hjdong
02-08-2005, 11:44 AM
During the process, I would see people posting this, and think, "That will never be me," and yet here I am, having first held DS one year ago - it truly does seem like forever. When our first Halloween came, I thought, "How is it possible that we were all alive last year and not with each other?" (Strangely, Halloween is the holiday which has changed the most for me - a total perspective change from being the candy-giver to the candy-getter).
I feel so incredibly blessed. I am so thankful to his birthparents and so sad for them, that they don't know he is o.k. and loved. But mostly I feel blessed that he is normal to me now. I remember holding him for the first time, the fear, elation, love. He was so outside of my realm (don't get me wrong, I adored him - but, as a first time parent, he was so strange!). Now, I really can't imagine anything else. What would I do without him?
I think alot about Holli (and Debbie - although it seems things have worked out for you!). I know that a million people tell you when you get to the end, it will have been worth it. I wish I had the words to convey how true it is. Not that the pain of your loss ever goes away; but that you really don't remember how you lived without your child. But no one had the power to convince me when I was in process, so I doubt I have the words either.
And a last note, our official adoption day is tomorrow, which is also the start of Chinese New Year. A random coincidence which pleases me to no end.
I feel so incredibly blessed. I am so thankful to his birthparents and so sad for them, that they don't know he is o.k. and loved. But mostly I feel blessed that he is normal to me now. I remember holding him for the first time, the fear, elation, love. He was so outside of my realm (don't get me wrong, I adored him - but, as a first time parent, he was so strange!). Now, I really can't imagine anything else. What would I do without him?
I think alot about Holli (and Debbie - although it seems things have worked out for you!). I know that a million people tell you when you get to the end, it will have been worth it. I wish I had the words to convey how true it is. Not that the pain of your loss ever goes away; but that you really don't remember how you lived without your child. But no one had the power to convince me when I was in process, so I doubt I have the words either.
And a last note, our official adoption day is tomorrow, which is also the start of Chinese New Year. A random coincidence which pleases me to no end.