View Full Version : Has anyone read Adoption After Infertilty?

02-12-2004, 01:32 AM
This was a pivotal book in helping us choose adoption, and I have been recommending it to friends who've had fertility problems.

Just wondering if anyone else found it helpful or not. Should I keep recommending it?

Mom to Jeremiah 2/4/03
and our 'first' Curie (6 year old Golden Retriever)

03-04-2004, 09:42 PM
Yes, I would agree that it is a "pivotal" book. It helped lead us to adoption. For others, those first few chapters may lead them to new treatments, to donor exploration, or to living childfree. But that grieving process is so important.

IMHO, keep recommending it.

Newbie here!
GHS, adoptive mom to Belle, 5 mos.

Kimberly H
03-04-2004, 10:53 PM
We chose adoption because I had my tubes tied after my bio boys and my (second) DH is sterile from diabetes but I don't really consider us as having gone through "infertility" because we never really tried to have a birth child.

However, since an Asian child with Caucasian parents is a novelty in our town, we get a lot of people asking about Mia and telling us things we'd not normally know - like they "can't have children of their own" - so I'd love a great book to suggest.

Would you mind telling me more about this book?

03-05-2004, 06:24 PM
I have my book out on loan, but as I remember, the first 3 chapters cover the options to consider when facing infertility (I read the book 2 years ago and some of the medical info. seemed a little dated then--I don't know if it's been updated since).

The book also laid out a decision process for moving past your infertility--it had reasons people grieve infertility to help you ID what your issues might be to work through. A big point of the book is you must grieve you infertility before moving forward with adoption.

It presented a good discussion about the decision to remain childless, also.

We had a pretty clear plan about what infertility treatments we were willing to go through, but I also thought the book had a good discussion of the possibility of getting into a very emotional and expensive infertility treatment process if you aren't clear about or haven't thought about what you were willing to try vs. not re: infertility treatments..

Others, feel free to add/modify what I've listed. As I said, I read this about 2 years ago and may have attributed some things to the book I picked up from other sources.

I think the most useful part of the book was how to grieve your infertility in order to move on to adoption as a real option for expanding your family.

Mom to Jeremiah 2/4/03
and our 'first' Curie (6 year old Golden Retriever)

03-07-2004, 05:17 PM
Well I'll tell you a book I would recommend before adoption after infertility. Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again by Jean W. Carter. Although in theory Sweet Grapes is about the other choice after infertility, not having children, there is so much in it about dealing with infertility just as far as coming to terms with it for yourself whether you decide to adopt or not. If I thought someone was coming to the end of the IF journey, than I would probably recommend both adoption after Infertility and Sweet Grapes. If I wasn't sure where they were in their journey I would suggest certain chapters of sweet grapes (of course the 4 couples that I lend my copy of sweet grapes too all got pregnant so it was a very strange experience for me :-) )

One of the reasons I would recommend Sweet Grapes as well is because she talks about women she thinks would be unhappy if they didn't adopt or give birth based on how they look at life.

Anyway I have friends who really didn't like aai even though they were adopting after infertility. I don't think her writing style is for everyone and the truth is with most books you have to be ready for the message to really "get it". Does that make sense?
But it certainly is one of books that most people recommend, so I certainly don't think that it's a mistake to let others know it's out there

03-24-2004, 09:10 PM

As you can see, it's been awhile since I've been on the boards, but wanted to thank you for the reccomendation on Sweet Grapes. I definitely agree with your comment on 'needing to be ready for the message' and now I can refer them to both books.

Take care,

Mom to Jeremiah 2/4/03
and our 'first' Curie (6 year old Golden Retriever)