Sleep issues with a 2.5 year old. HELP!

[daniele_ut]

DS used to be an awesome sleeper. He learned to go to sleep on his own pretty early and started sleeping through the night around 3 months. We had some rough periods when he was teething or sick, but for the most part, the bedtime routine worked well for us. Until recently he'd go down at 8, fall asleep by 8:30 or so, wake around 7 or 7:30 and nap for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

A few months ago this all started to fall apart on us. I've kept up the routine, but the actual falling asleep part deterioriated into a saga that got longer and longer. He'd ask for toys, water, hugs, songs, etc. etc. This week has been horrendous, but some of that could be attributed to the nightmare of driving 10 hours to Arizona last Saturday, getting a phone call that MIL had passed away on Sunday, getting back in the car and driving 10 more hours home on Tuesday, spending 3 days in another unfamiliar hotel while arranging the funeral and then getting home late last night. I really need to help him sleep well again. Last night and tonight it took him TWO hours to settle down. This isn't 2 hours of solid crying. He'll cry for a couple of minutes, then get quiet for 20 minutes. He'll cry some more, then throw all the blankets and pillow out of the crib in hopes that I will come back in, and when that doesn't work, he'll strip. The only thing that keeps his jammies on is a sleep sack so I may need to resort to that again. It's been too warm for both, so I guess I could just do the sleep sack and a onesie.

I've been making matters worse by going in at pretty regular intervals, mostly because I have never been a fan of letting a child CIO. When we have a sitter, he always goes down with no problems, so I am pretty sure this is about wanting to spend more time with mommy and daddy. Tonight I decided I needed to try a different tactic and waited over an hour before I went back in, and only because I knew he had stripped again and was probably cold. I didn't say much, but he kept talking and smiling and wanted out once I had redressed him. I told him no and laid him back down and walked back out, which caused him to cry all over again, but he fell asleep about 10 minutes later. I don't necessarily like letting him cry, but I don't know how else to handle this. Am I doing the right thing here? Please, tell me this will get better???

[gatorruth]

Go get 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child' by Marc Weisbluth. He's a sleep genius!! You have trained your ds to rely on you to go to sleep. Just like walking and talking, we parents have to teach our kids to learn to go to sleep on their own. I know it kills you to hear your child cry, but, I've done my own research and have learned this... NO child has ever been seriously harmed by crying. BUT, they will learn to sleep! You need to put him in the sleep sac, tell him good night and let him cry. I did this with both kids and ds cried the first night for 44 minutes (yep, I watched the clock the whole time!), then 13 minutes the second night! Then, no crying! 2 nights of misery for a lifetime of good sleeping- that worked for me. DD was much easier- she cried for 6 minutes the first night and that was it. I was lucky with her.

Your son has trained you to go in when he cries-- you are putty in his hands! Don't go in! You are the mommy-- you need to be strong and TEACH him how to sleep by himself.

Also, your son may need more sleep-- I'd try to put him to sleep earlier- try 15 min earlier for a few nights, then go another 15 min.

Anyway, I'm off my soapbox. I just feel so strongly about raising independent kids-- sleep is one area where you can help him with this. Go get the book!!

Good luck!
Ruth

[egoldber]

It sounds to me like he may be ready to give up the afternoon nap.

[Wife_and_mommy]

One thing I'd recommend is getting him up early enough in the morning that he's ready to nap. DD got into a pretty odd routine of sleeping really late in the afternoon and consequently late in the morning. SHe definitely needed more sleep but the routine I let happen wasn't helping her get it.



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[Momof3Labs]

I also think he could be ready to give up his nap - the stalling and going to bed later than usual is pretty much textbook.

But, before you go that route, maybe try putting on a crib tent and putting him in the sleep sack so he can't strip down. Basically remove his stalling tactics. You'll have to decide how much crying to tolerate, but if you at least know that he has his bedding and is dressed, you won't have to go in to tend to those issues. If that doesn't help after a few nights, then he may be ready to give up napping!

[kristenk]

Another vote for time to give up the nap. We had horrible issues starting at 2.5yo. They came out of the blue (as far as sleep goes, at least) and we definitely hadn't trained her to rely on us. Quite the opposite, in fact. Anyway, try to get rid of the nap completely or wake him up after a shorter nap to see if that helps.

[fauve01]

i think it's time to give up the nap. then he'll be tired at bed time!

at 2.5 i think he is old enough for you to say "ok, night night. now i'm going to bed too so i'm not coming back in. if you get cold, pull your blanket on." or whatever. tell him what will happen--you not coming back in.

try the tent, but at 2.5 you could probably switch him to a big boy bed too.

good luck.

anne + dd 10-03

[caleymama]

Around 2 1/4, DD2 was ready to drop her nap. She was pushing bedtime later and later (anywhere between 9 and 10pm). As soon as we dropped her 2-3 hour afternoon nap she was back to going to sleep around 7:30 and sleeping about 12 hours at night. She'll occasionally nap now but on those days bedtime is much more difficult than usual.
Some of the difficulty you are experiencing may just be due to the travel and hotel, etc. I know both my girls take a day/night or two (or three) to get back into their routines and often do want more "Mom" or "Dad" time. We usually just go with that and before long they are back on track.
Good luck!

[daniele_ut]

Beth - That was my first instinct, but mama is soooo not ready to give up the nap. I know you are probably right, though!! Thank you!

[daniele_ut]

Thank you for the suggestions Ruth. I read HSHHC when DS was much younger. We really didn't train him to rely on us at all, to be honest. The problems are a very recent occurence. He has always been very independent with regard to sleep habits up until the last couple of months. I really do appreciate the suggestion and will take a look at the book again, though.

[daniele_ut]

>I also think he could be ready to give up his nap - the
>stalling and going to bed later than usual is pretty much
>textbook.
>
>But, before you go that route, maybe try putting on a crib
>tent and putting him in the sleep sack so he can't strip down.
> Basically remove his stalling tactics. You'll have to decide
>how much crying to tolerate, but if you at least know that he
>has his bedding and is dressed, you won't have to go in to
>tend to those issues. If that doesn't help after a few
>nights, then he may be ready to give up napping!

Funny you should mention the crib tent, since I bought one on ebay a few weeks ago. I think I will go ahead and put it up tonight and see if that helps at all. Giving up the nap is what I was afraid of, but maybe it's time. I'll try the tent first, though. I know we definitely aren't ready for a bed yet. Actually, now that I think about it, though, they all nap at 12:30 daycare in the toddler room, so I don't know how that will work giving up the nap at home. UGH!

Wife and mommy, Liz, Kristen, and Anne - Thank you for sharing your experiences with your dc and when they gave up their naps. It helps to know what others experienced during these stages. Sometimes I feel like I am so ill-equipped for this parenthood thing!!

[brittone2]

Another vote that it may be time to give up the nap. DS was driving me bonkers around 2.5, taking forever to go to sleep at night. He would fall asleep quickly for his nap, but at night, he just didn't seem that tired, and he refused to go to sleep until like 10-11pm, which left no time for me to get anything done or spend time alone w/ DH. He'd sleep in the next morning til 9ish, then napped around 2pm.

When his sister arrived, we started skipping his afternoon nap. He started going to sleep without much trouble at all by 7:30 or 8pm, waking up around 7:30 or 8am the next day.

He still takes one occasionally, but dropping the nap helped us tremendously.

I'd be apt to try modifying his schedule for a week or two rather than jumping to something like CIO. He may genuinely not be tired at night due to the nap.

[s_gosney]

I wanted to chime in that while giving up the nap will almost certainly help him go down easier at night, it may be that he's not truly ready to give up the nap either. that's the case with my dd anyway...she's a bear by 6 or so if she doesn't have her nap, but with a nap she's really hard to get down at night, so it's hard to know what to do. Right now, daycare says they have to give her a rest time and she always falls asleep, so our hands are somewhat tied. We could opt to have her woken up early by DC but I'm always scared of getting a real grump that way. For now what works best for us is getting lots of active play between nap and bedtime. The days that she plays soccer or goes to the park, she goes down much easier at night.
Good luck!

[niccig]

My DS was doing the same thing and it started after our trip 3 weeks ago. Last week I told him that he has to go to sleep by himself, he needs to lie down, close his eyes, take deep breaths, and that I will come back in ONCE if he needs more help. Most nights I do go back in ONCE and he's never needed more. I don't know if he's got back to his routine or just coincidence. He was also doing it at naps and it was when nap was a little late for whatever reason. I'm now making sure bedtime doesn't get pushed and it's been much much easier. I wouldn't give up on the nap just yet, tinker with it first.

Nicci

[daniele_ut]

Again, thank you everyone for all of the advice and perspective. I spoke to his DC director this afternoon and found that he is regularly sleeping 2-3 hours at daycare, so I think that is definitely part of the issue. Today's nap was 2:15. Even the last few nights of getting to bed at 10-10:30, he's still been waking at 8am or earlier. Like your dd, Sheri, he *has* to have rest time at daycare and he always falls asleep. I'm a little worried about them waking him early because that hasn't been pleasant in the past, but we're going to try 90 minute naps for a few days and see if that helps.

I'm really hoping that this has just taken a turn for the worse in the last week because of the craziness of leaving for vacation, coming home after 2 days and then heading back out to stay near MIL's former home to plan the funeral.

Beth, thank you for validating my feelings about CIO not necessarily being the only path to solving this.

I just set up the crib tent and I plan to put him down in his sleep sack and see how things go tonight. I'll let you know in a few days!

[Wife_and_mommy]

What a great point! DD does do much better if she has lots of activity. Our lazy homebound days are sometimes the hardest sleep-wise. It was around 2.5 that it became more of an issue. She didn't need so much activity before then to sleep well.

Also wanted to share this site page I found quickly by googling. Hih.
http://www.sleepforkids.org/html/sheet.html


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I love them most when they are sleeping.--Me
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[KrisM]

I agree about the naps. DS was pushing bedtime to 10:30 or so until we dropped his nap at 2 year 8 months. Now, he's asleep by 8 at the latest. He's getting *more* sleep overall than he was when napping and we're all happier. He naps a couple times a week in the car these days. Most times, that doesn't mess up bedtime unless it's too late. I think he just needs a bit more "catch up" sleep every now and then.

[Piglet]

nak

omg - i could have written your post (minus the vacation). ds2 has been doing everything you described for the last month or two! we are at a loss with what to do with him, and having a newborn now on top of everything else doesn't help. we also have the daycare issue to contend with - he falls asleep at naptime every day without a fight.

my concern is that he is simply being a 2 year old and trying to exert control. i don't know that he is ready to give up the nap as much as it comes down to a power struggle. he wants to be in charge and sleep is just one area that he can control. he has discovered that he can force himself to stay awake and that makes him in control. i keep hoping it is a phase...

i am really hesitant to stop napping him - i would rather have the 2 hour bedtime than a cranky kid for the few hours that we are all together as a family. i do agree that i need to get better about not going in to him al the time as it probably reinforces the behaviour.

if you find a solution that works, i am dying to hear!!

good luck!

[daniele_ut]

Here's the update:

I think we've been successful! We haven't altered his naps at all really, but putting up the crib tent seems to have created a solution. It could be temporary, but it's working for us so far! I was really concerned that he'd freak out when he saw the tent for the first time, but he was intrigued by it and really seemed to enjoy it. The first night the tent was up we had a very short crying episode, less than 5 minutes. It did take him 45 minutes to fall asleep and I did have to redress him once he was asleep, but everything was still in the crib. He somehow managed to pry one half of the zipper out of the sleep sack and unzip it from the top! He did the same thing the second night, but was asleep in 30 minutes, which is pretty normal for us. The undressing has now stopped, and we are back to about 30 minutes to fall asleep.

I think that the whole truncated vacation/funeral trip nightmare really just exacerbated things for us. He took a 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon, but we ended up taking a trip up to the cemetery for dh to visit his mom's grave and didn't get home until 10pm, so DS got to bed really late and fell asleep immediately. It seems like 2 hours might be the breaking point for naps for us. Longer than that and I think it will impact bedtime negatively.

I don't know if our experience will help you at all, but I wish you a lot of luck!!

[jniter]

My baby is much younger, so no sage advice here. :P

I did see an interesting trick with the sleep sack you might want to try. A friend of mine has a 2yo and he was stripping himself in the middle of the night. They turned the sleepsack inside-out, so the zipper was inside and less accessible. You cannot zip it all the way down. You leave just a small enough crack to reach in and unzip it. It apparently is a little tricky the first few times, but it works! Their son hasn't stripped since.

Good luck!