Home study approved for adoption from foster care...

[mom-in-waiting]

Our homestudy for adoption from foster care was approved, "signed-off on," and circulated almost two weeks ago. We have been told that we should expect to receive numerous referrals very quickly...

My heart is full, anxious, excited...but I'd love to find some kindred spirits on the boards.
My head is full of thoughts... of trying to get everything ready!

I'd love to know how others are doing.

[crayonblue]

Congratulations to you!!! What an exciting time!

We are doing well. Carmen is growing, growing, growing and making progress each day. She is such a content, easy baby and I am SO thankful for that! I cannot believe she is almost one.

[mom-in-waiting]

Thanks for the reply. It's been many months since anyone else has posted on this board. I was beginning to wonder if any other adoptive parents were out there! (Either that, or I figured that everyone was WAY too busy with their little ones to be on line!)

So wonderful to know that there is "light at the end of the tunnel!" I'd be curious to know how the process went for you, and how young Carmen was when you first brought her home. Also, did you do anything special to encourage attachment? Did anything surprise you about her adjustment to living with you?

The process has been pretty smooth for us overall, and we remain open to quite a number of different scenarios (one or two siblings, newborn/infant/toddler/or older, etc). This will keep us in the pool for many different children, but it does make it hard to prepare! I just keep making lists (favorite infant seat/carrier, favorite convertible seat, stroller, crib/toddler bed, etc), and when we know what our situation will be, I will shop (quickly!!!) from the appropriate list.

No matter what, though, the waiting IS hard.

[mom-in-waiting]

Hi. Still me.

I just reopened the post and saw Carmen's birthdate/home date. Six months old when she went home with you. How wonderful that she was home with you so quickly.

We heard very good things about the adoption programs through Guatemala -- especially the fact that many of the children are with a foster family until they are matched and ready for travel. That individual attention is supposed to be very supportive of fostering attachment.

We remain happy with our decision to pursue adoption through foster care (as opposed to international adoption or other forms of domestic adoption). Most of all, we liked the fact that we remain such an integral part of the process. What were your impressions of the program you chose (International/Guatemala)? I'd love to hear about it if you feel like writing some more.

[BillK]

Congratulations on your home study approval.

You are right that this board doesn't get a lot of traffic - sadly.

I commend you on your decision to adopt through the foster system. There aren't enough people like you that are willing to really.

Our first adoption was domestic and our son is now 28 months old and doing well and keeping us running. We're in the middle of our second adoption this time through Korea.

I hope the rest of the process goes well for you - and I do wish this part of the boards was more active than it is.

[mom-in-waiting]

Thanks for your reply.

So you are a two-time adopter! How wonderful.

There are so many different paths to adoption, and each one has its pros & cons, joys & frustrations. You have adopted domestically (privately or through an agency? I'd be interested in hearing), and now through an international program. Programs that partner with Korea are pretty well established, and the children are known to receive good support & attention during their time prior to adoption. That should be critical for fostering attachment upon arrival home with your little one.

My husband and I explored numerous options and found that the foster care route was the best fit for us. We are happy to be a part of the process. When we are presented with cases, there will be full-disclosure: we will know all medical, parental information that is available, and we will be able to discuss whether or not we can best support that specific child/ren's needs. I should add that the clinicians stress that it is OK to say no to cases -- there are other waiting families for whom the child may be a better fit; one couple they worked with turned down almost 30 cases before finding the situation that felt "right" in their hearts.

The overall process (from adoption class, through paperwork & homestudy, to placement) is a bit faster than with international adoption, and that also appealed to us. Likewise, there seemed to be more control and predictability in the process than there might be with a private adoption.

Anyway, that's just our experience. Obviously, you have found that other options have been the right fit for you...and that's all that really matters in the long run, isn't it? There are so many children on this planet that need good homes. So glad that we can be a part of making a better life for some of them...and get to experience the joys of parenting that we couldn't have otherwise.

I hope that we can keep the dialogue on this board going. I much prefer this website to, say, the adoption specific message boards.

Best of luck to you as you wait to travel to Korea. What is your expected time table at this point?

[kittenkabootal]

Hello,

I just found these message boards a few days ago when I was looking for stroller reviews....had no idea they had an adoption posting, too.

We adopted domestically - our son was born in January in Kentucky and we were there (I was in the room) for his birth. We stayed with a foster family for a couple weeks before we were cleared to come home to California. We used a California law firm (not an agency) for our search. We got very lucky as we were matched within a few months. We had almost three months notice before he was born.

For us, it was important to know our baby's birthparents, which is one of the reasons we chose the domestic route. As you said, we found the option that worked best for us. We hope to adopt again and will probably start the process when he is a year old or so. Our adoption should be finalized in Aug or Sept.

Good luck to you!

[spteacher]

Hello there:
I'm a newbie to the board, but I saw your posting with interest and wanted to respond. My DH and I are currently fostering two gorgeous infants, but the road here has been pretty long and not without bumps.

I don't know if you have signed with a private agency to foster or are with a state entity, but our experience with a private agency was not good. Initially, we had decided to only do "legal risk" fostering w/intent to adopt, which meant we would only foster if it looked certain that termination was imminent. It took several months for us to become licensed, and often only because we pushed our case worker along to get things done. We received several referrals after obtaining our initial license, but never heard anything in response. We later learned that our case worker was only submitting us in state-wide broadcasts for children who already had parental rights terminated. When we finally received a referral that seemed promising (a year after we started the process), we were informed that the previous foster parents decided to take the child after all. This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back with this agency, and we contacted a representative for our local state protective office to work directly with them. It took a couple of months to get everything changed over and finalized before we received our new license through the state. We also learned that, quite often, parents who work directly with CPS rather than a private agency have better opportunities at obtaining foster to adopt children. Unfortunately, it was a year and a half into our journey that we found this piece of information out.

After we received our new license through the state, we did have several referrals, and got close on three separate occasions, but wound up not panning out in the end. It is very emotionally draining to get your hopes up and have them dashed not once, but several times, and I had pretty much given up hope that anything would come through for us. We finally made the decision to become open foster parents, which would place us on the call list to open our homes to children who were initially removed from their homes. We had been very resistant to do this, because we didn't want to have to give them up when they came into our home; but it seemed more and more that this was the way we needed to go. At 7:00 p.m. of the day we informed our case worker that we would go on the first call list, we received a call to foster a 5 month old girl. The next night, we received a call to foster another infant boy (which we declined). Two weeks later, our case worker called with another infant boy which would be a potential adoptive placement. We accepted, knowing that the little girl was a foster only and could go at any time (as there are other siblings involved).

As of today, we still have both babies. The little boy will have a termination trial late next month, and we can immediately petition to adopt after this is complete. The girl, though, will likely never be available to adopt, which breaks our hearts since we've come to love her so.

So, with all this said, be excited, but be cautious with your emotions, because even with a number of referrals you may not get a match right away. We had been told that we would receive referrals quickly as well after our case study had initially been approved. All in all, it's been two and a half years since my husband and I first decided to adopt, and I feel truly blessed to have the opportunity that we have now. You will have your chance as well, but know that your case workers may not be completely realistic when it comes to matching and receiving a referral. Know though, that no matter how long it takes, it will be worth it in the end. :)

[mom-in-waiting]

Hi

It's been a few weeks since I've been on this board...but I saved my subscription notification so I could respond back to you.

Thanks for your comments. They are quite helpful. Yes, as excited as we are, we continue to remain emotionally "guarded" on other levels. To answer some of your questions...

We are (and always have been) working with our state's adoption agency (public program, not a private agency). All along we pursued the route to adopt, rather than to become foster parents, and as I mentioned in my post, we have been approved to adopt.

So far we have received a few referrals, and we have also inquired about a few children on our own. As of yet, we have not agreed to a match, but we continue to feel good about the process. I am finding the discussions with the array of caseworkers to be very educational, and they are helping my husband and me to "fine tune" just what kind of situation we are able to take on. As I think I mentioned originally, we are also open to adopting siblings.

If a situation becomes available where we are a match with an infant with anticipated TPR, our case worker has offered the option to switch us from adopt to foster-to-adopt.

Any way, we continue to go from day-to-day, anxious to hear more, and I continue to read up on adopting toddlers and older children. There is so much to learn!

Thanks for sharing. It's nice to hear from others who have been down this path!

[Cactus Kate]

I am mom 2x over, both adopted as newborns. Lately I've been helping other moms who want to nurse adopted babies- most often they contact me before the birth, and my heart always goes into "thumpy thumpy thump" mode when I remember that exciting but scary time between finding out about the baby and the signing of the papers.

Our 2nd placement came about because we placed an ad in our local free weekly paper. Everytime I drive by their office I say a prayer of thanks! The situations with our 2 children, who are not biologically related, are almost identical. Both of them had issues that could have caused potential adoptive families to say no. (actually, we didn't get #1's medical records until he was 11 mos old, so there were even more things we didn't know).

In the end, I think all adoptions are a leap of faith. Parents gravitate to the type of adoption that fits their comfort level. Everyone's worst fear is of losing the placement. My husband said he was not comfortable with int'l adoption because he wouldn't have much medical history. We have 2 children adopted as newborns in our own state with almost no medical history on either! And he was thrilled with both. Both children came fast. #1 we found out on Monday our profile was being shown and he was home 48 hrs later. #2 was born less than 2 weeks after I first got the call from her birthmom, and 72 hours after we first met.

Someone mentioned problems with an agency. I have friends who have been languishing well over a year with an agency and are not yet certified. (AZ is only one of 2 states where the state certifies you, not the agency) This agency had told them their file was at the court numerous times when it wasn't--bald-faced lies. Of course they've paid all the money already so aren't keen to call it quits and start over with another agency. I think it's a terrible way to treat people.
best of luck to everyone

[mom-in-waiting]

Hi. Glad that there's been a little bit of discussion on this board. It helps to know that there are others journeying down this path...

Well, its been almost three months now since I first posted this thread...and we're still waiting. We were told that things can be slow in the summertime, but it can still feel like no one is reading our homestudy!

My next door neighbor just sent off her youngest child for full-day kindergarten...so for the first time in years, she has her days without children. I know this is hard for her, but I couldn't help feeling a pang of sadness for our own situation. We can only hope and pray that some day our home will be filled with the voices of children.

[thony7]

My wife and I are about to get help with adoption assistance with DHS, but do not know what to ask for or what would they help with? anyone with helpful tips can please help..

[heatherandlouis]

Are you doing foster/adopt? What ages are you looking for?

[lalasmama]

My wife and I are about to get help with adoption assistance with DHS, but do not know what to ask for or what would they help with? anyone with helpful tips can please help..

Different agencies in different states will pay different amounts for different children. (Informaive, huh?)

When I started fostering, I got $199/mo to cover "all" of her needs. That was 3 years ago.

Things got a little more "fair" for a while, and I managed to get "full rate" for a while (it was a kinship placement). However, when guardianship and adoption talks started, our state laws changed, so that a foster/adopt-parent-to-be was made to "fight" for every penny. In my state, adoption/guardianship assistance won't assist with daycare, room and board, typical food costs, or transportation costs.

A quick breakdown of what they would cover:

Special nutritional supplements ($30/wk)
Enrichment classes (partial payments, $20/mo, I had to cover the difference)
Sports (again, partial payments, $20/mo with me covering the rest)

Total: $160. Oh, and state medical coverage until she's 18yo.

I have friends, however, in different states, or pre-new-law that have an easier time with the money in their home because their assistance is significantly higher....