off registry.

Beth

[SnuggleBuggles]

ITA.

I like registries too. My friends that have been getting married have been living together for years so they have so much stuff that I would have otherwise bought a newly married couple. Most of them have been fully decked out with things they need/ want for their house.

Also, I want to simplify their lives and not make them have to return gifts they already have or don't need.

I really like the convenience factor too.

Now, I do go off registry if I really know the person or can think of a cool gift. I hope they like it but don't stress that I went off registry.

Beth

[elizabethkott]

I agree, with reservation...
I *really* should post a picture of the non-registry gift Mr. and Mrs. Jones gave us. The four foot by four foot H-I-D-E-O-U-S painting of an abstract bowl of fruit.
So NOT on our registry.
Still sitting in the basement. Despite Mrs. Jones's suggestions of where to hang it ("I forgot you had a window there... I was thinking it could go over the couch" and "Why not on this big, blank wall in the kitchen?" um, because it's UGLY, you moron!)
I think the cat peed on it when she was still having trouble finding the litter box.
So I would modify the "rule" to be a general, don't buy people art. It's too personal. And secondly, don't buy people LARGE pieces of art. EVER. It's just mean.

[elizabethkott]

I agree, with reservation...
I *really* should post a picture of the non-registry gift Mr. and Mrs. Jones gave us. The four foot by four foot H-I-D-E-O-U-S painting of an abstract bowl of fruit.
So NOT on our registry.
Still sitting in the basement. Despite Mrs. Jones's suggestions of where to hang it ("I forgot you had a window there... I was thinking it could go over the couch" and "Why not on this big, blank wall in the kitchen?" um, because it's UGLY, you moron!)
I think the cat peed on it when she was still having trouble finding the litter box.
So I would modify the "rule" to be a general, don't buy people art. It's too personal. And secondly, don't buy people LARGE pieces of art. EVER. It's just mean.

[hez]

One of my favorite wedding gifts was the weekend in a cabin in the Smokies. 4 of DH's buddies went in on it, and it was an absolutely wonderful idea to give us a short getaway the year after we blew all our money on wedding/honeymoon. Definitely wouldn't have been on anyone's registry...

I've violated the being late rule once. In my defense, it was before our church building was finished so folks were borrowing other churches' sanctuaries for their ceremonies. I thought this particular wedding was at the Lutheran church on our side of town, not the far side of town. Silly me.

[hez]

One of my favorite wedding gifts was the weekend in a cabin in the Smokies. 4 of DH's buddies went in on it, and it was an absolutely wonderful idea to give us a short getaway the year after we blew all our money on wedding/honeymoon. Definitely wouldn't have been on anyone's registry...

I've violated the being late rule once. In my defense, it was before our church building was finished so folks were borrowing other churches' sanctuaries for their ceremonies. I thought this particular wedding was at the Lutheran church on our side of town, not the far side of town. Silly me.

[katydid1971]

>Found this on MSN. Thought it was interesting.
>
>Whole article:
>http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/couplesandmarriage/articletkt.aspx?cp-documentid=5624550&;GT1=10618
>
>Rundown on the No-No's:
>1. Not sending RSVPs
>2. RSVP'ing with extra guests not invited
>3. Bombarding the bride
>4. Bying a non-registry gift
>5. Showing up late
>6. Bringing a big, heavy gift
>7. Giving unexpected toasts
>8. Requesting songs
>9. Getting drunk
>10. Crashing a wedding
>
>OK I KNOW Miss Manners would not agree with #4. I usually buy a gift from the registry but as someone else mentioned sometimes the brides are on crack registering for $500 china patterns and the like. (DH's cousin registered for 2 Tumi suitcases that cost $700 each. We were looking to spend like $75 NOT $700, but she also reserved rooms that were $450 each too, she grew up very rich and doesn't know people live other way.) Oh and #9 my rule is to not get any more drunk than the bride ;)
Sarah

[katydid1971]

>Found this on MSN. Thought it was interesting.
>
>Whole article:
>http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/couplesandmarriage/articletkt.aspx?cp-documentid=5624550&;GT1=10618
>
>Rundown on the No-No's:
>1. Not sending RSVPs
>2. RSVP'ing with extra guests not invited
>3. Bombarding the bride
>4. Bying a non-registry gift
>5. Showing up late
>6. Bringing a big, heavy gift
>7. Giving unexpected toasts
>8. Requesting songs
>9. Getting drunk
>10. Crashing a wedding
>
>OK I KNOW Miss Manners would not agree with #4. I usually buy a gift from the registry but as someone else mentioned sometimes the brides are on crack registering for $500 china patterns and the like. (DH's cousin registered for 2 Tumi suitcases that cost $700 each. We were looking to spend like $75 NOT $700, but she also reserved rooms that were $450 each too, she grew up very rich and doesn't know people live other way.) Oh and #9 my rule is to not get any more drunk than the bride ;)
Sarah

[nov04]

I love buying off the registry as long as I don't find the cards in my invite and there's a huge range on the list.

[nov04]

I love buying off the registry as long as I don't find the cards in my invite and there's a huge range on the list.

[Fairy]

Ooh, ya gotta post that.

[Fairy]

Ooh, ya gotta post that.

[writermama]

As a gift-giver, I love registries, but here what I wish: that there was a completely fool-proof centralized Google of registries so I could go to one site, type in the giftee's information and get the list of everywhere they were registered with links to each list. One step for me. No clutter of registry information cards in the invitation. No need to "bombard the bride" by asking her where she's registered.

And my feeling is that it is always ok to go off registry (even more so if you include gift slips). My favorite gifts were all unique items like antique candlesticks or a hand-painted glass pitcher -- not things I would have registered for in a local mall store.

[katydid1971]

Actually www.weddingchannel.com is really good because it does have a bunch of the registry sites listed, all the big ones at least. Try it first next time you have a wedding to go to.
Sarah

[randomkid]

You have mentioned the hideous bowl of fruit art before - you *have* to post a pic!

[vonfirmath]

>I agree. I never hear complaints when I give the couple a
>Home Depot gift card or a check. What a stupid rule.

Note you most likely will never hear when you get something the couple does not like.

Sure, money is generally useful. But an awful lot of our off-registry gifts got nice thank yous (for the thought, know?) and were either returned, GoodWilled, or have sat unused under our beds for 3.5 years now.

[clc053103]

Wait I can't be the only person guilty of #9, can I??? I mean, I didn't wear a lampshade or dance on the table, but I still would have to say I have been guilty! ;-)

Regarding registries- a very close relative that shall remain nameless sent out engagement party invitations- and two registry cards fell out of it. Now THAT is tacky- engagement party is a celebration, not a gift giving event. That's a true no-no.

[rlu]

>As for #8, I absolutely can't stand "Hot Hot Hot," so it was
>on our "absoltuely not to be played" list. Someone requested
>it! They were told "I'm sorry, we're not allowed," and the
>guy asked me, what gives? I said, yucky song! Ah, being the
>bride has its advantages :-)

Amen! The only time I think I pulled "The Bride" was when I told the DJ "if you play YMCA The Bride will break the cd over your head".

We typically buy off the registry unless we know them really well. Even then, I use it for a jumping off point for colors or style preferences.

I thought you were supposed to ask the bridesmaids/groomsmen (or the couple's parents) where the couple is registered. Most people never asked me directly (11 years ago) but maybe I was more of The Bride than I thought?