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View Full Version : OK, so just starting down this adoption trail....



dogmom
09-04-2004, 03:57 PM
Hi everyone, I've been lurking here for a month or so and decided I should come out of the closet and post since I'm actually getting to the point of having some questions that you all may be able to help with. My DH and I have decided that we don't want our son to be an only child and adoption is what both our hearts tell as to do. I figure it is going to be a rather bumpy, long road.

We decided we wanted to adopt from Africa and after much research I have only found four Agencies that work with African adoptions. All work with Ethiopia and one works with several other countries. Unfortunately, the one with the most African experience (Americans for African Adoption) I didn't feel a good "fit" with just from reading their web site. Luckily one of the agencies has there home office in our state, and I have been in contact with them and plan to go to their country specific meeting this month.

I'm starting to hyperventilate a little just thinking about going to the meeting since it starts making it real vs. the just in research mode. But, you know, in a good stress way.

One of the questions I have, for those of you that have children already, is did you consider the age that your child would be when you adopted? I know the whole process will take up to a year. Originally I thought I would wait to my DS was older to adopt so he would "understand" more, but I wouldn't do that about getting pregnant, so why would I to adopt? I realize there might be special needs an adopted child may have, but so could a birth child, premature, etc. (Hey, please tell me if I'm using the "wrong" words here, I'm not even sure birth child would be the right word.) Any thinking on the whole child spacing issue would be appreciated.

And thanks to Neve for the recent post with the links, it had the most information about African adoptions I've seen. I've tried to read some of the adoptions forums, but I found most of them to be an exchange between people REALLY well versed and far into the adoption process and people just posting "Hi, I want to adopt, what do I do." So I didn't feel like I was really ready to enter those forums. I least I'm familiar with the BBB.


So, anyway, hi all.

Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03

NEVE and TRISTAN
09-04-2004, 07:48 PM
OH Jeanne how exciting!!!!...and congrats!!!!
I am only versed in Ukriane and nothing else, but I could write a book that would sell beside the best of them I am certain on Ukraine.

I am so glad that those links helped you...I was just getting ready to send them to you till I read your reference to them.

I do not know if in other countries this is relevant but in Ukraine it certainly is to not just chose an agency who you bond with but to research and to make certain they have the connection abroad that are the good connections to have. One doesn't realize that that is of major importance until they have already sent in a hefty deposit, so assuming other countires might be that way just make certain you check references.

Those sites that you mention that have folks who know the whole process-SPONGE off of those folks all of their info. Beofre hiring an agency ask out loud what folks thought of them and ask them to send you a testamonial to your home email and not to post it...some are hesitant to post on public forums bad info for fear of getting sued (atleast on the Ukraine site and by one corrupt agency, the same agency who I fell in love with the little boy a year ago).

I can only speak of Ukraine but who you use over there (the contract that your agency has with those over there) is the 'do or die' connection.

Keep us posted...Harvey will be a wonderful brother!!!
About age, my gut instinct totally based on falling in love with the 5-6 year old last year was to seek that age, I second guessed myself when I felt there would be a difference in Tristan's age and theirs. IN Ukraine there is a lot of boozing...and going for the older children helps to find problems in the child, so going for a younger child in my case was not so important. I'm willing to admit it also might be because I have a bio son and have "been there done that" kind of thing.

ALSO in our case some of the social workers who do homestudies are very opinionated...check references and look for referrals before just hiring someone...

Huge hugs,



Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/18/05 as of 8/24 kicking and moving arms via sono, very active.
* Adopting siblings in Ukraine, I171A from INS has arrived, dossier to Ukraine next week!!!!!!

dogmom
09-04-2004, 08:02 PM
Hi Neve, thanks for the encouragemnet.

Yes, I do want to do a lot of checking with references before committing to an agency. I just have a much shorter list to choose from if I want to proceed with an African adoption. One of the problems I had with the one agency is that they actively discouraged you from going to the country to meet the child because the situations there are too "desperate." They may be very wonderful people, but there is just a missionary zeal to the work that I just know won't work with my husband and I. The agency I'm currently researching seems a little more culturally versed and also works to sponser children to stay in the community with relatives instead of just trying to adopt them out, which makes me think they have a lot more ties in the community, but I could be wrong. I'm currently combing through postings for any feedback I can find, it's just time consumming and will take a while.


Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03

icunurse
09-04-2004, 08:55 PM
Congratulations on your decision to adopt! It's such an exciting time. Sometimes it will be a rollercoaster, but keep the big picture in mind during those times. The end result is *so* worth it. While I have only adopted domestically, I think these are some resources that might help along the way...
I would strongly recommend (if you aren't already subscribing) to get "Adoptive Families" magazine. It gives great info and lists many agencies for international adoptions (maybe some you haven't even considered before). You can usually find it at any bookstore, too.
Also, visit the www.adoption.com boards. There are tons of people who have already completed their adoptions (and people just starting out)and, as Neve said, use them for info....they have a wealth of personal knowledge and love to share. They have specialty boards for international (including different countries) and AA adoptions, too, which might be of greater interest to you. They also have a "roll call" of people listing which agencies they have used and then you can PM them for more info (the boards don't allow positive or negative talk of specific agencies, but you can get any info through a PM).
Finally, the agency I have used is associated with an online adoption learning program. It offers short courses that are free (unless you want a certifcate of completion and education hours). They have courses on the tax credit, transcultural adoption, international adoption and others. The site is www.adoptionlearningpartners.com They are easy to do, but give some valuable info, especially when you are just starting out.
Beyond that....read, read, read. There are lots of good books about transracial adoption. The library has become my second home and www.tapestrybooks.com has lots of specific books about different types of adoption, as well as books suitable for children (to explain adoption, why their skin color is different, etc.).
Hopefully, I haven't overwhelmed you, but knowledge is power :). Again, congrats on your decision and don't hesitate to ask questions (whether here or on another board). Hope this helps!
Traci
~Connor's Mom~

NEVE and TRISTAN
09-04-2004, 09:31 PM
Jeanne, I would agree my gut feeling that this agency you are interested in sounds like they have ties...
I also wanted to say I think adopting from Africa would be wonderful, my parents sponsored an African (and I was too young at the time to know specifically where he was from there) student. He was wonderful, is culture was facinating, his smile was contagious...

Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/18/05 as of 8/24 kicking and moving arms via sono, very active.
* Adopting siblings in Ukraine, I171A from INS has arrived, dossier to Ukraine next week!!!!!!