View Full Version : hi everyone..

11-05-2004, 09:44 AM
I just thought I'd do a quick update. I can't even remember what I last updated. We lost Lily in September. She is with her birthmother now, and we can only hope that this is the best situation. They live in the state with the highest rate of infant mortality so please keep them in their thoughts. We are unlikely to ever know what happens with them. It was one of the most devastating experiences of our lives.

On that very same phone call, we also accepted the referral of another infant girl, Wendy Marisol, who was born in early September. Our case isn't progressing very quickly, but we were lucky to meet our lawyer who was visiting the US a couple of weeks ago. We really like her a lot so we're trying to be optimistic. She certainly is, but we are just so scared.

Here are some photos of Wendy and a link to our blog:
Photos: http://www.holliam.org/Wendy/photo1.html
Blog: http://www.holliam.org/b2evolution/blogs/Adopt/adopt_blog.php

We're visiting her in 5 weeks. Even though it made losing Lily even harder because we had visited her and bonded with her physically, we feel it's too great of an opportunity and one of the things that makes the Guatemalan adoption experience special. So, we cannot resist visiting Wendy either. She is in private foster care. But, we're going to have the opportunity to visit the orphanage that our agency and Guatemalan lawyer have recently started too while we're there. That should be a really worthwhile trip.

Anyway, thanks so much for all your support. It's been such a hard ride for us. I wish we could have been one of those happy adoption stories that everyone loves to read about.


11-05-2004, 11:36 AM
Holli, she's absolutely gorgeous! I love her hair! I'm not overly familiar with international adoptions - any idea about the timeframe until you could bring her home? I know that it's probably very difficult for you right now to put your love and trust into another child, but it will be so worth it in the end when you can tell Wendy stories of your visit and planning (and you will be one of those happy adoption stories that we read about and cry over :)). Fingers and toes are crossed and prayers are being said for you, DH, Wendy, and Lily.
~Connor's Mom~
http://lilypie.com/baby1/050204/1/0/1/-6/.png (http://lilypie.com)

11-05-2004, 11:58 AM
Hi Holli - I have been following your blog. I'm happy you posted an update here though. You know, if you really pay attention to a lot of those happy adoption stories, they start with a brief brush off of the adoption that went wrong (the story that is brushes it off, not the parents of course). I remember one thing our social worker told us about international adoption when we start the process, which was that if you stick it through, eventually you have your baby. Unfortunately, sometimes sticking it through is unfairly painful.

Have you ever seen the story about the trip to Australia? It's a metaphor for adoption. If not, I'll did through my paperwork (which for no reason whatsoever I've kept, not moving a page. I wonder how long it will be before I'm willing to part with any of it?).

Anyway, you are in my thoughts, and I'm going to e-mail you about some clothes and toys. Take care,

11-05-2004, 06:04 PM
Hi Holli,
You are on quite a memorable journey. Hang in there and I will be sending positive thoughts your way. I am sorry about what happened with Lily and I hope that you will soon be united with Wendy.
Take care of yourself,
mom to Noah 2/2003

11-05-2004, 07:50 PM
Holli our thoughts are with you for a quick trip and quick arrival of Wendy to her new home!!!!
Big hugs to you I think of you often!!!!
By the way Wendy is soooo precious!!!!

Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/19/05 IT'S A GIRL


11-06-2004, 09:16 AM

Thanks for posting an update. I hope you enjoy your trip. I know you will create lasting memories for your family. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.


DS 6/03


11-06-2004, 12:25 PM
Thanks for the update Holli. I think of you often also, and I look forward to hearing all about your journey to Wendy. I am so sorry that this has been such a long, hard ride for you all...but I will keep you in my thoughts and will be optimistic that you will have Wendy home with you soon! I am truly sorry about your loss of Lily, and I will continue to keep her in my thoughts as well.

Have a great trip! I can't wait to see your pics!

11-06-2004, 10:11 PM
Thanks for posting--I think about you often. I'm sorry about Lily. I hope that you have a good trip and Wendy is home soon.

11-10-2004, 06:31 PM
Holli, she is so sweet looking. I hope you have a wonderful trip with Wendy and bring her home soon.

Is Guatemala a particularly difficult place? I've noticed a couple episodes of Adoption Story, there, and it seems like those families also suffered unexpected delays. =(

11-11-2004, 09:11 AM
My heart breaks for what you have been through and I am praying that you finally get some good news and have your baby in your arms soon!

11-11-2004, 10:09 AM
No, most of the stories from Adoption Story are from last year during some delays from the "Hague" delays. This was a universal delay of all Guatemalan adoptions as they debated whether to ratify the Hague treaty which would have dramatically changed how adoptions took place. So, all adoptions were on hold for about 6 months. Everything has been running basically smooth now for about a year.

But, all adoptions in Guatemala are handled like independent adoptions. It's not standardized or government run like many countries. So, you can get unlucky like we did originally with Lily's case and have a flakey social worker who ends up getting fired. Then, unlike many countries, the birth mother is very involved in the adoption process, and she is required to sign off at 4 separate times, all the way until the very end. So, there is an added risk there. To be honest, I believe that the delays we had with the social worker ultimately caused our problems.

I really hope no one walks away from reading my blog or Adoption Stories and thinks this about Guatemala adoptions. EVERYONE who started the process when we did has babies home EXCEPT us. That feels like absolute crap to us, but it's proof that it works for most people. We have cut ourself off from all the other families around here because we couldn't deal with that pain.

But, here are some of the WONDERFUL things about Guatemalan adoptions:

- Many are referrals of newborn infants and adoptions complete within 4-6 months
- Children are typically placed in private foster families
- Children receive monthly medical appointments and adoptive families receive monthly reports that include developmental progress
- Adoptive parents are allowed to visit, and even encouraged to do so, during the process
- Depending on our agency, adoptive parents are even allowed to remain in Guatemala and foster your child during the adoption process
- Travel to Guatemala is very inexpensive
- Only one trip is required to Guatemala with a 3-day stay (but many families do visit anyway!)

The fact is that most families bring home well-loved, well-adjusted, well-attached, healthy, happy young infants in very short time periods.

Very few of us are unlucky. I'm just one of them.


11-15-2004, 11:57 AM
Holli, I am sorry you are of the few unlucky. Guatemala is LUCKY to have you as such an advocate for it's adoption program (or lack thereof, I guess).

That must be really hard on the birthmothers, to have to keep signing off...or maybe easier...I don't know.

12-03-2004, 04:49 PM
I remember seeing your blog mentioning what happened to Lily and the referral for Wendy sometime in the past month, and I came here today to see if you had posted. I am very, very sorry you all lost Lily, and I really hope she does well with her mother for her sake. I just don't really know what to say - I know it has to have been, and probably still is, very hard for you all.

As for Wendy, the video you have up of her is very sweet, she's adorable. :) I hope the visit in five weeks goes well, and that the adoption overall goes well. Lots of good thoughts for you all! I have very high hopes that all this difficulty and rough emotions will be worth it in the end.

::BIG hugs::

(I hope that wasn't too incoherent of a ramble!)

Taran, November 20, 2003

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif - Twelve months and counting!