Would you homeschool in this situation? Warning -- Long

[bisous]

Here’s my dilemma. DS just turned 4. He can read. He’s HUGE (tall for a five year old). And he’s completely busy and he’s diabetic. I’ve already ruled out starting K for next year. I visited a whole bunch and saw the children sitting so still and working so hard and had one of those mommy impressions that said regarding my particular child, “Let him be a kid as long as possible.� I’m 100% sure I won’t start him in K in the fall but I’m still unsure about what to do next.

Sending him to school really frightens me. First, he’s incredibly busy. I get lots of whispers about “ADD� by other moms. Truth be told, he might have ADHD or something else but he is awfully young for such a diagnosis, in my view. I’m afraid that he won’t be treated with love and respect or that in his exuberance he might actually hurt a smaller child. While he doesn’t hit or kick, he loves to give big bear hugs and tackle other boys—not all of whom appreciate the gesture. Truly, it is actually really embarrassing for me and that is something that I’m working on getting over while trying really hard to teach him about boundaries.

Also, there is the diabetes factor. His very health is at risk almost all of the time. I don’t know how much experience any of you have with Type 1 Diabetes but there is a constant risk of “going low� and passing out in a diabetic coma. Slight lows and highs cause my son to feel really sick. It takes constant monitoring and glucose checks and even when I just have ONE child under my care it is exhausting. Not to mention the fact that if his blood sugar isn't exactly on target, it is difficult for him to learn. Most diabetic kids have 504 plans at school that exempt them from taking tests unless their blood sugar is within a certain range.

Homeschooling is really starting to be an attractive option for me. There are the usual concerns (about how much work it is for the parent, how I won’t get any “me� time, and how it won’t allow me much one on one time with my 3 mo. old, etc.) but I think I can figure those obstacles out. The one that really concerns me is that my kid is SOOOO social. He would rather go to preschool (where we are currently enrolled) than Disneyland if that puts it into perspective. He begs me every day to go to the park, see his cousins, invite his friends over, etc. and it is EXHAUSTING for me. Part of it is that while he loves to play with other kids, he’s a little overbearing and busy and I have to monitor him very closely to make sure that he respects their space. I truly feel like he would be benefited by attending group events every day but I am at a complete loss as to how to provide the socialization experiences for him that he seeks. I think he would just thrive in a setting with multiple children and I can't provide that every day.

Would you homeschool if you had my child? How would you get around the social aspect?

Any advice appreciated. Sorry so long,

Jen

[trales]

What about a Montessori school or other independent school rather than a traditional classroom setting. Depending on where you live there might be other 'alternative' options that meet his needs. Good luck.

[brittone2]

only have a sec as squirmy baby is in my ergo on my back ;)

I'm planning to homeschool. I think it can be as social as you want it to be. Today, there are sooooo many homeschooling networks, co-ops, park days, etc. and then there's just life. Being a homeschooler doesn't mean you have to be "at home." In fact, a lot of homeschoolers I know do their work in an hour or two a day, and have the rest of the day free. There are museums, playgroups, park days, and I'm sure in some areas there are even groups for kids with ADDish tendencies. If you think you could get out to groups or parks or museums, etc. a few times a week (even 2-3x) maybe it will be a balance that works for both of you?

There's some media buzz today about ADHD and a new study that came out. I know NPR is doing some segments on it etc. It might be worth a listen. Here's an article:
http://www.wtop.com/?nid=106&sid=1290951

with the maturity issue, I think it is a shame that we keep demanding more and more seatwork for young children, long school days, etc. I'm sure that it certainly makes kids appear more problematic behaviorally than they would if we went back to more traditional, flexible, gentle, non academic Kinder.

I'd write more, but squirmy teethinng baby isn't cooperating ;) not sure if that even made any sense at all. forgive me

[SnuggleBuggles]

If you want to homeschool I think it sounds like a nice option. There are bound to be plenty of hs options in your area where he can be with other kids. I know that our museums, zoos and such all run classes for home schooled kids. There are other ways to organize it too.

That said, putting the diabetes aside (which I know you can't and it would also influence my choice!) is that he sounds like a normal 4 year old to me.

I think there could be a much better school fit out there. We found many that still let kids be kids, just not our local public school. He is currently at a k that is truly and utterly fantastic. They have "centers" not desks. They learn through doing note through having things drilled into it. I love it and it is worth the $. Don't rule out k based on observing one option. The school ds is in has a later cut off so there a lot of summer/ fall boys and they know how to teach them.

Behavior? That is something that can change overnight. Don't let it decide for you. ANd you are right, they shouldn't diagnose something like ADD till at least 6 years of age (or so said the psychologist we met with around ds' 4th b-day). It has been amazing the transformation in my ds in the past 2 months. We were worried that we made the wrong call on k b/c he just wasn't transitioning well but now he has the hang of it and is thriving. But, he does sound like other little kids. He might be busier than some (and prob. a lot compared to girls). But, I bet there is a great school fit out there.

I had to keep a vigilant eye on ds for over 4 years so I knew he was respecting others, their space and property. Now I have no concerns at all. Great things can happen in just a little bit. Don't let that be a decision maker for you. They get older and more mature. :)

The great thing is that you can always try homeschooling and if you find it doesn't work for you or him then you can try something dif't or v/v.

Beth

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

I'm going to do the same as tracey and suggest montissori. DD has been in mont. since she turned 3 and it's been wonderful. It's expensive but we love it and so does she. On her birthday we gave her the choice between staying home or going to school and she opted for school.
Her school is exceptionally good about observing childrens needs and I think a good mont. might be able to give your ds the care and attention that need to be paid to his diabetes. I recommend finding a mont. school with internationale accreditation rather than national. If you look around you'll find there's quite a differance between the two. Good luck.

[AngelaS]

Absolutely. Positively. Without looking back.

Oh, but I'm biased. ;)

Social...ha! I only wish we had time to stay home and JUST do school! Homeschooling is as social as you want to be. :)

[bisous]

I've read quite a few books about the Montessori method and absolutely love most of the philosophy behind the education. The thing that worries me is that my DS does everything differently than anyone else. He never plays with toys the way that they are intended to be played with. From age 3 forward he has played with legos but he doesn't build, he organizes them. They also become characters and talk to eachother. Leaves, sticks, small toy animals are stuck into the playdough to make a makeshift tower. Blocks become shoes. It is kind of interesting to watch. I think its fabulous that he is so creative and free spirited but I think he might frustrate the Montessori teachers to no end because I know they put a big emphasis on doing things correctly.

Or perhaps I'm wrong and the order that they encourage is exactly what he needs. I've gone back and forth on this point. I suppose it couldn't hurt to check out a few schools. I bet talking with the teachers would let me know how they would handle it.

Thanks for the suggestion. :)

[bisous]

Thanks for replying. I think I remembered that you were planning to homeschool and wondered if you would weigh in. I've learned so much about homeschooling from reading on this board. I do know that it certainly doesn't mean being home all the time! Your post does help to acknowledge that he won't be without playmates just because he won't be in school. I think I'll "look" around and see what kinds of groups are out here in my area. I just really want some place where DS will regularly see and interact with other children. I think a play group, field trip, story hour or the like might be all he needs. He sure loves to play with other kids.

I'm anxious to read that article. Thanks for posting. :)

Jen

[bisous]

Your words are very reassuring. I'm happy to hear that your DS is doing so well. In many ways I would love the option of finding a really developmental kinder to send him to. I think he would like the structure and regularity of formal schooling without being confined indoors all day and being forced to sit in a desk. I do think it will require A LOT of looking around because many of the other kinders don't have the accommodations that DS needs for his diabetes. Public schools are the only schools federally mandated to care for him.

On another note, I think your thread about charter schools has slipped a little bit down in the lounge. I read it the other day and didn't have time to reply. I just wanted to give you the reassurance that you should definitely just apply to the charter school if that is what you have your heart set on. You may be surprised to find an opening for your DS after all! That is exactly what happened to me this year with the preschool DS attends. Everyone else applied in DECEMBER last year for a position in the class we got. I applied in September and miraculously four positions opened up and we got a slot.

Good luck and thank you!
Jen

[bisous]

These are good tips to check out the schools in the local area. I'm going to ask a lot of questions. I'd certainly be willing to pay to find the perfect solution for DS.

Thanks!

jen

[bisous]

Thanks, Angela. I so hope I didn't come across as trying to indicate that homeschoolers weren't social. I have been on the boards just long enough to learn that a lot of the misconceptions that I have grown up with homeschoolers are absolutely not based in reality. I know the coolest family that homeschools all of their kids and they are so grounded, so kind, generous and just awesome. They are socially perfect. :)

I'm glad to know from you and from Beth that there are options out there to become regularly involved with other children. All kids are different and my DS calls kids he sees in the grocery store his friends and want to invite them to play! I wonder if the kid will every be satiated.

Thanks for replying,

jen

[maestramommy]

I wondering if you've thought about Waldorf? I don't know if they are in your area, but the way your ds plays, Waldorf might be a better fit. As for homeschool, I totally understand why you would want to, and I think if you can find a homeschool group or network the socialization issue shouldn't be a problem at all.

[pinkmomagain]

I wanted to add that I have a dd (8yo) who is ADD (not hyperactive)...but the play style that was described by the OP sounds alot like my dd (very creative). I've always thought that Waldorf would have been a great environment for her. She does camp there in the summers, but goes to public school during the school year. If there is one in your area, I'd definitely check it out.

Gina

[brittone2]

I"m not sure if Diane Rehm is on all east coast NPR stations at 10 am, but I know that's what time it is on here. Anyway, her 10am show this morning is about ADHD and this new study saying some kids will simply outgrow it as their brain matures (but not all kids). If you miss it, a podcast will be available tomorrow probably, so you can catch it then.

[ha98ed14]

I saw your post yesterday and wanted to respond, but was out of time. You have already gotten lots of replies with good advice and diverse persepctives, so this will probably not be new info, but I just wanted to lend my support to your exploration of schooling options and considering homeschool for your DS.

IMO, the reasons you stated (DS' medical issues, his enthusiasm for other kids that teachers/ others might see as too much to manage in a classroom setting, etc.) are PRECISELY THE RIGHT REASONS to consider homeschooling! Expecially if money/ affordability is a concern that might make private schools not a real option.

I should clarify and say that I am not a home schooler because my DD is less than 1 year, so we have not had to cross that bridge yet, but I think I have an interesting perspective because everyone in my circle homeschools. Seriously everyone; family and friends. We (DH and I) are the minority because we actually plan to use public school if we think DD will thrive there. My DH teaches 4th grade at the local public elementary school, so he sees firsthand the kind of kids who do well there and thrive and the ones for whom another type of environment would be better. We talk about it all the time.

A LOT depends on the personality of the individual teacher and the dynamic between her and an individual kid. My DH's school is one of the best in the district, but there are teachers there who he would not want our daughter to have just because of personality differences. One really good way to explore options is to talk to parents whose DCs just completed a year in the teacher's class that you are considering-- at either a private or public school. (Any good private school should be willing to provide you with the names of families who have had their kids there, or at least take your name and have them call you.) And if possible, try to observe 2 different K classes at the same school if there is more than one, and/ or observe some K classes at other schools in your district. In our district, it is fairly common for parents to petition to have their child at a school other than their "neighborhood" one (where they would automatically go based on where they live.) And its not because there are "bad schools" people are trying to avoid; its because different schools offer different things.

Again, I think your reasons for considering homeschooling are totally the right ones. And DS might do best at home. But another thing to consider is if YOU will do best teaching him at home. Seriously ask yourself that question: Is this how YOU want to spend your 8 hours a day, alone with DS not just caring for him but having to be BOTH teacher and parent. I think that is something that many people in my circle do not consider. They think that homeschooling is best for their child so they do it with little regard to their own needs and personalities. I think it makes for a lot of parent-child battles that would not be there if DC has a separate relationship with a teacher who was NOT also their parent. The roles are different and you have to ask yourself if you want to be both and can you do it well?

Before you committ to homeschooling, look into your options for curriculum. Beware of those that have an overly religious theme, unless you want that to be the focus of your DS's education. If it is not, if you would like to keep religious education separate fom science and language arts, then make sure you can find a curriculum you like and can actually see yourself using. If you are a first-time homeschooler, look for ones that have very detailed sample lessons. You can always adapt them to fit your DS.

Finally, contact a couple homeschool groups and go and observe their park day or sports games or other group activity (field trip). Talk to the parents. Ask them why they homeschool. Different groups have different agendas. For example- my best friend homeschools her 3 boys. While her family does practice a religion, she purposely has them in a homeschool group without religious affiliation. My SIL on the other hand belongs to a homeschool group with a very specific religious affiliation and the groups' beliefs becomes a part of the activities that the kids do. Find a group that fits your reasons for homeschooling. The kids and families in homeschool groups really do influence/ affect each other MORE than kids and families in public school because homeschoolers spend more time with their entire family- all the kids plus mom (or dad) more frequently. Find a group where the families are ones you want your son to be around.

These are just suggestions based on my "outsider" perspective watching different people homeschool for very different reasons. Hope it helps you sort out what you want to do. Know that as a thoughtful parent taking the time to THINK about what is best for your kid, your DS is far better off than a lot of kids! Good Luck!

[Melanie]

>What about a Montessori school or other independent school
>rather than a traditional classroom setting. Depending on
>where you live there might be other 'alternative' options that
>meet his needs. Good luck.
>
>

That is what I was thinking, too. Not that I am against homeschooling (For OTHER people - just not me right now! LOL). If you can afford a private school environment, or are lucky enough to find a good charter school one; that might be another answer for you. Perhaps one of those constant glucose monitors to alert his teachers when he needs assistance?

[KBecks]

Based on the health alone, I'm not sure I could trust a teacher in charge of 18 or more children to properly monitor and manage the diabetes, so for that reason I would consider homeschooling.

Of course, you will need to plan goals and how you will organize your time, etc. etc. but I think it has potential.

[emilyf]

I think I would. Of course nothing needs to be forever, but I think I would give it a shot and see how it goes. You have some really compelling reasons, and I think homeschooling sounds fun-it's something we're considering, but I think we have a good school option for next year-if it doesn't work, he'll be at home. As far as socializing, I would find a good hsing group, and look into after school activities like gymnastics, soccer etc-
Emily mom of Charlie born 11/02 and Zoe born 9/05

[Snugglibumkins]

Let me start by telling you that I am a homeschooling mom (to a 5 1/2 year old boy, 3 1/2 year old girl and 25 month old boy - but only the oldest does any actual 'school').

That being said, your post is exactly my son, take away the diabetes and add in asthma. My son is very active, very hands on, very emotional when he is feeling tired (side effect of the asthma). Very, very loving, hugs everyone - which makes some of my well-endowed friends nervous because Josh is so tall, they don't get that he's 5 and not trying to be inappropriate.

If you PM me, I can send you the link to our family homeschooling blog, it is not a secured blog at this time, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate to put the link here. I'm happy to share it with anyone interested.

As far as how much work for me - well, we have a set curriculum by Calvert that I use as a guide, and I use Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, and I use the Core Knowledge Series by Hirsch. Once a week, I sit down and go over the next week's plan. Having a purchased curriculum really spells it out moving from one topic to the next. However, we are really relaxed about following it to the T. For example, today we went bowling (first time for the kids, first time for me in about 20 years) - we learned waiting our turn, we learned shapes, speed, balance, counting, entering in name in the computer - every thing in life is a lesson.

How do I find time for me? I am up 1 hour before the kids to mini-workout, shower, enjoy coffee, surf the net, whatever. Then after lunch, the 2 and 3 year olds nap. The 5 year old has quiet play by himself - he needs some direction, so I either set up the art easel, pull out the tinker toys or legos, or whatever he's interested in. If he tells me he is bored, I tell him to take a nap, and amazingly, the boredom is cured! During this time, I take an hour to decompress, or clean up the house. Every night at 8pm, I'm 'off duty', I leave the house - I go for a run, or go to the gym. (Except now, DH is on a mini-deployment, so I eat ice cream and surf the web.)

Socially - yikes - we go to the library every Monday. Tuesday is Music with Mar class or another field trip (we check out things in our community). Wednesday evening is AWANA. Thursday morning is Kids Fit N Fun (an exercise class for kids). Friday is friend day - we either visit at a friend's house, or we invite friends over. Saturday the 3 year old has ballet (while I do spinning in the same building) - so Josh and the 2 year old and Daddy do something fun. Sunday is Sunday School and Church. We are too social. I don't know how people with kids in school get to get out and do stuff. Not to mention going to museums, open swim at the pool, touring the fire stations, etc.

Good luck. You will find many supportive homeschooling groups if you chose to go that route.

[Aunt to sweet baby boy]

I work at a preschool and in one of the 3 year old classrooms there is a girl who has diabetes. Her parents explained everything to the teachers regarding testing, what she can eat to raise her blood sugar, what to do if it is too low, etc. They test her after morning snack and before lunch, and can test her additional times depending on the teacher's feelings based on her behavior. The father works 5 minutes away and has insulin with him if she needs a shot. Right now she only needs 1 a day so school does not have. It is a private preschool. I am saying this because if you have the right school they will work with you to make it work, or at least they should, IMHO.

Ilana, aka Nana to my sweet nephew Avi

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