New here...domestic adoptions anyone?

[ncmommy]

We are just beginning to consider adoption...international would be fine with us, but we really want a newborn. I'm guessing domestic is our only option. However, open adoptions are a little scary for me to think about. I know I need to do a lot more research...but I'm just wondering if anyone out there would mind sharing their knowledge with me. Is it possible to adopt a newborn without having an open adoption? Sorry if this seems like a silly question...We are new at this.
Thanks,
Robin

[icunurse]

Welcome! To answer the first part of your post - it all depends on what you consider a "newborn". There are certain countries (as others can explain more/better) that you can adopt a baby around 6 months old (give or take). If you are looking for a baby younger than that, then you are probably looking into domestic adoption.

As someone in a great open adoption (and since you are starting out), I encourage you to ask a lot of questions and read more about it. Some good books: "The Open Adoption Experience" and "Raising Adopted Children", for starters. If you are looking to have an adoption through an agency, many agencies are really trying to encourage open adoptions, as more and more studies are showing that outcomes are better for the children (as far as identity issues, sense of security in life, etc.). They can't force birthparents to have an open adoption, but it could be a requirement for you depending on the agency.

Open adoption is scary for many reasons, at first. But try and talk to others who have done it (feel free to PM me if you want), read, join an online group (great forums at www.adoption.com ). As someone who was once scared, too, and then learned a bit more and now is living it, I wouldn't want it any other way. We have a very comfortable relationship with our son's birthparents, he will know his history, he can see where he gets his handsome looks from ;) He will one day have questions and who better to answer them than his birthparents? It's one thing for me to tell him they loved him, a whole different story to hear it come from them. Not to sound preachy, but birthparents are not to be feared - they are the people who will make you a parent. Many of your thoughts on the birthparents will be reflected onto your child (he/she will have their genes, after all). Just like grown-ups, no adopted child comes without "baggage" - a history, another family. But to love your child is to love everything about them and in the long run will make them better off in the end.

Let me know if you have any other questions or if I can help you in any way. Good luck and, again, welcome!

Traci
~Connor's Mom~
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[BillK]

My wife and I adopted domestically in February of this year and it's been a fantastic experience. We (well mostly me) were a bit scared of an open adoption initially but I wouldn't change a thing about it. It's a great experience and our birth mom is awesome! I'd encourage you to attend some domestic adoption seminars in your area and do some research on it.

Being present for our son's birth and being able to hold him immediately after he was born was just a life changing experience and one you normally won't get with an international adoption.

We are currently working on another domestic adoption that kind of dropped out of the sky and into our laps (yes - we'd have 2 kids less than 8 months apart!) where the birthmom has said she wants it to be closed - and quite honestly that concerns us more than anything else. Hopefully as her due date approaches she'll rethink her decision but neither my wife or I can imagine having a closed adoption - although we'll respect this birth mom's wishes - however she decides to go.

So I guess to answer your question - yes it's possible to adopt domestically and it be closed - but it's not very common any more.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

[hjdong]

We adopted internationally, butI wanted to respond to your concern about open adoption. I had the same concerns when we started to think about adoption. We ended up going through China, for a variety of reasons, but it is definately closed (it's illegal for birthparents to abandon their children). I was really comfortable with that until I held my son and realized that there are so many questions I'll never be able to answer for him.

I think you should really think about this. I would have never expected I would want contact with his birthparents but both for him, and for them - I wish they knew he was o.k.

However, to answer your question, I believe that you can adopt domestically with a range of openess - from closed to totally open.

Good luck,

[cmdunn1972]

We adopted Sean through http://www.AdoptionServices.org . They are licensed in 5 states (NY, NJ, PA, VA, WV). It was closed, domestic, and Sean was 4 days old when we took custody. Also, it took us only abot 2-3 weeks of being on the list before we got the phone call, but our experience was unusual.