How do you deal with rude comments?

[Valerie99]

Somehow we got to talking about diapers at work this weekend, and I mentioned I was planning on using cloth. I was shocked by the negative reaction, not just negative even, but downright rude. I just kind of laughed it off, saying, yeah, I'm a "closet hippie", I do lots of things you'd probably find weird. But it really got on my nerves. Then one of my co-workers, trying to smooth things over I guess, said, "well it could be worse, you could use reusable tampons and pads!". (I do use the diva cup and cloth pads, but I wasn't about to mention that at this point!) They were talking about how "disgusting" that is and how it's "a yeast infection waiting to happen", etc. How is a cloth pad more of a yeast infection risk than cloth underwear?! Do they throw out their underwear after one use?! Oh well, they soon moved on to making fun of the pope (when they all know I'm Catholic), at which point I just got up and walked away, because I think that's very rude and insensitive. I also have a coworker who knew I'd been doing fertility treatments that makes comments all the time, either not knowing or not caring how hurtful they are. She asked me how the fertility treatments were going a few months ago, and I said not so good, nothing is working, and she replies, "Man, I wish I had your problem, I've already had to have 3 abortions and they're expensive!." Yeah, fertility drugs and multiple monthly sonograms are dirt cheap! So, are most non-cloth-users like this, or do I just work with a bunch of rude folks?

[JBaxter]

I am currently making the CD change and used disposables with my first 2 DS. I say you work with a bunch of rude and crude people. CD & BF are personal choices not to be critized. I cant believe someone who KNEW you wanted a baby and basicly had to turn your body in to a chemistry exeriment to get pregnant could even mention abortions let alone 3! That even makes me angry. I feel for you and hope everything works out. Ignore them be happy and have a wonderful family!




Logan 13 & Connor 10 and Nathan..........
http://lilypie.com/baby2/031115/0/5/5/-5/.png (http://lilypie.com)

[searchdog]

I just ignore those people. It can be hard sometimes, but I figure "to each his own". I never ever would have thought I would be using cloth diapers and after 6 months of on and off diaper rashes I am so glad we switched. I also love my sling, I never thought I would use one of those either. Yeah I cloth diaper and breastfeed for 6 months (had problems with supply or still would be) and also use a sling, but I am about the furthest thing from a hippee there is. LOL

I usually try to do a little education about why we use cloth, and if that doesn't go well I just change the subject.

BTW my own family thinks I am insane for cloth diapering. I brought up the fact that I was looking for some reusable swim diapers and a cousin said what if they poop in you will have to clean it up, um hello what does she think we do with every poopy diaper, we clean it up! I love my cloth and I just ignore people that think disposable is the only way to go.

[the2amigos]

Heavens to Betsy - I don't think I could put up with working with them!! You do work with a bunch of rude folks. I'd be tempted to say some not-so-Christian things! I do get some of the wierd looks and some people say difficult things about CD, but I try to ignore them...no one has been flat out rude though. I find a lot of support and comfort reading these boards and hearing what other people are doing. I still talk to others about cloth diapering, but have given up on talking about co-sleeping - I've gotten some really strong "your nuts" rude reactions to that one.

It's hard when you can't talk to people about something you are doing that works well for you and you are excited about. So come here and talk with us!

[papal]

Please tell me where you work so I can come by and kick their sorry asses.
Amazingly rude, insenstive and ignorant.

[bcky2]

WOW! let me start off with saying that i am so happy that i dont work where you do, boy are they rude! i also cant believe that someone would admit to 3 abortions, let alone to someone TTC so hard. i would so want to tell that woman when she talks bad about "natural" choices that they have invented bith control. it would be wrong to say but i would be dying to say it. we all do what works for us and like the pp said, to each their own. i didnt use cloth with my first only because who knew they were so cute! i say do what is right for you and remember it is their ignorance that makes them that way.

i hate to point this out too, but the woman getting all the abortions has more to worry about then yeast infections, if you are not using protection there is much worse things you can get. believe me as my dh's father died of aids almost 6 years ago.

[holliam]

Oh Valerie, I'm so sorry! I have heard it all, and I am still not quite sure what to say to people sometimes. I mostly just say that I'm a closet crunchy and that it never occurred to me to use disposable diapers.

We've TTY with fertility and lost a babe and then did the adoption route and lost a babe that way too. We are finally now just counting down the days until we can finally pick up our first babe, and I know the comments are just going to continue once she is home.

Just this weekend we were picking up a frame we got engraved for our daughter's foster mom, and I mentioned the "occasion" to the young woman working, and her first question was "So, did you adopt because you can't have kids?" It was very innocently asked so I just answered honestly that we just had always planned on adopting. This is true; we just had always assumed we would adopt 1 and give birth to 1. Sometimes life just takes you down another path.

But, it made me realize that we are just getting started with the questions!

Obsessing over cloth diapers and all things baby has it's ups and downs when you still don't have that little person home in your arms, nor even a reasonable timeframe! At times it was therapeutic and at others it just made the pain worse. Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to vent!!

Holli

[rrosen]

People suck don't they? You seem to work with some prime specimens. I have been thinking of terrible things to do to that one woman.
I have had years of fertility issues and multiple losses. I thought I had heard it all but, that may just take the cake.

I am sorry your treatments were/are? not going well. I know first hand how draining that can be. I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope in addition to these winners you are surrounded by friends and family who are supportive.

Hugs,

[Valerie99]

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. Thank God I only have 2 weeks left at this job, since we're moving mid-May. I've just never had to deal with people who were so rude. My mom thinks I'm a little crazy for wanting to CD, but she's supportive about it. DH is on the fence, but is willing to try it. So I figure if my own family, who will actually be helping change the diapers, don't have a problem with it, why should anyone else.

But, my coworkers actually think CD'ing is a form of child abuse! "They'll get horrible rashes and be in pain just because you're too cheap to buy disposables," is what one said to me. I tried to explain that wasn't true, but she kept going, so I finally just asked her how many babies she'd cloth-diapered or even seen cloth-diapered and she shut up pretty fast. They jokingly offered to take up a collection to buy me diapers, since I'm "too poor to afford them". They just don't get that it's not about the money! I mean I can eat at McDonald's everyday for a lot cheaper and alot easier than cooking healthy meals, but it doesn't make it a better choice than cooking! They didn't get the analogy, though.

The worst thing about the coworker situation is I work in a Neonatal ICU and this girl has no problem talking about her abortions anywhere to anyone (even virtual strangers), and I hate to think that some day a parent of one of our baby's will overhear. Not a good thing to talk about in front of people whose baby is fighting for their life. Most of our babies do very well and are discharged with a good prognosis, but you know death is a very real fear to these moms and dads when their baby is hooked up to IV's, ventilators, etc. and weighs less than a pound.

Becky, I was thinking the same thing about the unprotected s3x, but apparently she only has unprotected s3x with her DH, and the others (yes, there are others, but that's a whole different story) she uses protection with. We were having a discussion one night about birth control, and I mentioned I used natural family planning, she says, "oh I use that too, but it doesn't work so good for me, I've already gotten pregnant 4 times since I've been married. But I always forget to take my temperature, so I guess that's why" (she's pregnant now, due in a couple months). What can you say? I usually just walk away if I can, but it bothers me alot.

EDITED to clarify: I'm not pg yet, and after much deliberation, we put the fertility treatments on hold for the time being. The drugs I was taking made me so sick I was almost hospitalized twice for dehydration and I didn't think it was good to start a pregnancy out being so sick during those critical first few weeks. My ob/gyn thinks I'll be high risk for an early mc, so I'm scared to get pregnant until I find a fertility drug that doesn't make me sick, so I don't increase that risk. We are starting over again with a new RE who comes highly recommended after we move, though. I find that reseaching, buying, and talking about baby stuff helps me stay positive and keep me from dwelling on the negatives and what-ifs. Even though DH is afraid I'm setting myself up for disappointment if we don't get pg soon, it's the only thing that keeps me going some days. Sorry this is so long! I always seem to type a novel every time I post!

[tarahsolazy]

Valerie:

I work in an NICU also (I'm a neonatologist). I have been shocked by the weirdo comments I get about CDing and BF past a year here! (Not as bad back in crunchy Oregon, but this is Iowa) I just smile serenely, and try to be upbeat. I note to the listeners that my son's poop isn't going into the landfill, and two tons of garbage isn't, either. I also note that its pretty easy, and that his skin is impeccable. Our ped actually mentioned how perfect his skin was at his one year visit. I also make it clear, when asked, that yes, I still nurse DS, and will keep doing so as long as he wants to nurse. That's a big shocker for the nurses here, but they are adjusting.

Oh, and on the subject of your DH "on the fence". Just do it. Tell him he doesn't have to change the cloth if he can't figure it out. I think that's a cop out, though. These guys are doctors, lawyers, engineers, business dudes, and they can't figure out a diaper? That has snaps? Whoever babe is with during the day will be doing most of the changes, usually that's mom or a caregiver. So it doesn't matter so much what he thinks. (In my case, DH is a SAHD, so he does do the changes, but he's never complained about cloth, and often uses prefolds)

Good Luck with the baby-making, and I'm glad you are leaving that toxic work environment.

[toomanystrollers]

I think you should buy each of your co-workers a "Mean People Suck" bumper sticker as your going away gift to them!

[pritchettzoo]

What freaks! I hope you have a big countdown on your desk.

Expect skepticism from your friends and family, but those people are nutjobs.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03)
and a BOY! (coming July '05)

[ChicagoMama]

Wow, you have truly mean, insensitive, ignorant coworkers -- but they also lack, what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yes -- class. I'm so sorry. They have been very rude on so many levels to you.

Speaking of class -- lest you all think I'm being a snob: I learned about tact and empathy from my grandmother, a fine southern woman with an eighth-grade education who worked her fingers to the bone as a young widow raising three kids in the 50's and 60's ... I'd like to send these people to have a chat with my grandmother about knowing how to act.

I'm so glad you are leaving that place.

Our dear friends spent years TTC, so I know what a long up and down journey it can be. Peace to you on your journey.
Becky

Mama to DDs Shelby 09/19/02 and Sydney 10/16/03

[american_mama]

Tarah:

>>I think that's a cop out, though. These guys are doctors, lawyers, >>>engineers, business dudes, and they can't figure out a diaper? >>>That has snaps?

Is my DH the only one who can't snap a sleeper up straight? Having said that, though, I agree with you, Tarah, about the convenience of the complaint that "I can't figure it out." My DH claims he was traumatized trying to put a cloth diaper on a baby cousin 20 years ago, and has a mental block. Yeah, right.

[pittsburghgirl]

I am sorry you work with such rude insensitive people, at least you will be moving soon!

I have never had anyone say anything bad about my cloth, mostly they are intrigued by it. I don't ever say anything about my mama cloth, though :)

I really can't believe the fertility comment. We struggled with infertility and I can't imagine anyone I know making a comment about abortions while we were going through so many invasive procedures, injectable drugs and the like. We could have put James through college for what it cost to conceive him -- yeah, that's cheap.

I hope you find a new group of co-workers after you move who are not only supportive but at minimum polite!

Marilee
mommy to James
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040120/1/1/1/-5/.png