View Full Version : i need new ideas for parenting the highly sensitive child

10-09-2006, 09:36 AM
i started reading the book and it really opened my eyes to schuyler's personality and the "whys" of his behavior. we were doing GREAT for a while. i felt really in tune with his needs and we started going SUPER gentle with him. it was very effective.

well, the magic seems to have worn off. we are back to high frustration lately. i am wearing thin on the "mommy! mommy! mommy! mommy!" every time i get on the phone and when i tell him he needs to wait, i am on the phone, he cries. because he needs me. immediately. to tell me something. and what he needs to tell me is... i need to tell you something. so what i am saying is- if he can't have my attention 24/7, he falls apart into pitiful brokenheartedness.

any new ideas for me? on how to help him to be patient when it is totally reasonable to expect him to wait a minute, and on how to cope with his impatience and extreme "hurt feelingness?"

your BTDT tips would be great. i know what to do, but sometimes i am-gasp-human and i can't do it perfectly every time.

10-09-2006, 09:56 AM
I have no tips unfortunately, but I'm going to pay attention b/c Jason is the same way. Big hugs- it gets really frustrating some days.

10-09-2006, 10:43 AM
Not sure if this would work, but could you get a really cute timer, keep it in your pocket, and when he wants you at an improper time set it to a minute or two minutes, and say when this rings you can talk to me or have mommy time. That way he can see the numbers go down, and know your not gonna forget, and it's something tangable.

My daughter is almost a year and is like this alot, but I'm hoping it's age oriented. She is only happy with me, and if DH takes her she crys and lunges for me, but I "think" it's a seperation anxiety issue. My son who is 4 1/2 isn't horribly clingy but we have lots of talks about what is appropriate and not appropriate regarding needing me to do something or hear him talk, as for a small child everything is a "need now!" basis. But he's older and can process this information.

Anyway I hope you can get some advice, it's hard being the "be all".

10-09-2006, 01:05 PM
My nephew is very sensitive. The whole family has learned the art of the compromise? He wants to talk to mama while she's on the phone? Well, no talking, but he can sit on her lap quiety. He wants to play with mom while she's doing dishes? Well, he can sit right next to her on the floor and give her a running commentary, but she can't play with him. He wants to be with her in the room while mom pees? Well, he can stand right outside and sing her a song until she's done. That kind of thing seems to be working. They even talk about "striking a deal", i.e. "I'll strike a deal with you kiddo. I can't carry you right now but you can walk right next to me and hold onto my leg. Do we have a deal?" They play the deal game a lot...

mama to my cutie pie, Avery

10-09-2006, 04:37 PM
Hi there! I don't have much in the way of BTDT experience but I just wanted to chime in and say that I have a pretty sensitive little guy too. It seems like every event of daily life is more intense with him than for many kids. While honestly this has been a source of some frustration for me, I am kind of grateful for his personality because I think its helped me be a better mom. I read about all the time and attention that you are putting in to help him and I can't help but think that you are awesome. Think about all those mommy skills that you are putting into your "tool belt" and I can't imagine that those go unnoticed by your children. They are lucky! Sounds like other posters are giving good concrete advice so I hope that is helpful for you!


ca mom to 2
10-10-2006, 12:04 AM
I don't know if you've ever seen the book Sensational Kids by Dr. Lucy Jane Miller. It might be something to look at, and see if any bells go off. The book is about sensory processing problems. I'm wondering if Schuyler's having trouble with transitions. Even though he knows in his head he should go play something and that you'll be off the phone soon, he can't quite see it or make the jump to do it. Something that was suggested to us, was to take pictures of what things my daughter could choose to do and then let her pick a few out of the stack when she needed to keep herself busy. She's a bit of a control freak, and really thrives on things being planned out in pictures for her. There's also a timer that has a big red section that slowly disappears so that the kids can really see the time disappearing even if they don't understand numbers. I can't think of the name of it right now, but I could find it if you're interested.

You have my sympathies. My daughter wanted me around ALL the time, and just fell to pieces after any time with anyone else. The horrible behavior after she came home from a little time with someone else wasn't worth the little bit of peace and quiet I got, but it's exhausting to be around the super needy 24/7.

Good luck!


Carly 5 1/2 years
Nick 2 years

10-17-2006, 11:28 AM
No advice, Liza - just big hugs from a Mamma who understands how hard it is to parent such a sensitive DS!

I'll come back to share any flashes of brilliance (!). I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and that you are doing a great job just by *trying* to address his needs in the way most suited to his personality.