View Full Version : What battles do you find yourself dealing with? (X-post in Lounge)

10-05-2006, 08:56 PM
Dr. Phil says, "Pick your battles." DS just turned one, and DH and I have been discussing discipline. In the midst of a spank/not-to-spank analysis, we decided we needed to think about what issues we may be facing.

What are some issues that can be anticipated (I know kids will always throw you for a loop) that we can establish a plan for? Here's what I've seen so far:
bad words
harm to others
harm to self
purposeful damage to property/items
whining, tantrums
disrespect, lying, ignoring parents
not cleaning up
good manners
mealtime refusals
avoiding naps/bed

Thanks for your ideas!

10-06-2006, 09:52 PM
I spoke with a child dev specialist (who was teaching ds & I in a class at the time) about what to do when ds says a bad word. You are supposed to ignore it and/or pretend you don't know what they are talking about. If you give them any attention it adds fuel to the fire. It's very hard to ignore sometimes but that seems to be the best way to eliminate bad words. I have an easy going pretty well behaved guy but I will tell you that at 2.5 yrs old the whining is one of the hardest things to deal with. I try not to pay too much attention to it. Sometimes I say that I cannot understand him if he is whining.

Harm to others - you want to remove the child from the situation/place and explain to them why. Ds has taken a few swings at his new baby sis (95% of the time he is wonderful with her) and I've used 2 min time outs in his room which I've only done 3xs but now the mention of them seems to get his attention fast. I saved doing this type of time out for something serious.

tantrums - you pretty much have to let them go. If you give into them then the child sees they can get what they want if they make a big stink. Also remove them from the situation if necessary. Consistency is key. If you threaten a consequence then you have to follow through if dc does what you've asked them not to do. It's enlightening to be a parent and realize why parents react the way they do when a child throws a tantrum in a store. It's good to try to avoid taking a child to a store when they are hungry or tired. A bit of foresight can avoid a tantrum situation.

Good manners - I think they come with reinforcement and by using good manners yourself. If you teach the child what to do then after a while you don't have to tell them to say "Thank You" etc they just start to do it.

Mealtime refusals - a child will eat if they are hungry. As long as you offer them variety and they can get their nutrional needs over a week things are ok. If you force a child to eat and make a big fuss that sends the wrong message about food.

Overall every child & every parent is different. You will see what works for your child based on their personality and you will decide what things are truly important to you and what things aren't a big deal and aren't worth fighting over. I typically try to work on changing one thing at time ie first it was weaning, then switching to a big boy bed rather than trying to work on many things and just spinning my wheels. There will be times when you have to give dc some flexibility. I don't mean letting them walk all over you but there will be other events going on in his or her life where you may have to put certain things on the back burner. You have to know what they are dev capable of understanding before you work on discipline or changing of behavior.

Good Luck!

10-06-2006, 09:57 PM
Sorry as I re-read your post, it looks like you were looking more for other types of difficult behavior to anticipate rather than solutions for those on your list. Other behaviors:

*Throwing things was a big one @the 2 yr mark in Ds's playgroup
*Taking things from other children forcefully (children don't understand/aren't capable of sharing until about 2 though so keep that in mind)
*Sibling related issues
*Getting upset about leaving a fun place (close to tantrum) ...giving child advance warning can help