Carry too much?

[the2amigos]

Can you carry/wear your baby too much? DS will be 3 months old tomorrow - where does the time go?!?! He has always been held most of the day, except our play time on the floor occasionally throughout the day. He has very good head control and loves to look at toys on the floor, we do tummy time. But otherwise he wants to be held and will cry if he is not. We also co-sleep, so he has never slept alone, other than when I can get him to fall asleep in his swing.

We live in an ultra-conservative city, I have not met anyone that co-sleeps or babywears. I keep getting suggestions to put him in his crib and shut the door so I don't hear him crying "because he has to get used to being alone." I know that's not right. But I'm I holding him too much? When I'm constantly being told to put him down I start questioning if I'm doing something wrong?

So, can you hold them too much?

[DebbieJ]

In short, NO! You cannot spoil a baby by holding them or tending to their needs!

They are young for such a short time. I'd say go with your instincts. Keep following his lead and enjoy all that snuggle time! And try to ignore the naysayers. Lie to them if you have to (about the sleeping stuff). It's really none of their business anyway.

My ds was worn constantly for the first part of his life, too. I loved it.

~ deb
DS 12/03

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/10029.gif

[Saartje]

It sounds like you're doing the right thing -- lots of holding (which they *need* at your son's age -- and plenty of floor time and tummy time (which will allow him to develop his own motor skills). Keep up the good work! :D

[mamaAnn]

If more people did what you're doing we'd have happier people :)

They CANNOT be held too much and please don't listen to those that say "put your baby in the crib and close the door" YIKES-this makes me sad! We've held all of our 3 kids (youngest still is at 5 mos) as much as possible and the older 2 are well adjusted independent kids!

Do what you feel is right-you're gut is the best judge of what's right for your baby!
Ann

[lenad]

I think you should do what feels right to you and what you enjoy. We have been co-sleeping with our DD (6.5-mo now) from the moment we realized everyone was happier and was sleeping better that way (when she was ~10 days old). And we love it! And we still carry her around a lot. As PP said, they are so little for such a short time, I don't see why deprive them and us of one of the biggest pleasures in our lives. (I have not done any serious research on AP, but apparently carried babies are actually more independent later on. And smarter.)

[mommyj_2]

Just wanted to chime in with another no :) Different babies like to be held different amounts, and it is great you are tuned into your baby's needs. My DS has always wanted to be held a lot. He's 20 months old now, and he still loves to be held, but he's also become quite independent. He goes to a Montessori preschool 6 hours/week, and he absolutely loves it. He's made friends, and has adapted beautifully. I know a lot of people say holding your baby makes him/her clingy, but I think it actually makes them more confident and independent in the long run (if they are held as much as they want to be and their needs are met). I
It sounds to me like you are doing great. Just try to ignore what people are telling you. It just blows my mind how many people think they know what is best for other moms to do with their babies. You know your child better than anyone else.
Also, don't worry about sleeping either. My DS has always co-slept, and he's a great sleeper. I have a friend who let her daughter cry it out, and she has much more trouble getting to sleep than my DS ever had. I'm not saying all babies who CIO will have a harder time falling asleep (so no flames, please!). I just wanted to let you know that people who tell you you're doing something wrong or creating a clingy child really don't know what they're talking about. Do what feels right for you.

[newmama4]

Ok, I really should be asleep - but I was laying in bed thinking about your post/question - and had to put in my 2 cents.

I agree with the previous posters, no you cannot possibly carry your DS too much!

The reason that I wanted to chime in here is that I think I am also in a similar situation. I don't know if you would charictarize where I live as conservative (the Jersey shore) but I also get tons of unsolicited advice. My DH is a Rabbi of a congregation here and I allmost always wear our DD to Synagogue (and the many other places we go!). I always get comments like, "how long are you going to wear her?" (in that voice - you know the one) and even "nastier" questions. I allmost always answer, until she is 35 lbs (she is only 14 lbs and 5.5 months now) - and I only answer that b/c every carrier says it is good until 60 or so lbs but they only recomend them up to 35 lbs. This usually stops the comments from coming - or I get, why 35lbs? I just say, why not? The interesting thing is that all these same congregants also comment on how happy DD is, how content she is in services, how quiet, smiley, and generally happy she is. I guess they don't make the connection.... I am not saying that baby wearing is the key to my DD happiness - or that you must wear your baby for him/her to be happy - but in my case I definitely think it helps - and why not enjoy life with a happy baby?!

I also take her to tons of places/meetings/community events/film festivals, etc. and get tons of "dirty looks" (how dare you bring a baby HERE - what no baby sitter? etc.) but then she is "good" or asleep on me - and most comments subside/change to be compliments - of course I am also able to walk out of the even if need be and have - don't get me wrong).

We also co-sleep and I confess, I lie and say she sleeps through the night (and leave the where part out)- well I guess its not a lie - she does sleep through the night - she just needs some help to do so. I only do this b/c I was sick of people telling me to give her cough syrup, cry it out, whisky (she's teething - yikes!), and other "good adice". My philosophy is, do what is good for you, your DD (or DS) and your DH, everyone else doesn't need all the details! (No flames - we all do what is necessary - I am certainly no angel either.)

I had no idea this would turn out so long - don't get me wrong - most people in out community are curious and respectful of our choices, but the few that aren't, well, enough said.

The funniest comment I ever got was after a large Bar Mitzvah at the luncheon in the social hall when my DD was only about a month old or so and I had her in the cradle hold in my sling and she was sound asleep - and someone wanted to know why I brought my dog to Synagogue! (We do have a dog - and no she doesn't come to pray!)

Who knows, maybe you will start a trend in your community of baby wearers - I am hoping someone in mine will become a slinging/wearing Mama (or Dad).

Good luck, and keep doing what is right in your heart!

Elise
Hannah Meria's Eema (11/16/04)

[the2amigos]

Thank you so much for your replies!! I knew I wasn't all that crazy! There is a women at work who is extremely supportive and so I've been able to talk with her...although all the others I just don't even bring up the subject of holding/crying/sleeping anymore.

He is asleep in his swing right now. He sleeps really well at night with us, goes right to sleep and only awakes 1-2x to nurse and goes back to sleep. We dance to lullabies in the morning and he goes to sleep and I put him in his swing so I can get some things done!! Then we play on the floor and/or go for a walk in his stroller or do the shopping, then we dance for a nap (which I usually take with him!!) Then he is up in the evening, lies down with me, nurses and goes to sleep at bedtime. And he is happy as a clam most of the time, so I'm very happy with my decision to hold him when he wants it, to heck with everyone else!!!

Thanks so again for your support!

[nola]

No, you're not doing anything wrong. He's three months old, anyway. And, "most people" are usually wrong - don't let the majority sway your decision. Babies thrive with lots of holding. It cannot permanately damage them.
My husband and I chose not to practice AP, but I'm not about to knock on it with the "he has to get used to being alone" story.