View Full Version : Determining whether someone is stable enough to adopt children?

08-26-2005, 03:39 PM
Question for those of you who have/are going through the process of adopting outside of the US...do agencies make any kind of judgement as to whether or not the interested parents are suitable or stable enough for adopting?

Some relations of my DHs have decided they want to adopt a baby from China because they've been continuously having marital problems (mainly due to them not being able to have children). We're talking about 4+ years now of on again off again separations, etc. They've pretty much decided that adopting a baby will be the thing that will save their marriage. (That is their exact wording.) :( It just REALLY bothers me that they're thinking this. I don't think having a baby or adopting a baby is a solution to marriage problems, regardless of what is causing them. That's why I'm wondering if the adoption agencies do any kind of interviewing, etc. of the people that approach them about adopting to determine if they'd be suitable for making an adoption.

Mommy to
Annalia 3/03
Sophia 6/05

08-26-2005, 03:54 PM
Yes, but . . . as my social worker put it, unless someone is stupid, it's kind of hard to weed people out. That is, you know what the "right" answers are. I think if they specifically told their social worker, "We want to adopt to save our marriage," they would probably be told forget it (at least by any reputable agency), but are they really that stupid?

ETA: People can and do make this choice biologically.

08-26-2005, 04:20 PM
We haven't adopted internationally, but the homestudy can be quite thorough. I know our agency has sent people to receive counseling who they feel haven't dealt with their infertility or have marriage issues (not often, but is has happened). But, as a PP mentioned, it isn't hard to figure out the "right" answers. Also, they will need references, so, hopefully, the friends/family who complete them will mention their concerns for a social worker to discuss with the couple (the references do remain anonymous).
~Connor's Mom 02/2004~
Agency paperwork completed - waiting for #2!

08-27-2005, 01:36 PM
It sounds to me that, at least right now, they need a child like they need another hole in their heads. If they're having marital problems, no matter what the cause, all having a child will do is bring an innocent person into the mess. Yes, infertility can put stress on a marriage. But, it sounds like it isn't so much the infertility as much as it is how they're handling the stress that's the problem. What they really need is counseling so that they can deal with their infertility in a more constructive manner.

Bottom line is: Having children (whether via adoption or pregnancy) is no quick-fix for marital problems. (If they doubt that, then they should look at the number of divorces involving couples with children.) Besides, adopting a child isn't going to change the fact that they have trouble getting pregnant. Marital problems are a bad reason to adopt, and even if they adopt internationally, they will still have to undergo a homestudy. Hopefully, he state's minimum standards are tough enough to uncover whether or not they're adopting for the right reasons.