View Full Version : Request for recommendations for books, resources, etc.

01-19-2005, 03:17 PM
Does anyone have any recommendations on books, materials, resources, etc. that helped guide them through the adoption process?

Due to some medical issues I'm having and medications I may need to be on indefinitely which are completely contraindicated for pregnancy, DH and I would like to do some preliminary research on adoption. This is something that we've always discussed doing at some point in our lives (since before we were married, DH has always been insistent that having more than two biological children is irresponsible for overpopulation reasons - he's a bit crazy when it comes to this issue and the issue of suburban sprawl (you should hear the lectures about strip malls!)), but honestly I thought it would be about 4-5 more years (I'm 31, DH is 27) before we started to seriously think about it - and who knows what could happen in 5 years?!?

But, given our present situation and how long adoption can sometimes take, we thought we'd start collecting information so that we won't be woefully behind if we decide to adopt earlier if my medical issues don't resolve themselves in the next year or so.

I think that we'd like to pursue international adoption, but that's about how far we've gotten. I'm not opposed to domestic adoption, but my aunt and uncle who have two daughters that they adopted domestically had quite a few heartbreaks through their adoption process, and I'm not sure I want to place myself in any sort of similar circumstance. Given that we both speak Russian, and I spent almost 12 months (over two different years) in Russia (then the USSR) and the Ukraine growing up, that seems like a natural and easy choice for us. But, I'd also like to consider Chinese adoption, or even South America. I feel like we have the resources to accomodate anything, really, since we have a lot of friends from various places in the world and live in a relatively multicultural community (for instance, we live across the street from a Chinese Bible Church which has a group for adopted children and families).

Anyway, I know there's a lot of stuff on the internet, but I'd really prefer just to get the basics from some bedtime reading at this point.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I think it helps to explain what kind of materials we're looking for....

Any recommendations welcome!

01-19-2005, 03:55 PM
I've only adopted domestically, but two of my favorite books about adoption in general are:
Raising Adopted Children - Lois Melina
Making Sense of Adoption - Lois Melina

I know this one may sound a bit strange, but the information is very basic, yet covers a lot (a good starter book):
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption - Chris Adamec

I checked the website for the agency I used and one of the books they recommended for international adoption is:
Adopting in Russia - Your Rights and the Law - Irina O'Rear

I also recommend "Adoptive Families" magazine. I know that there's another magazine out there (Adoption Today) that I've heard is more specific to international adoptions, but I haven't read it, so maybe someone else on the boards can give their opinion. There's also a lot of books about transcultural adoption out there. My advice - try and get books from your library system first and then buy the ones that give you the most info or most relevant info (in my zeal with starting the process, I bought some real duds before I thought of that one! :) ).

Hope this helped a little. Good luck!

~Connor's Mom~
http://lilypie.com/baby1/050204/1/0/1/-6/.png (http://lilypie.com)

01-19-2005, 04:00 PM
If you honestly don't think that you would be adopting for 3 or more years and you really think you are going to go the international route, the truth is that any information you gather now will probably be hopelessly outdate by the time you adopt. For example The Ukraine is now a blind trip (meaning you don't have a referral when you go over but are matched in country). 3 years from now that may not be the case. Russia for example has gone from one trip to blind trip to two trips etc, etc, etc etc. Even things on the US side of things will likely change (and are suppose to as the US comes more in line with the Hague treaty although that is taking forever to put in place).

That's not to discourage you from educating yourself but really to let you know that the nuts and bolts of the process are unlikely to remain the same. With the domestic adoption things change more slowly but change is still part of the overall process when it comes to adoption

But a great place to start would be to get a copy of adoptive families magazine (heck get a subscription) http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/ the reason I say this is because if you are that long in your planning to adopt, having a subscription would give you updated news every other month and would also give you tons of things to read about different parts of the process. They also put out a yearly guide that gives you the nuts and bolts of the current system (plus a list of websites and books and other things)

The truth is that most international adoptions don't take all that long in the grand scheme of things. Most people are probably done in two years (from first contact to readopting in the USA) some are done sooner then that

Have to cut this short because there is a diaper calling my name :)

But if you are going to start gathering information the Adoption Guide for 2005 from Adoptive Families is a nice place to start

01-19-2005, 04:35 PM
Oh, sorry, I must not have been too clear - I'm a bit out of it today. We will probably need to pursue this much earlier than 3-5 years. We'd probably want to start seriously planning/organizing at the end of this summer/beginning of the fall.

I realize this is something that changes quite a bit, but it seems reasonable to me to start reading/researching about a year in advance, don't you think?

01-19-2005, 04:58 PM
A year in advance things might still change but not to the degree you would see in a longer time frame. Plus it might help you narrow down your ideas of countries.

Plus honestly a year is probably a nice amount of time to start researching agencies in your leisure. You will feel less pressure to make a decision and get a move on. Honestly I think a year is a great lead time for other things also. It gives you time to get your financial house in order, (time to save for adopt or pay down debt or live a bit more frugally in order to prepare for the costs of adoption). Plus you can get a head start on decluttering your home and getting some sort of cleaning routine in place (if you don't already have it)

You can look and see if the book How to Adopt Internationally - Revised and Updated: A Guide to Agency-Directed and Independent Adoptions has been updated for 2005 (pretty sure the last update was 2003 in which case it's not the best choice in book)

I'm not sure this publication is as good as it use to be since it's now maintained by another organization but http://www.arcct.org/resources/report.html was a good resource of agencies (they all have to meet certain criteria to be in the book)

01-19-2005, 10:47 PM
Tara, the Illinois chapter of RESOLVE (www.resolve.org - look for the link to local chapters) has a great ABCs of Adoption class, if that appeals to you.

01-20-2005, 01:55 AM
I've not adopted a child yet, but a free resource to check into and read are the yahoo groups that are devoted to adoption from different countries. There are groups for adopting from China, Ukraine, Russia, etc. At your current stage, the jumble of info that comes from there would be confusing- well, it is for ME anyway- so this is a suggestion that would be better once you've made some basic decisions like area you'll be adopting from. But I've seen people talking about which agency to pick, which homestudy to pick, etc... so I think there is valuable info on the yahoo groups that books wouldn't neccessary give.