View Full Version : Debbie - Know anything yet?

09-17-2004, 09:39 PM
Debbie -I was just wondering how things were progressing. I know you weren't confident and the baby's due date is this Sun. Any progress?

Good luck

09-20-2004, 12:43 AM
Hi Holly,

That is very sweet of you to ask. But no, no news yet.

Something that sort of just occurred to us (that I think we just didn't want to think about) is that it is a four day MINIMUM before parents can surrender their rights. There isn't a maximum. I think we've pretty much decided that after the baby is born we would wait a week to hear a definite answer one way or the other and if there is still no decision after a week, we just have to move forward.

I think at least we do have a slightly more positive outlook. But if this falls through we'll definitely talk to our agency about ways to minimize future fall throughs. If that means we ask to be matched only with babies who have already been born, we may have to do that. I'm guessing that that number isn't very big, but these weeks of waiting only to find out if falls through are too hard.

Thank you again. It means a lot to know that people are thinking of me. Hopefully I'll have news soon.


09-28-2004, 01:41 PM
Hi Holly,

Thanks for responding to my posts!:)

I did want to let you know that we found out this morning that this adoption has officially fallen through. The baby was born over the weekend and due to a lot of miscommunication, is now unfortunately in the care of DSS and there's not much else to be done.

We were told that we're on the top of the list (and also that we have been for awhile though--not really doing us much good) and that there's really nothing we can change in our preferences. We were hoping to be asked to be matched only with babies who were already born so as not to have to go through this horrible waiting until birth at least. That's not an option.

So, honestly, I'm not really sure how to proceed. I don't think I can do this again. Maybe it's just supposed to be me, DH, and our two cats (Simon and Garfunkel). It may look different in day or a week and I won't make any snap judgments. But if you asked me right now, I'm done with adoption, at least domestic adoption.


09-28-2004, 04:40 PM
Hi Debbie,
I havent posted before but have been following you story. I am sorry this adddotion fell through. I can't imagine how hard that is. Sending hugs.
mommy to Isabella
baby x EDD 1/11/05

09-28-2004, 05:26 PM

Email me! I know you posted to one of my blog notes, but I can't figure out which one!

Please email me! Our cats, Sheeba, Simon, Shamus, and Sasha want to pass notes to Simon and Garfunkel. ;)

Seriously, email me!

holli at holliam dot org

(insert the appropriate symbols!)


09-28-2004, 05:37 PM
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how you've been able to stay so positive through this for the third time. Please let me know fi there's anything I can do.

09-28-2004, 09:21 PM
I'm so sorry that this adoption didn't work out for everyone.

09-28-2004, 10:42 PM
Our thoughts are so with you and your hubby and Simon and G.
I can not even imagine what you are going thru for a second. I totally understand the possible to decision to hold off for a baby that is already born, I just can't imagine the wounds of the other scenrio.
Please know we are all here for you,
big hugs to you, I am so sorry to hear this.

Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/19/05 IT'S A GIRL


09-29-2004, 01:41 AM
Thank you all for your thoughts and hugs.

It does mean a lot to come on to the boards and know people are thinking of you.

We aren't making any decisions yet. And we are looking into a couple of international agencies, another domestic adoption agency, a high-risk OB/GYN...we'll see. I really don't know what avenue to pursue from here, but in the light of rational thinking, hopefully something will come to me.

It'd be a bit tricky to take the room I painted with all the Finding Nemo fishes and make it anything other than a nursery...I'm sure it will work out somehow, someday...many days I just wish we came with a map or instruction manual! Or how about an answer key?


09-29-2004, 05:21 AM
I'm so sorry! It sounds very heart wrenching. Hope you find the child of your dreams soon!

09-29-2004, 10:19 AM
Debbie, as someone who also went through a "change of heart" in a domestic adoption, I can sympathize with what you're feeling. I'm really sorry that you're having to go through all of this to find your child. Though I know it's hard to believe right now, he/she will find you. Please email me if you want to chat/vent.
~Connor's Mom~

09-29-2004, 01:20 PM
As hard as it is, give yourself a little time. When you have your heart set on domestic adoption and have to deal with numerous heart aches along the way, it gets easy to think that you aren't ever going to have a child. Just know that there are plenty of us out here who would be more than willing to lend a ear (on the board or by PM) to talk to you about international adoption or fertility stuff or just listen as you scream at the top of your lungs that this SUCKS. And while it doesn't have the physical aspects of a m/c no matter how you "lose" the child that you thought would be a part of your life, there is an emotional toll and no one should expect you to just pick up and get moving (I guess that's why I'm saying give yourself time..sometimes it's hard to allow ourselves to grieve when there was no physical pregnancy for us but emotionally it's still the lose of a child)

Hang in there. And remember we are here for you.

Big Hugs

10-01-2004, 04:18 AM
Debbie, I am so sorry.