3 1/2 yr old dd won't potty train

[shop4mykids]

FYI, I have tried all conventional, recommended ways of training her, her preschool is also actively trying. I have trained my older one, at age 3, no problems.
now here are the details:
DD will be 3.5 in 10 days, I have repeatedly tried to train her since she was 2, basically checking for readiness, etc. I am very actively working on it since she turned 3. She just won't pee or poop in the potty. I have tried bribes, rewards, threats, etc. At first she was very fearful of the toilet, or even the potty. Now that she has overcome that, I think, she still has a fit if I suggest to go to the potty, I still take her, and she just sits there, says I am done, wipes, flushes, washes hands (preschool training), and leaves (nothing in the toilet though). several times she just goes pees on the floor within a minute after that. I have tried sitting there with her in the bathroom, the longest stint was 2 hours. Still nothing.
What do I do now??? I only allow her pullups now at preschool, as soon as we come home, they are off and we try potty over and over. At night she gets a pull up again.
I am desperate and at a loss!
;(

[sand82552]

I don't have any answers, but just support :) You are basically describing my DD exactly, she is slightly younger, but everything you said is exactly what we go through.

I am also at a complete loss.

[shop4mykids]

thanks and I feel for you, I guess we just have to wait it out. Sometimes I just want to be tough, but then I feel I am making it worse for her, and she shouldn't dread going to the bathroom! So, for now I will just stick to a routine. If meanwhile I find a solution, miracle, or anything else, I will let you know! :)

[Momof3Labs]

Sounds like it has become a real power struggle. Can you just drop it completely - put her back in diapers/pullups full-time - for a month or two? Then try again?

[MarisaSF]

What does she do when she's not in preschool? On weekends, does she wear underwear all day? Does she ever go in the potty? Or does she ask for a pull-up when she needs to go?

Some things that worked for DD:
-We made up a song/chant: "potty, wipe, panties, flush, wash, dry." She was really excited about flushing and washing her hands, so the chant was fun for her.
-Our "reward" for sitting on the potty was reading a book or making up a story while she sat. Does your DD like books or something else that she can do while on the potty? We got a new one that she picked out and we only read it while she was on the potty. That evolved into us telling her stories. Now she tells us stories.
-We never used pull-ups during the day; we went straight from diapers to underwear for day. We used "Learning Designs" pull-ups at night and DD was HUGELY incentivized to keep the flowers from disappearing. Have you tried that brand? DD would cry if the flowers disappeared. It was pretty sad, but she learned quickly to go to the potty first thing in the morning.

What helped me:
-Realizing that accidents on the floor were not a big deal. I just cleaned them up and moved on, not making a big deal of it. She even had accidents when we were out; I just traveled with a change of clothing. When DD wet the bed a couple times, she helped us remove the sheets and put them in the wash.

[tiapam]

Not sure if this will help you, but I stopped asking DD if she has to go. Instead I ask her to tell me when she is going to go so I can come, too. I also tell her every time I am going (not really necessary as she is with me almost all the time) and sometimes she decides she has to go, too. She started preschool too and I think that gave her a little push. Prior to this recent interest we did not have much success, so we did not try very hard.

I guess what I am saying is to try changing the way you talk to her about it. She is not wearing underwear all the time but she is usually dry in her pull ups. We are having trouble with #2, though, so not exactly expert advice you are getting from me!

-Pam

DD - 3 YO

[ellies mom]

I would back off. When she feels she is ready, she will. Pushing her too hard will just make her push back. My DD didn't train until she was almost 4. She just wasn't interested. And DH making a big deal about accidents while she was naked just made it worse. DD became really upset at the thought of having accidents. So I just dropped it for a while.

Basically, I kept her naked at home and she wore pull-ups when out. Part of our problem is that DD can hold it for ages and she doesn't have to go first thing in the morning so just sitting her on the toilet and hoping she'd pee wasn't working. Instead we talked about how her tummy felt before she had to go to the bathroom and about how she needed to relax and let the pee out. We started out with a sticker chart. For every five stickers, she got a small treat. Then we did m&ms. Yeah, I worried about the whole bribery thing too but first of all, if she isn't interested it won't work. We tried several times before DD responded. Secondly, once using the potty becomes second nature, they seem to forget about the bribe. You stop offering the m&ms and if they don't remind you, don't give them any.

Our hard part was getting her dressed without diapers (afraid of accident). I would ask and if she said no, I'd let her wear a pull-up. After a while, I got her to start wearing panties when we would go out. I kept her in pull-ups at school for the time being. Rather than asking her if she had to go to the bathroom, I would just take her and tell her that I wanted her to try and let pee out. She had two accidents when she didn't tell me in time but we just changed her and didn't make a big deal about it. When she got pretty good at the whole thing, then we started having her wear panties to school and she has never had an accident. OK, we did have one pretty big bribe. She wanted a Hello Kitty watch, so I told her that when she started wearing panties, she could have one. Let me tell you I was thrilled when we went to pick one out.

I know it is hard. DD has been ahead on every milestone. I just assumed that she would be potty trained by the time she was 2.5-3. I just had to keep telling myself that this is one of those battles that you just can't win. It is so much better to just let them do it at their pace, especially if the preschool doesn't require it. She really will potty train when she is ready.