DD refuses to PT and tells me so - help!

[npace19147]

My DD was 3 at the end of May and has shown no interest in PT. I've been waiting for her to be interested b/c she's very strong willed and I don't see how it will work otherwise.

But she just started preschool last week and she is the only kid in her class who is still in diapers. The teachers told me they thought she was ready b/c she sees all the other kids using the potty and is interested. So today I announced we're doing PT and she has no interest.

After two accidents I called it quits and now she's in a pullup. I don't know what to do, I'm so frustrated. Should I just wait until she tells me she's ready? I tried bribery (treats and a promise of blue sparkle nail polish) and nothing. Help please!

[kitmama]

I have two contradictory suggestions- you'd have to decide which of the two will best work for you and your daughter. Both are good methods, but so much depends on you, your daughter and your situation.

1) Take away the diapers and DON'T look back. You can prep by explaining that on such and such date, you're putting the diapers away and after that there won't be any more diapers during the daytime. You should make sure she knows what she's supposed to be doing instead- that she knows where the potty is, and how to use it, and that she has some idea of how to feel when she needs to go. You can take her with you to buy special panties, and just stay matter-of-fact yet upbeat about the whole thing. Diapers will no longer be an option, and don't show her any misgivings. As far as she is concerned, this is just the way things are- like grass is green and kitties are soft. A law of nature.

On the preset date, get rid of the diapers. (Literally, make them disappear, or else she might get them out herself). Be excited about the switch to panties. When accidents happen, (and they will) don't make a big deal out of it. Tell her (and yourself) that it just takes time to get the hang of it. Have her help clean up and change clothes as much as possible. (She can help wipe up puddles, put dirty clothes in the hamper, choose and put on new undies. . . Remind her often to use the potty- if it helps, use a clock or set a timer to determine "potty time". It's harder for her to argue with a clock. Another useful trick is to have her go naked as much as possible. Remain matter-of-fact, upbeat and very, very patient and eventually you will get there. If this is your best method, you should see improvement within a couple of weeks.

2) Ignore the above advice, and wait for her to initiate. Still make sure she knows how to use the potty, and what going potty is all about. You can talk about it, but don't pressure her- it's just something else we do like brushing our teeth or bathing. Naked time can still be really useful here! If it helps, you can point out the "pros" like not getting as messy when she poops, thus making clean up simpler and faster. You can try some subtle psychology if you think of something that might help- a little sprinkling of peer pressure can be a good thing for some kids, for instance. Or practically ignoring the issue might have a beeter effect- depends on the kid. But mainly, you just have to be really patient and you have to be ready to ignore all the random people who will tell you she is too old to be in diapers. It's NOT their business.

Preschool can put a kink in this plan- they are in a position to force the issue if they want to. You might have to decide whether to take their advice or not. But remember, YOU know your daughter best.

Good luck!