PT Q's

[KrystalS]

So DD is 2yr 8.5mos, I've been trying to get her started potty training for about a month. At first we just really talked about going to the potty and we bought some panties, things like that. From the start she has been adamently against it. Physically I know she is ready to train. She will not use her diaper when she's in her carseat. She will wait until we have to stop and then use it. We recently were in the car for 6+hrs and she didn't go once. Her diaper is always dry when she gets up from nap and in the morning. The past week I've been making her wear panties. She has yet to go on the potty. She basically just holds it until she can't make it anymore and goes in the panties. I've physically held her on the potty when I know she has to go, she just shows signs of needing to. She still won't go. I just don't get it. I know that she knows when she has to go because I've told her over and over not to pee on the carpet, as well as in her panties, but she will go to a part of the house where we have hard floors when she goes in her panties!! Is she just not ready, or is this a power struggle? She I just keep her in the panties and let her have accidents until she finally decides to go on the potty. I really don't know what to do at this point. We've been at this for 6 days and she has yet to use the potty. Any advice? Should I just wait a month or so?

[Wife_and_mommy]

My dd isn't pt'd yet so take this with a grain of salt. :P I wouldn't try to force her to use the potty. She'll always win.

I'd leave it alone for another month or so. Maybe you could leave the potty out and ask her to sit on it before baths/bedtimes with no pressure. I think as long as she knows she's irking you in this area, she will.

I hth a bit. I'm sure it's frustrating to know she could do it if she wanted to.



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[Momof3Labs]

You could try going naked; some kids do better with that (not mine, though). But honestly it sounds like it has turned into a power struggle, and the best thing that you can do is leave it alone for a month or so, then try again.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Stop! It isn't worth the power struggle this is going to turn into. SHe is not emotioally ready and may not be for a while. Back off totally and let her lead for a while. I wouldn't even offer the potty. I would keep it out and available but that's it. Don't put extra pressure on her or she could get really stressed out. She isn't even 3yo yet. Plenty of time.

Everything needs to fall into place, physical/ mental/ emotional and when it does you will find that success comes very quickly!

We had 2 failed attempts at PT'ing. I can remember holding ds over the potty as he was crying and trying to get away. He could hold his pee for 12+ hours (Once was over 24!). He had the phycial ability, no doubt, but he just didn't want to go. That 1st attempt was 6 months before we had success, btw. We tried everything. Finally we just backed off for a few monts. Tried again, briefly, with the same result. Backed off. One day he was just ready and he started using the potty and has been accident free since that day (knock on wood :))- it's been 6 months now.

You really don't want this to turn into a battle. It isn't worth it. She will probably win in a battle of wills at this point.

Your story was just so familiar. Learn from a bt,dt mom. :)

Beth

[KrystalS]

Thanks so much for the advice, your ds sounds just like my dd. I made her sit on the potty for 30 min yesterday trying to get her to go. But you're right it isn't worth how stressed out we both are by the end of the day. I'm just going to stop and let her wear diapers again. When your ds did finally decide to use the potty did he just go on his own or did you initiate it again?
Thanks again!

[mudder17]

I think when Kaya was around 18 months, she showed a lot of interest in using the potty so we did a week of naked time and she really did try to go for 1-2 weeks. But then she decided she no longer wanted to go, so we just went back to diapers and didn't worry about it. When she was around 2 years 3 months, she just decided she wanted to wear underwear instead of diapers, so we decided to go with it. It was much easier the second time around (although she wouldn't poop in the potty for quite a while and would hold it until her nap diaper) because SHE wanted to do it and not us. I agree with PP--it's not worth the struggle--just put the diapers back on until she's ready, both emotionally and physically. It'll be a much happier time for both of you. One book that really helped us when we were first concerned about the fact that she would pee but not poop in the potty was Keys to Toilet Training by Meg Zweiback. I would recommend that as a really practical, low pressure guide to PTing.

Good luck!


Eileen

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[SnuggleBuggles]

We started mentioning the potty more but never made him try it.

I think his little brain just clicked. I was cleaning off the top of the fridge and he noticed a red box. That box was filled with "potty presents" from our 1st attempt at pt'ing. he asked for one present but I said they were for when he wanted to use the potty. He said, "Oh, I have to go" and he made one half hearted attempt to go. At this time his friends was pt'ing and she had a DVD called "Potty Power" and ds borrowed it. He enjoyed it as a film but it didn't really instill a desire to go. During this time though we knew he was thinking about it because he was holding his pee more often. A few days later he started holding it and refusing to use either potty or diapers- this was the 24 hour hold. I told him that he could pee wherever he wanted. I think he just had himself psyched out about it. He finally went in his diaper. 3 days later though he just decided he was ready. He didn't succeed the very 1st time he sat down but I gave him a present from the box. He spent the rest of the day going! He would pee a little bit then open a present. Then he would run back, pee a bit more, and open a present. All day! I admired his control and ingenuity. :) That same day I said that we would go to the toy store for a present if he pooped on the potty. Well, within 10 minutes he pooped on the potty and we were off to the toy store. I had to offer presents for about 1-2 weeks. I had to start going to the $1 store so I didn't over spend!

So, some of it was my reward system. But mostly it was him. I had offered rewards before and they hadn't mattered. We tried playing up the whole "big boy" thing and he didn't care. We tried the naked method. We picked out special underwear. We had books. I'm not sure what finally made him decide to go but he really was a prime example of following their lead.

I could say he pt'ed in a day but really it was like 6 months + 1 day. :)

I'd just back off and try again when you think she will be ready. Offer in a few weeks and see what reaction you get. if she is negative to the idea I wouldn't try. I'd do some more waiting.

GL!
Beth