View Full Version : Intro/our story--domestic, open adoption

09-11-2003, 12:10 AM
Thanks Kimberly for getting this forum started! I was going to wait to post until our adoption is finalized which should be sometime this month, but since you got things started I thought I'd jump in...

I'm Mary and DH is Scott, we are both 32 and after trying 3 years to have a bio child (3 pregnancys ending in M/C) we decided to expand our family through adoption.

This has been a spiritual journey more than anything so after months of exploring all of the adoption options (international, domestic) and praying, my 3rd M/C cinched our decision to adopt--we decided to look into domestic adoption more and at that time in our lives it just made sense to pursue domestic open adoption.

Nine months after we turned in our application, we brought our son home!!! We had exactly 6 days notice beforehand. His placement is truly a miracle!

I am more than willing to share our experience with open adoption and our adoption journey with anyone who would like more information. I'm also interested in corresponding with others who have very open adoptions.

Mary (Mom to Jeremiah 2/4/03; home 3/6/03)

09-12-2003, 10:16 PM
Hi Mary!
I'm so glad this forum is getting some action now. I think it can be an excellent source of advice and support for those who have adopted or are considering it.

DH and I went through 3+ years of treatments to have a bio child and the emotional roller coaster was killing me. We were also out of insurance coverage having reached the lifetime max so we decided to go the adoption route. We had considered it an option all along, we just had to get to the right point.

We explored all the options too and decided to pursue a domestic adoption. About 6 months after our homestudy was approved, we learned of a girl that was considering adoption and we put her in contact with our agency. We really didn't hear anything for the next 6-8 weeks - can't remember exact dates. Then we learned that she wanted to meet us. The meeting went well, but we still didn't know what she had decided until the morning of Feb. 10, 2002 when our social worker called. She said the hospital wanted to know which pediatrician we wanted since the birthmother was in labor. Well, about 3hrs later, we learned that our son had been born, and about four hours after that, we got to hold him the first time. What an experience! We brought him home from the hospital 3 days later. We feel that God has truly blessed us with this beautiful child, and we are so thrilled to be his parents.

We have not had any further contact with the birthparents, although we were open to this.

I am interested in others experiences with open adoptions, and also any who have more than one child with varying levels of openness. This, as we are in the process of waiting for another child to find his or her way into our lives. I wonder if it is hard for the child with less contact to have a sibling with a closer relationship to the birthparents.

I am also willing to share more of our experience with anyone who would like more information.

10-03-2003, 06:00 PM
We are currently trying to adopt for the third time. I know our profile was shown this week to a birth mother who is due the begining of November, but I haven't heard anything yet and I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high.

Our son is 12, and our daughter 8. Our son's adoption started out semi-open with contact going through the agency, and after about 6 months we both exchanged all the identifying information. Over the years, our relationship has grown, and I truly enjoy the contact we have with her.

Our daughter's adoption started out semi-open as well, but after around 5 months, the birth mother stopped all contact with us and the agency. It has been a lot harder not having contact with her than I had imagined. I know that she had a difficult time making peace with her decision, and that is hard for me. And, there have been some medical issues arrise that I would have liked to ask her further questions about.

My daughter is more sensitive than I think my son would be if the situation were reversed. Adopting again has brought the issue to the forefront, and raised a lot of questions in my daughter. She has recently asked to put her birthmother's photo on her dresser, which of course we did.

My son's birthmother knows about the situation and tries to include my daughter whenever she can, because she wants her to grow up with a good feeling about adoption and her own birthmother. I'm sure that if we have contact with this new birthmother, especially more than we have had with my son's, it will raise further issues.

10-04-2003, 09:10 PM
Thanks Mary Ann! I guess it varies with each child how they handle issues about their birthparents. We'll see as DS gets older how it goes and who knows how open our next adoption will be. That's great that your son's birthmother includes your daughter in things. I bet that really helps her alot.
Good luck with your next one!