PDA

View Full Version : Desperate! Can't Get My 3 and 1/2 Year Old To Sleep



aneed2312
10-09-2007, 03:37 PM
Before I start with my story, I feel the need to let you know that this is my first time using this message board (not sure why this is important, but feel compelled to say so).

Anyway, to the problem. Ever since my son was born, my husband and I have had little success in getting him to go to sleep and stay asleep. I realize this is a common problem for many parents, however, he is now going on 3 and 1/2 and we still have terrible difficulty.

His ability to sleep and stay asleep comes and goes in spurts. He will have a good week or two of falling/staying asleep and I will think my sleep problems are over, only to begin again.

I admit that my husband and I made many mistakes in his first two years with sleep training. Sitting in the room with him until he fell asleep, rocking him to sleep, and letting him sleep in our bed are only a few of the "sleep rules" we broke early on. Now I feel as if we have created a sleep monster.

Getting my son to go to sleep these days can be anywhere from a half hour to 3 hour process (most days on the longer side). We are still in his room with him during a good part of the going to sleep process. He has a full size bed that we lay in with him. Some time ago we bought a CD called "The Sleep Fairy", a relaxation and guided imagery disc that helps kids fall asleep (like all the other interventions this one was minimally effective for a short time). We tell him that we will stay and listen to one round of sleep fairy with him and then he can play in his room with the door open until he gets tired and go to sleep when he feels tired. While laying with him, he is contstantly squirming around in the bed. After the CD is over and we leave, he comes out of his rooms multiple times to say, "There's a bug on my wall", or "I need my diaper changed", or "I need some apple juice", on and on (you get the picture).

Often he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of his lungs. You ask what he wants or whats wrong and he gets more angry and the screams get louder. He refuses to tell you what is wrong. Whether you ask him what's wrong or just let him cry, this behavior often goes on for 20 minutes to a half hour.

I am desperate and need help. My husband and I just had our second child 5 months ago, and with the new one we are much better with the sleep training. The little one still wakes up, however, to nurse 1-2 times per night. I work 4 days a week and my husband works full time. We are both exhausted and not sure what more to do.

Yesterday I made a last ditch effort and tried something new. I put together a sleep chart for him. Two warnings and no smiley sticker for the night. If he has four good nights in a row and gets 4 smiley stickers, he then gets a small prize. Failed miserably.

Sorry to make you read such a long entry, but I wanted to give all the details. Can any of you identify with such extreme sleep behavior? Please give me some feedback! Thank you in advance for any ideas you can share with me. Aneed

SnuggleBuggles
10-14-2007, 07:50 PM
Welcome! These specialty boards are pretty dead here and I hardly ever remember to check them so that's probably why you didn't get replies till now! Sorry!

I've been really lucky but I keep my eyes peeled for sleep tips, just in case.

Some ideas...

-Really praise him when he has a good night. Talk about how proud you are and how everyone in the family was so happy. You could even tell g'ma (or someone like that) of his accomplishment (phone call, letter...). Just reinforce it as much as possible. Also, look to see if there is any rhyme or reason to these good nights

-give him a "one time out of bed" pass to use before falling asleep. He can get either a new diaper, some water, bug check, whatever the mood is but that's it. Stay firm.

-Does he have any fears? My ds is afraid of shadows. We finally gave up and he now sleeps with a low wattage lamp on. It really helps, even though he was never that bad off before. I know that he will eventually need to be weaned off of this but he sleeps great now and I don't want to rock the boat. :) If it were interfering with his night time sleep I would get rid of it.

-At 3.5 my ds was still napping (dropped not long after that). Being overtired can affect sleep. So, if he isn't napping maybe try it again and see if it helps?

-What is his sleep schedule in a 24 hour period?

-We had our friend's 3.5yo for 3 nights when his new sister was being born. His parents warned us that he didn't sleep alone (as much as they tried) and he got up a bunch. We were firm and said that he was expected to sleep through the night. We made sure we went through a routine before bed and that he had everything he wanted/ needed. But, then we said he was old enough to sleep through the night by himself. Now, I have no idea why it worked but he slept great every night. I think he just had his parents trained to be up with him/ sleep with him/ attend to him all night. Maybe he didn't feel comfortable enough with us to request that same attention or maybe he just knew that he could do it. He told me several times that he was really proud of himself for sleeping by himself through the night...but he wouldn't agree to do it when he went back home. We tried. :)

-At that age our preschool director recommended a sleep nest for kids that were waking their parents up at night to sleep with them. The child could come in to sleep in mom and dad's room *but* they had to sleep in their "nest" (sleeping bag, pile of blankets...) on the floor and they were not allowed to wake mom and dad up. Seemed to work for some of them. I am not so sure about this b/c it is just something you'll have to break later. If you are desperate for sleep it could work though. When they get older you can reason with them more.

-Try and come up with a really short, consistent bedtime routine. Ours' is simply give him a glass of water, teeth, potty, PJs, story, hugs, kisses, goodnight, leave.

-There was a time that he was coming downstairs with requests (or just to see what we were doing :)). We started turning off the lights throughout the house because he wouldn't come out then. We did think we were very mean but it worked. If something was really wrong he would have cried and we would have gone right up though. He was probably 3.5 when we did this. Lasted less than a week.

The sleep chart was a good concept. I found that with some things they can really dig their heels in (like for us, it was potty training). It becomes a power battle and almost every time we will lose, it seems. It has to be internal for them. Maybe there is another incentive out there that will work? We just wound up giving up on potty training then 5 months later he just did it by himself in one day. That was a big lesson for me. You can push but they may just push back really hard and they aren't open to anything you try.

You probably need to decide what your comfort zone is if he cries and fusses. Can you leave after giving him a big hug, kiss and lots of reassurance no matter what he says or does? Or are you looking for a more middle of the road approach?

This website has a ton of articles that look like they could be useful:
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T071100.asp

I hope something in there helps! I wish you lots of luck!! And a good night of sleep soon. :)

Beth

aneed2312
10-15-2007, 09:39 AM
Beth,

I just want to thank you for all the great advice you've given me and for the tip about the website. The sleep chart has actually been working very well since I wrote the above entry. He has been going to sleep within 20-30 minutes each night and without many warnings (for some this might sound like a long time, but for my son it's progress). He has still been waking up multiple times during the night unfortunately. I think he might have night terrors sometimes. I will definitely go to that website and check it out! Thank you again.

Aneed