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View Full Version : Another Ukraine adoption journal happing right now-just arrived



NEVE and TRISTAN
05-03-2004, 04:50 PM
For those who like to watch a typical Ukraine adoption unfold on Ukraine soil here is another one. I do not know this couple, they are using another team, but they have a great website filled with a lot of info.

These journals are fun to read in that couples don't have a refereal when they travel, they are given them there. This couple is goig over to adopt two (the chances are getting slimmer and slimmer to come home with two children which is also our goal) so this should be interesting.

http://www.meetthecorbetts.com/
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

NEVE and TRISTAN
05-08-2004, 12:53 PM
I either messed up my link or they just shared the journal days all at once for I have been checking and not seeing the story...
Anyway here is the link right to the journal!!!
http://www.meetthecorbetts.com/traveljournal.htm
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

NEVE and TRISTAN
05-09-2004, 12:47 PM
http://www.meetthecorbetts.com/photo.htm
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

Momof3Labs
05-09-2004, 01:27 PM
Goosebumps!! Oh, Neve, they are just adorable! I hope that someone at home is doing some quick crib and other baby gear shopping for them!!

Thanks for sharing this!

sbjf
05-09-2004, 01:28 PM
Did anyone else notice that the boys look like the parents? I love when that happens!

Great pics, I didn't read the journal yet though. Thanks for sharing!

NEVE and TRISTAN
05-11-2004, 08:46 AM
it is cute...it is on the picture page :)...
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

papal
05-11-2004, 12:12 PM
Wow, this is my first foray into the Adoption forum.. looks like a lot is going on in here!!
Neve, when i click on that link it is saying 'Bandwidth exceeded''.. anyone else getting this problem? Maybe too many of us are viewing their website? I want to see pictures too!!!

This past weekend we met up with some friends who have adopted a beautiful baby girl from India... wow.. i SO wish my dh was open-minded about adoption... he is really against it saying he does not think he can love an adopted child as much as a bio child... help me convince him that this is not true!!!

NEVE and TRISTAN
05-11-2004, 01:15 PM
THere must be an issue with the bandwidth for the adoption boards are all a buzz over there that they can't log on and are getting the same message.
I viewed the video last night before this message. I hope they get it fixed for it is a sweet story...

Steve wasn't totally on board until we watched an adoption story on TGV (which we never watch the gals voice creeps me out on it)and it was a young girl for India...he teared up over it....
And then we watched a foreign film with adoption in it and he teared up...
And just this past week a huge event he met a local gal who adopted two "older" (6-7 still babies in my eyes when you think these adorable boys would have been street bound probably if she didn't adopt them) and they were gorgeous and he is now on board.

I think the feelings you hubby is experiencing is a feeling that we all fear in our spouse, my mama bear gut does not feel that way for me personally, but I have feared Steve thinking he'd feel that way. But I also know Steve and he might think that pre adoption but I know that will quickly change....
I also suspect the pregnancy of a second child scares men a bit too...I know when it looked like we were having our second Steve worried could he love a child as much as Tristan.

I explain the good news is you don't have to share your love...you're givin awhole amount more love to add to the the love you have now :)...

My friend worded it like this...you have a glass of love to give to a child...you fear that you will have to share that glass of love with number 2 but infact you are given awhole nother glass of love!!!!I liked that and think of it often...
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

Momof3Labs
05-11-2004, 03:12 PM
As a mother, I don't know how I *couldn't* love any child that I was given to raise - whether the child came from my womb or not. Fortunately, my DH feels the same and we hope to adopt several (6-8) years down the road. But we're trying for a second pregnancy first!

papal
05-11-2004, 03:32 PM
Neve, do you remember the name of the foreign film you saw?

I was talking to my dh, James, about adoption. He said he would have been for it IF we could not have our own bio kids... i don't understand why this has to be a choice. For me , i feel like, now that I have had a bio child, I should adopt our next child.. sort of like getting to experience both things... i mean we were lucky to have a bio child, now I feel like it is our turn to make someone elses bio child feel lucky. I know in my heart that I would love both children from deep within my heart.. and I do not think I could love one less or more... but James was saying that he fears he would.. and that would be unfair to the adopted child.. i don't know.... i am a little bit mad that I cannot 'convince' him otherwise. Maybe if we saw this movie he would see what a real adoption is like.. i definitely would not want to do something so important unless he was 100% on board..nor do I think I could because he would not 'allow' it.

I am rambling, but I just think you are so lucky that your hubby is as excited about adoption as you are... truly that is a blessing in it self.
I was just thinking, the baby that my friend adopted.. she is 9 months old now, lives in a nice house, has all the things that a baby needs but most important of all, has food and shelter and a family that LOVES her. IF they (or someone else) had not adopted her, she would still be in an orphanage... just makes me very sad... so many kids are in orphanages because parents like my dh are so unsure about adoption. Anyway.. hope your adoption goes off without a hitch... i must visit this forum more often for updates!

papal
05-11-2004, 03:35 PM
Lori, you are lucky indeed. Like I posted above, to have your dh on board.. that is a blessing in itself. Maybe mine will change his mind 6-8 years down the road too.. when he misses having babies around the house! :)

NEVE and TRISTAN
05-13-2004, 11:43 AM
Rashmi,
Sorry it took a while to respond we went up to DC Tuesday nite and got in this morning...

I almost PM'd you the movie title so it does not ruin the movie, but in all honesty the way the movie is written even knowing "adoption" is in there no one would know how or why, so it doesn't ruin the movie while watching. But it was recommended to me by LizaMann (Beth) here on the boards and she wrote something like "Neve you'll like this movie..." As we watched it I assumed it was for my love of animals for there is clearly a man crazy enough to take on a cat population in it and I assumed that is what she meant the whole time I was watching it :)....

But the movie is "Together" I thought I'd never find it here in NC (having moved here from DC "foreign film heaven") but oddly it was here at our block buster (call ahead they can check).

My husband's thoughts I suspect were along the lines of your DH's, he didn't say them but I do know when I first brought it up he asked "well aren't we going to keep trying???? what if you get pregnant?"...Since I have lost 3 pregnancies (and this conversation happened after losing the second) I really just broke down and started crying and reminded him he'd never know what it felt like to lose a baby as from my perspective etc... In my case I fell in love with a BEAUTIFUL boy (who to me looks like Tristan) over the internet BEFORE I researched...I now know that atleast in Ukraine that children can't being shown on the internet and that few if any adoptions are done that way (see 'em and adopt 'em via the internet). But carrying that picture around for two weeks and totally OBSESSED with adopting this little boy and imagining life with him helped my hubby put a face to the adoption process.

I think meeting a local family that adopted two GORGEOUS boys last week was huge for him as wll. Last night while in DC he got some lottery tickets and walked up to me and said "If we win we will go to Ukriane instantly!!!!!" (he forgets there is a huge paperchase we are about to embark on, we couldn't start earlier since papers expire in 12 months and we thought we were going next April).

Since a SWer has to do a detailed homestudy one parent can't adopt without the blessing of both, I needed to even prep Steve for this, I mean if he even hints "WOW adopting more than one might kill us" then that can jeaopordize our chances.

It sounds to me like if you could plot the experience of adoption and the course of events for parents who have a bio child (and no troubles) and then decide to adopt that you'd find the feeling your hubby has are probably normal. It sounds like you might even be on track for one day going down the road of adoption to me. I think introducing him to families that adopt, signing up for maybe a yahoo group in your area of families that have adopted and are mentoring those that are going to will be a great education for him.

I think you will both "know when you know"...I really do!!!!!
I think starting to check in here is a good way to start realizing if it is for you or not as well...Many people have their bio children and then as they grow up decide to open their families to a group of adoptive children (or child) this seems pretty common, and who knows that might be your route as well.

It is such a personal decision...an nothing that anyone can talk anyone into (or out of)...but if you start printing some stories, or discussing it with others I bet the gates will open some for your DH...

Keep us posted...
Also when you read the Ukraine journals that I share here keep in mind that is a very different process than most for there they do not allow pre selection. So when we travel we will have no idea who we will be bringing home, their sex, their age...we won't know. So those journals are not really consistent with the true adoption world, but portray the world of adopting in Ukraine where you must travel to get your selection.


Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

papal
05-13-2004, 06:49 PM
Neve,
First off... next time you are in the DC area, let us know! Us NoVA mommies would love to get together with ya!!

Second, thanks for the movie title.. i will rent it this weekend and not mention it is about adoption etc... just say that a friend recommended this really good movie. :)

Third, the fact that you cannot 'see' via the internet the child you are going to adopt... that seems like it would be very difficult for the adopting parents.. am i wrong? Why will they not let you know which child you can adopt? Is this to prevent people from 'picking and choosing' for lack of better words? I guess it makes sense from that perspective, because every child gets a fair chance. So you will not know the age or sex of the children? How are you to prepare for their arrival? And, if you don't mind me asking, what made you choose Ukraine for adopting?

Thanks for your response.. i look forward to hearing updates about your adoption process.. really, you guys should post updates and such in the Lounge too... i am sure many people like me miss seeing these great posts because they are tucked away in this forum!

NEVE and TRISTAN
05-13-2004, 10:46 PM
I would love for us to have a "DC area get together" I have had images of it in Olde Towne Alexandria (a good spot for DC'ers, NOVA, and MD folks I think)....

I am so guilty of over scheduling myself especially when up there that when I come up for Steve's work we are literally there for about 40 hours. But I would love that!!!!!

Here is the picture of the little that this unethical agency had up, the little boy who I fell in love with. It turns out, though there is no loss of adorable little boys over there that this photo and this fake sob story are probably just bait in the process for this agency I found out later was VERY unethical.
http://olderchildrenadoption.com/childpage.htm?ID=1520
But you can see why seeing his image would spark my interest not only in adopting...but adopting and an interest in "an older child"...(to me a 6 year old is still a baby no matter what they term "older child" to be).

I chose Ukraine for several reasons...
I LOVE Europe, have lived there 7 years and spent 7 of my first 11 years of life there, so it seems natural to me to adopt from there.

There is great diversity in Ukraine, Gypsy children (Roman), Caucasian, Asian influence in some areas, very fair skinned children etc......so there is diversity (which I am drawn to)

The preselection vs travel in selection could be the hardest part of this in some ways, but once could say it easier in that it would also be hard to have a picture of your child and be dying to travel over there a lot more, maybe missing a Birthday etc...so that could be hard too....

This way allows you to meet children over there, though it use to be you could travel to an orphanage and meet all of the children who were on the list to be adopted and offered (vs the many who are not on the list because a parent can't be located, a mom might visit once a year which keeps them from being on the list etc...).

Their system is critiques tons that is for certain. Children can't even be adopted till they are 14 months old by non Ukraines. If a mom puts them up for adoption today they stay on a registry for 12 months and are only up for adoption to Ukraines, so many stay there a lot longer than needed.

For now...and this will change possibly before we travel, you do not need to go thru an agency, you can hire a facilitator to help you, they are the ones who are your lobbyist of sorts and watch out for you. It is their relationships that assist you in getting "a good referal or a bad one". I hate that term "good or bad" for all children are good so that is not what is meant by that and you will see those phrases used a lot in the Ukraine adoption world, but they relate more to good meaning healthy and bad meaning not healthy.

My gut is Ukraine...my gut has been a facilitator named Oleg...and I guess I go with my gut on many things. I do like the idea of getting to go Indy there that is for certain, I feel more in control of my life that way.

We do not know the age...now you can say what you'd like, and if you go with the more costly well connected facilitators (which we are) then you usually will get what you want, but that can change, alot of it has to do with children who just come off of the registry too...so maybe one day there are 10 the next day none...

We have an idea of what we are hoping to add to our family regarding sex, number of children and ages...we are not picky, and in all honesty we have such great insurance that many times as I am in bed at night I feel like I should take advantage of that and bring home a child that can benefit from that. I mean I stay home, our insurance is great, Steve's work is very pro family that I actually feel guilty for not taking advantage of that "gift" and that many can't do that so should I be doing that. But health is important in that I have images of living around the world...maybe even sailing a good few months a year in retirement and we need to be as healthy as possible to do much of the things that interest us...so it is hard that is for certain.

We are going to start a web site soon (I am laughing for I can't even get DH to change my avatar or post my baby pics) but that is the plan...there is soooooo much to share about the process, and so many questions and recommedations, etc... that that has been the only way I can really educate others. I have started by starting a thread here to Ukrianian adoptions...(I use to be mama2be here) so when you see that that is my thread that I started. I find info and run there and "tuck" it there for safe keeping and so others can benefit from it.

The Ruslan photo started much of this, but I have always had a strong urge to adopt...



Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

NEVE and TRISTAN
05-14-2004, 12:06 AM
The video took up too much bandwidth...
http://www.meetthecorbetts.com/photo.htm

is the link to new pics!!!!
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

papal
05-14-2004, 08:01 PM
Thanks Neve. I have been going through all the previous posts in this forum... there is definitely a lot to learn about the adoption process.
I did see the website you referred to... gosh... there are so many children on there.. it really makes me sad.. they are all so adorable..in a way, like you said, it would be much easier emotionally to NOT know what your child looks like before actually going there. It would be hard to have a picture in your mind and imagine what the child is doing.

Anyway, I have a ton of research to do regarding facilitators and referals etc.. i have my heart set on adopting a little girl from india.. the girls have such few opportunites as compared to boys. James works for the government, so i am pretty sure that we would have to pay for the adoption process out of pocket, so we have a lot of saving up to do.. perhaps when he joins a private firm they would pay some.

Thanks for all the info again. If you need avatar or website help, let me know.. i am not a pro but i have a simple website set up for myself (just text and pictures.. nothing fancy), so I could help you if you need something like that.

NEVE and TRISTAN
05-14-2004, 09:06 PM
Oh man thank you!!!! When we did Tristan's web site we totally stole Tammy's, Steve used it is a skeleton of sorts to make Tristan's (with Tammy's permission) or I doubt we would ever get it done.

I do want to make one with lists of time line, journal, maybe a price sheet (but I want a secret code acess so it is shared with only folks who want to adopt and not curious neighbors wanting to know the total cost)...

The Adoption Story that made Steve tear up was a columbian adoption and those children are GORGEOUS!!!! They did a dance it brought us both to tears.

Keep in mind you get a TAX CREDIT of $10,160 per child. So that is better than a deduction (and then you get that too for another dependent) BUT the tax credit is like not having to pay 10,160 dollars in federal taxes. Let's say one does not owe that much a year then they can use it over 5 years...so in some cases folks aren't paying federal taxes for 5 years!!!!! A lot of folks don't know about that and that helps...then factor in reimbursement from companies and it can add up...check the govt might give one...
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

papal
05-15-2004, 03:47 PM
Maybe because I am using a Macintosh, but when i click on your website, i come up with a blank page!! Strange!

PS: I forgot to say in the prev post... i like right near Old Town!! And we mommies met there a couple of months ago.. so it is definitely do-able again! :)